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Has a celebrity ever been rude to you?

Started by TC Raymond, April 05, 2007, 06:55:19 PM

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TC Raymond

"Celebrity Cunts" was an inspired idea, and one of the best things in Viz during its reader-haemmoraging days of the mid-1990s. So here's the online version.

No "I've heard so and so is a bit of a cunt"-type posts, or anecdotes about Barry Humphries demanding an apology for some (possibly) imaginary slight or other in a swanky restaurant, just anecdotes about your celebrity encounters that could have been a lot better.
I've got several, all of which I shall share in due course. I must point out in the interests of fairness that I've also met some genuinely pleasant, charming and kind celebs (you're talking to the man who Keith Harris bought a chicken sandwich and a beer, matey!), but I've also met some right rum cunts who are genuinely deserving of a blowtorch demonstration on their faces.

All in good time, children.

Meanwhile, over to you. The best story will win a link to a bit of my artwork with which they can do as they please.

Analrapist

Dave Gorman told my mate to piss off once at a Pete Doherty gig (which the cunt didn't even turn up to). Is that the sort of thing you're looking for?

The Duck Man

Terry Pratchett didn't find my joke very funny. Mind you, it was a crap joke.

BadLieutenant

Jeremy Paxman once almost ran me over and didn't apologise, and it was his bloody fault because he just came cycling out of nowhere, with no regard to pedestrians. Not so much rudeness, more attempted murder.

quadraspazzed

Brendan O'Connor (Sunday Independent 'journalist' and ex-RTE comedy hack) is a right fucking twat. He's married to my mate's cousin, an I've met him a couple of times - the one that sticks in my mind was at the Big Day Out in Galway in either 97 or 98. I can't even remember what was being said, but he was a real smug arrogant cunt with a 'you should be grateful I'm even talking to you' tone in his voice. And his highly unfunny anecdotes about RTE.



Look at him, the cunt.

Roy*Mallard

Mid 90's - Vinyl Exchange record shop in Manchester. In a queue, waiting to pay (with Captain Beefheart and Sol Invictus lp's in hand). In front of me, also waiting to pay (for Stereolab and Henry Cow records - exemplary choices) is Sonic Youth's Thurston Moore. Had a bit of a problem holding my money and the records all together (i've always been a clumsy cunt) - money falls to the floor - 'bollocks!' i think. Stoop down to pick up money, whilst Thurston glares at me. 'Charming', i consider, as i reach my nearly-as-tall-as-Thurston-from-Sonic-Youth-height. Well, blow me down, i only go and do it again, and this time, a pound coin lands on one of Thurston's bloody retro trainers. Does he  think to himself, 'maybe i better help this guy out, he's having such a clumsy day today' - nope, certainly not, he just glares at me some more and makes me feel right proud of myself. Thanks Thurston. Ok, he wasn't rude to me in words, but his eyes were saying something quite uncooth.

I still love Sonic Youth, even tho the obviously too cool to help pick up some twats money pop star didn't help me.

El Unicornio, mang

Phil Mitchell (or whatever his real name is) gave me an arrogant, rude "do you know who I am?" look when I was directing him where to park his car at Reading '98. That night he also punched a photographer. What a wally.

Derek Trucks

Quote from: "Analrapist"Dave Gorman told my mate to piss off once at a Pete Doherty gig (which the cunt didn't even turn up to). Is that the sort of thing you're looking for?
There was a guy here a couple of years ago who said that DG told him to piss off after he said "Sorry my name's not Dave Gorman" to him (at a Babyshambles gig), that wasn't him was it?

Analrapist

Heh. We're all allowed to re-use material occasionally!

Neil

I vaguely recall tales of Dave Gorman being a fuming nightmare at some of his own gigs, too.  Something to do with that Google-whack show he did, and being rather over-earnest in his efforts to stop people from telling others about the contents of the tatoo he got?!  Then again, they showed it on that recent C4 'best stand-up' bollocks, so who knows.


sproggy

One of the Three Degrees and two burley minders pushed in front of me in a chippy late one night after they had played Henry Africas in Scunthorpe, she took the last bit of fried chicken too.  My rage ebbed as she threw me a sexy smile and rhetorically asked 'I hope you don't mind'?  'Err...Errr... no go right ahead' was my masterful reply.

She did look a bit tired and haggard, plus the gig was shite, so I felt sorry for her.

I had a kebab in the end, so I had the last laugh

Shoulders?-Stomach!

QuoteHenry Africas in Scunthorpe

Jesus....

Mr. Analytical

Michael Jackson's minders once pushed me into a prickly bush at Eurodisney.

Marv Orange

Dean Gaffney and lenny from Eastenders (the black drugdealer guy) pushed in to me once at a club, i was gonna have bit of a go, but his 3 burly minders reared up a bit, decided to let it go.

chumfatty

I once met Graham Taylor when he was the England manager and wished him good luck for the qualifier against Holland. He was pleasant enough in his reply, but then he went and ruined it by steering the National team to defeat the bastard!

I went to a mates party who was friends with Richard  Sneekes an ex Baggies player . It was a bring a bottle type affair so I had  brought about 12 bottles of Budweiser and the bastard drank half of them. I was earning 10 grand a year at the time and he was on 6 grand a week! Cock. (nice wife though)

Artemis

Ron Jeremy once tried to order a drink from me in a very blunt manner, trying to jump the queue. I pretended not to hear him and he had to wait.

thewomb

Justine Frischmann once gave me a dirty look, which vexed me until I realised i was wearing a 'Beetle Bum' T-shirt (the song's apparently about her). But then Annie asked me for heroin and Mew helped me steal a microphone stand, which made up for it.

That's about it. Keith Allen called my flatmate a cheeky cunt.

Borboski

Sting's brother was once brought into my police station.  He had been drinking in Cafe Paris in Nottingham, and had forgotten his cards.  He'd run up a £50 bill but told them "don't worry, I'll come back tommorow.  I'm Sting's brother".  They hadn't been impressed and called security when he tried to leave.

He was the most sneery little fucker that I every fingerprinted.  He was incredibly rude to everyone, so much so that it was blooming marvellous when the Duty Sargeant shouted down the checking in desk "YOU CAN'T BUY YOUR WAY OUT OF THE LAW!!!".  While fingerprinting him he looked at me with total scorn - there was a question routinely asked - which I forget - but was along the lines of "Is there anything about you which is odd?"  and I remember asking "which. is.  odd?" line in that fashion with a big shit-eating grin.

Total cunt, and did nothing to pursuade me that Sting is a complete and utter cunt.

SOTS

Kelly Osbourne told me to fuck off.

I could have taken her. I'm tiny and yet still taller than her.

easytarget

Quote from: "Roy*Mallard"Mid 90's - Vinyl Exchange record shop in Manchester.

oh man.
I wanna go home.

non capisco

Damon Albarn once rolled his eyes and made a theatrical show of looking at his watch when I was pushing a trolley load of heavy negative into a lift that whoever he was with was holding for me, confirming rumours that he's a stroppy bellend.

This is an indirect one, but I as at university with Carlos from the Libertines, who at the time seemed a nice enough guy to have a coffee and talk about 'Rubber Soul' with, but I've read in more than one interview him saying that he thought everyone he went to university with was a cock. At least I didn't buy 'Hush' by Kula Shaker and think it was great, Carlos, ahahahahahahaha!!!!!

chand

I was in the queue at WHSmith in the arrivals section of Heathrow when Peter Stringfellow walks past the entire queue and goes to the front to pay for a fucking tabloid newspaper. I was about third in the queue, and as he walked off and sensed people were looking at him in a 'oh, Mr Fucking Celebrity jumps the queue!' way, he looked at me and said something in justification about how he had a car waiting for him outside. It annoyed me a lot, I was killing time so I wasn't even in a rush, but it still bothered me that he didn't feel like he had to queue with the plebs. None of us in the queue were gonna take more than 30 seconds paying for our shit, so fuck knows why the ugly piss-haired sex pest thought his one item that he had the change for was more important than my one item that I had the change for. You're Peter Stringfellow, your driver will fucking wait for you.

Emergency Lalla Ward Ten

When I was working at a theatre, I opened the door to Rhona Cameron. Her opening words were 'Fucking hell, what kind of shithole is this?', rather than the more conventional 'Hello'.

Also, when  worked in a bookshop Harriet Harman MP once gave me a bollocking for not having a book she'd ordered. It quickly transpired she'd actually ordered it from a completely different shop, but she didn't apologise.

quadraspazzed

Well if politicians count as 'celebs' then I've quite a few of them. Though mostly of the Irish variety.

Met George Galloway once, in about Oct 2001.

He was alright actually. Gave me a free magazine.

AMG

It was printed in the 3am gossip section of The Mirror that Jimmy Saville was rude to me in Bristol. There was no truth in it at all... but they described me as "a fan", and if that isn't rude then I don't know what is.

Catalogue Trousers

Jon Pertwee once snubbed me in Birmingham.

More details can be provided if required, but it's one hell of a spod story.

Ciarán2

Quote from: "Borboski"Stuff about Sting's brother.

Very interesting anecdote and all that but one thing strikes me about it....you're a policeman??? How the hell did that fact evade me all this time? I'm going to be firing all sorts of anti-Police tirades at you from now on. ;-) A bit of an aside this, possibly a different thread, but one of my friends was telling me yesterday that the police in England are completely different to our Irish Gardaí in terms of their mentality, brutality, approachability and so on. In other words English coppers are nicer. I wonder if that's really true...

Anyway, as you were. No celebrity has ever been rude to me. But June Whitfield got into a row with my brother-in-law once and he told her to fuck off. I wish the anecdote was "June Whitfield told my brother-in-law to fuck off", but alas, it isn't.

Borboski

I wasn't a policeman, I got to wear epeluats and all that but was civilian staff in the police station, did fingerprints, drug tests, and of course ritual sodomy. This was for my first year after uni.  Saw all sorts of things, the worst of which was a man pulling shit of his arsehole and rubbing it in his face, and throwing bits at me.

"Ehh, could you stop that please.... ahhhm.... can I help in anyway?.... riiight... I'm going to shut the cell now.... press that button if you want anything...!"

Fancied it though, went to the induction day and put my application in for about five forces, but then I got past the first stage for LG, Home Office and Probation, and thought a nice warm office with a desk and lots of reports to read would be more my thing.

explodingvinyl

A few years ago I was interviewing Mudhoney and they were utter twats to me. I had to abandon it in the end because I was getting nothing but one word answer to questions that couldn't be answered with one word. That was when they decided to acknowledge my presence, the rest of the time they spent having their picture taken and ignoring me. Pricks.

Death From Above 1979 can fuck right off too.