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Friday Fun Thread!!!

Started by Lookalike Mark Chapman, February 06, 2009, 12:28:58 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

the midnight watch baboon

"one...two... threee... Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!"

"Even at warp factor nine?"

"Dontclickthatlinkowwwwwwwwwwwwwnooooooooooooooooooooo"

Some real-life fake catchphrases - Adam Buxton's Crazy Frog-style ringtone idea:

QuoteYakkety Yak - he's a Yak, he yaks a lot, he's got a big nutsack, he jiggles his nuts a lot, and yells catchphrases like

'SLAPPY PAPPY'
'BURT BROCCOLI'
'UNUSUAL PRICES'
'BAD HOTELS'
'LAZY TAILPIPE'
'NASTY BASKET'

...Kids love that stuff.


Ginyard

"I'm as bored as a lord in a ford"


Ginyard

"Well, donkey punch me nan!"

You'll all be glad to hear Ginyard's sketchshow has been commissioned and is due to air in Autumn.


Ginyard

"three year old ethiopians with ringworm......DAD'S BEEN PERVING AGAIN!"


Oh no, there goes the commission....

Ginyard


Ginyard

Are you 'avin a bath?. Is he 'avin a bath?.

Ginyard

Well, if it isn't the board boys in courdroys!

Thank you for your support as ever, Ginyard. I am still wearing it!!!! (what?)

So, that was ok, wasn't it? Not as popular as the more literary challenges I'll admit, but then that's exactly what I've come to expect from such a well-read, intelligent, and (let's face it) bollock-yoghurt-drainingly gorgeous bunch as that which makes up the faithful Friday Fun Thread few. I guess in the case of comedy catchphrases, we'd never come up with anything quite as atrocious as what actually gets pumped out into the real world on a regular basis. Yeah, that'll be it.

But recklessly ignoring that lesson from recent history, it's time to launch another Friday, and with it another forlorn fragment of Fun. So, let me get right to the point: this week I'd like you to 'cook up' (ha!) some Poncey Menus.

"But what the HELL do you mean?!" I hear you cry in unison. Well - for a little explanation, let me hand you over to a little-known website I like to call Wikipedia...

QuoteMenu prose

As a form of advertising, the prose found on printed menus is famous for the degree of its puffery. They frequently emphasize the processes used to prepare foods, call attention to exotic ingredients, and add French or other foreign language expressions to make the dishes appear sophisticated and exotic.

Part of the function of menu prose is to impress customers with the notion that the dishes served at the restaurant require such skill, equipment, and exotic ingredients that the diners could not prepare similar foods at home.

I would have struggled to say it better myself. There are probably examples of this all over comedy shows (80's comedy shows) like a rash. Post them. But come up with your own ones too. Here's the à la carte, chez Chapman:





Moistened mirror of veal wrestling with a Virgin Mandy

Rose-encrusted egg smattering in an Orson well

Tragically delayed lion bar on an afterbirth of baby turnip

Matt Berry compote with a crispy credit crunch on a nest of vipers

Hand-massacred piglet with a grim inevitability

Hair-dried alien vs. a citrus predator

Hardboiled beef in a Hasidic jus





Well, you get the idea with that. We're living in cash-strapped times. Overpriced fine dining restaurants are struggling while KFC pwns. But the first rule of catering is: there will always be credulous fools out there. What delicious-sounding purple prandial poncery can you curl out to entice those selfsame fools to soon part with their money? Some Poncey Menus, please.

Thanks.

Service is not included.


Shoulders?-Stomach!

Battered flange remnants on a mural of death

Pudding of Wrong

Swans Swans Swans Swans Swans Swans

Carnage of Mustard At The Climax of Everything

Murdered Bastard in Gravy Gravy

Hamuel. L. Jackson

What A Cunt In Brine


Hand-spoiled broth

Obscene salad in an inappropriate dressing

Seared breast of Dracula

Soggy biscuit with a light drizzle

Mashed tomato steeped in a lady's part

Line-caught pigeon wanted for a crime he didn't commit

Cream of soup


buttgammon


Pan-fried goat with boredom syrup á la Gregg Wallace

Ham encrusted ramekins of salmon's bladder, stuffed with chives and newsprint

Ennui salad with existential croutons

Tiger prawns and failure with garlic and regret

Rack of Ainsley Harriott in Cumbernauld sauce

Fictional swordfish terrine

Concrete souffle, accompanied by a rocket and nothingness medley

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quoteaccompanied by a rocket and nothingness medley

Fucking astounding.

Ginyard



Ho.....sinnerman sauce with voodoo noodles

Silly con chips

Butterkist with essence of sugarpuff 

Moonskin veins sprinkled with alan Sugar

Ya rich bitch pie

Nick her cock of glory


Shoulders?-Stomach!

Monkey and Coconuts with a sort of alabaster conceit

Half A Wanker

Moth Slop And That's Your Lot

Gwendaline Petersen And All She Contains

Miles Of Herring

Workaday Rump Buzzards

Attractive Wench Drizzled With A Moderately-Arsed Sauce

Gradual Decline

Gondolier Of Llama In Fanny Batter

Jade's Tears

Pan-Fried Awfulness

Pie Of A Thousand Cuts

"Call This A Quiche!"

A Profound Hatred Of Custard

the midnight watch baboon

Giddy eggs thrown in a Rustic soup

or

Wogan

+ + +

Armitage Shank ta-daa'd with an oily surplus

An Ocean's Torque juxtaposing with fictional fruits

+ + +

Waiter's Fingers

+ + +

Peaches Geldof breast-stroking like nobody's business

+ + +

Hot puddles caught and skimmed, cupstyle






Shoulders?-Stomach!

Ted Heath Pan Fried To Order

Mother Tongue

Pelican Nuances in a Firework Paté

Bananas From All Angles

Thyme-imbued shallots in a maelstrom of machine gun fire

Tins of Beef That Were Being Sent to Starving Cripples

Lean Cripple Meat

Ginyard




Lurchin 4 da gangsta sea urchin

That's NOT MY MUM! bolognese

Stephen Fry up

Grim Spam Tango

Afters your friends ordered but you didn't and now regret



Hooray! Well, you've certainly all got me salivating. Or that could just be dribble.





Cast of Hollyoaks with a dangleberry foam

Raw underbelly wafted with a local fart

Oxygen soufflé and the Goblet of Fire

Sizzled pizzle in a shizzle drizzle

Nestene consciousness floating on a sea of dreams

Oil of Olay, worral-thompsoned with a heartfelt attempt at an apology

Parsley, sage and rosemary in a race against thyme

Roasted Uncle of Shakespeare on a cradle of filth

Hill o'beans with an unwelcome suggestion

Best end of part one in a 'special' brew






gmoney

Ash smothered Leg of Ox with wet beans

Arrogant pie

Kidney sorbet

Egg lattice co-existing aggressively with neon green and pink Nerds

Fifteen crisp £50 notes served with a side bowl of polished £1 and £2 coins.


Cerys

Organic red ants sautéed in cheekiness and gathered in a Tuesday of salsa

Crisis of morels gently embraced in a spume of garlic

Mother of dodo steamed in an extinction of honey (rather)

Delicate platter of youth, broiled in juices of SPC's mum

Shoulders?-Stomach!

#353


Sputum Brulée

Slithering eels left in the sun to rot

Assorted Gannets

Frustrated chickens that have been clucking for a while now

Fresh From The Tank Lobster With Its Own Blog

Twix, Twirl and A Fistful of Girl

Ginyard




Run the fuck out of here beans!

Catchup ketchup.....

Have we've lost 'em? tossed 'em pancakes

Oh no, they're back! flapjack

Thankgod, its all been a dream....cream



Gradual Decline

Elton Welsby's Humiliating Pork Story

Epileptic Beef With Bangle Shavings

Ghastly Venison Deepthroat

Forgotten Strawberries

Cheese-Board & Lemon Party



Angst in my Pants


Selfish Cocktail in Marry-Young sauce
on an insincere Wedding Toast

A peculiar taste of bread
when you wake from an afternoon nap

An overwhelming of desire, tossed over the memory
of a partially unbuttoned shirt
   
-oOo-

Herbed Alpert and the Tijuana Sea Bass

Exquisite pain on a Bed of Nails, with a smattering of arousal
and a side of Masturbatory guilt

Mutton, dressed as Lamb, in a lamentable perfume
with a story to tell if only you'd listen

Soused Husband, teased by an unexpected acquaintance
with imminent divorce proceedings

-oOo-

Appalling Crumble

A Taste of Honey,
with Rita Tushingham

Sour Grapes aged with 32 years of hurt


Shoulders?-Stomach!

#357


Grizzled salamander writhing in a jus of negative equity

Bandstand of Fishfingers

Bespectacled Cockles All Jostling For Attention

Password-Encrypted Venison Grazing In A Virtual Casserole

Utter Utter Deer

Ginyard


Nana's creamy toad in the hole

A portcullis of rice and a legion of peas

Turnover Turnover

The Gypsy Kings poseidon gravyboat campsite

Dougnuts






Shoulders?-Stomach!

Shit, I went on my previous post to copy the format and ended up wiping the last lot out. Arse.