Omegle Adventures

[Cohaagen]

I think the point it comprehensively illustrates is don't entrust your laptop to a man who looks like he might perform an unplanned and ill-advised "White Storm"-assisted hijack of your Messenger account as he cheeses off over brutal action films playing in the background, while wearing nothing but a Frankenhooker T-shirt.

[MissInformed]

Ok so I tried the feature where you and your stranger are given a random question to discuss:

Can you imagine? This is probably the only time ever - EVER - that our three lives will intertwine. We'll never meet, learn names or see each other's face or know when the other 2 will die.  Stranger: BACON IS GOOD FOR ME  You: and your point is?  Stranger: BACON  Stranger: BACON  Stranger: BACON IS GOOD FOR ME  You: yeah I like bacon too  You: but y'know  Stranger: BACON  Stranger: IS  Stranger: GOOD  Stranger: FOR  Stranger: ME

[Depressed Beyond Tables]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: female looking for a dominant f or m

You: ok

You: M

Stranger: a kinky male

You: Of course

Stranger: ok i am you slave sir

You: take off your pants

Stranger: ok

Stranger: yes sir

You: Iron them

Stranger: ok sir

You: Good

You: What time is it there?

Stranger: 5;30 sir

Stranger: i am naughty i need a punishment

You: Yes you do

You: Write I will not be a silly girl 500 times on a sheet of paper

Stranger: yes sir

You: Do you have any pets

Stranger: yes 2 dogs 1 cat and 2 horses

You: Do the horses stay with you in the house?

Stranger: in the barn sir

Stranger: but i can go out tere if you want

You: There's plenty of time for the barn. What are your dogs called?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[Depressed Beyond Tables]

After suffering the rejection of many men for no other reason than being male I decided to play around a bit:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hi
Stranger: Looking for a horny female ;) Willing to trade pics ;)
You: yep
You: I'm as horny as they come
Stranger: How old are you?
You: 28
Stranger: im 21 ;) Is that ok?
You: M or F?
Stranger: m
You: Ok have you ever done a hilda?
Stranger: What is that?
You: It's great
You: It's when the guy is in a harness and the girl is tied down
Stranger: Thats Kinky as fuck ;
Stranger: ;)
You: Yeah
You: Quite dangerous if you don't use enough lube actually
You: Can really mess your stomach up
Stranger: How does it get dangerous?
You: Well the guy swings on the harness and tries to get his dick in the girl's pussy or ass
Stranger: Oh ok sounds amazing :)
You: I know a girl who perforated her colon doing it!!
Stranger: Dang that sucks
You: She's ok now
Stranger: thats good.
You: They say she's like a wizard's sleeve back there tho
Stranger: So umm... Did u want to trade pics? ;)
Stranger: And wow
You: What you got?
Stranger: What do u mean?
Stranger: I got a pic of my dick if u wanna see it
You: I have bondage, straight, bi-curious, shy-anal, bi-repressed all kinds of stuff
Stranger: Dang :)
Stranger: Did u want to send a pic of ur nude pics?
Stranger: ill send mine
You: I have a picture of my cock already I don't need another


Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[Obel]

I've been starting every conversation with the line "I am a problem solver. Tell me your problems and I'll give you solutions."
This has actually proven to be pretty interesting and entertaining. Ended up speaking to a Russian girl for about 45 minutes as she had some stuff genuinely bothering her, which she seemed grateful for having a stranger take an interest in and talk out with her. Actually felt kinda good being able to dish out some good advice and comforting words.

And on the other hand you mostly get people like the following:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: I am a problem solver. Tell me your problems and I'll give you solutions.

Stranger: my penis is to huge

You: Do you own a meat cleaver?

Stranger: haha

Stranger: ummm, i think so

You: This may be the only solution for you.

You: Problem solved.

Stranger: thanks bro

You: Welcome.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.


I kinda love this site. Just another distraction from work!

[ThickAndCreamy]

I'm enjoying giving long rants about my favourite crisps and chips to every person I talk to and refusing to let them talk about anything but chips and crisps. It's especially fun annoying Chinese students trying to study English as they're generally boring as fuck due to having such a limited vocabulary.

Here's the standard chip talk;

You: this is quite the enthralling conversation

You: what's your favourite brand of crisps?

Stranger: i don't care

Stranger: you ?

You: Well my favourite brand is probably Kettle Chips and my favourite flavour is salt and vinegar, mainly because the taste is rather delightful in a charming, nostalgic kind of way. Salt and vinegar memories of seasides as a youngster, throwing chips in the famous 'chip fights' of the east end and pummelling my tortoise with chips until he couldn't escape.

You: What's your favourite chip shop?

You: and where are you from MARY?

You: I don't believe that's a real name!

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I hate people who don't want to talk about fried potatoes.

[I accept the terms of the]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: You first.
Stranger: the last
You: My everything.
Stranger: barry white lol
You have disconnected.

Sometimes the conversations are so beautiful that I have to disconnect first, lest it becomes tainted.

[I accept the terms of the]

I had to end this one early too.

I've edited the links for obvious reasons.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: But yeah, eventually her mouth just rotted right off. A guess a hole isn't always just a hole.
You: Sorry, wrong window.
Stranger: This reminds me of a porn film I saw
Stranger: well
Stranger: clip
Stranger: Hold on
Stranger: I'll try and find it
You: You're the best Omegle partner ever.
Stranger: http://preview.tinyurl.com/3bjc9wv (PORN, DON'T CLICK THIS AT WORK)
You: The ridiculous thing is, I've seen that before.
Stranger: Long time lurker I take it
Stranger: Seen the blowhole one?
You: No. I've seen the crap ones where the girl has three tits.
Stranger: http://preview.tinyurl.com/356gg5m (PORN, DON'T CLICK THIS AT WORK)
Stranger: Wasn't that total recall?
You: Well, this girl was naked and doing the sexuals.
Stranger: Okay fair enough
Stranger: Seen the pterodactyl one?
Stranger: That one cracks me up
Stranger: there's this point where you know the director's gone "Flap more! We need more flapping!"
You: I love you so fucking much.
You have disconnected.

[Obel]

"But yeah, eventually her mouth just rotted right off. A guess a hole isn't always just a hole."


I think this is the best thing I've ever read.

[I accept the terms of the]

Thank you, it rolled off the fingers in a worryingly automatic way.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Would you like to hear a story?
Stranger: yea
Stranger: i love stories
You: When I was seven we were studying the Victorian era at school...
You: ...somebody had kindly donated an actual Victorian child's dress for us to examine.
You: Our (male) teacher let some of the girls try the dress on, to see what clothing from that era was like to wear.
You: After a while he asked if any BOYS would like to try it on.
You: I thought this would be great fun, so I stripped to my underwear as ordered, and modelled the small girl's dress.
You: We didn't bother going back into the classroom. It seemed to be good enough for the teacher alone to see me in the dress.
You: I've just remembered all of this, today.
You: My question for you is: WHAT THE FUCK.
Stranger: i dont get it :/
You have disconnected.

I think he thought I was telling a joke. It's not a joke :-(

[Obel]

I think we should go in with the same opening line and see the kind of discussions we can get.

I reckon "Hi you've reached Omegle Tech Support. How can I assist?" would be a good'un.

[MissInformed]

So I'm liking the SPY thing a lot:

WOULD YOU RATHER Hit Justin Bieber in the face every day until he confesses he likes men? OR Eat his penis with a steak knife?  Stranger: um...  Stranger: the second one is gayer than the first kinda  You: you do one and I'll do the other  You: sorted  Stranger: haha dibs on not eating the dick!  Stranger: :p  You: I@m a girl, its ok  Stranger: how would you like your beiber dick madame?  Stranger: medium-rare?  Stranger: tatare sauce?  You: still twitching  Stranger: hahaha wtf  Stranger: twitching it is!  You: thanks  You: youre very accommodating  Stranger: here an "dick du joure" we do our best to please  You: can I see the Rebecca Black Dessert menu?  Stranger: well our most popular is her popped cherry tart  Stranger: pedobear fully recommends it  You: ah. a regular here?  Stranger: he pops up in the background from time to time  Stranger: usually when inappropriate  Stranger: childrens birthdays etc  You: as is his wont  You: is he the "mascot"? - the Ronald McDonald of this fine establishment?  Stranger: indeed he is  Stranger: you should see his party tricks!  You: figures  Stranger: he can make his finger disappear!  You: hahaha, i probably would rather not  Stranger: how is the dick by the way?  Stranger: as disappointing as his music?  You: not very filling...  Stranger: we thought it would be  Stranger: fortunately his overweight father will be along shortly  Stranger: what it lacks in size, it makes up for in pungent smell  You: delightful  Stranger: more tea?  You: always  You: more tea solves everything  Stranger: except the opium wars  You: (can you tel I'm British?)  Stranger: fucked them up  Stranger: same here haha  Stranger: and american independance  Stranger: fucked that up to  Stranger: actually  You: the awesome ones always are  Stranger: we're onto something here  Stranger: maybe tea is what fucks shit up  Stranger: the root of all evil  Stranger: fucking tea  You: I am EXCELLENT at fucking up - I must be VERY British  You: I DO drink a lot of tea....  Stranger: haha heres the test though  Stranger: do you put your milk in first or last?  You: ok?
  You: if I'm making a pot of tea, milk first  Stranger: oh you better not be hesitating son  Stranger: FIRST  You: if im making it in a cup  You: milk last  Stranger: YOU FUCKING ANIMAL  You: son???  Stranger: NEVER FIRST  Stranger: NEVER  You: I'm a girl....  Stranger: YOU MAY AS WELL BE AMERICAN  You: HEY  You: I dont put fucking lemon in it  Stranger: AND I GAVE YOU DICK TARTARE AND EVRYTHING  Stranger: FUCK  Stranger: WASTED  You: give me a break  Stranger: HOW DARE YOU  Stranger: hahaha  Stranger: good point  You: thanks!  Stranger: saved yourself there  Stranger: was in a fit of blind rage  You: phew!  You: well thats handy  You: you'll need that blind rage for LOL NO Bieber punching  You: I did MY bit  Stranger: haha yeah   Stranger: well i did MY bit you mean  Stranger: ur turn to describe my scenario please  Stranger: how did i come across beiber for instance  Stranger: wasnt drinking tea thts for fucking sure  Stranger: bitch probably drinks actimel or some shit  You: well, presumably you had him dragged to your restaurant so you could serve me his dick  Stranger: ah thats true  You: he doesnt even know what tea is and if he did he couldnt spell it  Stranger: haha  Stranger: so theres dickless beiber  Stranger: in the Dick Du Joure refrigerator  Stranger: wondering why his crotch hurts so much  You: dont waste electricity on him man  You: think of the environment  Stranger: haha fuck sorry  Stranger: how careless of me  You: just take him out the back by the wheelie bins  Stranger: in the skip behind dick du joure  Stranger: lmao  You: beter  Stranger: great minds  You: well it IS his rightful place  Stranger: haha  Stranger: oh wait a sec  Stranger: how english is this  Stranger: a fox is going though my bins  Stranger: irl  You: an urban fox?  Stranger: just quickly shout at the cunt 2 secs  You: ok  Stranger: yeah haha  Stranger: there  Stranger: accomplished  You: the fox is looking for Bieber  Stranger: haha  Stranger: all this talk of crotchrot is bringing in animals  Stranger: like a fucked up snow white  You: when you said "shout at the cunt! - was that shouting at the fox or the Bieber?  Stranger: lets say both  You: cool  Stranger: as itll progress this dynamic plot  You: adds atmosphere  Stranger: so i'm shouting at beiber]surrounded by foxes  Stranger: ADMIT YOU'RE GAY YOU SHIT-WIG!  You: hahahahah shit-wig??  Stranger: i dont know  Stranger: his hair is rubbish  Stranger: it was in the moment  Stranger: wait  You: it really worked  Stranger: wait wait wait  You: yes?  Stranger: conflict of character here  You: oh really?  Stranger: director cockeater (thats you)  Stranger: (...because you eat cock)  You: well now, I like my new title  Stranger: haha youre welcome  Stranger: well, director  Stranger: i'm struggling to see why my character  Stranger: this upstanding waiter at a dick reseraunt  Stranger: who is clearly straight  Stranger: (is a waiter and therefore has a moustache, and moustaches are ALWAYS straight...right?)  Stranger: why would i forcibly be dragging a gy boy out the closet like this  You: well duh, because your poor misguided little sister is in love with Ballbag bieber and you can't bear to see her throw her life away on this shit-wig  Stranger: i cant see it benefiting me  You: if HE says he's gay  Stranger: ohhhhhhh  You: she will fuck off with One Direction  You: which is marginally better as they are British  Stranger: director cockeater  Stranger: you truly are a genius  You: Aye than Q  Stranger: i can see why you got all those academy awards for those french films i didnt like now  You: you need to watch them again and read the words this time around  Stranger: oh fuck, you have a point  Stranger: anyway, before the foxes get him  Stranger: SHIT WIG  Stranger: ANSWER ME  You: oh yes, back to the business in hand  Stranger: OR I SHALL HIT YOU IN THE FACE  You: every day  You: dont forget that bit  Stranger: FOR THE AMOUNT OF TIME SPECIFIED IN THE ORIGINAL QUESTION  Stranger: WITHOUT MERCY  Stranger: WITHOUT REMORSE  Stranger: WITHOUT SYMPATHY  You: and with knuckledusters hopefully  Stranger: WITH THE BRASS KNUCKLESS FROM THE NEW GAME "DEAD ISLAND"  Stranger: AVAILABLE ON XBOX, PC OR PS3  Stranger: FROM YOUR LOCAL GAMESTATION  Stranger: FOR £39.99  You: in all good high street stores  You: and some shit ones  Stranger: haha  Stranger: erm  Stranger: i think you may have to adlib beiber now  Stranger: i cant do both  You: ok  You: I am now Bieber  Stranger: risk losing my character  You: owwwwwww  Stranger: haha  Stranger: ANSWER ME BEIBER  Stranger: IS THOU GAY?  You: where did my wiener go?  You: have you heard me sing?  Stranger: IRRELEVANT  You: does that not answer your question?  Stranger: ONLY SLIGHTLY  You: owwwwwww  Stranger: YOU STILL HINT AT GIRLS  Stranger: WHICH IS CONFUSING  You: girls scare me  Stranger: SO THEY SHOULD  Stranger: HAVE YOU SEEN "TEETH"  Stranger: IT'S FUCKING SCARY SHIT!  You: oh no man not my teeth  Stranger: ANYWAY SHITWIG  Stranger: ADMIT YOU ARE A GAY  Stranger: TO THE WORLD  Stranger: ON CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER  You: But....but....  Stranger: DO ITTTTTTTT!  You: My name is Justin Bieber and I am a gay  Stranger: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!  Stranger: 'splosion  Stranger: credits  Stranger: awesome film  Stranger: we did a good job there  You: we did  Stranger: and i only feel slightly fucked in the head by it all  You: pleasure working with you :)  You: yeah but think of the lives we saves  You: and you got to shout at a cunt fox  You: and I only had to eat one tiny dick  Stranger: this is true  Stranger: pffffffff  You: all in a days work!  Stranger: with a mouth like yours im sure thats not true  Stranger: for a girl youre simply vile  You: oh thats how its going to be is it?  Stranger: the church would not be pleased  You: the church can bite me  Stranger: hahaha  Stranger: anyway  Stranger: onwards to the next question  Stranger: i doubt itll be as fun as this one  You: it wont be as much fun  You: ha  You: there we are again  You: are you me on a different timeline?  Stranger: haha im starting to worry that ive just been having a conversation with myself  Stranger: and my lack of sleep has made me think its someone on the internets  You: oh  You: you are me  Stranger: OMGELECEPTION  You: I cant even remember what sleep feels like  Stranger: its like lazy, only faster  You: ah yes in the dim and distant past...  You: I may post this scenario on a forum i frequent  You: is that ok with you?  Stranger: haha sure  Stranger: theres a forum for this stuff?  Stranger: i only see it on artoftrolling  You: well we have an Omegle thread ON the forum  Stranger: ahhhhhh i see  Stranger: was gonna say  Stranger: thats a fucking scary forum otherwise  You: its a fucking scary forum anyway  Stranger: half the wierdos on here should ONLY be on here haha  You: I think most of them are, thankfully  Stranger: was talking to someone before and got the usual asl shit  Stranger: and i said male  Stranger: and he was like "oh thats fine" and carried on thrying to e-fuck me  You: okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay  You: was it Bieber?  Stranger: ikr!  You: I hear he's pretty gay  Stranger: hahaha  You: the asl thing  You: I say female  You: thats fine  You: then I say 45  You: and they always freak  Stranger: hahaha  Stranger: incase it's their "mom" probably :p  You: I actually *am* 45  Stranger: well i am 23  Stranger: but whats important  Stranger: is we're both mentally around 11 haha  You: hahahaha hey  You: I am at LEAST 14  Stranger: haha sorry  You: I should think so  Stranger: wonder if the question asker is still reading this  Stranger: or rocking in the corner wondering what the fuck he started  You: well he would have finished wanking once Bieber fessed up  Stranger: ewwwwwwww  Stranger: thats a point  Stranger: PERVERT  Stranger: GTFO  You: yes, I am shocked and appalled  Stranger: THIS IS FOR ONLY ME AND THE DIRECTOR  You: how very dare you  You: me and my dick waiter need time alone  You: THIS IS AN OUTRAGE  Stranger: JESUS  Stranger: i know  Stranger: new scenario  Stranger: "hello madame, back again!"  Stranger: Dick Du Jour always welcomes you  You: can I have an Omegle SPy dick tonight please?  Stranger: we found this fucking creeper on omegle  Stranger: and cut his balls off  Stranger: would you like them  You: mmmm yum  Stranger: lmao  You: I must be your most loyal customer  Stranger: its a close call between you and Mr Sheen  You: ah dear Charles  Stranger: (Charlie, not the furniture polish)  You: :) I know  Stranger: that tigerblood doesnt come cheap!  You: can i have that in the sauce please?  You: and a 7 gram rock on the side  Stranger: thats how one rolls!  You: I'm bi-winning!  Stranger: it's not typical, with Omegle Spy Dick, but you always were an architect of fine dick cuisine  You: hahaha  You: sentences you never thought you'd type....  Stranger: lmao i think my brain actually enjoys having an excuse to type it!  You: youre weird  Stranger: dick cuisine is a term dying in modern vocabulary  You: I like it!  You: I think we should bring it back  You: if Timberlake can bring sexy back, we can certainly bring dick cuisine back  Stranger: you know what, i think youre right  Stranger: starting with his  You: GOOD CALL  Stranger: the ginger goateed twat  You: but only if Bruno Mars is directly afterwards  Stranger: awww are you sure  You: he looks like a young Cliff Richard  Stranger: but his lyrics are so fucking candy coated it makes me want to puke!  You: he doesn't even need a dick  Stranger: never seen him  Stranger: i imagine he's white but wears a rasta beanie  Stranger: judging by his poor choice in lyrics  You: I'm not sure what he is other than fucking annoying  Stranger: thats a thing  Stranger: i think i'm going to depart now  You: ok  Stranger: this has been...different haha  Stranger: i hope to dine with you again another day  You: go spread the word of dick cuisine  You: different in a good way I trust?  Stranger: in a "i just served beiber dick to a lady on the internet" way  Stranger: ...i'm not sure what that is haha  You: ha lady  You: funny to use lady in THAT context  You: but anyway, yeah, I lolled!  Stranger: sorry, it was madame before  You: its ok :)  Stranger: and it's been fun being your muse question writer  Stranger: YOU FUCKING PERVERT  Stranger: GE YOUR HAND OFF YOUR DICK  Stranger: STOP IT  You: STOP THAT NOW  You: snap  Stranger: TIE A KNOT IN IT  You: yes or my waiter here wil chop it off!  Stranger: again  Stranger: is it hypocritical to call other omegle users perverts  You: well takes one to know one i guess  You: but WE didnt start the stuff about Biebers dick thats all I'm saying  Stranger: yeah man  Stranger: guys got tendencies i reckon  You: thats a different level of perverse  Stranger: takes all sorts of people  You: true true  Stranger: if i was his psyche, i'd suggest he steers clear of greek mythology and anime  You: and the internet generally  You: and me in particular :)  Stranger: or he may develop a desire to have sex with his mother in a panda suit  You: maybe thats what started it  Stranger: i hope somewhere at a computer, a sick 40 year old man just had a breakthrough  Stranger: and is now crying into his sweaty naked lap  Stranger: wondering what the fuck he's been doing with his life  You: we just did an act of public kindness  You: so proud  Stranger: and why he beats off to amatuer narratives in chatrooms  You: amateur? nothing amateur about this shit, we were awesome!  Stranger: haha this cant be denied  Stranger: well i hope your forum enjoys it too!  You: oh they will  Stranger: i'm off to find that fox  Stranger: the CUNT  You: ok go get him  You: sniffing round the bin reserved for bieber  You: The ANIMAL  Stranger: lol  Stranger: *poof!*

[MissInformed]

I should probably stop now.

Kinda horny..And no, I'm not a man. Girls can be just as horny as men!  Stranger: Lies.  You: what?  Stranger: Every chick have been with was like, your penis is to big.  Stranger: Get it away from me.  Stranger: Yuck.  You: oh THATS a lie  Stranger: What is?  You: that your dick is too big  Stranger: It is.  Stranger: 7.5 inches.  Stranger: I have measured  You: I've had bigger  Stranger: Lies.  You: ummm no what would be the point in lying?  Stranger: because.  Stranger: Would you ever behead someone?  You: my ex was 8 inches  You: no I would not  Stranger: If it wouldnt go to jail, I would behead someone every chance I get.  Stranger: Fucking love seeing people suffer.  You: yeah yeah  You: course you do  Stranger: I do.  Stranger: Filled with nothing but apathy.  You: minimal suffering in beheading  You: its over fairly quickly  Stranger: Actually, you make them suffer as much as you want.  Stranger: You can make them bleed out for 5 minutes.  You: beheaded much?  Stranger: No.  You: well then  Stranger: Just smart as fuck when it comes to death.  You: course you are  Stranger: Lmao.  Stranger: Let me guess your a tumblr whore?  You: no  Stranger: LIES!  You: I'm 45  Stranger: lol  Stranger: That is a lie.  You: its the absolute truth  You: I'll be 46 in November  You: was born 65  Stranger: Well, that is hilarious.  Stranger: Shouldnt you find a husband?  You: i have one  Stranger: Hmm, then why would you bring up your ex.  You: because his dick is bigger than yours  You: my husbands isnt  Stranger: Ah, you should whore around as much as possible.  Stranger: Your going to probably kick the bucket soon.  You: yeah Imight get beheaded right?  Stranger: Lmao!  Stranger: Your a funny person  You: thanks!  Stranger: I suppose.  Stranger: Whats your real age?  You: 45  Stranger: FACKIN LIES  You: that honestly is the truth  Stranger: Your most likely a male.  You: no I'm a woman  You: I'm 45  Stranger: Do you atleast have kids?  You: 3  Stranger: EPIC!  Stranger: Behead them in their sleep.  You: as if  Stranger: Then skin their faces.  You: is that modern parenting?  Stranger: And destroy their bone structure beyond recognition.  Stranger: Yes it is.  You: thanks Dr Spock  Stranger: Ok honestly, I just have to say something.  Stranger: This generation fucking SUCKS  You: but I'm NOT this generation  Stranger: I would easily go back to the 90`s  You: I;m the older generation  Stranger: 90`s were so much fun  Stranger: Real music, not as many whores  You: yeah the 90s were pretty cool  You: I liked the 80s a lot too  Stranger: Sad times, need reo speedwagon back  Stranger: The music I hear these days is trash.  You: so you can behead them?  Stranger: Sure  Stranger: Why not?  You: just checking  Stranger: Because you know, I have beheaded like 10000000000000000 peo-ple.  Stranger: And yet im still here to talk to you.  You: but not REO Speedwagon..yet?  Stranger: No, i would embrace them.  Stranger: Maybe even journey.  Stranger: Would give pinada a hug.  You: you do hugs?  You: I'm learning  Stranger: Who does not do hugs D:?  You: that seems an alien concept for a smart as fuck about death beheader  Stranger: Jeez  Stranger: Your right.  Stranger: Im becoming to emphatic.  You: yeah what were you thinking?  Stranger: Not sure.  Stranger: Need to start thinking more.  Stranger: NOT  You: I don't think you personally could think less.  Stranger: Not sure.  Stranger: I dont have a personality.  You: are you an auton?  Stranger: Hmm  Stranger: Not sure  Stranger: Ok next question.  Stranger: If a person was just stranger, no lacerations, no exit/in wounds.  Stranger: Would you have sex with this person.  Stranger: strangled*  You: is the person dead?  Stranger: No, and is a person you always wanted to have sex with.  You: so strangled but not dead? how does that work?  Stranger: You can strangle someone, and them not be dead.  Stranger: Was that a trick question?  Stranger: Nowadays their are kids that choke themselves out for fun.  You: oh right ok  You: ummm I think still it would be no  Stranger: Understandable.  Stranger: Ok well, it was fun trolling you, im not reallt fucking psyco lmfao

[Obel]

You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
You have to make a superhero team out of 5 movie characters. They can not be existing superheroes. One must be a woman and one must be black. Who do you pick?

Stranger 1: SuperBlack Cock, Captain Porno, Dick Dynamite, Mighty Miss Whoresome and Penetration Boy

Stranger 2 has disconnected

Excellent.

[Obel]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Yes

Stranger: hi asl

You: Guess!!!!

Stranger: just tell me

You: That would be too easy!

You: You're better off saying what you want and I'll tell you if I'm that!

Stranger: i want a girl

Stranger: from

Stranger: asia

You: Where in Asia? Asia is big.

Stranger: 25 years old

Stranger: i dont cafre

Stranger: *care

You: What's wrong with area's outside Asia?

You: I was talking to an Indian girl earlier, she's 25

Stranger: if u are girl

Stranger: and u are not from usa

Stranger: its good too

You: She called me a "massive cunt"

You: I'm not from USA

Stranger: u are from india?

You: No

Stranger: ANYWAY

Stranger: YOUR ASL?

You: 24!

You: And other stuff too!

Stranger: u are female?

You: I'll check, one second

You: Actually, I need your help. How can I tell if I'm female?

Stranger: see under your pants

You: Oh yeah?

Stranger: what you got?

You: Oh, darn it, there's a cock and balls in there

Stranger: fukc of then

You: But we were getting along so well!

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I'm completely addicted to this.

[PaulTMA]

Putting caps lock on always adds a certain flavour to proceedings, I've found:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi]
You: HEY
Stranger: asl
You: 938, F, SIDCUP
Stranger: what a jock
You: MY FAVOURITE FILM TO MASTURBATE TO IS GETTING EVEN WITH DAD.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[alan nagsworth]

I've been addicted to this site for quite some time, I even have the app on my iPhone and I spend a lot of my time during dead nights at work just prattling away and winding people up. My attention span has rotted to a feeble thread and I can't read books these days without feeling like the rest of my life is passing me by. It's quite tragic really but only if you're a purist. I prefer to see it as my life being one big exciting whim that never stops grabbing me by the balls and demanding I talk to strangers for fun.

Here are some screengrabs of the funnier moments:







There are some great conversation openers that wield endlessly hilarious results. 'Tell me a secret no one else knows' is my favourite.

[Obel]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: Hello I'm looking for a horny girl with skype ;)

You: Hey, horny female here looking to roleplay

You: o Skype

You: *no

Stranger: :(

Stranger: ok what kinda roleplay?

You: Okay, so it's sort of a doctor, patient role play

You: Basically I'm the patient in the hospital

Stranger: i seee ok then

You: And I want you to be the doctor who comes in and disgnoses me with lung cancer

You: But you know, sexy

You: So, take it away

Stranger: waoh waoh lung cancer?

You: Yeah, it's kind of a fetish

You: Or you know, any kind of bad diagnosis

Stranger: oh then we have sexy times?

You: Sure, after the grieving period

You: And the councilling

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[MissInformed]

Can't. Leave. This. Alone.

 

  You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!   Question to discuss: I like boys. I'm a boy. Is it wrong to be gay?   You: not wrong  Stranger: ya dude ur doing it wrong  You: shut up  Stranger: dont you know tahts not gonna make a baby  Stranger: literally  You: shut up  Stranger: im not saying its morally wrong  You: its cool  Stranger: just technically, its not how ur supposed to have sex  You: says who?  Stranger: if ur not making a baby, ur not doing it right  You: where did he say he was trying to make a baby?  Stranger: u cant make a baby fucking a guy  Stranger: im not saying its wrong to be gay  You: he asked if it was wrong to be gay  Stranger: im just saying its incorrect  You: well answer the question he asked  Stranger: im not saying its wrong morally  You: keep the baby making shit to yourself  You: he didn't ask that question  Stranger: what am i saying thats offensive  You: you may as well say - you can't fly to the moon if you're fucking a giuy  You: its just as irrelevant  Stranger: the purpose of being horny  You: all he asked was is it ok to be gay  Stranger: is to reproduce  You: every time you feel horny you reproduce?  Stranger: and im just saying its not wrong morally, just that its not how sex is meant to be had  Stranger: no  You: who says?  Stranger: but i fuck a girl when im horny  You: who made up your sex rules  Stranger: the purpose of LIFE is to reproduce  You: so youre not gay  You: yay you  Stranger: no im not gay  You: being gay  You: and making babies   You: are two separate subjects  Stranger: if u only like fucking guys  Stranger: not too many babies to be had...  You: if the purpose of life is to reproduce why fuck someone OTHER than to make a baby?  You: what do your rules say about that
  Stranger: because a byproduct of wanting to fuck girls to have babies is you also want to fuck girls just to fuck girls  Stranger: but the purpose of being horny to fuck a girl is reproduction  You: but wanting to fuck guys is not the same?  You: you cant wantto fuck a guy just because you want to fuck a guy?  Stranger: no...cuz u cant make a baby fucking a guy...how do u not understand what im saying????  You: all he asked was IS IT OK TO BE GAY?  Stranger: no u can, thats why theres gay ppl  Stranger: dude this isnt even about what he asked  You: he didnt mention babies, YOU DID  Stranger: anymore  Stranger: would u chill the fuck out  You: its ENTIRELY about what he asked and by the way I'm girl not a dude  Stranger: well the point still stands  You: the question asked was - is it ok to be gay?  Stranger: lesbian sex also isnt morally wrong  You: I'm not a lesbian  Stranger: just geometrically  Stranger: its like clapping two cups together  You: the question asked was - is it ok to be gay?  You: now is it?  You: because if it is, the answer is - yes its ok to be gay  Stranger: he said is it wrong to be gay  You: no need to even mention babies  You: ok thats semantics  Stranger: and i said its not wrong morally, just wrong because its the wrong way to have sex, because you cant make a baby that way  You: wrong way to have sex  You: has a girl ever sucked you off?  Stranger: ya  Stranger: plenty of girls have sucked me off  You: ohhhhhhhhhhh is THAT not the wrong way to have sex?  Stranger: ya  You: you won't make a baby like that you know  Stranger: it is the wrong way to have sex  Stranger: it has nothing to do with making a baby  Stranger: idk why i would enjoy it  Stranger: but i do  You: you are confusing "having sex" with "trying to make a baby"  Stranger: no im not  You: yes, yes you are  Stranger: im saying the purpose to have sex, inherently, is to make a baby  Stranger: not a married couple trying to have a kid  You: but we are agreed that most times people "have sex" = they're not actually trying to "make a baby"?  Stranger: but instinctually, you are  You: no no no no no  Stranger: thats the purpose of it  Stranger: yes  You: I disagree  Stranger: humans are programmed to do it  Stranger: its in our dna  Stranger: to reproduce and carry on the species  Stranger: and we do it by being horny and fucking ppl of the opposite gender  You: when you are putting your cock down some girl's throat?  Stranger: no  You: its in your DNA  You: ?  Stranger: its not  Stranger: its something went weird somewhere down the line  Stranger: and now i like girls mouths  You: then you have to agres that MOST times people have sex, they are just having sex  Stranger: no other animal gives oral, or does anal  Stranger: ya they just want to feel sex  You: so   Stranger: but the purpose of that feeling is to make ppl have kids  You: having sex and trying to make a baby are for the most part two separate activities?  Stranger: this is way more than the questioner wanted to get out of this  Stranger: ya, society has separated them  Stranger: but really, do you think native americans before white ppl came fucked each other in the ass?  Stranger: i fucking doubt it  Stranger: its not normal  You: hmmm  You: the questioner didnt ask anything about anal sex  Stranger: well being gay implies it  You: like making babies thats a topic YOU have raised  You: in YOUR head all thi is implied  Stranger: im just making a point  You: not in mine  Stranger: idk why u care so much  Stranger: no, this is all true stuff  You: well you're not backing down either  Stranger: cuz im right and ur arguing with me  You: oh my  Stranger: accusing me of hating gays  Stranger: im just defending my point  You: I didnt accuse you of hating anyone  You: read back  You: that is also in your head  Stranger: ya ur right  Stranger: u never actually said that  Stranger: but the rest stands  You: thanks  Stranger: that doesnt change anything about the argument  You: in your head it stands  Stranger: no  You: yes  Stranger: what im saying is right  You: no no it isnt  Stranger: ill prove it  Stranger: http://imgur.com/hmCM5  Stranger: look at that picture  Stranger: that dog is dead  Stranger: not alive  Stranger: dead  You: not looking at dead dogs  You: that doesn't prove anything  Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[ThickAndCreamy]

I had an hour long conversation with someone and they just left me mid-sentence! I genuinely feel offended and shocked.

What did I do wrong? :o

[MissInformed]

Maybe their connection just went? It's not the most stable of sites.

[ThickAndCreamy]

Yeah, it was just strange being engrossed in conversation for the first time on the site despite spending the first five minutes discussing the merits and faults of sex dolls and penis pumps. It was a real conversation, the sort of thing I could never imagine on the site and now it's gone forever and I didn't even know their name!

It says a lot about the state of our society really[nb]In that it says nothing at all.[/nb].

[MissInformed]

I had a wonderful, long conversation with someone last week and gave him my email address at the end, and got an email from the question setter :

I am the Omegle question writer and Just wanted to let you know....that i wrote that question for exactly that type of interaction :D....the comedic ones are worth it too but yours was amazing, I loved watching. tottally wish i couldve chipped in my two cents a couple times haha :D.
   

You are beautiful! :D

Quite made my day.    I nearly always use the "answer a question" function - aside from You Can't Escape This Question (oh yeah? well that isn't even a question bud) - it can be cool.

[Small Man Big Horse]

You: hi!
You: How are you!
You: Gosh, it's been a long time!
Stranger: HI! :D im great how are you
You: Pretty, pretty awful...I've got no legs!
You: I just woke up in hospital a few days back
Stranger: aww no why?
You: Apparently I got hit by a car but I've no memory of it
You: The last thing I remember was walking on the street, humming a tune, doing my thing, and then nothing
Stranger: were you drunk lol
You: yeah, a little!
You: Still, I've got my wanking hands, so thats something!
Stranger: doin your thing? lol
You: JAZZ HANDS!
Stranger: haha not all lost...but is it fully operational??
You: I hope so...
You: All a bit sore down there right now so havent had the guts to check it out
You: But everything is where it should be at least
Stranger: or so you think lol how old are you?
Stranger: i take it your a male lol
You: OH FUCK ANOTHER CAR!!!!
You: ARRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
You: My Jazz Hands!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stranger: OH NO!!!! im being SWOOPED BY AN EAGLE!!!!

Things got a little silly after that.

[alan nagsworth]

Been asking the 'secret' question on here tonight, just had a short one that was a fucking blinder:

Question to discuss:
Tell each other a secret no one else knows.
Stranger 1: YOU FIRST.
Stranger 2: i dont have one, i tell people things
Stranger 2: i like to make people cry
Stranger 2: i guess
Stranger 2: that's one
Stranger 1: * I'll never see you so why not* this is really personal.
Stranger 2: go for it
Stranger 1: i was raped when i was 12.. by a black guy... hes still in jail but i havent seen him ever since apparently i wasnt his first.
Stranger 1: he had raped 3 other girls before me but they never said anything ... thats why you should never keep shit in./
Stranger 1: im not lying.
Stranger 1 has disconnected

Seriously, you want an entertaining conversation, ask that question. You get some fucking gold:

Question to discuss:
Tell each other a secret no one else knows.
Stranger 1: haha, everyone on text chat is 18/f/usa
Stranger 2: I'm addicted to sex
Stranger 1: I slept with my sister in law
Stranger 2: no way
Stranger 1: lol
Stranger 1: ya
Stranger 2: fuckin props to you
Stranger 1: boom!
Stranger 1: my brothers a dick anyway
Stranger 1: fuck them cops
Stranger 2: good. you showed him. serious props though, i mean it.
Stranger 1: u got any good real ones?
Stranger 2: stories you mean?
Stranger 1: secrets
Stranger 2: nah. the biggest secret i have is I gucked this girl who used to work with when she has a boyfriend and a kid with him
Stranger 2: fucked*
Stranger 1: I got some more, but i will save them
Stranger 1 has disconnected

[alan nagsworth]

I struck the motherlode about an hour ago and have been waiting to go to bed since, but this was way too engaging to leave idling while I slept. If they actually started cyber-fucking, though, I would have probably ducked out, so it's just as well I guess.

Occasionally on Omegle you find people who are entirely empathetic to your current mood and the ensuing connections, no matter how seemingly farfetched or unnatural, can be... well, how do I put this? Perfect. Believe me, this is all worth reading:

Question to discuss:
Tell each other a secret no one else knows.
Stranger 2: i wanted to fuck my sis for a long long time
Stranger 1: yo dude why
Stranger 2: she wanted it too
Stranger 1: how do know and how old is she
Stranger 2: shes 25
Stranger 2: she would let me walk in on her naked and just sit and talk with me
Stranger 1: why didn't you go for it
Stranger 2: i was young and a virgin
Stranger 1: how about now
Stranger 2: a big dicked man
Stranger 1: lol
Stranger 1: well I sucked my cousins cock and I'm a guy
Stranger 2: im bi sexual
Stranger 1: same here
Stranger 2: cock size?
Stranger 1: about 8 inches
Stranger 2: thickness?
Stranger 1: dont know but its pretty thick
Stranger 2: mines thicker than a the tube wrapping paper comes on
Stranger 1: what size
Stranger 2: littel bit more than 8 when super hard
Stranger 1: have you ever did anything with a guy if so what
Stranger 2: sexted and exchanged pics
Stranger 2: tell me about your cousin
Stranger 1: what do you want to know
Stranger 2: everything about what happened ;)
Stranger 2: ello?
Stranger 1: It was a few years ago I was just downstairs in the living room watching porn and fapping and he comes to me and puts his hand on my cock and starts to finger me. I was getting horny and told him to continue and he said ok lets go upstair. we went there he starts to wank me off and I do the same for him and he starts to finger me as well
Stranger 2: how old were you al?
Stranger 2: all
Stranger 1: then I got on my knees and started to blow him
Stranger 1: about 14
Stranger 2: how big was he?
Stranger 1: he is short but he is 3 years older than me
Stranger 2: in dick size?
Stranger 1: at the time it was about 6 1/2 inches
Stranger 1: it is not that thick as well
Stranger 2: your getting me horny lol
Stranger 1: hahaha
Stranger 2: good taste?
Stranger 1: what
Stranger 2: did he have a good taste?
Stranger 1: yes from then on I loved sucking cock
Stranger 2: lol, sounds great
Stranger 1: yeah it was we tried fucking but we were not prepared no lube or anything
Stranger 2: lol, anal is great
Stranger 1: yeah thats something I want to try soon
Stranger 2: tight and warm
Stranger 2: so does anyone know about you and your cousin?
Stranger 1: no I have never told anyone
Stranger 2: yall still have fun?
Stranger 1: no from then on we didn't talk about it
Stranger 2: sucks
Stranger 1: I know
Stranger 1: our family is muslim so he got scred
Stranger 2: oh
Stranger 2: soooo lol
Stranger 1: I know and he is kinda religious now so I don't want to approach that don't know how it will turn out
Stranger 2: yeah
Stranger 1: how about you does anyone know about you
Stranger 2: nope, we never really did anything
Stranger 2: allthough we had out talks
Stranger 2: and i listned to her masturbate a lot
Stranger 2: with her vibrators
Stranger 2: and i sneaked in her room and wore her lingire and watcherd her porn
Stranger 1: how long ago was this
Stranger 2: like 7 years ago or more
Stranger 1: what kind of porn was she into
Stranger 2: she had all kinds
Stranger 1: can you approach her about it now
Stranger 2: idk, she has a bf
Stranger 1: oh ok
Stranger 2: id love to though, im sure shes super tight
Stranger 1: if she still watches porn see if you can get into it and see if she watches incest
Stranger 1: that might be your key
Stranger 2: i never found any of that sadly
Stranger 1: ok good luck bro I'm about to go to sleep now
Stranger 1: bye
Stranger 2: darn, i want to keep this going
Stranger 1: same buts its 4 am here
Stranger 2: im naked lol
Stranger 1: happy faping
Stranger 2: want to help?
Stranger 1: nah I'm going to sleep
Stranger 2: night sexy boy
Stranger 1: night
Stranger 1 has disconnected

[jenna appleseed]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Question to discuss:
Put a toothpick under your toenail and kick a wall, or have sex with Hillary Clinton?
Stranger: sex with chelsea clinton
Stranger: instead
You: ouch, does Hillary like women?
Stranger: sure she does she wears pantsuits
You: pantsuits? That sounds worryingly like adult baby clothing.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

eta:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Question to discuss:
I LIKE TRAINS! DO U? GO AWAY I LIKE TURTLES GUY!
You: like Thomas the tank engine back when it was still Ringo
You: sorry, liked
You: Do you like trains best off all the vehicles?
Stranger: no
You: Sorry, just had an 'I love horses' flashback. Haven't been on a train for years :-(
You: chuff chuff chuff
Stranger: STFU
You have disconnected.

[jenna appleseed]

an hour later & still connected - I think cooked and bombed has just runied my life for a second time.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Question to discuss:
Suck each other's dicks
You: I don't have one
Stranger: i dont have a dick
You: snap
Stranger: lol you got two people who are dickless!
Stranger: irony
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

eta:

You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
What is point?
Stranger 1: Pointing is like
Stranger 1: when you get your finger
Stranger 1: and
Stranger 1: there's something you want to show someone in like, the distance
Stranger 2: http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/148810_451525792498_651472498_5618265_407251_n.jpg
Stranger 1: so you take your hand
Stranger 1: And go "Hey guy, look in the vector that my finger is producing"
Stranger 2: Thats me
Stranger 1: and then you produce an imaginary vector protruding from the end of your index finger
Stranger 2: Lol
Stranger 1: protuding towards the object of interest
Stranger 1: And that's pretty much pointing in a nutshell
Stranger 2: I rubbin my clit
Stranger 1: it's useful for showing people where things are
Stranger 1: See you're POINTING to it
Stranger 1: But really up close
Stranger 1: That's also a good example
Stranger 1: I'm not clicking your link
Stranger 1: Because it won't illustrate my point (another type of point) further
Stranger 2: Its a picture of me
Stranger 1: In this case, point is talking about the, uh, idea I am trying to put forth
Stranger 1: I don't need a picture of you, I've been to farms and seen pigs before
Stranger 1: OHHH
Stranger 2 has disconnected

[An Actual Propeller]

Question to discuss:
Which drugs have you tried?

Stranger: Gillyweed.

Stranger: Lol.

Stranger: RONALD WEASLEY! HOW DARE YOU STEAL THAT CAR! I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED! YOUR FATHER'S NOW FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK, AND IT'S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT! IF YOU PUT ANOTHER *TOE* OUT OF LINE, WE'LL BRING YOU STRAIGHT HOME! Oh and Ginny, dear, congratulations on making Gryffindor. Your father and I are so proud.

Blimey.

[Petey Pate]

Seriously, you want an entertaining conversation, ask that question. You get some fucking gold:

I've been asking that but all I've had so far from every other convo is "I fucked your mum!".