CaB Men (The Adverts Thread)

[Icehaven]

How many hotel/hoiiday websites do we actually need?

And all showing the same bloody places with the same prices, and all frequently more expensive than if you book direct. And often wrong too, as they don't always have the most up-to-date info from the hotels. I used one to book a room in a B&B at very short notice for my Mum and Aunty (their brother had fallen down the stairs and was in a bad way in hospital), and it seemed to be fine, then about an hour later I realised I should have made sure their room would be accessible as my Aunt's got mobility problems, so I called the B&B directly and they had no record of the booking at all, and were in fact full. Sure enough a bit later I got an email from the stupid comparison site saying the booking had been cancelled and they were refunding me. If I hadn't checked my emails though I'd have potentially not realised before they got there.

[yesitsme]

And all showing the same bloody places with the same prices, and all frequently more expensive than if you book direct. And often wrong too, as they don't always have the most up-to-date info from the hotels. I used one to book a room in a B&B at very short notice for my Mum and Aunty (their brother had fallen down the stairs and was in a bad way in hospital), and it seemed to be fine, then about an hour later I realised I should have made sure their room would be accessible as my Aunt's got mobility problems, so I called the B&B directly and they had no record of the booking at all, and were in fact full. Sure enough a bit later I got an email from the stupid comparison site saying the booking had been cancelled and they were refunding me. If I hadn't checked my emails though I'd have potentially not realised before they got there.

I've worked in travel for nearly 30 years (fuck me).  It shouldn't annoy me but it does when people say 'I've been on Umpalumpa.com and can get it cheaper.'  I say 'Who the fuck are Umpalumpa.com? Go and book it then but when you get to the end and see the final price call me back, or don't but don't then call me back when it all goes wrong.'

30 years solid experience down the kharzi 'cos it's on an 'app'.

Good luck in getting your end away with that young colleague when she sees you've booked yourself in to a rat infested cockroach palace.

Bastards.

Here's another fucking thing Tripadvisor - can fuck off.  Who gives a shit how many stars these arseholes hand out?

Fuck them.

[Icehaven]

Here's another fucking thing Tripadvisor - can fuck off.  Who gives a shit how many stars these arseholes hand out?

Fuck them.

It's a whole other thread (or several, probably) but some of the things people mark down for on Tripadvisor are just...beyond comprehension. I stayed at a lovely B&B in Whitby years ago, and went on Tripadvisor to big it up afterwards, and there was a ''poor' review in which someone listed lots of good things about the place but then said they'd 'have' to give it a low score because the curtains were a bit dated and they didn't like the tablecloth on the breakfast table. 

[mothman]

And the hotels they show are nearly empty. Where are they filming these things? Tunisia? At least the ad I was complaining about had s pretty busy looking hotel, lots of people.

We just rent villas instead. We're snobs.

[im barry bethel]

30 years solid experience down the kharzi 'cos it's on an 'app'.

Bet you laugh at people who used Amoma.com

[Icehaven]

And the hotels they show are nearly empty. Where are they filming these things? Tunisia? At least the ad I was complaining about had s pretty busy looking hotel, lots of people.

There's

https://www.oyster.com/hotels/photo-fakeouts/

too.

[Quincey]

Signed up to one of these telly package things and the company have just sent a vomit inducing ad with a smiling mouth on the front and inside "no this isn't from your local dentist...your mouth my still be wide open after reading this offer...you've opened a mouth you found lying on your doormat only to discover tedious company is offering a handful of people tedious deal..pick your jaw off the floor and give us a call..."

Fuck off wanky ad bollocks

[Ambient Sheep]

Heinz ketchup with the running (hehe) sausage dags dressed like hot dags running to ward people dressed as ketchup bottles. It's on the knife edge of just a bit of fun or shit for cunts. It will depend if it goes (forgive me) 'viral'

Just saw this last night; I looked up from the laptop to the music channel I had on in the background because I heard that Harry Nilsson tune (which despite its perceived-by-many naffness, I absolutely love), only to see that shite!

I suppose it is kinda cute, but on the other hand, as someone who has been vegetarian (and would be again if I weren't so lazy / weak-willed), I find it kinda nauseating.  As you say, it's a real knife-edge of an advert...

...but using Nilsson tips it over the edge.  Shit for cunts.

[yesitsme]

We are officially out of problems.  How do I know?

Two blokes with a baby and a cat in the house.  Their relationship is unclear as I think I did see a woman in the background I think, I dunno but anyway they've got a cat.

Fuck me that little fucker's up scratching away at the baby, every time they pick it up Moggy goes in to a jealous frenzy.

Normally you'd put the cat in a bag with some bricks and take it for a walk to the canal but wait!  You can now buy a plug in Catdeagitator 3000 and return your home to place of serenity it once was.

Call now!  Operators are standing by! 

Actually after just typing that last bit I've just realised that I like the idea of 'operators standing by'.  You know, an elite guard of telephonists all poised liked coiled springs ready to pounce the second you phone to place your order for a metric tonne of DD7, an abdominizer and a V-Slicer.

Smartly pressed uniforms.  A dedicated band of tireless operators.  True heroes.

[Icehaven]

Afternoon everyone, quiz time!! Right, can anyone who has seen it guess what I've come here to comment on about the Feliway advert (the one with the couple with the baby)? For those who haven't seen it, here it is;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWUtXhl1PvM

And I'll give you a little clue; you won't have to watch the whole thing to know what I'm talking about. In fact you hardly have to watch any of it at all.

[Mr Brightside]

Afternoon everyone, quiz time!! Right, can anyone who has seen it guess what I've come here to comment on about the Feliway advert (the one with the couple with the baby)? For those who haven't seen it, here it is;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWUtXhl1PvM

And I'll give you a little clue; you won't have to watch the whole thing to know what I'm talking about. In fact you hardly have to watch any of it at all.

The cat's name?

[Icehaven]

The cat's name?

We have an early winnaaah!!! Yes indeed, the cat's name. For those in a hurry, it's Cassius Disco. Cassius fucking Discfuckingo. Not being able to afford a racehorse isn't stopping this pair. That kid's probably called Mohammed Vapourwave.

[Steven]

We have an early winnaaah!!! Yes indeed, the cat's name. For those in a hurry, it's Cassius Disco. Cassius fucking Discfuckingo. Not being able to afford a racehorse isn't stopping this pair. That kid's probably called Mohammed Vapourwave.

At least they didn't have to call in a Cat Behaviour Therapist called Jackson fucking Galaxy.

[Icehaven]

At least they didn't have to call in a Cat Behaviour Therapist called Jackson fucking Galaxy.

But they might! As the small print at the end of the ad says, ridiculously, 'Behaviour therapy might be required.'' That's exactly what the bloody Feliway is supposed to be for!! They may as well have written ''Product probably doesn't work.'' Although I suppose the cat might be so relieved to meet another creature with an even stupider name than him he might chill out a bit.

[Steven]

Feliway probably makes your house stink of cat's piss and rotting fish, that's the only smell that would make a cat feel more comfortable.

It's probably Jackson Galaxy's eau de homme, no wonder they're like putty in his ridiculously named hands.

[Cerys]

We have an early winnaaah!!! Yes indeed, the cat's name. For those in a hurry, it's Cassius Disco. Cassius fucking Discfuckingo. Not being able to afford a racehorse isn't stopping this pair.

We have a cat named Glorious Teaspoon, so I'm hardly in a position to cast judgment.

[lgpmachine]

Which has outstayed its welcome more? Galaxy/Audrey Hepburn or Snickers/Mr. Bean?  They both seem to have been around for about ten years now.

[Dr Syntax Head]

We have an early winnaaah!!! Yes indeed, the cat's name. For those in a hurry, it's Cassius Disco. Cassius fucking Discfuckingo. Not being able to afford a racehorse isn't stopping this pair. That kid's probably called Mohammed Vapourwave.

First thing that came to mind also. Fuck the fucking fuck off hipster cunts.

To be fair Mrs Syntax got two rescue cats and called then Mulder and Scully. Our third is called Gizmo. We're getting another. I'm calling it Cunt

[Dr Syntax Head]

Which has outstayed its welcome more? Galaxy/Audrey Hepburn or Snickers/Mr. Bean?  They both seem to have been around for about ten years now.

I stopped buying galaxy and snickers first time I saw those abortions

[Billy]

Which has outstayed its welcome more? Galaxy/Audrey Hepburn or Snickers/Mr. Bean?  They both seem to have been around for about ten years now.

Galaxy's from February 2013, Snickers October 2014, so definitely the former.

It's not as bad as that old insurance ad that ran for about ten fucking years, to the point where every line is burned into my head despite not remembering the name of the company:

(a group of twats sit around a table)
Voiceover Twat: "How would you get your hands on several thousand pounds cash?"
Twat (replying to aforementioned disembodied voiceover twat): "I dunno. Raid my savings?"
Female Twat: "And your wife and kids, too!!"
(they all laugh like twats)
Second Female Twat: (or probably the first one again, fuck knows) "It would have to be a lottery win!!"
Old Twat: "I've got an absolute certainty. 3:30 at Kempton"
(they all laugh like even bigger twats)
Floppy-Haired Young 90s Cockney Twat: "Nahwun Gives That Kahnda Manney Awoy Anywoy!!"

Ten. Fucking. Years.

[Chriddof]

Oh god, that. I particularly hated Floppy-Haired Young 90s Cockney Twat. Didn't he end the ad by saying "Yer couldn't buy that 'orse, let alone back it!", with a horrible grin on his vile face? He reminded me of an absolute cunt I went to school with. And like you I can't remember the name of the company.

[yesitsme]

I saw the McDonalds one last night.  Eeeeh they're so t'Northern t'aren't t'they?  Eh up lad, happen as maybe 'e wunt yer dad aftarall!

Thing that got me about it, the most jarring thing out of all the sickly, gooey, rosy smiles and mother's love?

'He liked techno didn't 'e?'  Techno?  Fucking t'cchno?  What picture of a man are we building here?  He was in t'army, he was a stickler about his t'appearance, good at t'sports but y'know son e were a right fuckin' knob 'ead when it came to his t'music.

Who wrote that line?  They could have gone for anything else, trying to paint a picture of a McReal Man they tried to tick a box for everyone.

THAT was what was offensive about this ad.

Who gets actually 'offended' by ads?  Annoyed yes, driven to fury - yes.  Offended?  T'fuck off.

[Icehaven]

I hardly dare say this for fear of invoking the rule of sod and it coming back, but, whisper it *British Gas seem to have stopped using Blur's 'The Universal' in their ads!* Great! Now it'll only take another 15 years for me to disassociate it with them.

[Twed]

I dunno. Can you hear this Penguin Cafe Orchestra tune without thinking about some advert from 1992, or whatever?

[Ambient Sheep]

Afternoon everyone, quiz time!! Right, can anyone who has seen it guess what I've come here to comment on about the Feliway advert (the one with the couple with the baby)? For those who haven't seen it, here it is;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWUtXhl1PvM

And I'll give you a little clue; you won't have to watch the whole thing to know what I'm talking about. In fact you hardly have to watch any of it at all.

To be honest, had you not said that last bit, I might not have guessed it.  People do give their cats silly names for fun.

But they might! As the small print at the end of the ad says, ridiculously, 'Behaviour therapy might be required.'' That's exactly what the bloody Feliway is supposed to be for!! They may as well have written ''Product probably doesn't work.''

I'm sorry to break it to you, but it actually really does work.

At one point in the early 2000s I was stuck in a house with a woman who had five cats.  Her original neuteured male Siamese (Blue), she then added a couple of kittens she rescued when their mother got run over (Tigger & Gizmo) a female stray (Abby), and a neuteured male stray (can't remember his name, he didn't stay long, but he was white with a ginger heart-shape on his side).  Then a sixth cat turned up... a somewhat aggressive streetwise stray male cat, whom we literally couldn't keep out of the house (she had a dog flap for her Sheltie, and we couldn't get a radio-collar version of it).  Although he was neutered, he had a real attitude on him.

At this point, her original Siamese, who was a gentle soul who'd always been very well behaved and accepted these other cats gently creeping into his life with ease, began pissing everywhere in a desperate effort to mark his territory, we assume.  (Either that, or fright.)  The other cats also started getting aggy with each other, fighting for prime windowsill space, etc.  Lots of agitation all round.

We spoke to the vet, who recommended Feliway.  Back then it was a spray, and it cost a whopping £15 a bottle (15 years ago).

But you know what?  It fucking well worked.  Suddenly, peace descended, and everyone lived happily ever after with each other again.  Well, except me and the woman, but that's an entirely different story.

So, sorry to piss all over your advert-hatred, and yeah, "Disco" is a pretty stupid surname for a cat (would be bad enough just as a single cat name), but the product is actually a very good one, in my experience.

So there!

Feliway probably makes your house stink of cat's piss and rotting fish, that's the only smell that would make a cat feel more comfortable.

It actually had no smell to it that we could detect.

Apparently it mimics the hormones of a mothering she-cat, so it makes them all be contented little kittens again.  Something like that, anyway.

[Ambient Sheep]

I dunno. Can you hear this Penguin Cafe Orchestra tune without thinking about some advert from 1992, or whatever?

Fuck.  (Although one has to wait until the twenty-second mark, as I was about to say I'd never heard of it in my life.)

Abbey National, "Life's complicated enough" with Alan Davies?

*goes to check*

No, but I'd forgotten how funny some of those ads were:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPlXFCCT_1A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBnKXXJ3n4s

Now it's bugging me, where does that PCO tune come from, then?

[Twed]

Some fucking bank or mobile phone company.

Have this one, too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWZ4pve5Mkc

[Ambient Sheep]

Fuck's sake, are none of these advertising agencies able to commission their own music any more?

"Who would you like to have a one-to-one with?"

Don't even need to look that one up.

I'm so glad I never got into the Penguin Café Orchestra (I always meant to, having heard good things about them), because clearly their music would have been ruined for me by these cunts.

[Twed]

MFI

[Ambient Sheep]

Arrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!!!!!!