Bizarre Internet Dating #3 - The New Batch

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

100 pages gone - time to retire the old thread and with it all the lost hopes and dreams for self-esteem, companionship and a better life.

Time for a fresh start

[Ambient Sheep]

Old thread: http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,36464.0.html

Original thread: http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,19819.0.html

[Dannyhood91]

Well I'm fighting them off with a bloody stick.

[canadagoose]

Well I'm fighting them off with a bloody stick.

You know what they say: never trust a woman with no vowels in her surname.

[Pijlstaart]

Not for me, this internet dating.  Best avoid it. I went on a casual outing with an acquaintance, non-internetty, very casual, and she went confused because we had no common cultural reference points, she'd be talking about town shops which I'd never been in and things on touchscreen phones, she thought everyone walked around the town shops and her confusion turned to anger: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NffIMAv0css

Internet's dangerous, isn't it? Computer viruses, Julian Assange, catfishing. They organise riots on it now. I reckon the internet women go in town shops more than the regular women, to buy parts for their internet computers, so I'd look like a right royal plum.

[alan nagsworth]

I went on a totally spontaneous date the other night. A lass I matched on Tinder was on about meeting up but our prior plans clashed, and she said the only night she could really do was TONIGHT (this was Saturday), so I threw caution to the wind, went home, got changed, slapped on some aftershave and was away. There was no real spark at all but we did get on, she was funny and also really into Stewart Lee and Chris Morris and she linked me a daft satirical story blog she writes. I showed her my photoshop stuff and she suggested we stay friends and collaborate on some funny stuff together. I'll chalk that one up as a moderate success.

[kittens]

i just talking to a girl on tinder for one whole hour and we organised to talk again tomorrow night
when she sees me and my regrettable physical appearance all will be lost
but for now
for now we are happy

[TheFalconMalteser]

Mate when she sees you she's going to be chuffed to bits, come on brah you got this.

Do you want to purchase my PUA 6 week course?

Wk 1 Eyeballing
Wk 2 Chemistry
Wk 3 Banter
Wk 4 Dancing
W5 Negging
Wk 6 Fingerblasting

500 pound course, watch it in your laptop, plus additional personal coaching sessions for 30 pounds an hour.

[im barry bethel]

Haven't you internet daters got any friends to introduce you to their friends instead of fishing for rumpy inside a computer?

[alan nagsworth]

I find there's a lot more obligation and awkward pressure if a friend were to set me up with someone. Plus the vast majority of my friends are all tight knit so we already know one another, and what I want is a totally new experience. I'm totally happy with sticking with this method for the time being.

I'm also not confident enough to engage women in public places apropos of nothing besides maybe catching one another's eyes enough to guarantee that person is attracted to you. I have very nearly done that once, though. She was sat directly opposite me on the tube and she was stunning. Every time I looked up she was looking right at me. The urge to flash a smile at her however was quelled by the fact that my heart was racing like mental and I felt like if I moved any of my mouth muscles even slightly I would projectile vomit all over her lovely face.

[brat-sampson]

Well, I mean, if you're a british guy of a certain type (likely round these parts) fear of the social awkwardness/abject horror of visiting unwanted attention on a pretty girl in a public space is vastly going to outweigh desire/ability to strike up a witty conversation multiplied by the chance of it actually working. So you just don't[nb]Unless pissed, which tends to bump up at least one of the numbers a little, if not both.[/nb]. Hence internet dating or meeting people via friends or at some event or w/e. I don't think I've ever spoken with total strangers when sober.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

It's pretty simple really

Work - put in the soul destroying admin on dating sites

Extract - anything really

Safe testbed on whatsapp etc - see if there's a bit of interest and chemistry.

Meet - see if that is maintainable in person.

Kiss - because the open black horizon of loneliness looks endless and scary

Realise - humans are supposed to do this shit more than we do

[grassbath]

Got Tinder yesterday after years of pretending to myself and others that I didn't want it when it was really that my phone didn't support the official version, haha you twat. Had a few matches but opening lines are hard - I apparently can't summon up anything witty/flirty without something prior to bounce off, and had no responses to straight-up "hello"s and "shall we go for a drink"s.

[Danger Man]

"I'd like to lick peanut butter off your tits even though I have a peanut allergy"

Thank me later.

[im barry bethel]

"If you think you can go smearing crunchy peanut butter on your arsehole and I'll dredge it you can think again, of course if it was smooth nutty butty..."

(then do one of those colon question mark smiley face winking things)

[Queneau]

"I'd like to lick peanut butter off your tits even though I have a peanut allergy"

Thank me later.

Nothing wrong with this. And remember, kids, you can replace "peanut butter" with pretty much anything, but don't forget to also change the "peanut allergy" bit or you'll look like a right banana.

[newbridge]

I would projectile vomit all over her lovely face.

This is known as the "power-neg" of the PUA world.

[alan nagsworth]

Nothing wrong with this. And remember, kids, you can replace "peanut butter" with pretty much anything, but don't forget to also change the "peanut allergy" bit or you'll look like a right banana.

Which is bad news if she has a banana allergy.

[Queneau]

Which is bad news if she has a banana allergy.

At that point, you'd be better off out of it.

[Icehaven]

Haven't you internet daters got any friends to introduce you to their friends instead of fishing for rumpy inside a computer?

One or two dates and a mutual 'no thanks' = awkward encounters at social events for evermore.

One is keener tan the other  = as above, and the keener one forever badgering the mutual friend(s) for info/updates on the not-so-keen one's love life.

Works out for a while then you split up = as above, including the possibility of divided loyalties and possible friend loss for one side if it's a nasty breakup.

Works out for ages then you split up = All of the above only worse.

Happy ever after = your friend now has two less people to hang out with. Which they probably knew would happen so they never introduced you and none of this actually happened.   

I've never internet dated and don't like the idea compared with just actually meeting people, however if I was looking for someone and wasn't having much luck I daresay I'd give it a try eventually.

[Dex Sawash]

One or two dates and a mutual 'no thanks' = awkward encounters at social events for evermore.

One is keener tan the other  = as above, and the keener one forever badgering the mutual friend(s) for info/updates on the not-so-keen one's love life.

Works out for a while then you split up = as above, including the possibility of divided loyalties and possible friend loss for one side if it's a nasty breakup.

Works out for ages then you split up = All of the above only worse.

Happy ever after = your friend now has two less people to hang out with. Which they probably knew would happen so they never introduced you and none of this actually happened.   

I've never internet dated and don't like the idea compared with just actually meeting people, however if I was looking for someone and wasn't having much luck I daresay I'd give it a try eventually.

my wife might find out

[brat-sampson]

I tend to find after I've settled into a place, know my work colleagues, their partners (if they have them) and have built up a circle, finding new people outside of the bubble can be tricky. I've used meetup.com a lot for a few years for that reason, and made a bunch of good friends through it, but you know going in most people aren't turning up looking for romance, and there does seem to be a predisposition that the ones who are are generally more likely to be blokes. Going into online was just a clear next step, emboldened by hearing a good long-term friend found success from it.

[kittens]

i was taking to that girl on tinder again for an hour or so last night. i should ask her on a date or something but i'm too much of a pussy and she's too pretty anyway it'd never work oh christ

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

It's pretty simple really

Work - put in the soul destroying admin on dating sites

Extract - anything really

Safe testbed on whatsapp etc - see if there's a bit of interest and chemistry.

Meet - see if that is maintainable in person.

Kiss - because the open black horizon of loneliness looks endless and scary

Realise - humans are supposed to do this shit more than we do

Agree with all that, particularly the first bit - I never got anywhere with online dating until I treated it as a mind-numbing administration exercise. Not very romantic no, but if you apply the same degree of determination and persistence that you would looking for a job, it's extremely unlikely you won't manage to secure at least a couple of dates. Of course, if you look in any way physically attractive, you can just sit back and let them come to you - though it's unlikely you'd be on a dating site anyway if that was really the case.

[Small Man Big Horse]

i was taking to that girl on tinder again for an hour or so last night. i should ask her on a date or something but i'm too much of a pussy and she's too pretty anyway it'd never work oh christ

Tell her you're a Wimblewrong 2016 semi-finalist, if that doesn't get her juices flowing then she's clearly a wrong-un and it's good you found that out early on.

[Icehaven]

Of course, if you look in any way physically attractive, you can just sit back and let them come to you - though it's unlikely you'd be on a dating site anyway if that was really the case.

Really? I thought the whole thing with Tinder being based entirely on looks meant you had to be at least slightly attractive just to get a foot in the door, as it were.

[alan nagsworth]

I had a cracking date the other night. Went to some Hackney brewery and had a posh pizza - it had stilton and walnuts on it, fuck yes gentrification is delish - and spent a long time talking about the dynamics of It's Always Sunny and Tame Impala. There was a definite click, she's a really interesting person who seems genuinely interested in me too. I'm almost positive she's not in any way MENTAL *belm* lol which is super reassuring given my weird history of dating so far. Before we parted ways there was come passionate smooching and "isn't it a shame you have work in the morning eh hoho", which was bloody great, in all honesty.

We're meeting again on saturday to go and see The BFG (which I hope will involve more noshing than actual watching of the film because I'm not really too arsed about that to be honest) and potentially also next week as I invited her to come see Dan Deacon with me. I THINK SHE'S THE ONE LADS THIS IS IT FOREVER FUCKINELL LIFE MOVES PRETTY FAST ETC. Seriously though I am hella excited to see her again, she's lovely.

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

again on saturday to go and see The BFG (which I hope will involve more noshing than actual watching of the film because I'm not really too arsed about that to be honest)

See, this is why I don't get cinema as a date-taking destination. Surely it defeats the whole point of both of the things if you have to sit in silence and not connect in any way, or go full on necking fondling fun and miss all the subtleties of the cinematograpy and plotting and all that?

[Danger Man]

Went to some Hackney brewery and had a posh pizza - it had stilton and walnuts on it, fuck yes gentrification is delish -

CaB's march ever rightwards continues....

[kittens]

talking to girl again tonight. asked if she wants to meet up and she does. she lives like two minutes from my house as well. we might go and see a band on friday i'm fucking shitting it lads fuck

hot date tips please