Bizarre Internet Dating #3 - The New Batch

[Dex Sawash]

go do the sex with her now







edit-new page sound advice without context

[Janie Jones]

I had a cracking date the other night. Went to some Hackney brewery and had a posh pizza - it had stilton and walnuts on it, fuck yes gentrification is delish - ...

HAHA CRATE
http://cratebrewery.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/crate-menu-online-v2-png-72dpi.png

[Kelvin]

hot date tips please

Do the opposite of everything you do on here. Don't tell her about your big sandwich. Don't talk about trains. Don't tell her you can't ride a bike. Use capital letters and punctuation.

[Danger Man]

hot date tips please

Drop the manchild stuff and just be a man.

Then whip out your massive baguette......

[drummersaredeaf]

What's the best way to play down a ten a day bongo habit on these profiles?

Let them know they'll always be a close second to my television whores early on, like they all do when talking about some other bloke's kids?

[alan nagsworth]

HAHA CRATE
http://cratebrewery.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/crate-menu-online-v2-png-72dpi.png

I... Yes, that's... That's exactly where we went >_>

I'll never show my face there again I promise!

[Fry]

talking to girl again tonight. asked if she wants to meet up and she does. she lives like two minutes from my house as well. we might go and see a band on friday i'm fucking shitting it lads fuck

hot date tips please

Escape room man, I mentioned it before but I had another date to one recently and it went so well. Like, they are a genuinely enjoyable, novel way to spend an hour. You never have a lull in conversation or a point of awkwardness because you're always searching for the next key or discussing the next puzzle. If you do a horror themed one like we did you get a couple of scares that fucking make you jump out of your skin, then you can laugh together all adrenalined up. You can also do flirty, teasing things like pretending you've found a clue or had a solution then being like "lol no not really".

Even better, you have something to discuss for the rest of the night when you go on to drinks, if regular conversation drops out.

[Large Noise]

talking to girl again tonight. asked if she wants to meet up and she does. she lives like two minutes from my house as well. we might go and see a band on friday i'm fucking shitting it lads fuck

hot date tips please

Don't go to see a band.

If you were a big dumb hottie, a gig would be ideal. But since you're not massively confident about your physical appearance relative to hers, and your strong point is that you're a funny clever cunt, and you're going to need to be coaxed out of your shell a bit, you want to sit at a table and talk to her.

If she wants to go to the gig, try to meet up a good bit before it. For fuck sake don't meet up at the gig as it starts.

[madhair60]

You can also do flirty, teasing things like pretending you've found a clue or had a solution then being like "lol no not really".

Done this, doesn't really work. Was all "I've found a legal loophole that will allow your sister to keep custody of the kids", and she looks up all tearful, smiling, filled with hope and I just went "haha i'm fucking with you, you dumb slut, now french with me gaaarllrlllrllll[nb]Frenching SFX[/nb]"

[imitationleather]

Don't go to see a band.

If you were a big dumb hottie, a gig would be ideal. But since you're not massively confident about your physical appearance relative to hers, and your strong point is that you're a funny clever cunt, and you're going to need to be coaxed out of your shell a bit, you want to sit at a table and talk to her.

If she wants to go to the gig, try to meet up a good bit before it. For fuck sake don't meet up at the gig as it starts.

Can meet up as the main band start and talk through it? Try to get a position up front, can hear better there.

[Large Noise]

If the venue has a separate bar meet there. Then when the first band come on, tell her you're not really arsed about the bands and you wouldn't mind just staying here with her.

That'll trick her into thinking you do cool things like attend live music in public places so regularly that you've become blasé about it.

[kittens]

i've put on a cool new outfit and my confidence has tripled. i am going to completely win my date. bring it on

[WesterlyWinds]

Don't you think Wednesday is a bit early to be already dressed up for Friday's date?

[Puce Moment]

i've put on a cool new outfit and my confidence has tripled.

Mate. Please run your shirts by the hivemind first. There is some kid in the future who is depending upon you actually having decent threads in order to exist.

[kittens]

Don't you think Wednesday is a bit early to be already dressed up for Friday's date?

i'm just so excited, i'm assuming i won't be sleeping between now and then so no need to change

Mate. Please run your shirts by the hivemind first. There is some kid in the future who is depending upon you actually having decent threads in order to exist.

psshh the day i take shirt advice from cab is the day i do other silly and inadvisable things. some people here thought my wicked shirt i wore to the meet was bad if you can believe that

[Puce Moment]

psshh the day i take shirt advice from cab is the day i do other silly and inadvisable things. some people here thought my wicked shirt i wore to the meet was bad if you can believe that

The image of your future child is slowly fading on a photograph every time you take responsibility for your own clothes.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

As long as Replies From View doesn't get a say, I agree we should definitely judge your clobber.

[thenoise]

i'm just so excited, i'm assuming i won't be sleeping between now and then so no need to change

Women love a stinker.

Do you want me to come along and help?  I could secretly hand you a bouquet of flowers so you can pretend you produced them out of thin air, women love magic just ask steven.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

HAHA CRATE
http://cratebrewery.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/crate-menu-online-v2-png-72dpi.png

See everyone fucks on about London prices but that is exactly how much craft beer and pizza cost in Leeds.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

talking to girl again tonight. asked if she wants to meet up and she does. she lives like two minutes from my house as well. we might go and see a band on friday i'm fucking shitting it lads fuck

hot date tips please

Wear red cap mate
and what you usually wear

They always say be yourself

Are you finally realising what that means

[Danger Man]

See everyone fucks on about London prices but that is exactly how much craft beer and pizza cost in Leeds.

Nottingham is seeing the rise of the £4 for 2/3rds of a pint 'craft' beer....

Which is £6 a pint.

£6

[im barry bethel]

i've put on a cool new outfit and my confidence has tripled. i am going to completely win my date. bring it on

Tell her she smells nice (but don't try and guess the perfume)
Let her catch you ogling her tits/arse
Say you like her hair then ask if she likes having it pulled

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

More dating last night. Met for a drink then saw Wiener Dog at the cinema which was a really good film to pick. Bleakly dark and sometimes silly comedy. Was doing goodbyes and somehow ended up chatting and intermittently kissing by some traffic lights for 45 minutes.

Going good but faintly concerned about getting more intimate and so forth. There seems to be little forthcoming on her side. I'm not so concerned about the actual having of sex but there's something about seeing each other naked and sleeping together that loosens things up and it would be great if we could reach that stage over the next few rounds.

[Dr Rock]

Have you invited her back to your place at any point yet? Because she probably won't invite herself.

[TheFalconMalteser]

I can really picture bald Shoulders furtively snogging the face of this young lady under the traffic light.  Both erotic and inspirational.

I'm also fairly concerned about him getting more intimate.  She doesn't sound to be forthcoming enough.  Plus it would loosen things up if they could just see each other naked?  It would be great if they could reach that stage.

Shoulders you're going to have to take the reins here and take off all your clothes.  If you're in public the best you can do is wear little shorts, and roll up your sleeves on your t-shirts to show off those epic bicepts.  The more flesh on display the better.  This is classic NLP stuff, I cover this in my PUA series online. PM for details.

Good luck!

[WesterlyWinds]

Have you considered fingering her in a park?

[MoonDust]

Things are getting a bit more serious. Meeting the parents next week as I've been invited for tea (she lives with her parents at the moment) and there's a high possibility I'll be spending the night.

I've had a dry spell lasting over 5 years. This could be thoroughly disappointing for her..

[Steven]

Things are getting a bit more serious. Meeting the parents next week as I've been invited for tea (she lives with her parents at the moment) and there's a high possibility I'll be spending the night.

I've had a dry spell lasting over 5 years. This could be thoroughly disappointing for her..

Sleep with her Mum, I've heard tell girls tend to gossip, and if you're any good she's def going to know about it!

[SetToStun]

Have you considered fingering her in a park?

I think fingering her in a fanny would be more traditional.

[Danger Man]

Sleep with her Mum, I've heard tell girls tend to gossip, and if you're any good she's def going to know about it!

Yeah, do the mum first so you can see if you want to be with this girl in 30 years time.

Do the dad as well as, if I remember correctly, you were gay a few months ago.