Bizarre Internet Dating #3 - The New Batch

[machotrouts]

Aye i use it constantly. To be honest i swipe right on everyone, literally, i don't even look. There's no reason not to.

People who do this are the reason I stopped using Tinder.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

People who do this are the reason I stopped using Tinder.

Yes, I was going to say. I'm not on Tinder but that behaviour is sociopathic and drags the whole concept down with it.

It's not primarily his fault, just an inherent flaw in the concept.

Although if anyone uses Tinder for an ego boost stuff like this illustrates what that like really means.

[Camp Tramp]

Aye i use it constantly. To be honest i swipe right on everyone, literally, i don't even look. There's no reason not to.  Then i run out of swipe for 12 hours, then i go again. Ill check the profiles when i get matches

I think the Tinder algorithm penalises people who right swipe everyone, your card gets seen by fewer people.

I researched this after getting hardly any matches, it was apparently because I right swiped everything.

That and I'm ugly, Tinder doesn't like ugly people.

[Repeater]

Mob: aye, I matched someone I went on to do juijitsu with. That's potentially awkward but I quietly unmatched after a weeks of silence between us. It's cool now I guess. I was seeing someone seriously when it happened so couldn't act on it. What's the big deal anyway? You both swiped right and for all you know she might've done the same thing (swiping everything right I mean).

Also, when it's not potentially awkward, I will at least say though - the impetus is shared between to send a message. Don't forget, we both swiped right, we both agreed to talk, I don't think the pressure to act should only be on one party.

I also don't believe Tinder punish you in any way for swiping right, that must be bollocks. You said you researched it, found any evidence?

[Repeater]

Also also also dunno how doing it is sociopathic, get a fucking grip, nor do I understand how it's bringing the app down, nor how it's ruining it for anyone. It's a dating app. Get some perspective.

[Quincey]

I think the Tinder algorithm penalises people who right swipe everyone, your card gets seen by fewer people.

I researched this after getting hardly any matches, it was apparently because I right swiped everything.

That and I'm ugly, Tinder doesn't like ugly people.

I didn't realise this. I swipe right on most girls on there because most of them are hot and to be honest I can't always be arsed to look at profiles. Quite a few leave them blank as well.

Will be more discerning in my Tinder swiping from now on.

[Camp Tramp]

Also also also dunno how doing it is sociopathic, get a fucking grip, nor do I understand how it's bringing the app down, nor how it's ruining it for anyone. It's a dating app. Get some perspective.

Well I should have said consensus of opinion, I just typed "No Tinder Matches" into Google.

[hewantstolurkatad]

I'm amazed that no one has monetised staging photos for tinder yet

...I'd almost certainly pay, like. The idea of a big group of losers meeting up to pretend to not be losers together sounds like it could be fun if handled correctly too

[WesterlyWinds]

Also also also dunno how doing it is sociopathic, get a fucking grip, nor do I understand how it's bringing the app down, nor how it's ruining it for anyone. It's a dating app. Get some perspective.

Is it akin to approaching every woman in a night club? Having never done this myself I don't know

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Also also also dunno how doing it is sociopathic, get a fucking grip, nor do I understand how it's bringing the app down, nor how it's ruining it for anyone. It's a dating app. Get some perspective.

An app that would be pretty much useless if every man did the same as you. That's my perspective. Ruining a social medium for personal gain fits comfortably in the definition of the word sociopathic. Is it just that you find the term scary?

[Repeater]

Is it akin to approaching every woman in a night club? Having never done this myself I don't know

Nothing like it, there's no approach. If I'm sending every woman messages, then maybe your analogy kinda makes sense (except still not at all, messaging through a dating app isn't the same as physcially approaching women in a club). As it is, people only know I've swiped right if they've swiped right too!

Shoulders, ruining a social medium? Aye, away ye fuckin go.

[machotrouts]

Also also also dunno how doing it is sociopathic, get a fucking grip, nor do I understand how it's bringing the app down, nor how it's ruining it for anyone. It's a dating app. Get some perspective.

I don't know that a useful response to "you're ruining Tinder" is "oh I'm not ruining Tinder, get some perspective, it's only Tinder I'm ruining". We've not accused you of bombing the Ariana Grande concert if that helps (we'll get to that later).

It was really unnerving to me at first. I figured, from the premise of Tinder, that it'd finally be a relatively safe space to start a conversation, that I'd even get the opportunity to say something a bit more elaborate and thoughtful as an opener as there's a reasonable expectation it'll be warmly received; so I couldn't figure out what to make of it when I kept sending messages then immediately getting unmatched, wondering what on earth I was doing wrong so quickly, like is "Hello" a racist slur now or did I accidentally send a picture of my arsehole or what.

Perhaps it's a small thing to get upset about, but you're at least slightly opening yourself up whenever you sincerely right-swipe someone (in a vulnerability way I mean, please don't get confused by this sentence immediately following one about my arsehole), and I couldn't help but find it a bit dispiriting when I loaded Tinder and saw half the faces in that "recent matches" bar or whatever it is flutter away before I've even had a chance to alienate them on my own terms. Haha I only pretended to like you for the ego boost, sorry mate, bye. Rejection is inevitable and men should at least somewhat be able to take it in their stride, of course. But it's nice to avoid it if we can, isn't it? Tinder is designed, at least superficially, to be rejection-proof, the whole idea being that you can only talk to mutual likes. A lovely app idea for the desperately insecure. Naturally I was into it. So to see a design flaw effectively drag it down to the indignity of spamming strangers on Grindr in the vain hope of a response is a bit galling.

I'm not sure that a starting-conversations-with-everyone-in-a-bar analogy is that unreasonable. "Hey there, how are you doing?" "Oh, hi! I, er, well I'm doing great, how are-" "lmao you well thought, NEXT". But if you don't like that, perhaps see it more like one person smiles at another person, the other person smiles back, then the first person's face falls, sneers a bit, and walks off. A small thing, but a small thing that would stay with me at least. I don't know maybe I'm just not cold and dead inside yet. That is a personality flaw of mine, I'm aware of that

[Repeater]

aye, dunno, a better analogy is me walking in a nightclub and shouting 'i'm free' to everyone, then speaking to those who say they're free too.

[Repeater]

re. your first point, nothing I'm doing is ruining tinder for you, to that I'd say get a grip.

[Repeater]

I think you're projecting your expectations somewhat, hoping people respond to your messages all the time. That just doesn't happen

[Repeater]

also hurt about people not getting on well with you through messages. i can see why to be frank. less mentions of arseholes and racism and self defeating bullshit, might get on better

[machotrouts]

I should get back on Tinder, I'm clearly missing out on matching with some complete fucking cunts.

[Sebastian Cobb]

aye, dunno, a better analogy is me walking in a nightclub and shouting 'i'm free' to everyone, then speaking to those who say they're free too.

[tag]Are You Being Served? fan leaves nightclub bemused[/tag]

[Repeater]

I'm sorry, what did you call me? Yeah. Work on your online behaviour sir.

[billyandthecloneasaurus]

Been on a couple of dates with this tinder girl.  She's a bit younger (22 vs 25), and I can sense a bit of game-playing going on, or even just genuine ambivalence.

First date we met in her town (15-20 mins away on train) for a few drinks, got on well, good BANTZ, got a little kiss at the train station.  Suggested a follow up, she gladly agreed.

Second date I again went to her endz, followed a similar trajectory.  As I left her at the train station she gave me a quick kiss, then sort of gave me a playful wink and walked off, and as I shouted "tease" she continued walking without turning around and gave me the ol' middle finger (in the air not up my bum) which was quite a turn on.  I left tinder and she actually messaged me first, suggested another date.


Gone a bit pear-shaped since then.  We agreed she should visit me for date 3 as it's only fair, but the trains only run until 9.  We agreed for her to visit on Friday and stay at mine, but she cancelled fairly last minute citing a migraine, but was VERY apologetic and was quick to suggest alternative plans - come over to my town for a few drinks in the week, then she'd have me round for dinner and wine at hers during the bank holiday wknd.  Even if she wasn't ill I don't really mind - in retrospect it was a bit early on in the process for her staying, even if I had the sofa and it was done for logistics.  I'm still a relative stranger and it would have been a bit unnerving for her knowing she was basically stranded with ME if it did go weird.

Since then, she's said she's really busy most nights, and offered me Friday evening for the drink (the dinner invitation clearly swept under the carpet), which has now been changed to Saturday as Friday is too busy for her.  That's fine with me, but when I asked if she's free all Saturday she said

"I don't know, it is only Tuesday"
errr....well don't make any other plans until then!  I can't just wait to see if you find better plans!
"well it is a 3 day weekend.  i'll see what my friends are doing first"

Genuinely considering just binning her off right now.  Either she genuinely doesn't really give a shit and is just keeping me as a backup plan for something to do, or she's trying to make me bend over backwards and be like oooh okay tinder girl i'll wait here all week to see if you can squeeze me into your diary.  Like, i definitely COULD do that, cus anything else i'd plan would be last minute pub with da ladz anyway, but it's the principle of it!  I don't mind a bit of hard to get teasing, but this feels a bit too much.

Am I being overly harsh, or am I quite right in thinking I should probably SWERVE IT?

[Small Man Big Horse]

Hmmm, I'd bin her, my old dad used to say "If you're not balls deep by date three, then from the woman you must flee" and I think we can all agree with that particular bit of advice. Proves what a right old slut my mum was as well.

Edit: Serious answer: Play it cool, Trig, play it cool.

[WesterlyWinds]

Have a wank then decide immediately afterwards. Never caused a problem for me, except in meetings at work.

[Repeater]

Sounds like the subtle elbow to me

[imitationleather]

Unfortunately in the cruel world of online dating where it's a given that people will have several suitors on the go at once it sounds a bit like she may have met someone else.

Best get your "arsed mate, cigs" attitude on and get back on the hunt.

[billyandthecloneasaurus]

i'm not really that bothered by her ambivalence per se, especially as I'm still undecided myself.  i think my main frustration was that after she cancelled visiting me on friday last minute she came out with some grand plans (i'll come to visit you for drinks in the week!  you can come round and i'll cook you dinner at the weekend!), and now she's reduced it to a couple of drinks at the weekend...once she's figured out what else she can do.

but fuck it, she probably just felt guilty about cancelling and went a bit extreme in trying to make it up to me, and is now understandably dialing it in a bit.

and actually, if i'm honest it is probably just a selfish ego thing on my part - if i was really into her I'd be frustrated out of desperately wanting to see her and for her like to me, and deep down i'm probably just a bit slighted that i'm so transparently a low priority to her and she's happy to keep going "oh actually no i can't do that day.  maybe i'll be free on saturday" etc.

i'll just calm the fuck down and see how it plays out.

[AllisonSays]

aye, dunno, a better analogy is me walking in a nightclub and shouting 'i'm free' to everyone, then speaking to those who say they're free too.

Apart from the ones who are (a) free and (b) unattractive to you, right? And arguably it's the (a) and (b) group of people who are most likely to have their feelings hurt by your dragnet trawler approach. It's fine, it's not a big deal, but I think you're not quite seeing why it's shitty. You're assuming that everyone is as secure in themselves as you. But we're not all teetotal karate sex gods with admirably bluff modes of expression mate, some of us are one-swim-a-week boys, some of us are under-the-duvet boys. And yeah, saying 'it's only Tinder' in response to people criticising the way you use Tinder' is no help.

I met a woman on Tinder there when I was briefly single, it was only my second Tinder' date actually, and I paid for a cab from Covent Garden to East London so we could shag, but then when we got there due to nerves and beers I couldn't get it up. Very expensive way to puncture my ego.

[Repeater]

Stop. Painting. Me. As. The. Reason. Women. Are. Rejecting. You.

My tinder is not your tinder.

[WesterlyWinds]

There's only one way to solve this - get your dicks out and swing them around lads

[kittens]

repeater has ruined tinder. fan frigging tastic. well that's just great. thanks a lot for ruining tinder.

[Repeater]

Ruined it. Weird how until Monday you had no clue how I was using it, but still ruined for ye.