1001 things to do before Clowne

[Glebe]

936. (or 144.) Call the police.
935. (or 143.) Attach chastity belt.
934. (or 142.) Hide under a table.

NEW PAGE PRE-CLOWNE PRECAUTIONS.

[Puce Moment]

933. Pay Justin Lee Collins to get back the cast of the 'you'll go a long way' kit-kat advert.

[Black Ship]

932. Put a bear trap in a pile of leaves.

[Fishfinger]

931. Bury St Edmunds.
930. Bury Noel Edmonds.
929. Misapply the rule of three.

[hamfist]

928. Buy I-Spy Pterodactyls book
927. Learn to dilate
926. Memorise a mantra and learn basic self-hypnosis

[Lt. Organphalia]

925. Determine just how many beans make five.
924. Shave your sack & survey contents.
923. Pierce your perineum.

[poo]

This is things you'd like to do before the great Pwning, not a survival preparation list you bunch of unbelievably thick cunts.

[Howj Begg]

922. Ruin a poo thread
921. Make poo angry... you wouldn't like him when he's angry
920. Vigorous make-up sex with poo

[pancreas]

919. Poo
918. Pooh-pooh poo
917. Pooh-pooh poo.

[Fishfinger]

916. Start a beef with poo.
915. Start a poo with beef.

[thraxx]

914.  Neigh.
913.  Soda stream your own piss, and clowne's.
912.  Frig arsehole (not necessarily one's own).

[Mr Eggs]

965. Make cockskin wanking glove.

Not sure how many cocks I'll need to make this. 10-15?

[Howj Begg]

911. Document the future history of the Clowne Holocaust. Devise a set of scholarly terms that divide time into chronological periods, e.g. BCH (Before Clowne Holocaust), TGAA (The Great Anal Annihilation), and ACH (After Clowne Holocaust). Help to establish Clowne Studies as a serious area of scholarly research.

910. Wank self into stupor.

[Benevolent Despot]

909. Convert to clowne
908. Die by the clowne
907. Shit on a toad

[Benevolent Despot]

906. Shaft a rampart
905. Shackle a cough
904. Rupture a mimsy

[Benevolent Despot]

903. Slap a wolly
902. Garble a twat
901. Enact piss

[doppelkorn]

900. Clonwe

[A Car With No Doors]

899. Rump a landslide
898. Shit a grinker (with salt)
897. 52 different flavours of pissy wood
896. The bum of Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo

[Benevolent Despot]

895. Fart on a fairytale
894. Eat Helen
893. Scramble a piglet

[Benevolent Despot]

892. Eat pyjamas
891. Polish your nose
890. Snort yolk

[Benevolent Despot]

889. Shag a Teuton

[Kane Jones]

888. Alexis Texas

[Benevolent Despot]

887. Discover the harmonic frequency of pubes
886. Utilise superconducting pubes
885. Weave with pubes
884. Create pube tapestry

[Benevolent Despot]

883. Nanopubes

[hamfist]

882. Accidently let your 3-year-old see poo's avatar
883. Comfort your traumatised 3-year-old

[Dex Sawash]

881. Cum-bucket List

[Mr Eggs]

880. Lets just all help each other to get staked out on lawns with croquet hoops. Honking for it.

[Spoon of Ploff]

879. simultaneously watch Andrei Tarkovsky's "Solaris" and Steven Soderbergh's "Solaris" while speed reading Stanislaw Lem's "Solaris" and installing version 11.3 of the "Solaris" Operation system.

878. put them in order of preference

[Foggy Buntwhistle]

877. Punch the beak off a duck.

876. Force your bulb through a frog.

875. Hoy a twat into a quarry.

[Benevolent Despot]

874. One fine day in the middle of a shite
873. Two dead men got up to wipe
872. Back-to-back they bummed each other
871. Drew their cocks and woah, hold on