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Taking 'a break'

Started by WesterlyWinds, April 09, 2017, 11:06:38 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Small Man Big Horse

Quote from: Twed on May 18, 2017, 10:55:26 PM
For a while I thought I might start dating again and maybe cling to some notion of there being a life ahead, but I feel like I might be over. I understand that this could be down to depression and low self-esteem, but I also understand that it's possible I won't be able to shake that.

I'm so so sorry you're going through all of this right now Twed, it sounds horrendous. Back when I was 32 I had a massive breakdown, for very different reasons, but I was convinced that my life would never get back on track and that I'd been through too much, seen too much, to ever recover. Thankfully my GP took the whole matter very seriously and got me the help I needed, and things did change in my life for the better once I was able to cope with life. So I really hope that you're able to resolve this situation and get the help you need, are you seeing any kind of a therapist right now?

Ambient Sheep

I'm coming to realise that I may never be truly happy again, for the simple reason that I am possibly too hooked on making other people happy to actually ensure that I am so myself.

Btw, commiserations to Twed and WW in their ongoing sagas.

Buelligan

Quote from: Ambient Sheep on May 20, 2017, 05:12:58 AM
I'm coming to realise that I may never be truly happy again, for the simple reason that I am possibly too hooked on making other people happy to actually ensure that I am so myself.

Believe it or not, I (used to) have a big problem with that.  Compassion is a wonderful thing but in the wrong hands it can end up a get out of jail free/never do another hand's turn in your life/limitless credit card.  Alone is good.

Danger Man

It can be hard work at times but marriage can also be good.

Divorce is a sign of mental weakness.

Buelligan

Remaining married for the rest of your earthly to someone you have no wish to be married to is definitely a sign of mental strength.

Danger Man

Well, in a way, it is!

Who are these idiots who get married and then decide they don't want to be married?

There should be some sort of pre-marriage test, like a driving licence, to weed these morons out.

Glebe

Quote from: Danger Man on May 20, 2017, 11:14:10 AMDivorce is a sign of mental weakness.

*John Cleese leaves thread humbled*

Danger Man

hoho.

But seriously, a lot of marriages fail because people in this country have come to believe in the recent concept of 'romantic love'.

Large parts of the world still operate on a 'get married, fall in love later (if at all)' model.

Twed

Thanks all. I think I'm cracking up, but there's no access to mental health services (waiting lists, must be in insurance network, general terribleness) so I've been opening up to strangers on the Internet a bit too much. Sorry

Small Man Big Horse

Quote from: Twed on May 20, 2017, 04:10:28 PM
Thanks all. I think I'm cracking up, but there's no access to mental health services (waiting lists, must be in insurance network, general terribleness) so I've been opening up to strangers on the Internet a bit too much. Sorry

No need to apologise, this is what Cab's for. Well that and the political threads, but I don't go in them any more, they're way too depressing.

Ambient Sheep

Quote from: Twed on May 20, 2017, 04:10:28 PMThanks all. I think I'm cracking up, but there's no access to mental health services (waiting lists, must be in insurance network, general terribleness) so I've been opening up to strangers on the Internet a bit too much. Sorry

Absolutely no need to apologise.  Do please carry on if it'll help.


Quote from: Buelligan on May 20, 2017, 10:58:51 AMBelieve it or not, I (used to) have a big problem with that.

Oh I can totally believe that.  It's pretty obvious (at least to me) that you've had to escape to your cave for just those sorts of reasons (as well as others).

I'd like to write more here, but (believe it or not given what else I write), I'm pretty wary about opening up on here these days about some things.


WesterlyWinds

I find wine helps.

On an unrelated note, how many bottles in one week is too many bottles? Asking for a friend.

zomgmouse

Quote from: WesterlyWinds on May 20, 2017, 06:42:25 PM
I find wine helps.

On an unrelated note, how many bottles in one week is too many bottles? Asking for a friend.

I'll be your friend.

zomgmouse

Quote from: Danger Man on May 20, 2017, 11:31:06 AM
hoho.

But seriously, a lot of marriages fail because people in this country have come to believe in the recent concept of 'romantic love'.

Large parts of the world still operate on a 'get married, fall in love later (if at all)' model.

Surely it's the antiquated institution of marriage that's the issue and the imposition of it on people who don't necessarily need it? Sure it works for some but it's such a cultural norm that many people feel socially pressured into marriage without being ready for the commitment. Also how recent are you saying romantic love is?

MojoJojo

Quote from: zomgmouse on May 20, 2017, 10:43:09 PMAlso how recent are you saying romantic love is?

Well, also what is "romantic love"?

Isn't romantic love supposed to be uncontaminated with lust, or I am I getting it confused with concepts of chivalry?

To try and interpret what DM said a bit, I do think that a lot of marriages break down to a fit of passion, which is misinterpreted as significant. One of the minor benefits of getting married is you can leave all of that play ground bollocks behind.

It's also one of the minor negatives.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: zomgmouse on May 20, 2017, 10:43:09 PM
Surely it's the antiquated institution of marriage that's the issue and the imposition of it on people who don't necessarily need it? Sure it works for some but it's such a cultural norm that many people feel socially pressured into marriage without being ready for the commitment. Also how recent are you saying romantic love is?

I'm inclined to agree, especially given how cultures that do the marriage without love thing are typically auctioning their progeny off in a form of climbing the class ladder.

HappyTree

Quote from: MojoJojo on May 20, 2017, 11:10:14 PM

To try and interpret what DM said a bit...

...would be putting more effort into it than he did!

pancreas

Quote from: WesterlyWinds on May 20, 2017, 06:42:25 PM
I find wine helps.

On an unrelated note, how many bottles in one week is too many bottles? Asking for a friend.

7 is an upper bound on 'too many'.

WesterlyWinds

That's okay, still got space for one more then. Or do weeks technically start on Sunday? In which case I'm back to zero, hooray!

Eight Taiwanese Teenagers

Quote from: WesterlyWinds on May 21, 2017, 12:42:51 PM
That's okay, still got space for one more then. Or do weeks technically start on Sunday? In which case I'm back to zero, hooray!

Don't make us stage an intervention!

Danger Man

Quote from: HappyTree on May 21, 2017, 02:22:51 AM
...would be putting more effort into it than he did!

I'm the happily married one on here, buddy.

As for wine, I try and keep it under 21 bottles a week.

(units=bottles, no?)

checkoutgirl

I feel like taking a break. But the prospect of bedsits at the age of 38 is a daunting one. So what do you do? When you're trapped?

Icehaven

Quote from: checkoutgirl on May 22, 2017, 12:56:43 PM
I feel like taking a break. But the prospect of bedsits at the age of 38 is a daunting one. So what do you do? When you're trapped?

You leave. Admittedly I was 36 when I did it, however I'm 38 now and still in more or less the same circumstances (a bedsit would actually be progress), and have no regrets. 

Sony Walkman Prophecies

Quote from: zomgmouse on May 20, 2017, 10:43:09 PM
Surely it's the antiquated institution of marriage that's the issue and the imposition of it on people who don't necessarily need it? Sure it works for some but it's such a cultural norm that many people feel socially pressured into marriage without being ready for the commitment. Also how recent are you saying romantic love is?

Where romantic marriage is concerned, I can't imagine much older than Wordsworth. Before then, nearly all romantic poetry appears to be written to or about 'the bit on the side'.

Sony Walkman Prophecies

Quote from: checkoutgirl on May 22, 2017, 12:56:43 PM
I feel like taking a break. But the prospect of bedsits at the age of 38 is a daunting one. So what do you do? When you're trapped?

I thought you were a single bedsit-living man already. I've clearly been invested in a lie all this time - a bit like as in any successful marriage.

checkoutgirl

Quote from: Sony Walkman Prophecies on May 22, 2017, 01:28:56 PM
I thought you were a single bedsit-living man already. I've clearly been invested in a lie all this time - a bit like as in any successful marriage.

We're together 8 years, the last 6 of which in the same flat. It all started to go wrong as soon as we moved in together. Sleeping in the same bed was the biggest sex killer, it's counter intuitive but true. Something about it being there all the time must have put her off. Maybe she has self esteem issues. I don't think she's initiated sex in 6 years. It's all 100% on me. I've had enough but I doubt she's any the wiser.

thenoise

Quote from: checkoutgirl on May 22, 2017, 12:56:43 PM
I feel like taking a break. But the prospect of bedsits at the age of 38 is a daunting one. So what do you do? When you're trapped?

Replace her with someone richer.

thenoise

I'm organising my own marriage this August.  My friend just announced his divorce on Facebook (3 years after getting married).  Glad to hear that some people are happily married DM!

My only real concern is her parents, who have really taken a dislike to me.  Even to the extent of trying to break us up.  She is very close to them, they speak on the phone several times a week, although thankfully they don't live nearby and they hate travelling.

WesterlyWinds

What did you do to earn their opprobrium?

Icehaven

Quote from: thenoise on May 22, 2017, 02:26:00 PM
I'm organising my own marriage this August.  My friend just announced his divorce on Facebook (3 years after getting married).  Glad to hear that some people are happily married DM!

My only real concern is her parents, who have really taken a dislike to me.  Even to the extent of trying to break us up.  She is very close to them, they speak on the phone several times a week, although thankfully they don't live nearby and they hate travelling.

If she's marrying you and her parents don't like you, they aren't that close, so I wouldn't be too worried. Don't let them cause rows between you, they'll do it without you even noticing.