Taking 'a break'

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

I'm organising my own marriage this August.  My friend just announced his divorce on Facebook (3 years after getting married).  Glad to hear that some people are happily married DM!

My only real concern is her parents, who have really taken a dislike to me.  Even to the extent of trying to break us up.  She is very close to them, they speak on the phone several times a week, although thankfully they don't live nearby and they hate travelling.

I had the opposite problem, my wife's mum seemed to try to put me off, asking in a private moment "are you sure you want to marry her?" As if I was too good for her. LITTLE DOES SHE KNOW.

[Twed]

I'm taking a break from my marriage right now, except we're still living together and sleeping in the same bed, so really we're just wending away the time until one of us breaks.

We're actually officially going to separate guys

It's happening

I've worn her down so much she was jubilant about the idea

whisky now

[Small Man Big Horse]

Really pleased for you Twed, which I know sounds odd but it means life can start changing now, and I hope it all works out well for you.

[Twed]

Thank you

I hope I haven't just doomed myself and another to eternal loneliness

[Birdie]

We'll form a support group...

[Twed]

I'd genuinely join a Discord chat for that.

[Twed]

low_self_esteeem_expats

[Twed]

The wife and I are at the "joking about how we wish we were fucking other people" stage of our marriage.

Also, it's amazing how much more attractive your spouse becomes to you once they start becoming not-your-spouse-anymore. I remember a scene from Louie that reflects this, and was never expecting to relate to.

[Birdie]

Crikey.  Is that a stage most marriages in decline go through?

[Twed]

I have no idea. Everything is so incredibly complicated and messed-up that all we can do is laugh maniacally like Walter White under his floorboards.

We spent a lot of time tonight talking about the woman in my workplace I'm in love with, and my wife's old flame.

[Twed]

My Thursday involved me fighting to keep my workplace infatuation's job safe after she verbally assaulted her boss.

Her boss is my wife's uncle.

I was summoned to mediate the situation, due to the shared knowledge that I am in (unrequited?) love with this woman.

It was established that she will keep her job due to my affection for her.

I am drinking very heavily.

[Dr Rock]

Simply put, in my experience 9/10 'a break' leads to a separation. Probably 9 and a half.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Well, in a way, it is!

Who are these idiots who get married and then decide they don't want to be married?

There should be some sort of pre-marriage test, like a driving licence, to weed these morons out.

Why is the notion marriage must be permanent so important to you?

It's absolutely fine to start out with good intentions then go separate ways if it doesn't work out, for the good of you both.

[checkoutgirl]

Why is the notion marriage must be permanent so important to you?

I think the idea of marriages is to commit to each other for life until one of you dies, hence the  vows. Til death us do part. I agree that people should rethink these ideas though. I'd be happier if marriage was done away with completely. I don't know why humans are compelled to do this ritual. There are loads of reasons but it all ends up the same way. Vows, rings and thinking it's a big deal when it's not. Nobody cares. It's complete bullshit.

[Pdine]

Where romantic marriage is concerned, I can't imagine much older than Wordsworth. Before then, nearly all romantic poetry appears to be written to or about 'the bit on the side'.

Donne?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I think the idea of marriages is to commit to each other for life until one of you dies, hence the  vows. Til death us do part. I agree that people should rethink these ideas though. I'd be happier if marriage was done away with completely. I don't know why humans are compelled to do this ritual. There are loads of reasons but it all ends up the same way. Vows, rings and thinking it's a big deal when it's not. Nobody cares. It's complete bullshit.

Yes that is the commitment. But again, it's impossible to give that commitment on anything other than a faith based position, and it isn't childish or babyish to call it quits if you start with the best of intentions but it doesn't work out.

[checkoutgirl]

Yes that is the commitment. But again, it's impossible to give that commitment on anything other than a faith based position, and it isn't childish or babyish to call it quits if you start with the best of intentions but it doesn't work out.

If anything is childish or babyish it's making a life commitment in the first place.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

If anything is childish or babyish it's making a life commitment in the first place.

There are a meaningful portion of relationships that end up as successful life long partnerships so no, I disagree with you.

[Ian Drunken Smurf]

We met up with another wedding guest of ours on Thursday - she's divorcing now (not as a result of our wedding!) We've had three couples since divorce from our guestlist - two new marriages and a number of kids! Still proud that our honeymoon was longer than the marriage of one couple.

[TrenterPercenter]

I think the idea of marriages is to commit to each other for life until one of you dies, hence the  vows. Til death us do part. I agree that people should rethink these ideas though. I'd be happier if marriage was done away with completely. I don't know why humans are compelled to do this ritual. There are loads of reasons but it all ends up the same way. Vows, rings and thinking it's a big deal when it's not. Nobody cares. It's complete bullshit.

Agreed.  It's the very bane of my life and seemingly a blindspot for many liberal minded folks (sorry it's mainly women too) who on one hand fiercely contest the right to choose life in various other forms yet think marriage is the natural escalation of a relationship.

EDIT: Fuck it ranting anyway.

Historically marriage is a complete motherfucker, in modernity it is a multi-billion pound industry designed to sell you an idealised version of a world that simply doesn't exist and shouldn't exist, we are not the people in these pictures we see and neither are they.  Anyway of course people profess that they understand all of this but their's is somehow different.  It's a special bond you see and celebration therein, right, so it just happens that all the millions and millions of people over the years coincidentally decided to express that unique special bond with a formally dressed piss up and chicken in a basket.

But then of course there are the crazy ones, ah the break dance for the first dance, the "oh I won't wear white, coz i'm such a radical" whilst I adhere to archaic system designed to impinge the breeding rights of the common folk.

Anyway, I love weddings, going to them that is, eating food and drinking beer whilst getting dressed up is obviously great fun so don't stop inviting me but marriage is a complete irrational nonsense.

[checkoutgirl]

There are a meaningful portion of relationships that end up as successful life long partnerships so no, I disagree with you.

But you can spend your entire life with someone without making a formal commitment. Spending 30,000 squid and signing a contract with the government in the process. That's what marriage is, a government contract. I wouldn't want to work that way. It just seems mad to me.

[TrenterPercenter]

When relationships work long-term it is despite marriage not because of it.  Unless you like the idea of people being trapped into relationships by some formal legislation or believe people can not be trusted to understand when something is good and worth staying for or when something is bad and worth leaving for

[saltysnacks]

Reading through this thread has only made me more determined to remain single (that's my excuse anyway).

[zomgmouse]

There is an argument to be made that an official commitment makes things seem more real to people. I don't think I can refute that, even though deep down I'd probably be a "we know we're together and that's enough" type of person if I ever found someone who would want to be together and that's enough with me. But a signature on a contract is still something more tangible, I suppose. It's why so much of our land is devoted to storing people's rotting remains instead of just burning them or giving them to animals or scientists and putting up actual houses there instead. Tangible proof of an abstract concept. It's one of my biggest annoyances.

[thenoise]

If she's marrying you and her parents don't like you, they aren't that close, so I wouldn't be too worried. Don't let them cause rows between you, they'll do it without you even noticing.

Oh she knows they are wrong about me.  They barely know me, for a start.  They do speak on the phone every other day at least.  Getting an earful of how shit I am every other day is grinding her down, and they know it.  The utterly loathesome cunts.

Apparently their latest thing is concern that if we have children, I will refuse to let them see their own grandchildren.  They are entirely correct about this, because they are dreadful and I don't want them to fuck them up with their insults and sneering negativity.  My fiancee isn't very happy about this.

[thenoise]

What did you do to earn their opprobrium?

She's a doctor, I work in menial office admin.

[WesterlyWinds]

Have you considered being better?

[Shaky]

She's a doctor, I work in menial office admin.

When they find out how sexually talented you are surely that will swing things in your favour?

[hewantstolurkatad]

wrong thread

[Icehaven]

She's a doctor, I work in menial office admin.

If that's their main beef then, if you're prepared to play the long game, I suggest a staged 'break-up', followed by your fiancee introducing her parents to a parade of new suitors for whom a menial office admin job would be an unattainable dream, largely due to a combination of lack of qualifications, a criminal record, a few outstanding warrants, plenty of varied substance abuse and at least 50% tattoo coverage, and whose entire employment history consists of the time a nice couple offered them a few quid to pose as a bad-news boyfriend for a few weeks. They'll be dragging you down the aisle this time next year.