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Cannon and Ball

Started by Sydward Lartle, April 22, 2017, 07:13:59 PM

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Sydward Lartle

Little and Large's thread is still going great guns, admittedly - forty-five pages and counting - but I think it's time we turned our attention to another divisive[nb]Some people think they weren't very good, other people think they were absolute shit.[/nb] comedy pairing, that of Robert Harper and Thomas Derbyshire, better known as Cannon and Ball.

As mentioned on here in a separate thread, as a child I'd watch just about anything if it was described in the TV listings as a 'comedy', but even so, I had standards. Norman Wisdom, for example, really rattled my tits with all his wailing and bawling, his unabashed sickly sentimentality and the general creepiness of his persona, but I'd still watch one of his films if there was nothing better on. I'd even watch tripe like That's My Boy whilst thinking 'yeah, this is fine'. But Cannon and Ball? I drew the line there.

Their act never changed. Every single crumb of it seemed perpetually geared to the half-deaf, half-stewed old codgers seated right at the back of the hall in the ghastly working men's clubs and 'socials' where they learned their trade. Subtlety was an alien concept to them. Tommy was the long-suffering stooge with a face like a smacked arse who just wanted to sing a sensible song, Bobby was loud, petulant and aggressive, a cross between a hyperactive child and an attack dog. Like Wisdom, he'd bawl and burst into tears at the slightest provocation, when he wasn't threatening to nut somebody, that is. For some reason, this was enough to sell out summer seasons and pantomimes the length and breadth of the country, along with landing them their own TV series. At one stage, they even had a bigger audience share than Morecambe and Wise - but this was really nothing to brag about, because Eric had suffered two heart attacks by that time, Thames treated them like dirt and their Christmas specials had started going down the pan.

The first holes in the hull began to appear when they remade Will Hay's Ask a Policeman as the Boys in Blue, widely regarded as one of the biggest indelible blots on the British cinema copybook. It wasn't long before LWT quietly dropped them. Carlton, however, asked them back during the nineties for Plaza Patrol, which was about as funny as eating pins. They hadn't learned. Someone once said that religion was the last refuge of the tired entertainer, and Cannon and Ball duly found God, even going on the road with a 'comedy gospel show', which I imagine was like Billy Graham with red braces. Sadly, their new-found faith in God hasn't prevented Ball from strutting around Blackpool like he owns the place, and he and Cannon can still be found hamming it up on Cromer Pier or in provincial pantomimes alongside Su Pollard if the money's right - and they're still crap.

To make matters worse, it's been pretty well documented that Bobby Ball was, not to put too fine a point on it, a bit of a cunt. Picking fights with people in the LWT canteen (until Lennie Bennett, of all people, kicked the shit out of him) was just one of his less desirable traits. More recently, he took part in the radio quiz programme Act Your Age (where old-school comics compete alongside younger performers) and every time one of his gags got so much as a ripple of laughter from the audience, Ball would aggressively hiss 'See how a real comedian works?' at the 'upstarts'. You'd have thought he'd have been grateful for an increasingly rare paying gig, the bitter little tit. Indeed, whilst Little and Large were remarkably quiet about their fall from grace, as if they'd acknowledged the fact that they'd had a good run and had been very lucky and left it at that, 'Bobbeh' never missed a chance to moan about the 'alternative crowd', even making the ridiculous claim at one point that he and Tommy were 'the new alternatives', simply because they didn't get on telly any more. Extremely wishful thinking.

Cannon and Ball, then. In case you'd forgotten how shit they were...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3ZIBZ2GRbg

Sydward Lartle

A post-Young Ones Mayall here, getting in some practice for having his head slammed on counters and in doors in Bottom... as well as upstaging the stars of the show. Even so, this is calamitously unfunny stuff, even with Mayall firing on all cylinders.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NlAiMdR4JA

DrGreggles

Quote from: Sydward Lartle on April 22, 2017, 07:29:23 PM
A post-Young Ones Mayall here, getting in some practice for having his head slammed on counters and in doors in Bottom... as well as upstaging the stars of the show. Even so, this is calamitously unfunny stuff, even with Mayall firing on all cylinders.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NlAiMdR4JA

Wasn't that from between the 2 series of TYO?
His pronounciation of "Grandad" is comedy perfection anyway.

I think the early C&B[nb]Not to be confused with CaB[/nb] stuff is OK.

Barry Admin

Absolutely loved them, and I guess they were the first comedy act I ever saw in a love setting.

It was 'Allo 'Allo that boiled my piss as a kid, I FUCKING HATED IT.

Cannon and Ball seemed to have at least a little bit of edge to them, what with Bobby Ball's propensity for headbutts and violence in general. Bit of pathos in their act too. And Tommy Cannon seemed quite cool, in a way... a slightly odd and vaguely sinister straight man who would shag your wife over the back of the sofa as soon as you left the room, you know?

Brundle-Fly

Quote from: Barry Admin on April 22, 2017, 08:35:15 PM

the first comedy act I ever saw in a love setting.


Now there's a new CC thread begging.

Shit Good Nose

Quote from: Barry Admin on April 22, 2017, 08:35:15 PM
they were the first comedy act I ever saw in a love setting.

"Go elbow deep, Tommy.  Elbow deep..."


I also loved them as a kid, but aside from Boys In Blue and when they've turned up as talking heads on retro "weren't the 80s great/shit" programs, I've not seen any of their stuff since.  There are two moments in Boys In Blue that make me laugh every time I see them (the shop shelves collapsing just after Bobby's finished stacking them and his little accepting giggle after it happens, and Eric Sykes ripping the door handle off his car with not an eyeball batted by C&B), and Suzanne Danielle looks amazing in it of course.

Sooooooo, I dunno.  They may be amazing when watched back now for all I know.

Sydward Lartle

Quote from: Barry Admin on April 22, 2017, 08:35:15 PM
Tommy Cannon seemed quite cool

The merest mention of Tommy Cannon reminds me of a letter to Viz's Celebrity Cunts column which described him as a 'sour faced bastard' with 'a face like a kicked-in fridge door', only for Chris Donald to pedantically point out that 'this column is devoted to Celebrity Cunts, not bastards - sour-faced or otherwise'.

As for him being 'cool', Syd Little played the guitar. That's fucking cool.

thraxx

Quote from: Sydward Lartle on April 22, 2017, 07:29:23 PM
A post-Young Ones Mayall here, getting in some practice for having his head slammed on counters and in doors in Bottom... as well as upstaging the stars of the show. Even so, this is calamitously unfunny stuff, even with Mayall firing on all cylinders.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NlAiMdR4JA

This sketch is a very good example of how a top rate performer really can polish the most turd of material.  I'm talking about Bobby of course.

Sydward Lartle

Quote from: thraxx on April 22, 2017, 09:25:18 PM
This sketch is a very good example of how a top rate performer really can polish the most turd of material.

True, but not even the mighty Shaky can save this offering...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxhRcq9wK3g

Sweet baby Moses, listen to the audience squawking when Bobby says 'they come through me ball'...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ziXs-i4o4A

checkoutgirl

Quote from: Sydward Lartle on April 22, 2017, 07:13:59 PM
I think it's time we turned our attention to another divisive[1] comedy pairing, that of Robert Harper and Thomas Derbyshire, better known as Cannon and Ball.

Without reading anymore of your post I would say Cannon and Ball were decent, particularly Ball. Whereas Little and Large were shite, particularly Little. I have fond memories of Cannon and Ball. I have no memories of Little and Large, despite them being prominent in my young youth.

I have nothing more to say.

Sydward Lartle

I think a large part of my anger toward Cannon and Ball stems from the fact that I actually wasted money on going to see the Boys in Blue at the cinema during a particularly bleak and rain-sodden caravan holiday near Teignmouth when I was nine years old. The amusements weren't open, there was no point going on the beach, the pier was temporarily closed... nothing to do but see what was on at the cinema, and the Boys in Blue was my only option since it wasn't even one of those snazzy (at the time) three-screen jobs. 

I lasted half an hour before getting my money back from a very understanding assistant manager who informed me that the thing had been playing to virtually empty houses all week and that it'd be coming off tomorrow. God only knows what replaced it, probably a Disney re-release.

Little and Large, on the other hand - there's just something about them. I watched that 1980 Christmas special in its entirety, and for the entire opening twenty minutes I had a soppy nostalgic smile on my face. I didn't laugh or anything, obviously, but it reminded me of Christmases past with the whole family stuffed to the gills, half-pissed with silly paper hats on their heads, idly watching a queasy combination of piss-poor impressions, casual racism, terrible comedy songs and joke-free parodies of popular soap operas.

the science eel

The little fella's done some decent straight acting over the last few years, hasn't he?

Sydward Lartle


DrGreggles

Quote from: the science eel on April 22, 2017, 10:00:50 PM
The little fella's done some decent straight acting over the last few years, hasn't he?

Not Going Out is meant to be a comedy though.

jobotic

Christian magician?

What, like Jesus? 7 quid's pretty good for the second coming.

Sydward Lartle

It's the bland, non-committal 'LOTS OF FUN' that gets me.

At the insistence of someone I was friendly with at the time, I actually went to a Christian comedy evening about fifteen years ago, and whilst everyone there was clearly a nice person, a good Christian and somebody you'd want living next door to you in an ideal world, the level of comedy was... well, I can't adequately describe it without using the word shite.

Funcrusher

They're both full on born-again Christians these days I believe. No swearing, drinking etc.

Dr Syntax Head

Bobby Cannon doing the braces thing is my earliest comedy memory. Little would I know I would be crying with pure joy at Big Night Out many years later

Cannon and Ball in that Look-In comic strip. That's all that needs to be said about that.

Glebe

Tommy always seemed like some old geezer who'd wandered on stage by accident... possibly the most non-comedian, non-showbiz 'entertainer' ever. 'Rock on', Tommy! I've never watched it, but Bobby's had a regular role in Sky comedy Mount Pleasant for several years now.


Sydward Lartle

Quote from: Glebe on April 23, 2017, 12:26:42 AM
Tommy always seemed like some old geezer who'd wandered on stage by accident... possibly the most non-comedian, non-showbiz 'entertainer' ever.

Well, quite. I mean, at least Syd Little wore the spangly suits, had the comedy geps and played the guitar.

Quote from: DrGreggles on April 22, 2017, 07:38:56 PM
Wasn't that from between the 2 series of TYO?
His pronounciation of "Grandad" is comedy perfection anyway.

No, not quite, the sketch with Mayall was first shown on 3 November 1984.

JoeyBananaduck

I'm quite morbidly curious to see what their Christian stuff is like. I seem to think I heard they were responsible for Syd Little finding faith too, during a backstage chat at some gig or other. "'Ere, Sydneh, have you heard the Good News?"

Oh to be a fly on that wall.

Sydward Lartle

I know Syd and Bobbeh did a few performances together, but sadly missed out on the golden opportunity to bill themselves as Little Ball.

Sydward Lartle



This picture sums them up completely. The Cannon conundrum is clearly saying 'Hey, we've got a right one here, lads!' whilst doing his practiced long-suffering grin. The Ball blemish is quite clearly in his element, whilst quietly terrified of not being the centre of attention.

Effluent. File alongside the Krankies.

Glebe

Quote from: Sydward Lartle on April 23, 2017, 07:56:34 PM

"I'm gonna belt him one later!"

"You fucking try it, mate. You fucking try it.!

Sydward Lartle


Catalogue Trousers

QuoteAt the insistence of someone I was friendly with at the time, I actually went to a Christian comedy evening about fifteen years ago, and whilst everyone there was clearly a nice person, a good Christian and somebody you'd want living next door to you in an ideal world, the level of comedy was... well, I can't adequately describe it without using the word shite.

You've only reminded me of those British God squad-type comics, as opposed to that thundering Yank Jack Chick arsefire and damnation. Possibly courtesy of the Sally Ann or similar. Such zany characters as a vegetable private eye called Sam Spudikins and a villain called - I shit you not - Beerbelly The Bear. Googling has produced very little on these guys.

And yeah, nice but unfunny sums them up pretty well. Although I do like the hard-boiled Wildeism of Spudikins's 'people who are full of themselves should go on a diet'.

Sydward Lartle

Let's not forget[nb]Much as I'd like to[/nb] a very peculiar late eighties or possibly early nineties Viz clone produced by a couple of fundamentalist Christians called Winebibber. In keeping with the Viz theme, there was even a compilation of the 'best bits' called (wait for it...) the Big Holy One.

Sample characters? 'Job - he's looking for one!', 'Ecclesiastes - he's not very cheerful', 'Sally Armstrong - evangelist to the (un)known universe' (a kind of space missionary), 'Tony Meecher - Bible teacher', 'David Hoctrine - he loves his doctrine'... sod it, you get the idea. Terrible, terrible drawings, no actual jokes, quotes from the Bible in place of punchlines. It made me wonder, to be honest, exactly what kind of sterile misery-dribble would have bought the thing, let alone laughed at it.

wosl



"You've got me tache, Tommeh, you've got me tache!"