Jurassic World 2

[Twit 2]

Fuck, Jurassic World was a shit shit film. Literally offensively bad. That film offended me. My faith in humanity, already low, was shaken further by otherwise seemingly sane and astute people either saying it was ok or liking it a bit.

Reading this thread made me remember the film exists and that's ruined by bank holiday.

[Blumf]

It will be Victorian Jurassic Park, with John Hammond as a top-hatted industrialist, inviting palaeontologist Richard Owen, Charles Darwin, and Arthur Conan Doyle to his fantastical park on the Isle of Wight, complete with Crystal Palace-style dinosaurs.

You could do some kind of... not body horror... but a thing... where the Victorians clone the dinosaurs, but are offended by the (real, correct) way they come out and then use evil science to force the dinos into the accepted shape of the time.

[mothman]

Peter Capaldi has let himself go.

... wild in Robert Smith's makeup kit?

[purlieu]

The shittest thing about Jurassic World was that it was all in fucking teal and orange yet again.

The thing is, once you've watched the last few Harry Potter films, everything is a full spectrum in comparison.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Fuck, Jurassic World was a shit shit film. Literally offensively bad. That film offended me. My faith in humanity, already low, was shaken further by otherwise seemingly sane and astute people either saying it was ok or liking it a bit.

Reading this thread made me remember the film exists and that's ruined by bank holiday.

It's times like these you remember how many people are just content and compliant with being served a bag of fucking sick if it has the right brand on it. That's how low the bar is now set for entertainment.

Two hours of a bag of fucking sick

Urgh that sounds gross

Exactly

[Hangthebuggers]

It's times like these you remember how many people are just content and compliant with being served a bag of fucking sick if it has the right brand on it. That's how low the bar is now set for entertainment.

Two hours of a bag of fucking sick

Urgh that sounds gross

Exactly

You're saying that like it's the people's fault. When the reality is down to allowing fucking accountants to decide what does or does not make a good popular film. It's basically all down the Hollywood bigwigs listening to the accountants who then go through a load of tick boxes of what defines popularity. Not enough risk. Too many changes to the scripts, too many arse holes. Now it's just a brand rather than anything of any merit.

--

Regarding film brands I'm thinking the new alien film will be 'okay' (the CGI aliens in the trailer annoy me already though. They look too grey, not very solid and it's also weird seeing aliens outside an environment that isn't full of pipes and steam and stuff. However it looks better than the AVP films and Alien 4. The aliens also seem to have lost some of what made them 'alien', now they just look like animals).

However put me in the corner of thinking Star Wars: Rogue one was a very enjoyable watch. Really enjoyed it. So maybe sometimes the film by numbers, big brand stuff does occasionally work. But then again Star Wars had Disney behind them so...

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Rogue One was like devouring a pipe of Pringles, tasty at first as the msg kicked in but everything had to be in motion in case it stopped and everyone actually analysed what the hell was actually happening.

So yes, it was an incredible looking piece of trash that like fast food, gives you a rush of satisfaction, but falls apart under the merest scrutiny.

[Replies From View]

Two hours of a bag of fucking sick

Urgh that sounds gross

Exactly

Gerroff!

Gimme some!

Gerroff!

[Phil_A]

Fuck, Jurassic World was a shit shit film. Literally offensively bad. That film offended me. My faith in humanity, already low, was shaken further by otherwise seemingly sane and astute people either saying it was ok or liking it a bit.

Christ, you're not wrong. Jurassic World was such a genuinely depressing, empty experience. None of the sense of wonder, intrigue or suspense the original had, just a crushing feeling of "Oh, we're doing this again are we?"

It's like going back to a restaurant where you had that one great experience years ago, but instead of the delicious meal you remember they serve you burnt leftovers in a rusty saucepan. "Here you go mate have a lick of that 12 QUID PLEASE"

[Replies From View]

I'll never trust any dinosaur propaganda that insists upon usage of the name "Apatosaurus" rather than "Brontosaurus".  Why the fuck did the cunts change that?

Even if Jurassic World 2 doesn't insist on the more modern and incorrect name, you just know that they quite easily would.  Therefore:  boycotted.

[Hangthebuggers]

So yes, it was an incredible looking piece of trash that like fast food, gives you a rush of satisfaction, but falls apart under the merest scrutiny.

Indeed. But I was using an example of how sequels/prequels in some franchises CAN be rewarding. Jurassic World was crap, soulless and had little or no magic of the original film, whereas the Star Wars film I mentioned was if nothing else enjoyable, fun and visually stunning.

I wasn't saying it's a deep film by any means.

[Thomas]

I'll never trust any dinosaur propaganda that insists upon usage of the name "Apatosaurus" rather than "Brontosaurus".  Why the fuck did the cunts change that?

Even if Jurassic World 2 doesn't insist on the more modern and incorrect name, you just know that they quite easily would.  Therefore:  boycotted.

As you might well know, 'Apatosaurus' was the original name. Later, a specimen was temporarily given the much better name 'Brontosaurus' before people realised that it was just another Apatosaurus.

It's a shame, and it triggered a chain of events that contributed to the failure of Jurassic World.

[greenman]

Rogue One was like devouring a pipe of Pringles, tasty at first as the msg kicked in but everything had to be in motion in case it stopped and everyone actually analysed what the hell was actually happening.

So yes, it was an incredible looking piece of trash that like fast food, gives you a rush of satisfaction, but falls apart under the merest scrutiny.

I'd say the opposite personally, the Force Awakens, recent Trek and a lot of Marvel falls more into this style of film making for me, the action/jokes can never stop because theres really but much else going on.

Rogue One whilst perhaps not the deepest blockbuster ever made was actually willing to take its drama and setting seriously which seems to have become a big no no for a lot of modern genre films.  Much of the time it feels like I'm watching films with a legend gary like individuals oh so amusing dismissive commentary actually added into the script.

[purlieu]

As you might well know, 'Apatosaurus' was the original name. Later, a specimen was temporarily given the much better name 'Brontosaurus' before people realised that it was just another Apatosaurus.

It's a shame, and it triggered a chain of events that contributed to the failure of Jurassic World.

Ah come on now, you must know that recently it's been suggested that the two are actually different species.

[Thomas]

I missed that, but I'm reading about it now and am very glad. Brontosaurus alone can save Jurassic World 2.

[Replies From View]

I'm suspicious.  There's always good news about dinosaurs right before a general election.

[Glebe]

I missed that, but I'm reading about it now and am very glad. Brontosaurus alone can save Jurassic World 2.

*splutter* Brontosaur?! On his own?! Without back-up from the likes of diplodicus?! A nonsense, sir!

I'm suspicious.  There's always good news about dinosaurs right before a general election.

There hasn't been good news for dinosaurs for ages. Literally ages.

[Glebe]

That's your lot.

[purlieu]

"If we quote the first film it might cover up the fact that everything else about this poster is shit"

Fallen Kingdom? Really?

[AsparagusTrevor]

The shittest thing about Jurassic World was that it was all in fucking teal and orange yet again.





ENOUGH of this.  If they could put a few more colours in Jurassic World 2 it'd honestly give the franchise a whole new lease of life.

This era of Hollywood (and television that's using the same aesthetic) is going to date so badly.

I had a go at regrading one of those screenshots to show how much better it could look with a bit of colour left in:

[Sexton Brackets Drugbust]

Didn't realise Guy Fieri's in the film.

[AsparagusTrevor]

Dinos, Drive-ins and Dives

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Dinos, Drive-ins and Dives

Tee hee!

[Replies From View]

Fallen Kingdom? Really?

Maybe it's one of the Lego film series.

[Replies From View]

Why do they keep airbrushing this dude from Jurassic World history?

[AsparagusTrevor]

With the lyrics "he's my friend and a whole lot more" he was probably one of the Yewtree prosecutions.

[Glebe]

Why do they keep airbrushing this dude from Jurassic World history?

He looks like the raddest dinosaur in town!

[Thomas]

If there was any film that didn't need to become a franchise, neither in the first place nor years later in a soulless, blue-tinted revival, it's the perfectly standalone 1993 adaptation of Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park. Which is strange considering that Jurassic Park 5: Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is on the way.

Bad title. Even if it is literally about a physically fallen kingdom, that is a naff title. Do these mythic cinematic subtitles ever manage to pull it off? Or are they always just fucking naff?

[up_the_hampipe]

If there was any film that didn't need to become a franchise, neither in the first place nor years later in a soulless, blue-tinted revival, it's the perfectly standalone 1993 adaptation of Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park.

The Lost World was mint though.