Best songs about masturbating

[armful]

I put forward Hello Kitten by Hefner. Simple and satisfying like the act of masturbation itself

https://youtu.be/2hnbuRXMQG0

[JoeyBananaduck]

Turning Japanese is an obvious one.

She-Bop by Cyndi Lauper.

I always thought the line in Jane Siberry's 'You Don't Need' about 'you don't need any lover, you can get it from yourself' was a fairly overt reference to.

[armful]

Turning Japanese is an obvious one.

She-Bop by Cyndi Lauper.

I always thought the line in Jane Siberry's 'You Don't Need' about 'you don't need any lover, you can get it from yourself' was a fairly overt reference to.

I love She Bop, what a great pop song

[Bronzy]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0rlYSJQkyw

[Phil_A]

Puretone - Addicted To Bass

"There's nothing I can do to be cool
I don't sleep till I've had my fuel
It frustrates if I am deprived
A hunger that grates from deep inside
I feel like I'm doing time
Imprisoned by dependence on a rhythm sublime
In my mind I must overcome the need to define
The solitary silence of a faceless crime"

Possibly also Superblast! by Lush.

"I'm in my home all the time, on my own
Low finger fine, take what's mine, from behind"

Filth!

[Dr Rock]

Diana Ross - I'm Coming Out

I'm coming out
I'm coming
I'm coming out
I'm coming out
I'm coming out

I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show
I'm coming out
I want the world to know
I got to let it show

There's a new me coming out
And I just had to live
And I wanna give
I'm completely positive
I think this time around
I am gonna do it
Like you never knew it
Ooh, I'll make it through

The time has come for me
To break out of this shell
I have to shout
That I am coming out

I'm coming out
I want the world to know
I got to let it show
I'm coming
I'm (coming out) coming
(I want the world to know)
(I got to let it show)

I've got to show the world
All that I wanna be
And all my abilities
There's so much more to me
Somehow, I have to make them
Just understand
I got it well in hand
And, oh, how I've planned
I'm spreadin' love
There is no need to fear
And I just feel so good
Everytime I hear

I'm coming out
Coming
(I want the world to know)
(I got to let it show)
I'm coming out
I want the world to know
I got to let it show

[Instrumental Interlude]

I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show.... scat to end

[drummersaredeaf]

A more oblique one - Thinking Of You by A Perfect Circle. Specifically about masturbating to the thought of having anal sex.

Lying all alone and restless
Unable to lose this image
Sleepless, unable to focus on
Anything but your surrender

Tugging a rhythm to the vision that's in my head
Tugging a beat to the sight of you lying
So delighted with a new understanding
Something about a little evil that makes that
Unmistakable noise I was hearing
Unmistakable sound that I know so well
Spent and sighing with a look in your eye
Spent and sighing with a look on your face like
Sweet revelation, sweet surrender

[non capisco]

I love the opening line of Elvis Costello's 'Welcome To The Working Week'. "Now that your picture's in the paper/Being rhythmically admired". Rhythmically admired!! First song on his first album, what a line to kick off a career.

[thraxx]

[Brundle-Fly]

The great lost The Beat single, Hit It. Christ, they were brilliant.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ks_bamhVbhU

Senseless up and down we go
Six thousand million, million times a pushing
It's a crisis point that comes then goes
But who care, who cares I'm so quick that I can't tell the difference

Auto erotic well, you could not be in better hands
Try to accept when it comes down to love
You please yourself

Auto erotic people laugh so hard to understand
Learn to expect that
That only you see
You don't need them either

No defense no self control, ten thousand days and it's not brave
It still remains so empty no desire to feel at home
It's no help stand back, just relax and hand it to yourself

You'll either take to heart what people say
Or toss it all away

Make yourself dance
Make yourself dance
Make yourself dance

Round and round and round it goes
Six thousand million, million times for nothing
It's a crisis point too hard to hold
But who care, who cares nobody's there so no one know the difference

Just jump and prance until you dance
And I will hold you in my charms
'Cos I'm the man in the bowler hat
And I can be your acrobat now c'mon baby just like that

You've got it right it's just like that
Now clap your hands flap your feet
You're gonna rock it and shock it
Right through the street hey

Get down, get down, get down, get down, get down
Get down, get down, get down, get down, get down

Autoerotic well you could not be in better hands
Try to accept that when it comes down to love
You please yourself

Auto erotic people laugh
So hard to understand
That only you see
You don't need them either

Dream are so much nicer than real things
When it comes down to love you please yourself
People laugh so hard to understand
That only you see you don't need them either

Auto erotic, auto erotic
Auto erotic, auto erotic, hit it

[thraxx]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2Mi995ggFU

[Brundle-Fly]

Pictures Of Lily - The Who
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BmkBroiw1s

[Norton Canes]

For some reason the Peter and the Test Tube Babies song Vicars Wank Too popped into my head about half an hour ago. Am I now channeling CaB psychically?

[shiftwork2]

Lucky Man by The Verve.

[wosl]

Fleetwood Mac - Rattlesnake Shake

[Catalogue Trousers]

Obvious, but what the hell.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqJHoZBJYxI

[zomgmouse]

Pretty much anything by The Cockwranglers, who are a band I just made up whose songs all contain reference to or are overtly about masturbation:

"On the Jerk"
"Up and Down Like a Steam Engine Piston (and Also a Cock)"
"Some People Twirl (But I Don't)"
"Wringing Out Your Dirty Laundry"
"Bullet"
"Throw Yourself a Bone"
"A Quick One While They're All Away (feat. John Entwistle)"
"Rub Rub Rub Three Men in My Head While I Rub My Cunt"
"I Love Wank"
"Pull It Down, Stretch It Out"

and many more

[Black_Bart]

I'm a wanker by Ivor Biggun.

[BlodwynPig]

Rolf Harris covering The Divinyls - I Touch Myself

[holyzombiejesus]

The Buzzcocks' Orgasm Addict.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2Mi995ggFU

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

Pictures Of Lily - The Who
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BmkBroiw1s

Townshend was curiously preoccupied with masturbation in 1967.  The lyrics to Mary Anne with the Shaky Hand are rather ambiguous, but I've always assumed that the titular heroine's affliction was brought about by excessive onanism: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcfDSA7hyHg

[SpiderChrist]

Eve's Volcano - Julian Cope

In my hands I got all that I own
In my hands I got nothing at all
My arms start pumping
My fists do it too

If my hard leaves a taste in your mouth
Call that safe, no taste at all
My feet start running
My eyes do it too
And all this happens for you

Doo doo doo doo doo
I can't seem to win
My heart starts beating and I'm covered with sin
Doo doo doo doo doo
I can't seem to win
My heart starts beating and I'm covered with sin

[Petey Pate]

Mr Bungle - Girls of Porn.

[Black_Bart]

Jizz Lobber - FNM

[studpuppet]

"It really doesn't matter if it's raining or it's fine..."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rxkwy3WY0I

[Head Gardener]

Jellyfish : He's My Best Friend

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmlubhrI7Dc

sample lyrics

I've known him all my life
It seems so inconceivable
At thirteen we shooks hands but we've been always inseparable
He's cinnamon on my toast, we're so close

My hands a five leaf clover
It's psalm Sunday over and over
I never had the luck of swingers
Til' I was wrapped around your finger

[Ambient Sheep]

New Order's A Perfect Kiss:

   I have often thought about, staying here and going out^[1]
   Tonight I should have stayed at home, playing with my pleasure zone.

has been claimed to be the first song including lines about masturbation ever to be sung on Top of the Pops, but I suppose that depends on whether or not TOTP ever featured the aforementioned She-Bop, doesn't it?  Or any of those other songs...

(Apologies for no video link - this machine has once more taken to locking up whenever I try to hit Youtube.)


_{1.  I always thought it was "staying in and going out" but the internet tells me I'm wrong.}

[armful]

The Buzzcocks' Orgasm Addict.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2Mi995ggFU

How could I forget this. Something creepy about watching them play that song these days

[Gulftastic]

Prince's 'Tamborine',

'Oh my God here you are
Prettiest thing in life I've ever seen
Close my eyes what's it like
What's it like inside your tambourine?
Oh my God, there I go
Falling in love with the face in a magazine (uh oh, not again)
All alone by myself
Me and I play my tambourine'

[buzby]

New Order's A Perfect Kiss:

   I have often thought about, staying here and going out^[1]
   Tonight I should have stayed at home, playing with my pleasure zone.

_{1.  I always thought it was "staying in and going out" but the internet tells me I'm wrong.}

The internet is a load of shite - it's "staying in and going out" in the official "1981-89" sheet music book.

Strict Machine has Goldfrapp declaring her love for her vibrator.
Although not lyrically obviously about onanism, the video for Uniting Nations' 'Do It Yourself' featured head and shoulders shots of people fapping off https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VYQFFYWr3H8