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Best songs about masturbating

Started by armful, May 14, 2017, 06:52:09 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Sexton Brackets Drugbust

Dare - Gorillaz

Thinking About You - Radiohead

Ambient Sheep

Quote from: buzby on May 15, 2017, 06:18:54 PM
The internet is a load of shite - it's "staying in and going out" in the official "1981-89" sheet music book.

Which I actually have, come to think of it.

Just not here.

I know in the early days of lyric sites they were filled with howlers, filled up as they were by overenthusiastic teenagers with bad hearing and overactive imaginations, but I was under the clearly-mistaken impression that most of their mistakes had all been cleared up by now.

The thing is, being unable to listen to the track at the moment, I did google search both variants and "staying in" appeared to get none at all (although given how shite Google is these days, that may well not be true), so that's quite impressively wrong then.

buzby

Quote from: Ambient Sheep on May 15, 2017, 07:20:32 PM
Which I actually have, come to think of it.

Just not here.

I know in the early days of lyric sites they were filled with howlers, filled up as they were by overenthusiastic teenagers with bad hearing and overactive imaginations, but I was under the clearly-mistaken impression that most of their mistakes had all been cleared up by now.

The thing is, being unable to listen to the track at the moment, I did google search both variants and "staying in" appeared to get none at all (although given how shite Google is these days, that may well not be true), so that's quite impressively wrong then.
It's correct in the isong database on NewOrderOnline, which although not official is the next best thing.
It really annoys me when you get people from overseas arguing toss about lyrics  that feature local colloquialisms or obscure UK culturall refefences (like The Fall or HMHB songs). One example is in 'Bury', where MES has a line 'used to stop draughts in glass-fronted Barratt homes', but the online lyrics sites have it down a 'art' or even worse AERT (some US recycled building material company) when he's clearly saying Barratt.

Xaviera Hollander's "My Faithful Friend", which also belongs in the small-but-wonderful genre of music where the lyrics are simultaneously sung and spoken:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGkNCc77pQQ

Ray Travez


Ambient Sheep

Quote from: buzby on May 15, 2017, 07:53:48 PMIt's correct in the isong database on NewOrderOnline, which although not official is the next best thing.

Thanks for the info. :-)


Quote from: buzby on May 15, 2017, 07:53:48 PMIt really annoys me when you get people from overseas arguing toss about lyrics  that feature local colloquialisms or obscure UK culturall refefences (like The Fall or HMHB songs). One example is in 'Bury', where MES has a line 'used to stop draughts in glass-fronted Barratt homes', but the online lyrics sites have it down a 'art' or even worse AERT (some US recycled building material company) when he's clearly saying Barratt.

Oh Christ, I know.  Brings back horrible memories from Fidonet days (and early internet days too) of pompous Americans trying to lay down the law on what Roger Waters' irate schoolmaster is screaming at the end of Another Brick in the Wall (Part II) and various other Floyd-isms that they were getting utterly wrong.  Thankfully too long ago to remember exactly what they were.  But it's one reason that I never joined any online Floyd forums in their infancy, it wasn't good for my blood pressure.

Most of them have been sorted now, but having said that, there's one prolific myth about one bit of Floyd spoken dialogue that bugs the living fuck out of me, and it's somehow even made Wikipedia based on nothing more than some shitty forum post by some clearly ignorant bloke who must have been stoned out of his mind while speculating about it.

Although I'm not 100% clear about it, I am almost certain I know what it is (an obscure reference to something we all know and love) and I have never seen it anywhere else on the internet... and one day I hope to get around to writing an almost-futile fan letter to RW to ask him if it is what I think it is, before he dies.  Otherwise the utter bollocks version will go down in history, in Wikipedia's consensus reality, forever.

I'll start a thread about it when that day comes.


Hugh Jass

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gerogerigegege

The best masturbation themed band, or at least the best Japanese masturbation band.

Janie Jones

St Swithin's Day by Billy Bragg contains the rather cringey line
'With my own hands, when I make love to your memory, it's not the same...'

armful

Quote from: Janie Jones on May 16, 2017, 09:48:11 AM
St Swithin's Day by Billy Bragg contains the rather cringey line
'With my own hands, when I make love to your memory, it's not the same...'



Haha  forgot about that, quite a pretty song those lyrics aside


another Mr. Lizard

Quote from: SpiderChrist on May 15, 2017, 12:40:23 PM
Eve's Volcano - Julian Cope

In my hands I got all that I own
In my hands I got nothing at all
My arms start pumping
My fists do it too



Mention of the Archdrude in this context reminds me of one of his best quotes, from the inner sleeve of 'Interpreter'  - "more Rob Tyner, less knobshiner". Words to live by.

All Surrogate


armful


Epic Bisto

Quote from: Hugh Jass on May 16, 2017, 04:55:09 AM
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gerogerigegege

The best masturbation themed band, or at least the best Japanese masturbation band.


I almost started a Gerogerigegege thread on Sunday, but my kindle buggered up and I lost whatever I wrote. They are funny as fuck, especially the "Live Greatest Hits" CD. Gawd bless ya, Gero 30, wherever you may wank!



Cloud


Crabwalk

I've always suspected that Kunt and the Gang's 'Have a Wank' might be about masturbation.


Black_Bart

This popped into my mind, I heard it on Peel (or I might have dreamt it): PDQ with Masturbation Made a Mess Out of Me.

WestHill

high and mighty - hands on experience pt 2 ft Kool Keith, Bobbito & What? What? (Jean Grae)

https://youtu.be/fA3DV2hageg

hedgehog90


Jockice

Not Teenage Kicks. Definitely not.

Brundle-Fly

It's funny only young people can get away with songs like this. Imagine if Deptford's finest released this now? Urrrrgh!

Squeeze - Touching Me, Touching You
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-a6pb9fwr0

Sebastian Cobb

There was a local band called Puffy who had a song with the chorus 'it's not as if I'm a mass wanker, I just do it every now and then' I saw them perform it at some live show (a couple of bands under a small gazeebo and a maplin pa ran off a generator) at a skate park when I was about 12. I heard of them several years later when a friend who was into the sort of greaser stuff the people in big jeans who hung around skate parks but didn't skate listened to played me it on his portable cd player so perhaps they got a release, perhaps they just recorded it on a tascam portastudio.

hedgehog90

Quote from: Brundle-Fly on May 14, 2017, 09:33:09 PM
The great lost The Beat single, Hit It. Christ, they were brilliant.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ks_bamhVbhU

Senseless up and down we go
Six thousand million, million times a pushing
It's a crisis point that comes then goes
But who care, who cares I'm so quick that I can't tell the difference

Auto erotic well, you could not be in better hands
Try to accept when it comes down to love
You please yourself

Auto erotic people laugh so hard to understand
Learn to expect that
That only you see
You don't need them either

No defense no self control, ten thousand days and it's not brave
It still remains so empty no desire to feel at home
It's no help stand back, just relax and hand it to yourself

You'll either take to heart what people say
Or toss it all away

Make yourself dance
Make yourself dance
Make yourself dance

Round and round and round it goes
Six thousand million, million times for nothing
It's a crisis point too hard to hold
But who care, who cares nobody's there so no one know the difference

Just jump and prance until you dance
And I will hold you in my charms
'Cos I'm the man in the bowler hat
And I can be your acrobat now c'mon baby just like that

You've got it right it's just like that
Now clap your hands flap your feet
You're gonna rock it and shock it
Right through the street hey

Get down, get down, get down, get down, get down
Get down, get down, get down, get down, get down

Autoerotic well you could not be in better hands
Try to accept that when it comes down to love
You please yourself

Auto erotic people laugh
So hard to understand
That only you see
You don't need them either

Dream are so much nicer than real things
When it comes down to love you please yourself
People laugh so hard to understand
That only you see you don't need them either

Auto erotic, auto erotic
Auto erotic, auto erotic, hit it


Did you know Saxa their cool old sax player died earlier this month?
Dude played with Desmond Dekker and Prince Buster.
It was only through this thread and consequently googling The Beat that I found out.
Anyway, RIP Saxa.
Sorry to commemorate him in such in appropriate thread, dedicated to the discussion of songs which describe or make reference to an appalling, some say sinful act*.

*An act whereby a hand manipulates a thick hard willy until it does a big spunk up.