Worst live comedy performance you've ever seen

[CaledonianGonzo]

• Raising the back of his T-shirt collar over his head so his face was sticking through and shouting "I fucked a pig!" in a Texan accent

Very much still in the repertoire of his club set.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

[Stonefish]

Stewart Lee's done something like that before, hasn't he

Only thing that comes to mind is when he performed as Baconface.

And the poor lad who supported Johnny Vegas - couldn't get a break, but just about saved it with a masterful response to a heckle, a response so good that Vegas carried it on during his set.

Sounds interesting, can you remember the details?

[yesitsme]

Only thing that comes to mind is when he performed as Baconface.

Sounds interesting, can you remember the details?

Yeah, I was thinking that too.  Was this the original Frog and Bucket ear Vegas?  I remember when I was just starting out JV was doing a small tour and took a total wazzock around with him as warm up.  His main joke was the 'he was full of beans this morning!' gag but he also used to put a pan on his head and sing 'Give PEAS a chance'.  He was truly awful and Vegas could have only took him a) out of sympathy or b) to make him look good.

Saw Johnny misfire quite a few times but it never really bothered him.  He was such a force of nature that even if the crowd didn't get/like him he just powered through them.

If it's the same lad I saw him do a 'funny words in the dictionary' set that truly did die on its arse.  As he left the stage in total silence he left the dictionary behind. Smug Roberts (the compere) picked it up, threw it to him and said 'Look the word 'shit' up in that.'  Got a better laugh than this guy's set.

[Dannyhood91]

I once saw a bloke doing a set in a mostly empty bar in Huddersfield, he was announced by one of the comics, who had been very funny, as one of his friends but it was his first time on stage and he assured the few of us there that it he was very funny.

He wasn't very funny.

This poor guy was pissing himself with nerves. He stood in the same stance, hand in pocket, reading jokes off of fucking cards, one of these was "I'm so good at sex that when I'm finished my neighbors need a cigarette." It was read with all the enthusiasm of dying dog. I suppose it could have been some anti humour Tim and Eric sort of act but I doubt it.

Absolute pits

[mcharsley]

Very much still in the repertoire of his club set.

That's a shame as I had remembered it as part of his breakdown, and I preferred that.

I once saw a bloke doing a set in a mostly empty bar in Huddersfield

My pal (who isn't funny) did a five-minute set above a bowling alley in Huddersfield in front of about six people. Surprised I didn't think of that before Phil Nichol really.

[DrGreggles]

I don't think WiP shows can really count as the worst gigs as they are, by their very nature, going to be rather ramshackle. OK, some WiPs are far better than others but, even the shit ones, are forgivable IMHO.

'Finished' shows that you've been charged full price for, are less forgivable.
Particularly when, despite it not being a WiP, the performer is still reading from notes and generally stumbling over the already shoddy material.

Anyway, to answer the original question, Phill Jupitus.

[Shit Good Nose]

Sounds interesting, can you remember the details?

Yeah, I was thinking that too.  Was this the original Frog and Bucket ear Vegas?  I remember when I was just starting out JV was doing a small tour and took a total wazzock around with him as warm up.  His main joke was the 'he was full of beans this morning!' gag but he also used to put a pan on his head and sing 'Give PEAS a chance'.  He was truly awful and Vegas could have only took him a) out of sympathy or b) to make him look good.

Saw Johnny misfire quite a few times but it never really bothered him.  He was such a force of nature that even if the crowd didn't get/like him he just powered through them.

If it's the same lad I saw him do a 'funny words in the dictionary' set that truly did die on its arse.  As he left the stage in total silence he left the dictionary behind. Smug Roberts (the compere) picked it up, threw it to him and said 'Look the word 'shit' up in that.'  Got a better laugh than this guy's set.

Sadly I don't remember the guy's name or the heckle response, however I don't think it's the guy you're talking about yesitsme - the guy I saw was very much a standard comedian with no props or odd "hook".

But it was during JV's one and only (to date) full and proper tour of the UK as a "known" head-lining comedian.  So this would have been when he was already famous, probably in between Shooting Stars and 18 Stone of Idiot.  Location was the Chapel (then Windows) Arts Centre in Bath.  Johnny himself was brilliant - it remains one of the most memorable (if not funniest) stand-up shows I've ever been to.