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I hate Bear Grylls

Started by SpiderChrist, May 14, 2017, 09:40:21 PM

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im barry bethel

Ed Stafford is watchable, if you like seeing a bloke bollock naked on an island for a month

doppelkorn

Quote from: yesitsme on May 16, 2017, 04:58:38 PM
Was that the one where he went swimming in croc infested rivers?  The bloke with him assuring him that they weren't 'bitey' at this time of year and as we know nature recognises and respects the cult of celebrity.

You first pal.

You first.

I wrote about it a bit in the guilty TV pleasures thread. It's one of those things where, in ten years, you'll wonder if you dreamt it. It was prime-time Sunday night stuff but nobody apparently watched it except me and my wife.

Basically it was Bake Off for fishing.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Alpha Course fraud cunt who should be subsumed in an avalanche and then survive to be kicked the shit out of by some hard men from Pontefract.

Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth

Quote from: checkoutgirl on May 16, 2017, 04:54:12 PM
Mears is likable, Grills is dislikable. Don't know why.
What little personality Mears seems to possess does at least seem to have a genuine interest in sharing his knowledge of the subject. Grylls just seems like a smug show off.

Mr Eggs

Quote from: doppelkorn on May 16, 2017, 08:15:09 PM
I wrote about it a bit in the guilty TV pleasures thread. It's one of those things where, in ten years, you'll wonder if you dreamt it. It was prime-time Sunday night stuff but nobody apparently watched it except me and my wife.

Basically it was Bake Off for fishing.

I bet you are so gay for Jeremy Wade that you make your wife wear petzl head torches at night.

colacentral

Quote from: mothman on May 16, 2017, 02:44:49 PM
I'm not sure I'd put it in quite those terms - they really are very good, genuine friends who've helped me with some pretty serious shit at work - but yeah.

Given the last time we all went for one of our occasional country hikes, a six-mile walk turned by bad navigation into a nine-mile walk, that'd probably be a death sentence...

Did you keep them entertained with mau-mau?

mothman

I don't understand the reference.

Captain Poodle Basher

Quote from: im barry bethel on May 16, 2017, 07:33:03 PM
Ed Stafford is watchable, if you like seeing a bloke bollock naked on an island for a month

Les Stroud is the only one I've any time for and he had to retire as the actual sheer hell of the daily grind of finding food, shelter and water fucked him up so much. The trouble with the 'real life' approach on his "Survivorman" series was that, well, not much happened as it was all about conserving energy.

It was one hell of a contrast between Les' "Find water, stay the fuck next to it whatever you do and hope to Christ someone comes and rescues you" and Grylls "Here's a shit-infused puddle for me to drink from before climbing that cliff over there for no other reason that it'll make me look good on the heli-cam footage."

Norton Canes

Who's the little baldy guy that went off to stay with remote tribespeople each week? Not exactly survivalism but it was a good watch, especially the one where he took psychoactive substances up the Amazon delta.

yesitsme

I once saw one of those Aussie arseholes 'suddenly' spot a snake slithering through the bush.  He took off after it and dived head first in to a billabong, emerging seconds later with the creature held aloft like a thin, 8ft long FA Cup.

I'm sure it was 100% legit, all of it.  The snake spotting, the head first plunge into an unfamiliar pond and the underwater pythong wrangling.  All of it.

Nae wunner that Steve Irwin got croaked.

jobotic

Quote from: Norton Canes on May 17, 2017, 09:38:38 AM
Who's the little baldy guy that went off to stay with remote tribespeople each week? Not exactly survivalism but it was a good watch, especially the one where he took psychoactive substances up the Amazon delta.

Bruce Parry. He wasn't bald.

Who was the bloke who stayed on Vancouver Island hiding from bears and going mad? Quite enjoyed that.

greenman

Any truth to the rumour that every stunt Grills does he has a Sherpa do first?

yesitsme

Quote from: jobotic on May 17, 2017, 10:10:02 AM
...Who was the bloke who stayed on Vancouver Island hiding from bears and going mad? Quite enjoyed that.

Oh my god that was HILARIOUS!  Me and my dad watched it with tears in our eyes.

The plane hadn't even made it to the horizon and he was blubbing.  That bit where he fights through a clearing only to find he's at the top of a 500ft ravine was an all time TV classic moment.

Almost as funny as when David Jason did that diving with sharks thing.  They just threw his wetsuit in the sea after that.

Norton Canes

Quote from: jobotic on May 17, 2017, 10:10:02 AM
Bruce Parry. He wasn't bald

Hey, you're right. Mandela effect there.

doppelkorn

Quote from: Mr Eggs on May 17, 2017, 03:32:17 AM
I bet you are so gay for Jeremy Wade that you make your wife wear petzl head torches at night.

He's not got half the panache of Robson Green, but Wade KNOWS HIS RODS. I make no apologies for finding him deeply alluring.

doppelkorn

Haha lure like a bird's lure

Shit Good Nose

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on May 16, 2017, 03:41:11 PM
Fogle's a bigger prick than Grylls mate.

I'm not having that - Fogle once said hello to me unprompted when I was cycling home from work.  He is also an incredibly, and effortlessly, handsome fella.  And I'm straight.


But yeah - Bruce Parry's a good lad.  Bear Grylls just stays in luxury hotels eating caviar and drinking champers after thrusting a bunch of cunts into a lord of the flies situation.

mothman

Fogle, I'm not sure how I feel about. He's a reasonably competent TV presenter. It just feels like he's not got much to bring to the table - Mears, raised by wolves or something; Grylls, SAS or something; Parry, he'll do what it takes, however unpleasant. Fogle's done better than most who came up from reality TV, and on the one hand it's admirable how he's kept plugging away, but on the other I tend to regard anyone who is prepared to do so much, to become & stay famous, as inherently suspicious and not to be trusted. Plus I'm reasonably certain he's a Tory.

yesitsme

Fogle's from the interview school of repeating your statments back to you in question form.

'I came here just after I caused the globabl financial meltdown'
'You came here after you caused the global financial meltdown?'
'That's right, I packed my kids off to a £100,000 p.a. boarding school in New Zealand and me and my solicitor wife started fucking pigmys in the Amazon soon after that.'
'So, after you'd packed the kids off you and your wife.....etc etc.'

See also Davina, Lorraine and Wossy.

im barry bethel

Quote from: Shit Good Nose on May 17, 2017, 12:23:36 PM
I'm not having that - Fogle once said hello to me unprompted when I was cycling home from work.  He is also an incredibly, and effortlessly, handsome fella.  And I'm straight.

Hasn't he called his nippers Sebastian or Ludvic or Henrietta or something, if that doesn't mark his card as a nob then doing a shit tea bag ad shuuuurley does

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VnAKlZoSCsI

shiftwork2

The spiritual father of Bear Grylls is of course Sir Ranulph Fiennes, a man of longstanding amusement to me.  Both are Etonian chaps of privilege rebelling against their mollycoddled upbringing with not a little overcompensation.  It's not so much admirable as a bit sad.  You climbed that did you mate, we are ridiculously impressed with it all.  Did you fuck it after you climbed it as well?

They're famous for going on holiday.

doppelkorn

Ranulph Fiennes chopped of his frostbitten fingers with a spade.

What have you done?

im barry bethel

Trouble with all these professional explorers/adventurers is it's all been done before, fist man to the south poll - first man to the south poll with no huskeys - first man to the south poll solo and with no huskeys, all that's left is first man to the south poll solo with no huskeys walking backwards wearing clown shoes on a Thursday.

Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth

Quote from: doppelkorn on May 17, 2017, 07:56:17 PM
Ranulph Fiennes chopped of his frostbitten fingers with a spade.

What have you done?
Avoided getting frostbite. Thus I win.

shiftwork2

Quote from: doppelkorn on May 17, 2017, 07:56:17 PM
What have you done?

I've been on holiday a good few times and avoided 'unnecessarily nay wilfully dangerous', unless you count Southport.  I've done a few Canadian winters that got down to -40C but I invested in thermals, a big parka and er gloves.  Got all me fingers mate.

Twit 2

I ate half a pork pie on a sandbank.

jobotic

Remember that advert Fogle did for his programme, in which he said

"I didn't make them, they wanted to"

in a very sinister fashion.

yesitsme

#57
O
Quote from: shiftwork2 on May 17, 2017, 06:19:08 PM
The spiritual father of Bear Grylls is of course Sir Ranulph Fiennes, a man of longstanding amusement to me.  Both are Etonian chaps of privilege rebelling against their mollycoddled upbringing with not a little overcompensation.  It's not so much admirable as a bit sad.  You climbed that did you mate, we are ridiculously impressed with it all.  Did you fuck it after you climbed it as well?

They're famous for going on holiday.

Oh yes!  I've been saying this for ages.  What he basically does is make you sit through 'This is me with a Sherpa we met', 'This is us with another Sherpa we met', 'This is the Sherpas we met - I took that one', 'This is me with frostbite' and 'that's one of Sasquatch I took to use up the film'. 

Exploring? Exploring what?  Risking the lives of your crew unnecessarily just so you can come back and tell us how you jacked the SAS fighty fighty boom boom but kept up the skiing, sailing and banging the natives part?

Probably at our expense too you upper class twit.

greenman

Quote from: im barry bethel on May 17, 2017, 08:38:24 PM
fist man to the south poll

Now Oats walking out makes more sense.

spamwangler

Quote from: doppelkorn on May 17, 2017, 07:56:17 PM
Ranulph Fiennes chopped of his frostbitten fingers with a spade.

What have you done?

wouldn't not chopping parts off your body off make you more of a survivalist?

so far more bits of my body have survived than that fiennes bloke, therefore so far in the lead

EDIT replyed before reading claudes post didnt i?