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Bovine Tom.

Started by Glebe, May 16, 2017, 05:31:38 PM

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Glebe

Bovine Tom leaves the cooker and telly on when he goes on holiday.

canadagoose

I can't stop imagining Tom Baker doing this now.

Mr Eggs


pancreas

[tag] Bovine Tom gonna Be choppes [/tag]

BlodwynPig

Bovine Tom wanders in the dusk. You can see he's naked but the gloomy copse backdrop provides gravitas

Glebe

Our Tom puts the cat out. He doesn't have a cat.

JoeyBananaduck

Bovine Tom's bedroom is strewn with shit-filled socks. He doesn't like movies and thinks videogames are for woofters and dweebs.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: JoeyBananaduck on May 16, 2017, 10:53:54 PM
Bovine Tom's bedroom is strewn with shit-filled socks. He doesn't like movies and thinks videogames are for woofters and dweebs.

Pray tell, what does Bovine Tom do in his spare time then?


Quincey

Bovine Tom spends Monday nights watching Legend Gary flash motorists and other weekday evenings shitting into socks.

Glebe

Bovine Tom phones up Kwik Fit and demands that they come round and fix his mobile phone.

Bazooka

Bovine Tom keeps giving people lifts, speeds through cameras and makes them take the points.

JoeyBananaduck

Quote from: BlodwynPig on May 17, 2017, 08:26:25 AM
Pray tell, what does Bovine Tom do in his spare time then?

Shits into socks.

Glebe

Bovine Tom, quiet down, mate! The machine can't hear you, and you've got several unexpected items in there!

Glebe

BT opens a bank account and puts milk in it.

Glebe

What's that, Tom? You don't think gays should be allowed on telly and radio? Oh Tom, shut up and finish your stale pastie!

Glebe

Bovine Tom mows his neighbour's driveway.

Glebe

Bovine Tom polishes off two occasional tables - with a bedside lamp for afters!

Glebe

Bovine Tom has an iguana called Fred. He keeps it in a bumbag.

Glebe

Bovine Tom gives Mental Tim a call. On his Fisher Price phone.

Glebe

Bovine Tom puts some broth on the boil and goes and has a ten-hour Game of Thrones marathon while the house burns down.

BlodwynPig

Bovine Tom reads about the death of Sir Bruce Forsyth and snorts. A deep, sonorous snort.

Glebe

STAND! SIT! That's Tom's exercises done for the month!

Glebe

Bovine Tom uses Bovril instead of tarmac.

Glebe

Bove attempts to break the world record for bongo drumming with a swish and a flourish and a "Hear yea! Hear yea!"

Glebe

Tom slams his nutsack down on an oak tabletop belonging to Captain Figwigs-Jarvis.

Glebe

Tom's nephew Tim sends him some semtex for Christmas.

zomgmouse

Tom draws a smiling face on a Christmas card every year and sends it to his uncle (his last remaining relative) but he forgets the address and every year the card goes undelivered. His uncle sends him bacon in the post but even this becomes a rarity as he gets peeved with the lack of Christmas cards.

Glebe

Tom buys a dodgem car and goes round and round on a roundabout near his home in Dumfries.

Glebe

BT initiates a clandestine affair with his neighbours' dachshund. It lasts five years and ends amicably.

Glebe

Bovine Tom pays a 'lady of the night' to slowly remove his hat and tickle his ear-bobs! This is performed thrice-weekly, at a cost of two quid a time. Nice work if you can find it - and yes, I'm looking at you, Mavis!