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March 28, 2024, 02:32:05 PM

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Fray Bentos Pies

Started by Mr Brightside, May 21, 2017, 01:38:12 AM

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Mr Brightside

The full moon beams brightly. There is a soft wind that rustles through the trees. You are deep in the dark woods, walking slowly. From afar, you can hear chanting. Through the foliage, in the distance, there is brightness. You walk some more. You come to a clearing. The brightness is a fire. Dancing around the fire are three witches, each wearing a Chicago Bulls shirt. The fire's light casts shadows on their leathery, creviced faces. They have haunting eyes and long, crooked noses. What are they chanting? You walk closer to hear better and understand their unholy mantra.

Grey horses eyes. Fray Bentos Pies.
Mother always lies. Grandma coughs and dies.
Circus clown and juggler. Naughty heroin smuggler.
You wish you could hold her and hug her. Another reluctant struggler.


The witches stop dancing and chanting. They look at you. One points into the trees. You step back into the trees and walk deeper until you are walking up stairs. At the top of the stairs, you know that you are on the landing of your childhood home. Cackling comes from mother's bedroom. You walk along the creaky landing and push open her door. It is not mother in the bed, but a clown wearing Playboy bunny ears. He tells you his lips are painted with blood and his white face makeup is ground human bone. His eyebrows are drawn on with Sharpie marker. He beckons you to lie next to him in bed. Though you don't want to, you do. The clown grabs your head, shoves you under the covers, and farts. The fart smells of shit and egg.

You force your head above the covers and find that you are no longer in mother's room. This new room has a large window on the wall to your left. You are lying now in a single bed sans clown. You cannot move. One arm burns, then all of you. You are sorry.

JoeyBananaduck

Steak and ale flavour. Mmmm!

NoSleep

The leftover tin is the beginnings of a banjo.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Find Fray Bentos in the nuclear fallout shelter supplies section of your local Carsija, along with:

Alan Renton's Canned Alternates
Wally's Wangers
Mash Effect 2
Dehydrates Supreme
Frankie Dettori's Canned Pizza "Issa likea Nonna inna canna"
Glazed Condensements
Bunged Quark
Liver Shibboleths
Easington "1943" Dinner
"Git Danyah"
Poffed Rask
Halifax Premium Rind
Barry's "Contents"

Glebe

Can we sit around and eat Fray Bentos Pies, while they're being flattened, like flies...