Do you "do anal"?

[Kane Jones]

A question for those who indulge regularly: what level of prep is actually involved? A good emptying and a thorough wipe goes without saying, but is a rinsing out (douching?) also necessary? And as for lubing - applied to the orifice? The probe? Both? If the orifice, pushed in with a finger, or merely applied to the exterior? And done in advance in the bathroom along with the cleaning, or there and then in the bedroom immediately before insertion?

It's all of this admin that puts me off more than anything else, really. In truth there's no real ick factor, but what I like about sex in the hand and the vagina and, with a prevailing wind, mouth, is that there's very little involved in setting things up before agreeing upon a plan and then putting it into action. Anal seems like it would involve pre-flight checks.

I've never had to deal with any of the stuff you mention. If my wife wants it up her bum-bum, she tends to just drag my old chap out of one hole and stick it in the other. No messing around. It's lubed already. Up it goes. Lovely.

As for all this 'douching' nonsense... You're all too squeamish. As my old Scout Leader used to say; "It's just a bit of shit."

[thenoise]

Does your hole have hair that could be trimmed? My cheeks are covered in a fine, downy fluff, but my actual sphincter is smooth as, well, a baby's sphincter. And I'd know.

I've always had an ample bum-beard, which makes anal hygiene a struggle I can tell you.  Hairy legs in general but the real concentration is around the bull's-eye itself, long dark hairs growing outwards in a ring starting about 2cm from the pucker itself (which, like you say, is smooth).  But it's close enough to get all winnetted up should I do a sloppy one.  My arse looks a lot like Noel Edmonds' face, actually.  If he started smoking dirty cigars.

Nobody has ever offered to fuck my arse, funnily enough.

[buttgammon]

A question for those who indulge regularly: what level of prep is actually involved? A good emptying and a thorough wipe goes without saying, but is a rinsing out (douching?) also necessary? And as for lubing - applied to the orifice? The probe? Both? If the orifice, pushed in with a finger, or merely applied to the exterior? And done in advance in the bathroom along with the cleaning, or there and then in the bedroom immediately before insertion?

It's all of this admin that puts me off more than anything else, really. In truth there's no real ick factor, but what I like about sex in the hand and the vagina and, with a prevailing wind, mouth, is that there's very little involved in setting things up before agreeing upon a plan and then putting it into action. Anal seems like it would involve pre-flight checks.

I'm going to be honest and say I don't know what my girlfriend does beforehand, all I know is she's the only person I've ever had anal sex with and there's never been any shit residue or anything. I know she 'cleans' but I don't know what that entails - maybe just a going over in the shower?

We put lube on both, but getting the correct ratio is tricky sometimes; it's easy to use so much that it just slides out. It has to be inserted slowly to stop her basically getting split in two, so another thing to consider is that it has to be hard enough to withstand such a slow insertion, or else you might be flaccid before you're fully in. I wouldn't even think about it before being rock hard.

[Shay Chaise]

We have a laminated step-by-step guide for 'Jolly Roger' which we both go through to the letter and double check. Accoutrements include WD40, talcum powder and a splint made from an ice lolly stick. Once I'm in, though, it's like connecting directly to her 'monkey mind', as the Buddhists would say. She once blew her eggs so hard she started speaking Crimean Gothic! I think the best part of it is that you both have the sense of having a right good fuck and then you realise you haven't even started fucking the twat yet. It's a spiritual experience.

[Cuellar]

Do I do anal?

No.

Have I done anal?

Also no.

[QDRPHNC]

I've found the best prep to have the woman have an orgasm first.

[Buelligan]

[tag]The Venice up the bottom[/tag]  Sorry, I'm a bit dry today.

[touchingcloth]

As for all this 'douching' nonsense... You're all too squeamish. As my old Scout Leader used to say; "It's just a bit of shit."

One of the things I like about vaginal sex is lying there in a messy post-coital glow, with sweat everywhere, cum everywhere and fanny juice everywhere. It's sticky at first, but gradually seeps into the skin (and it probably moisturises wonderfully as it does so), and a trip to the bathroom for a cleanup can be made once it's all started to go s little bit flaky.

If there was poo on my cock, I'd be off to rinse it in the sink immediately, but only because we have blinds instead of curtains.

[GoodSpicey]

Anal sex followed by vaginal sex equals thrush. Result: three weeks undisturbed peace and quiet at nighty-snooze snooze times instead of all this nooky business.

[Kane Jones]

If there was poo on my cock, I'd be off to rinse it in the sink immediately, but only because we have blinds instead of curtains.

I don't think I've ever had poo on my cock. I just said the 'it's just a bit of shit' thing because I thought it was funny. Most people don't have a coating of shit up their funnel. Your cock does smell a little bit bummy afterwards, I suppose. I did have my finger up a girl's bottom once and she must've had one in the bomb bay as it felt a bit like this;

[thenoise]

I don't think I've ever had poo on my cock. I just said the 'it's just a bit of shit' thing because I thought it was funny. Most people don't have a coating of shit up their funnel. Your cock does smell a little bit bummy afterwards, I suppose. I did have my finger up a girl's bottom once and she must've had one in the bomb bay as it felt a bit like this;

You sure it wasn't her bum clit?  Give it a good tickle and she'll have an assgasm.

[thenoise]

I've found the best prep to have the woman have an orgasm first.

how does woman have an orgasm first thanks

[Mr Banlon]

Anal sex followed by vaginal sex equals thrush. Result: three weeks undisturbed peace and quiet at nighty-snooze snooze times instead of all this nooky business.

Not thrush, cystitis.
Also, if the bumee has recently eaten a poppyseed roll, there is a chance one of the small undigested grit-like seeds might embed itself under the bummers helmet rim. This can start to sprout and is very painful, and it is difficult to remove.

[WesterlyWinds]

My ex girlfriend's best friend's ex boyfriend (blimey) used to be obsessed with anal and would basically force her to take laxatives beforehand. She was semi okay with this, but always seemed a bit abusive to me. Sure, do some prep, but if you insist on shoving it up there accept the potentially pooey consequences.

[Pseudopath]

Also, if the bumee has recently eaten a poppyseed roll, there is a chance one of the small undigested grit-like seeds might embed itself under the bummers helmet rim. This can start to sprout and is very painful, and it is difficult to remove.

Poppycock!

^{Oh wait...was that the joke?}

[Paulie Walnuts]

It's lubed already. Up it goes. Lovely.

[Hollow]

No.

It's dirty and disgusting.

[Twed]

My partner in virginity lossage thought she gave me anal the night before she broke up with me. She thought it just meant putting it between the bum cheeks.

[Mr Banlon]

Poppycock!

^{Oh wait...was that the joke?}

TA-DA !

[Hollow]

I have tried it...it didn't go well...lots of cries of pain and pleas to stop.

Hard to say that without sounding like I'm bragging...I didn't like it at all though...smelly, how it that smell considered sexy?

[Head Gardener]

[TheManOne]

It's not a deal breaker or a particular interest of mine, but it does have that frisson of transgression. It's great to do proper full on dirty sex to make the pair of you feel ashamed the next day.

[Hollow]

I have tried it...it didn't go well...lots of cries of pain and pleas to stop.

Hard to say that without sounding like I'm bragging...I didn't like it at all though...smelly, how it that smell considered sexy?

Totally sounds like I'm an arse rapist there...rephrase, lots of cries of pain and one plea to stop.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Nah mate yer not gunna fit that in there.

[thenoise]

Totally sounds like I'm an arse rapist there...rephrase, lots of cries of pain and one plea to stop.

Still does a bit tbh - was the plea to stop at the beginning or the end?

[Hollow]

Still does a bit tbh - was the plea to stop at the beginning or the end?

Well i put it in, there was a yelp and a 'stop'...so I overegged it on the cries too really...okay...*deep breath* One cry of pain and one plea to stop.

There...it doesn't sound as good though.

[Hollow]

Well i put it in, there was a yelp and a 'stop'...so I overegged it on the cries too really...okay...*deep breath* One cry of pain and one plea to stop.

There...it doesn't sound as good though.

This was after quite a while of tender 'bell banging'...I'm sharing too much.

What I'm saying is I didn't just shove it in.

This is a family forum Simon...okay...sorry little Johnny.

[LanceUppercut]

What's everyone's thoughts about giving it a little lick?

Asking for a friend.

[Kane Jones]

What's everyone's thoughts about giving it a little lick?

Asking for a friend.

Personally I love it, and consider it part of the whole cunnilingus experience. Some of the folks around here won't agree because 'that's where poo comes from.' Although let me just say; yes, but not while you're licking it.

[Mr Brightside]

Personally I love it, and consider it part of the whole cunnilingus experience. Some of the folks around here won't agree because 'that's where poo comes from.' Although let me just say; yes, but not while you're licking it.

Ever accidentally eaten any shit, mate?