Has anyone here had a breakdown?

[zomgmouse]

If so, why? And when? And what happened?

Just seeking tips and tricks for the time (probably quite soon) that I inevitably have one of my own.

[Hollow]

Drove to Dundee in bare feet to see Shrek...

No actually I spiralled into a reclusive state and didn't bathe or communicate with the outside world for about a year...never really got my brain back to 100%...as evidenced by my many psychotic episodes on this very forum.

[græskar]

Damn Hollow. What caused that?

I feel like I've had loads, but I think the main one was five years ago, when I dropped out of university, went back to my home city and planned my suicide. I planned that I would hang myself in three weeks, shut myself off completely from the outside world and for three weeks ate takeaway, made preparations and devised the best method of hanging myself (I decided to hang myself on a door handle). Then I realized that my planned suicide day was on the 14th of February, so I postponed it to the 16th, cuz I was afraid people would think I killed myself because of Valentine's day.
In the event it turned out my devised method didn't work, because I used a cable off an electrical appliance and the cable started to stretch as I was hanging off it. I got scared that I would hit the floor, the cable would loosen enough to let in a little bit of blood and I would just end up brain-dead, not dead. So I interrupted it and then I couldn't repeat it, because I spent all of my resolve and despair built up over weeks on that one attempt. Needless to say, I had the last laugh

EDIT: As for tips and tricks, after that I completely changed my career choice (from applied linguistics to medicine) and made some other changes to my life. The good thing about a breakdown is that you can start from nothing. I remember when I first felt that some days after that attempt, it was a wonderful feeling. I almost died, I sank as low as possible, I might as well change everything I want in my life, what's stopping me, I come from nothing now.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I stood on my brakes too hard and burst the lines. Had to get the man from the AA to rescue me and drop my car off at a garage.

[JoeyBananaduck]

Aye, breakdown and a couple of suicide attempts. Don't really want to get deeply into it but at one point I spent a night stood screaming on the little platform in front of a high-up billboard in a city centre. No one paid me any mind, wide-eyed and dishevelled and with a Charles Manson-esque beard. Probably thought I'd knife them or something. Some of it's a blur. Blackouts almost. And it's funny when you look back on it and it's just like a completely different person. The bloke I am now is the bloke I was before all that. It's like it never happened.

[Hollow]

Damn Hollow. What caused that?

I feel like I've had loads, but I think the main one was five years ago, when I dropped out of university, went back to my home city and planned my suicide. I planned that I would hang myself in three weeks, shut myself off completely from the outside world and for three weeks ate takeaway, made preparations and devised the best method of hanging myself (I decided to hang myself on a door handle). Then I realized that my planned suicide day was on the 14th of February, so I postponed it to the 16th, cuz I was afraid people would think I killed myself because of Valentine's day.
In the event it turned out my devised method didn't work, because I used a cable off an electrical appliance and the cable started to stretch as I was hanging off it. I got scared that I would hit the floor, the cable would loosen enough to let in a little bit of blood and I would just end up brain-dead, not dead. So I interrupted it and then I couldn't repeat it, because I spent all of my resolve and despair built up over weeks on that one attempt. Needless to say, I had the last laugh

EDIT: As for tips and tricks, after that I completely changed my career choice (from applied linguistics to medicine) and made some other changes to my life. The good thing about a breakdown is that you can start from nothing. I remember when I first felt that some days after that attempt, it was a wonderful feeling. I almost died, I sank as low as possible, I might as well change everything I want in my life, what's stopping me, I come from nothing now.

What happened? Do you know I still haven't given it much thought...there are certainly a few compelling leads though...a life long burning defiance against being told what to do, with lots and lots of cunts trying to tell me what to do (yes, I know, how edgy)...totally fucking my life up with several quite bad drug habits at once...loss of relationship, being a total cunt...being essentially mental anyway.

[Monsieur Verdoux]

Only one definite one. In mid-2012. I spent most of my time drinking and staring at the ceiling. I couldn't do anything I enjoyed anymore because everything had lost its taste. Culminated in me drinking an entire litre of Jack Daniel's in an afternoon out of total indifference as to whether it killed me or not and waking up about 30 hours later. The reasons for breaking down are far too long a story for me go to into here, but I think that part of the reason was that the people that surrounded me at the time caused me to conclude that the world was a horrendously superficial and amoral place which I couldn't relate to or fit into. I cut all of those people out of my life eventually, no goodbyes, just leaving them behind. I'm happier now, if a little bit isolated.

[Cuellar]

Yeah...I think so, a few years ago now, 2014-15. Sort of a slow-burn one that seemed to involve lots of mini-breakdowns as it went along. Lots of spontaneous crying, lots of lying around in bed, lots of suicidal impulses. Brought on by work I think, and the confusion of work with self-worth and so on. Nothing enormously dramatic happened, but I coulldn't go on. I was totally paralysed by fear and depression really.  Luckily I had a partner who didn't take my platitudes at face value and spoke to my family about it, and my mum came to take me back home for a spell (I was 28 years old)*. Lots of trips to doctors and psychotherapists, lots of different drugs. Sort of got a prescription that's working, and still seeing a psychotherapist once a week.

Still happens occasionally (not the crying so much, but the depression and suicidal carry on).

* 25 actually.

[Dr Syntax Head]

Divorce+not seeing kids+major alcohol abuse=breakdown and failed suicide attempt. Took pills, puked up, felt like a juddering wreck for about a week in my box room at my Gran's house talking to nobody feeling absolutely alone and wretched.

Cured it by going for very long epic walks in the winter Cornish landscape (it was over xmas) and listening to a lot of music by Pearl Jam/Soundgarden/Alice in Chains and the like.

I got through. Just about.

I feel for anyone who has had or is about to experience a breakdown. Total and utter loss of control. I knew my way of coping and what works for me so I applied. Sadly, very sadly not everyone has a coping mechanism or a support network they can rely on. That's the tragedy of breakdowns and especially suicide.

[Dr Syntax Head]

EDIT: As for tips and tricks, after that I completely changed my career choice (from applied linguistics to medicine) and made some other changes to my life. The good thing about a breakdown is that you can start from nothing. I remember when I first felt that some days after that attempt, it was a wonderful feeling. I almost died, I sank as low as possible, I might as well change everything I want in my life, what's stopping me, I come from nothing now.

Totally relate to that. It's like a reboot in some ways. If you get through it.

[thenoise]

I've always managed to just about cope.  It's always been about trying to fool myself, focus on a TV show I'm looking forward to or a gig coming up so I can distract myself from the dead end job, the failed opportunities, the wasted potential, the constant lack of money etc.  And yet it's fear of losing what little I have that stops me from changing it all.  So I keep plodding on.

Don't attempt suicide for goodness sake, but realising that you have nothing worth preserving and starting from scratch seems like a really positive life choice.  I wish I have the guts.

[Old Gold Tooth]

I've always managed to just about cope.  It's always been about trying to fool myself, focus on a TV show I'm looking forward to or a gig coming up so I can distract myself from the dead end job, the failed opportunities, the wasted potential, the constant lack of money etc.  And yet it's fear of losing what little I have that stops me from changing it all.  So I keep plodding on.

Don't attempt suicide for goodness sake, but realising that you have nothing worth preserving and starting from scratch seems like a really positive life choice.  I wish I have the guts.

Yep. Throw in a post-uni breakdown and this sums up the last decade quite well for me also. Keep thinking I'll do an overhaul and I sometimes manage to make minor changes but always end up in the same old ruts.

[Better Midlands]

for three weeks ate takeaway, made preparations and devised the best method of hanging myself

Delivernoose?

[Captain Z]

[tag]Have you read the Manchester Arena Incident thread?[/tag]

[tag]A A, calm down![/tag]

[TheManOne]

Yip. Don't want to go in to details, but booze didn't help. Better now, but more fragile. Perhaps a bit nicer. But not much.
If I had a tip, don't quit your job. It will only make things harder.

[imitationleather]

I think I was always quite the anxious person but in my early twenties that mixed with constant alcohol and mephedrone abuse triggered a series of panic attacks that developed in to agoraphobia and led to me becoming worried if I went outside I'd have another attack and need to go to hospital again. So I spent a ridiculous amount of time indoors and found social interaction of any kind very frightening. Took a very long time to get over and like others I'm not sure if I've ever really been the same since. Sucks, doesn't it? Before it happens to you it's hard to really have any concept of what a "breakdown" is like.

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

I did feel dangerously close to a breakdown 2 weeks ago. Moved all my stuff out of storage into a new flat on 1 hours sleep. Had 2 nights of having no more than 4 hours sleep. Went to work the night-shift after having 4 hours sleep. Line manager pulled me out of the toilets at one point - I'd dozed off in there. Came home to do freelance work which I'd stupidly agreed to do. Had a massive panic because the house I've moved into seems quite loud during the day, so had to shuttle myself back to my old bedsit and ask if I could sleep there for a bit. I'm fine now, but there was a good 5 days there which I felt like the slightest thing could have toppled me over.  I could actually see, when dealing with all those things are once, how people end up killing themselves due to stress. It was just an overwhelming feeling of not knowing how to cope. Thankfully, just breathing deeply and telling myself it was just a period of unusually high pressure seemed to work.

[Norton Canes]

Lots of itemisation, if that counts.

[Glebe]

Sorry to hear this, lads... as it happens, believe it or not! I've been having a breakdown most of my life, the last couple of years have been fucking rough as hell in particular. Been on antidepressants half my life, pretty much been seeing counsellors on and off since the age of five. Anyway, 'cheer up' advice is a bit rich coming from moi, but stay happy, go where you wanna go, do want you wanna do, be with the people you wanna be with as much as you possibly can.

[TheManOne]

As dramatic and painful as they are, I think it's just part of being human. Show me someone without weakness and I'll show you a right cunt.

[MoonDust]

Felt like I was on the verge of one a couple of years ago. This correlated well with many a CaB thread I'd start which was basically just me blabbering shite.* I probably still do that to be fair, but mentally I'm in a better place than I was a couple of years ago, mostly thanks to meds, mind.

My late teenage years were shit though, and whilst I didn't have a breakdown I certainly had giant mood swings.

Reckon I'm on course for one in my middle age. I have a creeping anxiety that my mental issues will bubble up again some day, and it'll probably be when I'm bald and pot-bellied and into the 3rd decade of Conservative dictatorship.

*_{Not about Marxism, Danger Man.}

[zomgmouse]

These are all deeply tragic and moving and enlightening.  Thank you for opening up (something I avoid here cause I know it'll just spiral into a long ramble about my state of being). Genuine sympathy for you all. Keep em coming if you can.

[Kane Jones]

I had a dream about you last night, zomgmouse. You were taking your comedy show on a world tour and you'd asked me to come along to DJ for you(?!). It made sense at the time. We were hanging out on a cruise liner and I was liaising with agents and stuff. It was pretty cool.

Sorry for going off topic. Just thought I'd mention it.

[Twed]

I'm in the middle of one. I've called my marriage to a slow close, become infatuated with another woman, I've stopped being able to work effectively, the apartment is a mess, my appetite is gone, and worst of all I don't enjoy anything. Absolutely nothing gives me any pleasure at all. I look at any interest or hobby I might have had before and I just resent it. I think I'm just slowly shutting down. The loneliness is torturous, even my cat's attention feels like a nuisance to  me. My self-esteem has entirely rotted away. I see desirable, happy people outside of a car window and find I've started sobbing to myself.

I understand that I sound very 'at-risk', but no action is needed. I've obviously thought about suicide (you'd be weird not to, going through something like this) but settled on it being an option to consider if things don't change.

Eight(?) weeks ago I wasn't exactly happy, but none of this was really a crisis. It hit suddenly and hard.

[Black Ship]

Yes. Doctor put me on a low dosage of Sertraline. It's helping. Got some councilling coming up at some point. Took up painting.

Sorry you are having a bad time mate :::hug::::

[TheManOne]

I've obviously thought about suicide (you'd be weird not to, going through something like this)

Hello. I'm sorry to hear all this. However, as person who has also been suicidal, it's important to remember that no, most people don't. It doesn't make you extra mental or melodramatic or any bullshit, but it does mean you should probably go and talk to someone about it. At times like these your logic-unit is warped and what might seem a natural train of thought is in fact derailed by bad-brain. Life will get better and you will forget how bad this feels. I promise.

[Cuellar]

Hello. I'm sorry to hear all this. However, as person who has also been suicidal, it's important to remember that no, most people don't. It doesn't make you extra mental or melodramatic or any bullshit, but it does mean you should probably go and talk to someone about it. At times like these your logic-unit is warped and what might seem a natural train of thought is in fact derailed by bad-brain. Life will get better and you will forget how bad this feels. I promise.

I'd like to preface this comment by saying that I agree with you that if someone feels suicidal they should definitely definitely tell someone.

But the idea that most people don't think about killing themselves is one that I have found very hard to come to terms with. Up until the time I started talking to doctors and psychotherapists about it I took it for granted that everyone thinks about it as much as I did. It never occured to me that people didn't. I'm still not entirely sure I believe it, to be honest.

[TheManOne]

But the idea that most people don't think about killing themselves is one that I have found very hard to come to terms with. Up until the time I started talking to doctors and psychotherapists about it I took it for granted that everyone thinks about it as much as I did. It never occured to me that people didn't. I'm still not entirely sure I believe it, to be honest.

100% agree. That was a real turning point for me in my mental illness, realising that it wasn't just me "not coping" as well as others, but something which needed more attention.

[Twed]

I appreciate that from all  of you. I'm with Cuellar in that I find it hard to believe, just through it being my own assumption. I have no data or evidence for it though, it's just surprising to me that somebody could feel that particularly low and not even entertain the idea before dismissing it.

As somebody waiting for their green card to be renewed I am a little scared about anything I might tell a medical professional. I wouldn't be able to be honest. They whisk you away to on a whim if you even have a whiff of actionable depression about you, and sadly being sectioned in any way is an immigration issue. Going back to my mother's spare room in Ipswich isn't going to improve the situation.

I just want to be really clear that I am not in a state of mind where anybody needs to step in or worry. I'm not at that point yet, or at the point where I've decided that I will never be okay again. I do want this to end well.

[TheManOne]

Good to hear. Good luck sir.