Main Menu

Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 28, 2024, 02:24:29 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Bouncers

Started by Carlos Tevez, February 12, 2006, 02:54:15 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

wheatgod

Get low, go for the legs, and twist a foot till the ankle fucks up. Sorted.

A lot of bouncers I come across are alright, seem to respect it when you treat them as professionals. Fair few cunts in the job too, naturally, but far outnumbered by punter cunts if you think about it.
And its a shame to say, but perhaps being a cunt can be helpful in a job like bouncing. Easier to remove someone from a club in a cunty way than a polite, respectful way.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

My local Jackson's has a bouncer. Never says a word. Never moves a muscle. You'd think Jackson's would be clever and double him up as the meet and greeter.

Everytime I've ended up using physical violence on anyone I've felt so guilty I've tryed to pretend that i was somehow really hurt in the process to avoid the likelihood of being kicked to shit. It's kind of like the Justice World in Red Dwarf, but being realised in my own private head. Hopefully I'd overcome that if I were ever conscripted though. All those war games- Britain's youth would be the best trained army in the world. Train the generals on Full Spectrum Warrior, train the groundtroops on Ghost Recon or Call of Duty. Wow, that went off a bit. Bouncers, then?

Lt Plonker

Quote from: "wheatgod"
And its a shame to say, but perhaps being a cunt can be helpful in a job like bouncing. Easier to remove someone from a club in a cunty way than a polite, respectful way.

I suppose it's the only way to go really. You wouldn't last 5 minutes as a bouncer if you acted like Wilson from Dad's Army.

The very first time I went out clubbing, I got refused entry because I was wearing trainers and he mocked and laughed at my chipmunk. Come to think about it, I posted about it on here! Wow that was ages ago.

My ex-housemate is a bouncer and he's hard as fuck. A butch, mad Italian who looks like Robert De Niro. He smashed the fire alarm on several occasions.

Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth

QuoteI got refused entry because I was wearing trainers and he mocked
This has happened to me and a friend too, but after we were already in the place. I wouldn't mind so much but the bouncer was clearly on something of a power trip and acted all smug about it.

Huzzie

Bah... I knew I would regret typing that. Let me first say, I really fucking hate thinking about things like this, I am NOT a fighter at all, I fucking hate fighting, I detest it. Just watching someone fighting (unless it is Ricky Hatton and then unless he is getting beaten) literally makes me feel sick to mystomache.

I HAD to learn to fight, partly because of my area and partly because I was bullied to fuck at school for being a good footballer, intelligent (believe it or not) and for being poetic (won a UK poetry comp).

Quote from: "Shoulders?-Stomach!"
How the hell do you jump from being in an argument to 'butting him'? It seems like you jumped a hundred levels of civilised behaviour in a millisecond- there's got to be more to it than that.

You are right, it was very uncivilised. I had been drinking which didn't help at all but, we all know what bouncers are like and how they can take the smallest part of a person and amplify it to grotesque proportions to suit their agenda.
Please bare in mind I was only quite young at this time (19 maybe at the most), I have always been very fucked up in the head from the bullying I got at school and also, I come from a very narrow minded, working class, industrial area on the eastern outskirts of Manchester and at the time and since I was 16, I think there was only myself and a friend (not the one from the story) who had long hair, his being dreadlocked, mine being died all colours of the rainbow. For those who come from similar towns, you will understand the stick I would get. So, I was used to getting in a few scrapes with the townsfolk who thought I must obviously be a rabid gay rapist or something and having spome squat, ugly bouncer speaking to me like I was the scum of the city, whilst knowing that it was actually him and his crew that were the true scumbags. Having him prod me and call me all sorts of shite... Well, when you have been harrassed and embarrassed long enough you react, wether you want to or not. Please don't think this was a mild clearing off of the "You long haired types have no place in our fine establishment" type as I promise it was much heavier than that and it would need to be to make me react in such a way.



Quote from: "Shoulders?-Stomach!"And as an aside- how do you headbutt someone effectively?

Well, as Gaz says, you go for the bridge of the nose. The forehead can be effective but is most likely to just leave you both dazed. Also, whenever I have had to headbut someone (NO, it is NOT a regular occurance) it has always been as it was during this moment, when the agressor is right up, face to face with you, doing that daft ramming thing you sometimes see footballers do.


Quote from: "imitationleather"How do you headbutt someone and then not spend ten minutes afterwards hopping around shouting, "Owwwww, I've really really hurt my head!"?

Haha!.. As Gaz says and as I have typed above. Go for the nose and if you miss, try and wait till you are away from the action or in the back of the police van to voice your pain. I have been headbutted 3 times and only once did they get my nose and when they do that you can count yourself out of the equation. There is nothing you can do as you can't see, you are in tremendous pain and completely staggered. The nose, I think, is the bollocks of the face.


Seriously though, I have heard that butting someone right on the bridge of the nose can send the nose bone splinter into the brain. Surely this cannot be right, can it?



Please can I say, once more. I honestly abhor violence and I truly am a soft cunt because it takes so much for me to become violent, which is why I get walked over so much in my life. It is only when I finally see red that I can be considered a fighter but that is the same with absolutely everybody.


EDIT: I was kind of hoping some of you would be more a little impressed that me and my mate not only battered THREE doormen in the center of Manchester but battered THREE doormen in the center of Manchester who were part of PAUL MASSEY's SALFORD CREW!!;-)

The Quoter

Quote from: "Huzzie"The nose, I think, is the bollocks of the face.

Quoted.

--
Quote from: "Huzzie"If there is no change then phone the vet as he will probably have some idea of what is going on and hopefully won't say anything about jumping cat souls or cures under lorry wheels.

Quote from: "Gazeuse"I am worried about Paris Hilton. More to the point, I'm worried about her little toes.

Quote from: "Slackboy"Also, no-one is going to tell me that panic attacks and depression aren't forms of attention seeking

imitationleather

Hehe, thanks for the advice Huzzie. But the day I headbutt someone is the day I grow a pair of fucking wings and fly to Australia with the intention of shitting on Sky Mangel from a high altitude (everyone has their dreams, this is mine).

Quote from: "Huzzie"EDIT: I was kind of hoping some of you would be more a little impressed that me and my mate not only battered THREE doormen in the center of Manchester but battered THREE doormen in the center of Manchester who were part of PAUL MASSEY's SALFORD CREW!!;-)

Now why would we be impressed by that?



Look at him, he's soft! A big softie!

He's not getting out of prison for a long time, is he? I hope not...

thepuffpastryhangman

Quote from: "Sef"
Quote from: "gazzyk1ns"I remember being on the dancefloor at Nottingham Rock City a few years ago, when all of a sudden I snapped out of my drunken dancing to see a bouncer right beside me, glaring horribly, standing perfectly still. I thought "Oh christ, what have I done? I'm going to get my legs broken..."; so I looked back at him in a "I'm sorry about whatever it is... I'm not too pissed to be in here either, honest..." sort of way. However, he just pointed behind me. I turned around and there were two lesbians* kissing each other. He was just having a gawp, and I'd got in his way.

*I don't know that they were lesbians, they could well have simply been after attention. It's not important to the story, though.

Yeah, I live in Notts and the bouncers at Rock City bounce (ha) in about 5 places around Notts. They're a fucking rough lot; they all do UFC and gang-fuck underaged girls in exchange for pills. One guy is ranked number 3 in the world in the Hells Angels or something and I had a run-in with him and my mate was like 'Sef, he's killed people for less than that'. His son got his first kill in Iraq and told him and he responded something like 'someday you'll be approaching my numbers'. I understand some bouncers are alright but let's just talk about the shitty ones...

Rock City was, still is? owned by famous racist George Akins, as a result several artists refused to play there and there was a long term boycott by 'right on folks'. To my shame I have been there a few times when bought a ticket by someone else. I've never seen a black bouncer/security person, never.
It's the only club/venue I've ever been to with all white bouncers. George, who sold his chain of bookies to Coral a few years ago, was rumoured to make substantial donations to the far right. Oddly enough, after a few minutes searching, it's proved rather difficult to find any supporting information online.

Labian Quest

Some of the dress code rules have always seemed a bit odd to me and I used to just assume that they were there so that if a bouncer didn't like the look of you they could use them as a reason to refuse you entry, but it's probably also just to minimise aggro in the club too; if you've got a different hairdo or clothing to most of the other people in the club, in the mind of a knobhead this can create tension and hence fights.

Purple Tentacle

This thread stinks of Stella.



Neil

Sort the quoting out Sef, in both of those posts.

EDIT:  You seem to be doing this kind of thing in other threads too, eg the Flatshare one.  There's no need to quote a whole great big post, just to put your comment at the bottom.  Snip the quote down to just the relevant part, otherwise you're just wasting our bandwidth and resources.

niat

"The man on the door's got a head like Mars,
Like a baby born to the doors and the bars,
And surrounded by steam, with his folded arms,
He's got that "Urban Genie" thing going on,

He's so mercifully free of the pressures of grace,
Saint Peter in satin, he's like a Buddah with mace"

Elbow - Forget Myself

El Unicornio, mang

I got thrown out of the toilets at the Riverside club in Newcastle for skinning up in there by two huge whale-like men. I was also taken into a room by a group of bouncers and given a thorough search after they saw me rolling a cigarette and assumed it was a joint.

Bouncers here are different. In England they're all big skinhead hard looking guys, here they're just normal, most of the ones I've seen look like they'd struggle to restrain a 10-year old girl.

I was amused to see these three girls, about 19-20 getting thrown out of a night club I was in on Saturday night because one of them who must have been 21 *shock horror* let her friend take a sip from her alcoholic drink. They had one of those heated arguments with the bouncer which are totally pointless..
"Just give us one more chance!"
"Get out of here!"
"Please, just let us stay!"
"Get out of here!"
"But it's her birthday!"
"Get out of here!"
"Please??"
"Get out of here!"
"This is bullshit!!"
"Get out of here!"
"Bullshit!"
"Get out of here!"
"BULLSHIT!!!"

For ten minutes or so....

(incidentally, if you're wondering how the bouncer knew they were underage, here anyone under 21 has a big X stamped on their hand, over 21's get a coloured wristband)

Smackhead Kangaroo

You can always diffuse tricky situations with crappy army training in being extremely patronising whilst flashing back ot 'Nam or whatever. Like in those armed forces ads.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

QuoteThe nose is,I think, the bollocks of the face.

Heheh, cheers Huzzie. I guess violence is in a sense neccessary because it provides decent anecdotes for people like me to go "Oooh wow, I could never do that, I was brought up on bran flakes and muesli.."