If they were still alive today...

[Kapuscinski]

If the opinion-formers and celebrities of long gone hadn't died, what would they be doing?

Winston Churchill would be a columnist for the Spectator, only like Taki he would be bowelderized in order to avoid offending most of the subscribers. He would live in a small house in Kensington, having moved from 28 Hyde Park Gate. Churchill would have stood as a UKIP candidate in the 2001 election, but lost his deposit. More recently, he tried to sue the insurance comapny "Churchill", but eventually settled out of court. His lifelong hatred of ex-prime ministers Heath and Thatcher caused him to paint a portrait of the two being run over by a bulldog in a steamroller, which hangs in Downing Street after a surprise purchase by Norma Major. Tony Blair tried to invite him to the Millenium Dome, but Churchill was at a concert.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Wouldn't he be over 130 years old now though? Or is their age kept the same as when they died?

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

He would have cheerily supported the Iraqi regime when it used chemical weapons to subdue those troublesome Kurds.

[Jemble Fred]

Peter Cook would be an absolute internet fanatic.

[Blue Jam]

You're right Jem, he'd probably be addicted to reading blogs while never getting round to writing one himself. Rainbow George would end up doing it for him.

[buttgammon]

I bet he'd have secretly signed up here and posted without revealing his identity.

[ccbaxter]

John Lennon would be Paul McCartney, and Paul McCartney would be Paul McCartney also.

[Blue Jam]

I bet he'd have secretly signed up here and posted without revealing his identity.

He'd sign up as a Danish deer farmer called Jørgen and post loads of questions about antler care. He'd be a bloody good Wikipedia vandal too.

[buttgammon]

The internet would have been many times richer if he was still around presuming he would use it. He would be a bit like a really funny, creative and interesting version of a troll.

[Ambient Sheep]

Having read your suggestions, I'm quite filled with sadness that he isn't around to do all those things.  What a shame.

[Blue Jam]

Me too... *sniff*

[Jemble Fred]

Yeah, I don't want to rub it in, but it's always struck me that the WWW would have been his ultimate audience. Rather than just faxing and phoning friends in the small hours in need of an audience, he'd have had millions to entertain whenever he wanted. Of course, he tended to be more of a vocal, lazy entertainer, but we're working in this fantasy land where he recovered in 95 and Lin kept him clean and he became very adept at the keyboard. In this alternative world, there'd be no cookdandbombd, because we'd all be on the official Cook forums.

Actually, this is very depressing. Damn you, Kapuscinki! :(

[Santa's Boyfriend]

Bill Hicks would be producing the best stuff of his career - either that or would have done a Ben Elton and be best buddies with Karl Rove.

[Ronnie the Raincoat]

Wouldn't he be over 130 years old now though? Or is their age kept the same as when they died?

Git.

[hundred]

Most of the people above would have signed lucrative deals to promote debt management companies who only advertise during advert breaks from Jeremy Kyle and Loose Women. They would also appear as regulars on Loose Women and Big Brother's Little Brother.

[Neville Chamberlain]

If Roy Castle were alive today, I'm sure he'd have his own gardening/trumpet-playing show. And I bet it would be jolly good fun too.

I've never really got over his loss :-(

And Jill Dando would still be reading the news, or perhaps even have had her own in-depth current affairs show. Oh well, it's comforting to know that she's now reading the news in heaven. :-(

[buttgammon]

I bet Princess Diana would be advertising Tampax in between going on holidays to the South of France with husband Dodi Fayed, owner of some football club or other.

And like Peter Cook, Graham Chapman would have loved the internet too. He'd have probably been another Cook'd and Bomb'd member, intervening in threads for no apparent reason to proclaim them 'very silly' before telling us all in vivid detail how he accidentally had sex wiht Prince Charles in a public toilet in Nottingham not realising who he was.

[wherearethespoons]

I bet Princess Diana would be advertising Tampax in between going on holidays to the South of France with husband Dodi Fayed, owner of some football club or other.

You are wrong - http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=473066&in_page_id=1879

[katzenjammer]

If John Smith hadn't died we might just have had a decent labour government for the past ten years.  The selfish cunt.

[TC Raymond]

Time to reveal all, chaps...Peter Cook didn't really die in 1995, he changed his name to [banned troll]. Now get the fucking drinks in, you cunts.

[hencole]

You are wrong - http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=473066&in_page_id=1879

That's the worst bit of fan fiction I never read.

[drberbatov]

Bob Monkhouse would be doing charitable television adverts spreading awareness about cancer

[Blue Jam]

...and maybe still doing The Mr Hell Show... :(

I reckon Graham Chapman would have made a good Wikipedia vandal too, probably creating pages on very nasty STDs he'd just invented. I was thinking Douglas Adams might have joined him, writing entries for made-up countries that were much funnier than San Seriffe, but come to think of it he'd probably develop h2g2 a bit more. I read one of his articles (think it was in The Salmon Of Doubt) where he was clearly getting very excited at the possibility of h2g2 being viewable on wap, thereby making a real-life Hitchhiker's Guide available to everyone though portable devices. I'm glad he got to see his idea realised before he died.

[Kazuo Kiriyama]

I bet Princess Diana would be advertising Tampax in between going on holidays to the South of France with husband Dodi Fayed, owner of some football club or other.

That, or the star of a Paris Hilton style leaked sex video.

[Blue Jam]

Nice try TCR. If Peter Cook did post on here, he'd be keeping a low profile, never revealing who he was, rather than going "LOOK AT ME EVERYONE! I'M A FUCKING GENIUS! BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!"

He'd have a lot of fun on niche forums like this one- there are so many obscure little forums that he'd never get bored

[buttgammon]

That, or the star of a Paris Hilton style leaked sex video.

...with Richard Madeley!