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Christ's Fat Cock

Started by Purple Tentacle, April 30, 2004, 10:43:11 AM

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Purple Tentacle

After making myself angry reading the Kerrang! thread (if you can't be bothered to check facts you shouldn't be a fucking journalist), in particular the

"Chris Morris shouted 'Christ's Fat Cock' at Cliff Richard!!" bollocks, (it was 'cock naked' for anyone who for some completely inexplicable reason hasn't listened to the Radio 1 shows), I was wondering

a) Where did he say "Christ's Fat Cock"? I used to know, but have forgotten, and

b) What other examples of "true stories" in the media are there that are held to be true, and are complete bollocks?

A few examples I can think of / have read are:


Bob Holness played saxaphone on Baker Street!

Chris Morris announced that Michael Hesaltine was dead!

Chris Morris doesn't do interviews!

Angus Deyton was sacked for "becoming the news"!

Peter Sellers / Frankie Howerd / Kenneth Williams were horrible horrible people that nobody liked!

The Clangers / Roobarb / Bill and Ben were all about drugs!   (Weeeeed!!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

Captain Pugwash had the characters "Seaman Stains" and "Roger the cabin boy!"


There are plenty plenty more..... let's shatter some myths!

(Bang, shatter etc.)

TJ

Quote from: "Purple Tentacle"a) Where did he say "Christ's Fat Cock"? I used to know, but have forgotten

Said several times during the Radio 1 shows, normally just as a throwaway mock-expletive when introducing records.

Quoteb) What other examples of "true stories" in the media are there that are held to be true, and are complete bollocks?

See the forthcoming new issue of top free fanzine This Way Up (http://www.stanley115.freeserve.co.uk/ for details), in which TJ fearlessly tackles the 'rock myths' and determines to find out once and for all whether or not Lee Mavers wanted to re-record The La's album in a studio with 'real sixties dust'.

alan strang

Quote from: "Purple Tentacle"a) Where did he say "Christ's Fat Cock"? I used to know, but have forgotten

Specifically, I remember him saying it twice on the Radio 1 show. Once after Wayne Carr did his 'Listen Without Prejudice' intro ("blacks are terrible workers... if they do any work at all!" / "Christ's Fat Cock! You can't say that!") and once during one of the frozen piss monologues.

Oh, and Armando Iannucci once stopped Morris from using the phrase "God's Shiny Bollocks" on On The Hour. I think he entered up muttering "God's trousers!" instead. "I still haven't forgiven him!", gushed Morris (57) back in 1994 when he was just this bloke.

Emergency Lalla Ward Ten

'Christ's fat cock, how it rained' was the line from the frozen-piss monologue.

Another falsehood is the legend 'Photos of Chris Morris are rare'.

TJ

Quote from: "alan strang"
Oh, and Armando Iannucci once stopped Morris from using the phrase "God's Shiny Bollocks" on On The Hour. I think he entered up muttering "God's trousers!" instead. "I still haven't forgiven him!", gushed Morris (57) back in 1994 when he was just this bloke.

I always thought that was far funnier, really. More in keeping with what the 'character' might actually have said.

TJ

Quote from: "Emergency Lalla Ward Ten"Another falsehood is the legend 'Photos of Chris Morris are rare'.


Do you think that in the 'pointing' one, he's actually pointing towards all the photos that never get used?

alan strang

'The rushes of The Wicker Man are buried under the M4 motorway!'

Actually this one is true, but nobody realises that under said motorway there's also a fully-equipped dubbing studio with analogue/digital conversion facilities, archive holdings, tea boys running around, the whole works.

'Syd Barrett lives in Cambridge with his mother!'

Really hope that one isn't true since Winifred Barrett died in 1990.

'The Monkees never played on any of their records'

Except for all the ones they did.

dan dirty ape

You still get that 'Three Men and a Baby' ghost boy cropping up every now and again, when surely every fucker knows its a cardboard cutout of Ted Danson.

Emergency Lalla Ward Ten

'Steptoe and Son hated each other in real life' (Ditto The Likely Lads)

Morrisfan82

Quote from: "TJ"
Quote from: "Emergency Lalla Ward Ten"Another falsehood is the legend 'Photos of Chris Morris are rare'.
Do you think that in the 'pointing' one, he's actually pointing towards all the photos that never get used?
Yeah, while the music from The Gallery plays in the background.

"...this is a lovely one, sent in by Clare Donahue aged 9¾, see the way she's cleverly glued-on pasta shells to cover the facial disfigurement that makes me the tW15teD d4rk-4sS fuXØrrr EyE aMM!!!"

TJ

"Victor Lewis-Smith is a bitter, failed TV Critic!"

"Level 42 are bland yuppie wine bar rubbish!"

"Britpop was a load of cockney knees-up wank (see also close relatives "it never actually happened" and "Menswear were shit")

"David Baddiel is a talent-free embarrassment"

"The radio episodes of The Mary Whitehouse Experience are hideously dated now and almost impossible to listen to"

"There's nothing wrong with 'filmized' video"

"The Day Today is more than just a played for laughs comedy programme and to attach extras to it would be detracting from the intentions of my pal Chris and make it just another chummy spoon-fed blah blah blah"

dan dirty ape

Quote from: "Emergency Lalla Ward Ten"'Steptoe and Son hated each other in real life' (Ditto The Likely Lads)

Interesting. What's the actual story with Brambell and Corbett? There was a documentary on em on C4 a couple of years ago that was entirely centred on how they didn't get on. Is it all bollocks?

elderford

Charles Manson did not audition for The Monkees, he was in prison at the time.

He was not arrested with a copy of The Beatles official story Shout by that bloke who wrote it. It was Stranger in a Strangeland by Richard Heinlein (spell?)

Purple Tentacle

Doctor Who's special effects are the funniest and most rubbish things ever seen on television ever!




Peter Cook and Dudley Moore just got really drunk and arsed about in a studio!

Goldentony

my eyes are pies and yours are lies
mfi have a cum dungeon

Geej

Ah Ha - TJ - I spotted your obvious mistake -

Menswear WERE shit - sorry.

I had the misfortune of being dragged to a gig of theirs and they were really terrible.  The only thing that stood out for me, was that they dragged along famous japanese fantasy band Shampoo, who were dressed up like suspiciously cheap whores.  One of the in-house stage crew told me he caught one of them orally assisting the drummer from Menswear with his stress levels.  This I believe to be BS, but the gig was awful, and I did want them to be great.

El Unicornio, mang

Quote from: "TJ"

See the forthcoming new issue of top free fanzine This Way Up (http://www.stanley115.freeserve.co.uk/ for details), in which TJ fearlessly tackles the 'rock myths' and determines to find out once and for all whether or not Lee Mavers wanted to re-record The La's album in a studio with 'real sixties dust'.

Have you read the book 'In Search of the La's'? It goes very in-depth about the band, with interviews with a ton of people, but it doesn't make things a whole lot clearer.
The sixties dust thing is kind of half true. Mavers did insist on getting an old studio desk used by The Beatles from Abbey Road, but then complained because the valves had been cleaned.
He was a nutter. A genius, but a nutter nonetheless.

TJ

Quote from: "The Unicorn"
Quote from: "TJ"

See the forthcoming new issue of top free fanzine This Way Up (http://www.stanley115.freeserve.co.uk/ for details), in which TJ fearlessly tackles the 'rock myths' and determines to find out once and for all whether or not Lee Mavers wanted to re-record The La's album in a studio with 'real sixties dust'.

Have you read the book 'In Search of the La's'? It goes very in-depth about the band, with interviews with a ton of people, but it doesn't make things a whole lot clearer.
The sixties dust thing is kind of half true. Mavers did insist on getting an old studio desk used by The Beatles from Abbey Road, but then complained because the valves had been cleaned.
He was a nutter. A genius, but a nutter nonetheless.

Oi! Stop pre-empting my article!!!

Rats

Quote"The radio episodes of The Mary Whitehouse Experience are hideously dated now and almost impossible to listen to"

Well, I got the hissy wma captures from feckless's site so you're wrong, they are almost impossible to listen to.

TJ

Quote from: "Rats"Well, I got the hissy wma captures from feckless's site so you're wrong, they are almost impossible to listen to.


Huh? Is that his site?

Mental note - withdraw offer of copy of "Sound Bites".

Rats

Oh, actually, it might not be. I got the impression it was.

Peking O

Eh? Strange thread. Surely TJ's list above is all a matter of opinion rather than facts that are held up as being 100% true.

Quote from: "Purple Tentacle"Peter Cook and Dudley Moore just got really drunk and arsed about in a studio!

Well, they kind of did didn't they? Certainly a few ales were consumed in the Derek and Clive recordings.

TJ

Quote from: "Peking O"Eh? Strange thread. Surely TJ's list above is all a matter of opinion rather than facts that are held up as being 100% true.


Try telling that to the people who hold them up as 'facts'.

a bald avuncular jew

Quote from: "Rats"Oh, actually, it might not be. I got the impression it was.

No, he just hotlinks to a load of other peoples files, taking their bandwidth like the thief he is.  Withdraw your offer anyway TJ, as that MWE site is doing a roaring trade in CDRs and the like now.  Greedy fuckers.

alan strang

Quote from: "Peking O"Eh? Strange thread. Surely TJ's list above is all a matter of opinion rather than facts that are held up as being 100% true.

They probably belong in a 'nice safe consesus opinion' thread.

Quote
Quote from: "Purple Tentacle"Peter Cook and Dudley Moore just got really drunk and arsed about in a studio!

Well, they kind of did didn't they? Certainly a few ales were consumed in the Derek and Clive recordings.

The trouble is that most people seem to think that the drunkeness is the be all and end all of those recordings (hence Purple's "just got drunk").

Purple Tentacle

Anybody who's had to endure a night in a pub next to two people "doing" Derek and Clive over lager will tell you that wit, rapport and talent are more important than being inebriated.

thatmuch

Quote from: "TJ""Victor Lewis-Smith is a bitter, failed TV Critic!"

"Level 42 are bland yuppie wine bar rubbish!"

"Britpop was a load of cockney knees-up wank (see also close relatives "it never actually happened" and "Menswear were shit")

"David Baddiel is a talent-free embarrassment"

"The radio episodes of The Mary Whitehouse Experience are hideously dated now and almost impossible to listen to"

"The Day Today is more than just a played for laughs comedy programme [snip]

With a few tweakings all those opinions are correct. If you don't think TDT was more than just a played for laughs comedy programme then I suggest you read Alan Strang's post on the subject (Morris contemplating 'direct action'). I doubt Mr. Strang would appreciate me referencing him but there you are.

alan strang

Quote from: "TJ actually""The Day Today is more than just a played for laughs comedy programme and to attach extras to it would be detracting from the intentions of my pal Chris and make it just another chummy spoon-fed blah blah blah"

A well-placed '[snip]' can do wonders when deliberately taking something out of context.

Anyway, back to the 'reported as fact but never true' thread.

"The first Beatles album was recorded in one day"

It was more like a week, what with all the double-tracking, recording of edit-pieces, etc.

thatmuch

Quote from: "alan strang"
Quote from: "TJ actually""The Day Today is more than just a played for laughs comedy programme and to attach extras to it would be detracting from the intentions of my pal Chris and make it just another chummy spoon-fed blah blah blah"

A well-placed '[snip]' can do wonders when deliberately taking something out of context.

The first part of the sentence stands on its own.

Okay - The Sex Pistols didn't play their own insruments on 'Bollocks'.

People with Tourettes Syndrome swear uncontrollably [only a small minority get the urge to swear and most of them can cover it up].

Hornets are agressive and their stings are more dangerous than bee stings.

Emergency Lalla Ward Ten

'When the alien burst out of his stomach, none of the cast knew what was going to happen.'

'Not the Nine O'Clock News is too topical to be repeated.'

'Nighty Night was a hit series.'