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The Marriage of David Mitchell and Victoria Coren

Started by Danger Man, February 21, 2010, 03:30:34 PM

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Danger Man

Not a news story but a......campaign.

Having watched The Bubble (another glorified parlour game posing as a BBC quiz show) the other day, it struck me that David Mitchell and Victoria Coren should get married.

Why they should get married 

a) There are very few intellectual 'celebrity marriages' in the UK and we clever people could do with a bit of cheering up (in these difficult economic times) via staring at famous people doing things. It works for the lower classes so it's only fair that the middle classes be allowed to give it a go.

b) Their names are David and Victoria so there is some precedent for this type of thing.

Why the marriage will work

They are both in their mid-thirties, both went to Oxford, both love appearing on panel shows, both seem almost android-like in their stereotypical English emotional coldness and both love money (Vic loves gambling and Dave will do any old shit if the money is right) and they both have columns in The Observer.

Potential problems with the marriage

David is almost the same age as Victoria so she might be unhappy with the concept of not marrying her father. Victoria is female, which might be a bit of a problem for David.


Still, it's worth a shot. So if you agree with me please add your voice to the campaign. Thank you.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Would it work? I wonder if they'd look at each other and see their own failings reflected back. I have a feeling Victoria Coren probably thinks she could do better.

Now Giles Coren and David Mitchell- you'd be cooking on gay gas if you set that partnership up.

Friendly_Milk

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 21, 2010, 03:35:34 PM
Now Giles Coren and David Mitchell- you'd be cooking on gay gas if you set that partnership up.

Amen.

He can winge about her late nights playing poker and she can complain about his many insecurities and batchelor habits.

Vicky tends to go for the less bookish and more firm handed gent.    She'd ride rough-shod over Mitchell.

Zero Gravitas

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 21, 2010, 03:35:34 PMcooking on gay gas

Gaseous iodine doesn't burn!



It does look fabulous however.

[Damnit! Mauve isn't a html named colour]

wherearethespoons

If we get enough to signatures to they have to get married?

EDIT: Putting Victoria Coren into Google suggested 'cleavage' first.

boxofslice

Quote from: Danger Man on February 21, 2010, 03:30:34 PM
Victoria is female, which might be a bit of a problem for David.

Is Mitchell gay?  Is this common knowledge that I'm unaware of like I was with Derren Brown?

Cerys

David Mitchell's gay?!  How did I not spot this?

Edit - ah, cheers boxy.  At least I'm not alone.

buttgammon

I thought he was asexual, though maybe he is affectionally oriented towards men.

_Hypnotoad_

Great, now I have to think of his smug, accusatory face every time I'm fantasizing about her.

mini goatbix

Quote from: boxofslice on February 21, 2010, 03:41:33 PM
Is Mitchell gay?  Is this common knowledge that I'm unaware of like I was with Derren Brown?
Is Derren Brown gay?

biggytitbo

I don't know whether they should get married but its certainly an internet sex tape I want to see.

Danger Man

Quote from: Friendly_Milk on February 21, 2010, 03:39:15 PM
Vicky tends to go for the less bookish and more firm handed gent.    She'd ride rough-shod over Mitchell.

Vicky likes a firm hand?

I   


keyb                                 lp8;gfxcv

Friendly_Milk

Quote from: mini goatbix on February 21, 2010, 03:44:26 PM
Is Derren Brown gay?

Yes he is.

I have not heard that Mitchell is gay - I just assumed he wasn't bothered about chicks in a self-imposed way.  Or maybe he fancies men too.  I would have thought he'd be more open about that kind of thing.   

boxofslice

I agree with most people here who say that Miss Coren needs a good spanking... in a sexy way of course, not in a violence to women way.

Friendly_Milk

I'd see Victoria with more of a Brooker type.  That Charlie Skelton was hardly a shy type.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

QuotePutting Victoria Coren into Google suggested 'cleavage' first

Classy. Then switch to the vadge and see what she fancies doing after that.

biggytitbo

Victoria Coren sounded pretty sexually frustrated on The Bubble. I doubt Mitchell is the man to cure that. Besides, she'd be a lot sexier if she was bald like her daddy.

Little Hoover

#17
No I'm pretty sure Mitchell is straight, there was a guardian article awhile back that seemed to suggest he struggled with the whole meeting women and dating thing.

Cerys

Quote from: biggytitbo on February 21, 2010, 04:10:54 PM
Victoria Coren sounded pretty sexually frustrated on The Bubble. I doubt Mitchell is the man to cure that. Besides, she'd be a lot sexier if she was bald like her daddy.

But if she was bald she wouldn't be able to swing her hair back with a cheeky little toss of her head.

wherearethespoons

Quote from: Little Hoover on February 21, 2010, 04:11:14 PM
No I'm pretty sure Mitchell is straight, there was a guardian awhile back that seemed to suggest he struggled with the whole meeting women and dating thing.

Proof if ever I saw it!

Danger Man

I've just checked her blog posts about 'The Bubble' and she doesn't mention David Mitchell at all. She goes on about Frank Skinner a lot.

He's old enough to be her father but I'd like to think she would be put off by his obsession with anal sex.


Maybe she never mentioned David Mitchell because they are trying to keep this whole thing a secret...

Friendly_Milk

Quote from: Danger Man on February 21, 2010, 04:24:47 PM
I've just checked her blog posts about 'The Bubble' and she doesn't mention David Mitchell at all. She goes on about Frank Skinner a lot.

He's old enough to be her father but I'd like to think she would be put off by his obsession with anal sex.


Maybe she never mentioned David Mitchell because they are trying to keep this whole thing a secret...

I am not sure about Skinner.  He seems sly and cold and sometimes says some stupid shit.  Few charges aimed at Mitchell - although he can come across as haughty and awkward. 

Which will Vicky choose?  See after the break.

Cerys


Friendly_Milk

Quote from: Cerys on February 21, 2010, 04:37:35 PM
Neither.  She's boffing Daphne from Eggheads.

Christ.  Imagine. 

She should marry Sue Perkins.   

Shoulders?-Stomach!

QuoteShe should marry Sue Perkins

Yeah. Actually Sue Perkins and Giles Coren had great chemistry on that fun 'Food through the ages' programme last year. Unfortunately what with her being a lesbian and him being a massive cunt it never really developed. You'd think it'd have helped. ;)

Friendly_Milk

Huhuh.

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 21, 2010, 04:41:53 PM
Yeah. Actually Sue Perkins and Giles Coren had great chemistry on that fun 'Food through the ages' programme last year. Unfortunately what with her being a lesbian and him being a massive cunt it never really developed. You'd think it'd have helped. ;)

Which is why I suggested it.   They would be very happy together.

I like Giles.  You are all mean.

Backstage With Slowdive

They're both columnists in the Observer, it would make sense to merge them together.

What would make more sense is to sack Barbara Ellen, since you can probably hire the real Julie Burchill for less money these days. Reverse globalisation, bring the jobs back to Britain. Or Brighton, in her case.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

QuoteI like Giles

Well that's interesting in the sense that it wasn't hitherto considered possible.

biggytitbo

Quote from: Cerys on February 21, 2010, 04:37:35 PM
Neither.  She's boffing Daphne from Eggheads.
I'm obviously not the only one who'd like to see Victoria Coren and Daphne from Eggheads smacking clams. I can picture it in really quite vivid detail right now.

Friendly_Milk

We should take them all out to a quarry and blindfold them (I mean Observer columnists), before threatening to shoot them.  The one who runs away the most, wins.  Burchill may be out of shape but she is hard and determined inside.  Don't underestimate her capacity to survive.   Andy McNab would present.

This is never an approved option in life but a hugely entertaining concept for a TV show.

We are good at tell-eeee!

QuoteWell that's interesting in the sense that it wasn't hitherto considered possible.

You may want to reconsider your boundaries.  He is pretty.  I can't help it.