Spreading urban myths via Email (and ignorance)

[gazzyk1ns]

After reading the origin of the "fact" that the average human being swallows x number of spiders in their sleep - it was devised and spread by a woman who set out to prove that people were beginning to believe anything they read on the internet - me and a friend are thinking about composing a "top ten facts" Email. Of course, they are to be completely made up. The goal being not comedy at all, but that hopefully one day, we'll hear one of these "facts" get back to us in real life, with the person telling us unaware of its origin (or that it's bollocks).

Has anyone got any suggestions? We just chatted about it in the pub on Sunday, we've not got anything down yet. With the above goal in mind, "funny" or "elaborate and wacky" ones, a la web of lies (by the way, has anyone got the URL for that? cheers), are probably less suitable than snappy ones which sound very believable. Still, if they still have to be obviously made up, or at least dubious to anyone with a brain - otherwise it's not really... well, you know.  Like these:

- The average British driver will turn left in his car nine times more often than he will turn right. As a result, tyre manufacturers produce roughly nine times more left-side tyres than right-side ones.

- Due to ancient English law, it is actually illegal to drink alcohol in a public house. Many similar laws exist, although all of them are simply deliberately overlooked, as it was decided that actually removing them would create an unjustifiably large amount of paperwork.

- The sandwich got its name after King George the first dropped his (then unnamed) bread-based snack on a beach. It landed on a frayed stick, and the King, renowned for his sense of humour, remarked that it looked like a little witch on her broom in the sand.

- The subject of many a practical joke, left-handed screwdrivers are indeed fictitious. However, an American firm produces "The right handed screwdriver"; after extensive market research, it was found that a lot of right-handed DIY lovers craved for a more comfortable grip from their tool. Bemusingly, no such claims were made by left-handers.


Obviously we're going to put a little bit more effort into it, but has anyone got any corking bollocks that sounds plausible and will suck gullible people in? Anyone is welcome to help spread it. Imagine if, in a few weeks, we notice that a different version is circulating, with chinese whispers-style alterations, maybe some pictures, etc... because that's how these things develop.

Another possible idea we had was to throw in literally one or two real facts, to add authenticity and/or confuse the hell out of people. I didn't like that idea at first but I love the thought of an intelligent person Googling for a right-handed screwdriver in order to get to the bottom of our Email.

[Cerys]

A leading software house was successfully prosecuted in the early 'nineties, due to their having recorded the sound of live squid being flung at a car windscreen, for use in a popular snowboarding game that was released in 'ninety-three.

[JesusAndYourBush]

Peter Falk's first screen role was as one of the "Lollipop Guild" in The Wizard Of Oz.

(I made it up, in case anyone's wondering.)

[Rev]

Passive smoking is a serious health risk.

[danielreal2k]

Kumquat oranges area deadly poison to Hamsters

[Hairy Chin]

You're 3 times as likely to die on holiday from contact with poisonous flora and fauna than from food poisoning.

[Qatar-wol]

In my first year at Uni., I had a friend who lived in halls with very thin walls, and was always being disturbed by her neighbours.  Because of this, she used to sleep with those orange foam earplugs in.  One morning, she was telling us, she got one stuck, and it wouldn't come out - it had gone in too far, and she couldn't reach it.  

So my mate and I suggested that she poke it out from the other ear with a sharp pencil.

"Won't it hurt?", she asked?

"Ooh, no!", sez us - "It'll just go through the squishy stuffunder the brain"

And off she trots to try it.

With us running after her to stop her.

That's not quite what your'e after, is it?

[DuncanC]

After reading the origin of the "fact" that the average human being swallows x number of spiders in their sleep - it was devised and spread by a woman who set out to prove that people were beginning to believe anything they read on the internet

She got it from a "collection of common misbeliefs printed in a 1954 book on insect folklore" though - it was already a common idea fifty years ago. Seems kind of petty to point this out I know, but my point is it was actually lore that grew naturally because people tended to believe it rather than crafty cackling cyber-ladies unleashing winged untruths on OH GO TO BED YOU SAD FUCKER

[gazzyk1ns]

Ahh nice info Duncan, I think my description came from Snopes, although I possibly scan-read it and didn't get all of the available info.

Qatar-wol - hehe nope, not really what I'm after... but it was damn funny!

Hairy Chin - is your one made up or are you trying to catch me out? If it's made up then that's brilliant, exactly what I was looking for, and the fact I have to ask if you're trying to trick me is the reason why.

Cerys - I like the PC game sounds thing. Maybe we could incorporate something like that into a game everyone has played, like Doom Or Quake. People will love spreading that around.

This is great, I can imagine stupid twats around the country wanting to sound clever and spouting any of this crap, probably preceeded by the word "Actually..." said in a smug tone.

[Santa's Boyfriend]

When you're six weeks pregnant, if you stand up and spin anticlockwise for two minutes each morning, your baby will be born left-handed.

[terminallyrelaxed]

No-ones going to buy the sandwich one, I reckon...

[Dr. Gizmonic]

More copies of "Dummies" reference books exist in the world than "Romeo and Juliet"

The average British male will spend two years of his life saying the word "Mate"

Chalk is a powerful aphrodisiac, the CO3 complex bonds with hormonal receptors in the brain, this doubles the rate of absorption. Although, excessive consumption will eventually lead to erectile dysfunction.

The word "Curtain" is derived from the Latin "Curtaeus" (Privacy Cloth)

George Lucas based his "Star Wars" saga off of a "Star Trek" fan script he wrote some years earlier.

In the original Hebrew Bible, the three wiremen bring the baby Jesus copper instead of gold. Copper was a highly valuable resource in ancient times, as it could be used in the construction of rudimentary solar stills.

[Hairy Chin]

Hairy Chin - is your one made up or are you trying to catch me out? If it's made up then that's brilliant, exactly what I was looking for, and the fact I have to ask if you're trying to trick me is the reason why.

My contribution, to keep with the tradition of all of my posts here, is utter bollocks. Although I'm glad you enjoyed reading it.

I was trying to think of something involving snapping turtles. Maybe I'll make something up later involving them. Perhaps "the most common swimming injury in Canada is being by a snapping turtle"

Do snapping turtles live in Canada? If not then substitute it with somewhere else - they probably somewhere tropical knowing my lack of creature habitations.

EDIT:
Dr. Gizmonic - Brilliant ones there - 'dummies' one and the 'chalk' one - who would have thought overuse of the aphrodsiac would have such an ironic backlash?

[Vermschneid Mehearties]

If you place your hands on a cold surface for two minutes, one of the hands will start to sweat and itch. Then, after you remove your hands, the reverse effect will happen.

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Woodlice are carniverous animals

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The Highwayman got his name after a southerner travelling through Newcastle fell victim to him, and mistakenly reported to the police later that he was a 'Highwayman', rather than what the man had actually said, which was the revered Geordie phrase 'Howay Man!'.

[Hairy Chin]

In the Philipines, some species of octopus have been known to come onto land if the sea becomes too cold.

[zozman]

The UN has estimated that there are more guns in America than the rest of the world combined.

John Prescott has the highest IQ of any politician that has been tested.

The council of any walled town or city (York, Chester, etc.) could theoretically make every male aged over 10, work for one day in a calendar month repairing and strengthening the walls.  Failure to do this could result in the confiscation of any property, land or livestock that the male owns.

People's hair grows faster when the moon is closer to the earth, because of the increase in gravitational pull.

Joe Kinnear is a wise choice to take over at Nottingham Forest

I could make these up all day!

[mwude]

The council of any walled town or city (York, Chester, etc.)

Here's a true one about Chester (and when I say 'true' I mean a lot of people claim it's true so it's probably bollocks): an ancient by-law which has never been repealed means that within the walls of Chester you are legally entitled to shoot a Welshman with a cross bow as long as it's after dark & you are more than a certain distance away (about 60 feet or so I think).

Christmas was invented by the manufacturers of wrapping paper & sellotape.

At least 5% of all mobile phone calls are monitored and certain key-words will trigger a recording system that keeps your entire conversation on a digital police database.  All the major networks have agreed to this & the only way round it is to get a mobile with a smaller, independent network.

[Hairy Chin]

I've heared that about Chester.

Consequentially i've never been there, and never will. Particularly after dark.

[Garfield And Friends]

Coca-Cola, the popular soft drink, was launched with a distinctly different taste from today's product. Sometimes heralded for it's medicinal qualities, it was a salty, brine-flavoured drink. It was only as recently as 1968 that the Coca-Cola company swapped the formula for the familiar sugar-sweet taste we know and enjoy today.

[swinny]

If every byte of information ever created on a computer could be weighed, it would equal roughly 3 and 3/4 times the total weight of Jupiter.

[Hairy Chin]

Due to sunspots and the exact plaching of the moon's orbit ; every 78 weeks, for two days,  Earth's orbit becomes more rectangular than eliptical due to the combined gravitational pull

[Martian Martian]

Top chef Raymond Blanc has a deal with fertility clinics to purchase surplus sperm donations. He uses it as a substitute for egg white. If you notice, due to his strong accent, he pronounces it 'smeg white'.

[Bilko]

If all the veins and arteries in a human beings body were joined together as one, they would be long and strong enough to choke Jim Davidson with.

Human beings share 99.9% of their DNA with Vimto.

[DuncanC]

In the original Hebrew Bible, the three wiremen bring the baby Jesus copper instead of gold.

Wire men? An early version of the monkey-mother experiment that went bizarrely wrong and ended in a worldwide religion?

[Still Not George]

If every byte of information ever created on a computer could be weighed, it would equal roughly 3 and 3/4 times the total weight of Jupiter.

That one's very good, and quite true - depending on what you define the weight of a byte as...

[swinny]

Stickle-Bricks were originally invented by the British Government as an inexpensive and quick means of domestic building material to help rebuild parts of Coventry after WW2.

[zozman]

Hehehe.  Wasn't it Dorothy Parker who said "If all the girls attending
the Harvard ball were laid end to end I wouldn't be in the least suprised"?

[Krang]

Did any of you see the website about kittens, which are placed in glass containers of various shapes, at 2 weeks old, so they grow to that shape, and can be used as an ornament?

I had 1/2 my college year ranting about how cruel it was, not one realising it was an obvious hoax. (they had the picture of a kitten in a pint glass, and one of the same kitten, this time under a pudding bowl)

Other shapes you could have included, a pyramid, and of course, a dog...

[Still Not George]

Did any of you see the website about kittens, which are placed in glass containers of various shapes, at 2 weeks old, so they grow to that shape, and can be used as an ornament?

I had 1/2 my college year ranting about how cruel it was, not one realising it was an obvious hoax. (they had the picture of a kitten in a pint glass, and one of the same kitten, this time under a pudding bowl)

Other shapes you could have included, a pyramid, and of course, a dog...

Bonsai Kitten - http://www.bonsaikitten.com/

[Krang]

thats the one! thanks for that.



*snigger*