The 'Ive nothing of worth to say' Thread

[Rats]

The Cheeky Girls have just been on channel 4 doing "cheeky flamenco". Looks like their new video cost at least a fiver to make.

[Almost Yearly]

I absolutely refuse to have anything on my CV that isnt gospel truth (imagine being caught out, how embarrassing!)

Odd boy.

Best of luck, chap.

[sky news]

what is it with girls eh? they tug instead of push whilst performing hand jobs as if my willy is an udder.

[Almost Yearly]

What it is is, someone's got to tell them how to do it. Someone nearby. And while you're at it, you could ask how to make your reciprocation more adept too.

This is just one reason why I like the more mature lady. She's become accustomed. She can feel it like it's hers. It's not too much of a leap to feel it like it's yours.

[sky news]

It's not too much of a leap to feel it like it's yours.

Yes. I find it's a matter of mutual trust, like a safety knot 'tis of which it's their job to unknot. Yes, but this mindset is actually based on a selfishness on my private part, a selfishness that is as old as desert harlotry.

[Gazeuse]

She can feel it like it's hers.

Thailand.

???

[notnotnatnats]

Giving handjobs is hardly rocket science. Get her a sex book.

[sky news]

Giving handjobs is hardly rocket science. Get her a sex book.

My jazz mags just aren't educational enough so which book does the *ahem* job then?

[Rats]

Hehe, rocket.

Apparently "IT'S YOUR LAST CHANCE TO ELN@RGE YOUR P|NES." according to this email.

[notnotnatnats]

Enlarge your pines? Just in time for christmas too.

I got a good book called 'Hot sex: How to do it' by Tracey Cox. Not too patronising, not too technical, rather informative.

'Sex tips for girls' is apparently a handy (geddit?) book too, the tv show was ok.

And yes, there really is a sex therapist called 'Cox'

[Partridge's Love Child]

Tracey Cox.

Tracey.  Cox.  

Etc.

I wonder why it's the last chance to enlarge it?  Is it like Northern Apolstery where the sale ends Sunday with interest free credit until February 2006?  Don't worry Rats, there'll be another sale starting in a week or so.

[Gazeuse]

There's an advert on the cheap channels at the moment for some sort of matress for people with bad backs. It moulds to the shape of you or some such bollocks.

Anyway, there is a shot of a lady lying on the matress showing the position of her spine. I thought this looked a bit odd, so I tried tipping my head onto one side. You can then see that she is hugely elongated. In fact, I don't think she'd be able to stand up without breaking her legs because they are so long and flimsy.

I also have some more revelations about that bloody Michael Winner ad which I'm saving up for later.

[Rats]

I've seen that, I noticed the ungodly thin calves and porridge/corned beef complexion. It says "maybe your mattress is too hard, too soft or too old" They don't mention that it might be too new or you wouldn't buy one of them.

[sproggy]

I also have some more revelations about that bloody Michael Winner ad which I'm saving up for later.

Calm down dear, I'm only a twat.

[notnotnatnats]

Hans Moleman?

[petercussing]

Ha Ha, Mark Thatcher! That'll learn the dirty gun running son of a whore.

[Vermschneid Mehearties]

Heh I heard about that.

It's certainly his 'coup de grace'.

*waves, acknowledges cheers*

[Billy The Fish]

This morning, when I heard he was arrested in South Africa for trying to start a coup, for a few glorious minutes I thought that he was trying to overthrow the ANC and restore whitey back into power. After all of Maggie Thatcher's poisonous condemnation of Mandela throughout the 80s I thought she had sent her son to finish off her dirty work.

Unfortunately he is trying to start a coup against a genuinely evil dictator, although evidently wanting to profit from it.

One cunt trying to fuck over another cunt.  How dissapointing.

[petercussing]

Though it's bad Karma to laugh at peoples misfortunes, i think that considering all the deaths and conflict he has help fuel by his arms dealing, coupled with the fact that he is son of one of the biggest cunts in British politics means that we would all have to laugh consistantly for three years to rebalance the karma. Anyone who experience the 80's in any way probably bears some sort of malice to the house of Thatcher.

SO.........................................................Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Vermschneid Mehearties]

daddy's gone...

[Space ghost]

In fact the Tescos got used to hold the worlds shortest squat party.

T'was too near town and there was too many gurning fools. Still, it forced someone i don't like to hide an Oz of hash up his bumhole.

Hey cussssssing I remember that "rave down" and it was the one where you met lenin rubbards cool cousin,yeah?

But who was the guy that had to stuff his buttocks with a wizard?
I MUST KNOW,so send me a pm or an email allready?

[sky news]

I found out yesterday that if I pass this MA I can become a lecturer. What a piss easy (and highly lucrative) career choice I shall make. I feel smug for the first time in ages.

[Vermschneid Mehearties]

Is your back still sore?

[sky news]

Is your back still sore?

Not any more. It was a video piece whereby I attempted to like my own balls (like a dog). I couldn't get that far down but via the use of a dustbin, managed to cramp myself down enough to lick the tip of my willy. Great thing to do if you get bored.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Is your back still sore?

Not any more. It was a video piece whereby I attempted to like my own balls (like a dog). .

I like my balls, they're friendly.

[petercussing]

But who was the guy that had to stuff his buttocks with a wizard?
I MUST KNOW,so send me a pm or an email allready?

No, i'll put it on here instead, as no one will know who it is.
It was Quentin and apparently he jumped into some guys garden and got it out after an hour or so. Ha Ha.
In case you can't tell by the name, Quentin is the poshes drug dealer outside of Eton. Even though he's posh he's desided he'll become a chav. A strange phenominum i have encounted a couple of times.
I only mentioned it cos it was a disused super market, daddy ghostface. Cor, youre lucky i haven't got a ghost face killing plate.

Oh, and it was Jesus 'Rhumbarbar' Chimes who was there. Oh, hang on i see now, i get your code, you means Leaveman Cupboards, it wasn't that party, that was at the youth theatre, the Tescos party literally lasted about 3 minutes, before 5-0 arrived. I don't think anyone got nicked though. Just made to move on, mit der rigs and lighting.

[sky news]

Is your back still sore?

Not any more. It was a video piece whereby I attempted to like my own balls (like a dog). .

I like my balls, they're friendly.

thankyooh pleesh Mr Unicorn.

[Johnny Yesno]

Or else it's a fantastic money making scheme.

If people are stupid enough to give him money then they deserve what they get, they wouldn't just give a stranger cash gifts normally  

But, yes, it's as cheeky as my inflated jazz cheeks.

You are Dizzy Gillespie and I claim my £5:



Put that in yer jazz mags sky news.

[sick as a pike]

The Polish builders are still downstairs in my house while I sit up here trying to work.  They have taken to listening to Magic FM 105.4 all day and joining in with the songs.   I've recently suffered a "Baker Street" sing along.  Bad in itself, but worse considering they can't sing, they can't speak English and they don't know the words.
AND I've just found out that this is the man at Magic FM (105.4) who's playing the music:


and-
THE FUCKING LIGHTHOUSE FAMILY!
...just generally.

[petercussing]

Damn you! I was looking for a good pic like that.

I always wished i had cheeks like that. The skin even goes all thin like when you blow up balloons.

I used to like to trick a semi-friend of mine, who likes to look cool all the time, into admitting he liked Jazz Magazines in front of large groups of people. He would admit it freely cos he thought it made him look all 'jazz trendy'. He was too posh to realise the other connotations and that.