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New Inspector Clouseau film

Started by Bollock Chops, March 05, 2004, 03:41:51 PM

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Bollock Chops

From EmpireOnline:
QuoteSteve Martin is starring in a new version of The Pink Panther as the bumbling Inspector Clouseau investigating the disappearance of the titular pink diamond. He has also been polishing the script, originally by Len Blum who also wrote, er, Beethoven's 2nd.

So who will star alongside Martin? Well, the news today is that Jean Reno has signed on to play Ponton, Clouseau's driver who is - unbeknownst to his boss - an undercover cop assigned to keep an eye on Clouseau. Hopefully Reno can give Martin a few pointers on comedy French accents as well. Also in talks to join the cast is Beyoncé Knowles, as Xania, a pop singer whose recently deceased boyfriend owned the rock.
But will it be better than Sgt Bilko: The Movie?

Who Knows? Who Cares?

rupert pupkin

Christ on a bike, what has happened to Steve Martin? I recently saw him in that god awful film with Eugene Levy and Queen Latifah – Bringing Down The House – and it was painful. I just sat there dumbfounded and wondering if this really was the same bloke who used to light up Saturday Night Live and made films as funny as The Jerk and The Man With Two Brains. It was like watching a a much-loved relative being eaten by wolves.

Jemble Fred

Hmm... Would the words 'kill him now' seem too strong here? Seriously, kill Steve Martin now, and remember him for his great movies, and for the last two films he ever made - the Three Amigos and Bowfinger.

Aprt from anything else, Mike Myers was once DEFINITELY signed up to play Clouseau. So Steve will clearly do any old shit that even the most repellent ex-funny people turn down.

rupert pupkin

Quote from: "Jemble Fred"Hmm... Would the words 'kill him now' seem too strong here?

No, it would be a mercy killing for him and for us.

Dennis Pennis ...

QuoteHey, Steve Martin! - Man, I remember you when you were funny...

Goldentony

they could just loop that parrallel bars scene over and over and keep everyone happy

El Unicornio, mang

Quote from: "rupert pupkin"Christ on a bike, what has happened to Steve Martin? I recently saw him in that god awful film with Eugene Levy and Queen Latifah – Bringing Down The House – and it was painful. .

Actually, I though that film had quite a lot of good laughs. There was one bit in the film that had me in stitches for about 20 minutes. He's trying to avoid having this snooty old lady having dinner at his house, and she walks in and sees his dinner table and goes "that's a nice table" and he goes "yes, it's really small though..............actually, it's big"
For some reason it really made me laugh.

But yes, Steve Martin, like all good American stand-up comics of yesteryear, seems content to make cheesy movies. Although to be fair, if I was offered millions of dollars to make a crap film I'd do it, just as I'm willing to do crap jobs to pay the bills.

Uncle_Z

I never saw Saturday Night Live in my youth, and have been unimpressed by most of them on Paramount.  Belushi dished out some bonings of course, but Martin and Chase seemed more miss than hit (although I loved "Heyy we're two willlld and crazy guys").

That aside, yeah why can't they fuck off with their cynical cash-ins?  (Tangent - I'm almost tempted to have a look at the Italian Job remake.  Someone please stop me.  I'm sure my brain can distance the two, but lets take Perfect Day as an example - I can no longer hear the original without wincing at the impending "Reap, reap, reap".  Heh.  Two tangents for the price of one)

Pinball

Some of these moviestars, eh? They should dispense with the pretence and produce a film called "Give us your money" with the same message plastered on the screen for 90 minutes. It'd be better than some of the shite served up nowadays, too.

Neil

I wonder how it happens, I wonder how someone with as much talent as Steve Martin ends up in fucking remakes with Beyonce Knowles?  When does someone like Steve Martin just forget about having any sort of standards and get a Paul Ross ansaphone (which answers each and every phone call with "I'll do it!")

rupert pupkin

I've just remembered the last thing | actually enjoyed of Steve Martin's. He wrote a novel, called 'The Pleasure Of My Company', which came out last year. The humour was quite gentle and deliciously odd. It was about a guy with all these different compulsions and neuroses - the total wattage of lightbulbs in his apartment couldn't ever exceed a certain amount and he'd only cross a road when he found 'two scooped out driveways facing each other'. Great in places and certainly better than any film he's made since 'Bowfinger'.

rupert pupkin

Quote from: "The Unicorn"
Quote from: "rupert pupkin"Christ on a bike, what has happened to Steve Martin? I recently saw him in that god awful film with Eugene Levy and Queen Latifah – Bringing Down The House – and it was painful. .

Actually, I though that film had quite a lot of good laughs. There was one bit in the film that had me in stitches for about 20 minutes. He's trying to avoid having this snooty old lady having dinner at his house, and she walks in and sees his dinner table and goes "that's a nice table" and he goes "yes, it's really small though..............actually, it's big"
For some reason it really made me laugh.

I have to say I can't remember a single funny line from that film. It was just another one of those embarrassing culture clash 'comedies' in which uptight white people are shown how to get cool and funky by some freewheeling, fun-loving 'person of colour'. I actually found it pretty racist, especially the fact that almost all of the black characters in it are depicted as being involved in some aspect of criminality. The sight of Steve Martin dressed as some half-assed wigga near the end, talking 'street' and walking like a pimp (because that's how all black people walk, isn't it?) pissed me off a great deal. Absolutely wretched.

El Unicornio, mang

Quote from: "rupert pupkin". The sight of Steve Martin dressed as some half-assed wigga near the end, talking 'street' and walking like a pimp (because that's how all black people walk, isn't it?) pissed me off a great deal. Absolutely wretched.

Well, I found it quite funny, in a silly lighthearted way, and I didn't find it racist at all, although I tend not to be offended by any comedy unless it's crap.

Purple Tentacle

LA Story wasn't without its moments. The gun-shooting freeway scene is class.

"You're driving on the wrong side of the road!"
"I don't think they can hear you."


Hart'sRules

I still find it incredible how awful Martin has become. I mean, he must have some bit of talent tucked away there. Suppose he could always stand in for Harrison Ford if they need some back-up for the next Indiana Jones movie. Cleaning woman!

king mob


smoker

Quote from: "king mob"
Quote from: "smoker"http://football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1178637,00.html

What, no Gary Neville?

the gary neville diaries:

Friday
Put the cones out for Sir today and he glanced at me. Made me feel special. He never looks at Phil like that. Told Mum and she said I have to share but that's not fair because I got to the cones first. Moustache looks a bit thicker today.


Saturday
Won today but I didn't play :-( Watched MUTV all night to see whether Sir said he missed me. Am sure they edited it out. Hung out with Rio until he told me to 'go away innit'. Will tell Sir tomorrow. Deffo not a penalty today - gave that girl Boa Morte a nasty stare after the game to let him know that I know. Man in wheelchair laughed at my moustache. Cried myself to sleep.

Sunday
Took Sir an apple. But Weasley :-) gave him a bottle of red wine so he'll probably play on Tuesday. Creep. Went to Mum's for dinner but she tried to make me eat sprouts and then laughed when I banged my fists on the kitchen lino. She won't laugh again. Read Sir's book in bed. Coloured in moustache with marker. Looks manly.

Monday
Rained at training. Marker wasn't permanent.

Tuesday (early)
Playing tonight so was definitely worth washing bibs for Sir. Looked at papers and I was in them again! Will put in scrapbook. So glad I said Porto don't act like men. Am really getting good at this mind games business. Photo on back of The Sun made my moustache look thin but Mum says it's just the ink. She says I look handsome.

Tuesday (late)
Not fair. Not fair. Not fair. It was a goal and we should of won and someone pushed me and someone tried to hurt Ronaldo and the girls dived on the floor and the referee blew the whistle before we could score and they celebrated in front of OUR fans and that made me so angry but I had to go and tell the TV that they deserved it (they didn't and I had my fingers crossed. Ha!). It's just not fair because we're the best team in the whole wide world.

Have given Philip a Chinese burn for that free-kick and told Sir to sell him.

Wednesday
Sir not happy today. He didn't even cheer up when I gave him my drawing. Wonder if he'll put it on his fridge with the others? Saw a small boy laughing at me so held him down until he said that Manchester United were the best team in the whole wide world. Feel better now. Bought some Re-Gane and put on top lip. Can't wait until the morning to see my bushy, manly 'tache.

Thursday
Phoned David to ask him to ask Elton about hair transplants. He said he was, "too busy preparing for the quarter-finals of the Champions League". Am going to tell Sir and then I'm going to fly to Spain and then hold him down until he says that Manchester United are the best team in the whole wide world. And I'm going to take back the Man United sovereign ring I sent him for Christmas.

Update: Mum says I can't go to Spain.

king mob

That is fucking wonderful! :)