The Thread About Threads.

[TraceyQ]

Ok, so it turns out not everyone who uses the internet is either a geeky spod or Comic Book Guy, some of us actually like clothes. So, here is the thread to bring together like minded individuals (fashion victims) with their likes, dislikes, bargain finds and any good sites wot sell clothes, innit.

I was gutted when ASOS had to close just before Christmas because of the Buncefield oil depot explosion as I'd wanted to order my LBD for the party season from them, but, never fear, it's back with a vengance, flogging some very nice stuff off in the sale and has some really quite gorgeous Spring/Summer pieces available.  

http://www.asos.com will sort you out once and for all, Daddy.


So, come on then, are you Man at C&A or a Chelsea Girl? Do you not know your H&M spring collection from your M&S Summer pudding? Is there something you have wanted from ages but you just cant get? Ask here and maybe, just maybe I'll put my credit card down for long enough to help.

[mothman]

OK, I have a question. My wife has requested, for her birthday, some sort of tank top that is apparently all the rage right now. Can you describe or illustrate, and suggest the best source of same?

[Mediocre Rich]

Well I need a tie to go to a swanky do on Saturday night that has specified "Lounge Suits".  Could somebody please tell me if I need thin or fat or patterned or plain please?

I am planning on wearing a pale pink shirt with a medium sized cheque pattern light pink and slightly lighter pink., and my dark grey suit (as it's my only one).  I was thinking a dark grey plain one as I don't think that the more colourful white pink and grey squared one I bought for a wedding in the summer will quite do for an evening do.

I'm kind of aiming for Jude Law in Alfie, but I think I'm going to end up more like Boris Johnson in the gutter.

Or should I drop the pink shirt and go Black?  Or should I stop worrying about it until Saturday night?

[mothman]

I would probably go thin and plain with that combination. Mind you, depends on your build. I'm heavy-set so thin ties tend to look a bit ridiculous.

[TraceyQ]

OK, I have a question. My wife has requested, for her birthday, some sort of tank top that is apparently all the rage right now. Can you describe or illustrate, and suggest the best source of same?

It's probably not really a tank top, is it? Describe what it is she wants, because when I read "tank top" I automatically think of Argyle.

[petercussing]

I'm kind of aiming for Jude Law in Alfie.

That look's know as "the absolute ponce" or "the fucking styler" and should be avoided as much as that emo look in which the dudes are all thin, with tight jeans and that carbon copy rubbish hair style, which is always dyed black.

Or when guys have their scarves tied in that groovy way.

You know?!?!

Not having a go or anything though, it's just lots of fashion makes me feel all cross and that.

Have you own style guys. Right now i'm wearing a snood, some winkle pickers, a purple shell suit top that sports the phrase "Tough guy, Muscle Guy!", leg warmers, tight, tight shorts.

"I am a model and i'm looking gooood!"

[sick as a pike]

Right now i'm wearing a snood, some winkle pickers, a purple shell suit top that sports the phrase "Tough guy, Muscle Guy!", leg warmers, tight, tight shorts.

Fucking typical.  I'm going to have to change now.

[Partridge's Love Child]

Or when guys have their scarves tied in that groovy way.

You know?!?!

Not having a go or anything though, it's just lots of fashion makes me feel all cross and that. !

I'm really quite miffed with the current trend for scarves.  I'm really big on scarves and various neck attire, and now suddenly every bastard is wearing them as a "trendy" accessory.  Still, I bet they haven't got a lovely Tootal.  I bloody well have.

No one should ever wear a tie with images of Disney, Warner Brothers or Simpsons characters on them.  They look shit.

[Frinky]

Still, I bet they haven't got a lovely Tootal.

I have.

2, in fact.

[Banana Woofwoof]

Okay, this you can help me with.  I don't know what any of the below are called and I need to, as using the wrong word can damage a man's reputation.



These then.  Lovely tight short type things that cling to delicious upper thighs.  Not baggy and usually cotton. What are they called?

And these:



Baggier, sometimes not cotton and sometimes adorned with Bart Simpson, what's their real name?

And these abominations:



Comfy as hell but ugly to look at.  Boy pant things.  What's their real name?

Only the first bloke up there deserves a cock, as you can see. I would have googled rather than doodled but I have no idea what to search for.

[Frinky]

Briefs, boxers, y-fronts.

The first one is the most comfortable, I find.

[TraceyQ]

The top ones are my favourite, named a "tight legged pant" by Daisy in Spaced. I find they are the most flattering to look at.

[jimmy jazz]

From a Young Person™ I have a few dos and don'ts for males of my own for my generation, which can be laughed at by all you tweed-patch wearing VWs, as 50% of people my age actually need this telling to them.


don'ts:

If you can't find it in the mens section of your nearest Levi's outlet then they are not for you but for hairdressers.

Anything that resembles a cravat is a no, before you buy any sort of tie or scarf, ask 200 people what they think it is, if one says a cravat, put it back. If they are homemade, it is time for you to put your gun to your head.

You are NOT in Bullet For My Valentine, any thick watches/ eye make up/ tank tops are the most pathetic thing I've ever seen.

Writing on your Converse does not make you "individual," it makes you a cock, a cock without a cock.

Tracksuit bottoms are for 1.) Grouting your bathroom 2.) A game of five a side 3.) Sorting out your boiler at 4 in the morning. They are not for wearing outside in non-sporting circumstances. If you wear a Fred Perry polo shirt with them, then please set fire to yourself.

No flashy coats, if you look like a lifeguard in it then it's a nono.

Massive label? Wanker.

Gloves? El Wankerino, unless it's incredibly cold, then go with plain black.

Ironic scarf? Thomas the Tank Engine or Power Rangers? Die Wankstein (also see Ironic Backpack) EDIT: PLC beat me to this one

dos:

As all self respecting fashion icons know, the top half is where it's at. A pair of jeans and casual trainers are all you need down below but up top is a minefield.

Polo shirts are your best bet if you want to be simple.

If you want to be complicated, then knowing your colours and multi layering is the way to go (if you are under 30.)  

A nice watch is alright, any other jewelry (I'll give you wedding rings, as I'm nice) is wank.


If you are confused at all may i suggest this?

[Partridge's Love Child]

The top ones are my favourite, named a "tight legged pant" by Daisy in Spaced. I find they are the most flattering to look at.

I don't wear any.  Where does that fit on the flattering list?

[Banana Woofwoof]

The top ones are my favourite, named a "tight legged pant" by Daisy in Spaced. I find they are the most flattering to look at.

Yep, I think so too.  The pant things are horrendous and the baggy things ain't nice at all.

Cheers for the help, Frinky!

[23 Daves]

I used to spend quite a bit on clothes, but over the last two years my wardrobe has started to resemble a jumble sale that's been left out in the sun to fade.  I just don't earn as much as I used to (which was never a fortune, but, y'know...)Trouble is, most of the stuff I think is flattering on me is also unlikely to be found for £20 in GAP.  And you can't get "interesting" retro clothes in Oxfam these days, they're normally savvy enough to sell them on.

Any answers?   I certainly don't have any.

[Frinky]

From a Young Person™ I have a few dos and don'ts for males of my own for my generation, which can be laughed at by all you tweed-patch wearing VWs, as 50% of people my age actually need this telling to them.

There's a lot of room for improvement in that list, I can tell you.

[TraceyQ]

I dunno about flattering, but I can imagine that may give a bit of chafing.

Are you still buying your jeans from Asda?

[23 Daves]

No... the cheapest jeans I have come from GAP, the others from an Italian clothes store in Melbourne.

[jimmy jazz]

From a Young Person™ I have a few dos and don'ts for males of my own for my generation, which can be laughed at by all you tweed-patch wearing VWs, as 50% of people my age actually need this telling to them.

There's a lot of room for improvement in that list, I can tell you.

For you, old man, yes. With your cool guitars and expensive threads. For us H&Mers still schooling, it's harder.

[Frinky]

For you, old man, yes. With your cool guitars and expensive threads. For us H&Mers still schooling, it's harder.

I'm 21 and in uni! And I shop at H&M!

[TraceyQ]

Sorry, Daves. I was asking PLC.  To be fair, the last pair of jeans I bought were from Asda, they were the best fitting skinny jeans I could get for my long pins.

[Partridge's Love Child]

If you can't find it in the mens section of your nearest Levi's outlet then they are not for you but for hairdressers.

Get out.

Anything that resembles a cravat is a no

Get further out.

tank tops are the most pathetic thing I've ever seen.

Get right around the corner.

Writing on your Converse does not make you "individual," it makes you a cock, a cock without a cock.

Okay, you can come back around the corner.

Tracksuit bottoms are for 1.) Grouting your bathroom 2.) A game of five a side 3.) Sorting out your boiler at 4 in the morning. They are not for wearing outside in non-sporting circumstances. If you wear a Fred Perry polo shirt with them, then please set fire to yourself.

You can come up to LOL NO door, but don't come in.

No flashy coats, if you look like a lifeguard in it then it's a nono.

Okay, come back in.

Massive label? Wanker.

Make yourself comfortable.

A nice watch is alright, any other jewelry (I'll give you wedding rings, as I'm nice) is wank.

Would you like to have sex with me?

[petercussing]

No one should ever wear a tie with images of Disney, Warner Brothers or Simpsons characters on them.  They look shit.

Even worse though is the bizarre fashion for UK hip hop and grime types to sport leather jackets with tweety pie and such like on them. How can you not rip the piss out of each other for wearing that? How can you merk, slew or draw down on some one when you're wearing what effectively is a child's jacket? You don't look hard! Maybe it's because of the juxtaposition and they are all brilliantly ironic. Being done over by someone wearing that must be shameful.

Also they like wearing blazers with caps and t-shirts. In my day you would look like a daytime, pub boozing, giro spunking, alcoholic if you dress like that.

All that image conjures for me is:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/780000/images/_781010_rabpointing150.jpg

Fashion, eh. It's always been stupid. I've stuck on looking "mid-ninties" and am looking forward to being fashionable in ten years time.

[jimmy jazz]

For you, old man, yes. With your cool guitars and expensive threads. For us H&Mers still schooling, it's harder.

I'm 21and in uni!

Like I said, you're an old, old man

And I shop at H&M!

You know, I've set foot in there twice, I just thought it was a good example of the type of shops I shop in. Once was with my best mate, the other I went in, had a look at the terrible clothes, walked out. Should I have stayed in there longer?

[Partridge's Love Child]

I dunno about flattering, but I can imagine that may give a bit of chafing.

Are you still buying your jeans from Asda?

I've never bought my jeans from Asda, as well you know.  Though the Levi's I'm currently wearing cost £2.98 from Safeways.

[Frinky]

Should I have stayed in there longer?

Depends. Most of the times its shit (mens stores still seem to be largely faded denim and tees), but most of my favourite, non-suit wardrobe pieces come from there.

[jimmy jazz]

Should I have stayed in there longer?

Depends. Most of the times its shit (mens stores still seem to be largely faded denim and tees), but most of my favourite, non-suit wardrobe pieces come from there.

Is it like Burtons? You have to spend about 40 minutes looking through T shirts saying "Jim's Cock Farm" to find something vaguely attractive in there.

[Frinky]

Kinda. But short of vintage shops (and even then you have to take care), I don't know any shop that isn't like that.

[Banana Woofwoof]

Jeans in general are wrong.  I say this as an owner of a fat arse and short legs, so maybe I'm biased.  Ngh.