Arsecandle!

[Johnny Yesno]

Apologies if you've already seen this but look here. They exist. It's worksafe BTW.

Bit's of the text I liked:

We stand behind all of our products

Surely not all of them...

We've made a conscious decision to not include any drawings or photographs of actual ButtCandle ® usage on this site. Our fear is that a few bad apple pranksters would make a mockery out of those images.

Ah, c'mon now...

Okay, maybe they're right. This is from the customer comments page:

Add Entry

Yickett! Yickett!

[Virtually Perennially]

You can get them for your ears, to suck the wax out. I assume earwax itself isn't flammable...


Hardened enema fans eventually move on to hydrogen peroxide you know. Unbelievable but true. And some people use like a really powerful garlic infusion, which is the bumsquirt most likely to make you throw up during administration. Know thine enema, that's my motto.

[Gazeuse]

Hardened enema fans.

A phrase to conjure with!!!

[Jemble Fred]

Uninteresting story - I wrote a children's book about a frog called Osmondle. His uncle was Kind Ascandle - or at least he was for ages before someone pointed out that there's no way you could get away with that in a kid's book - although I had never actually meant it to mean Arsecandle.

More to the point, I had NO IDEA that I had nicked the sound of the words Arsecandle from CM. Not until the brasseye DVD came out did I realise how I'd subconsciously soaked the word up.

Anyway, he's called Alfcandle now.

As I said, uninteresting.

[Darrell]

The most depressing guestbook entry in history:

Sunday, September 14, 2003 - 06:27:58 pm:
Message from LawrieJ@sonorton.co.uk:

I am emailing about your website and the unique Butt Candle product that really struck me. I'm a tv researcher in the uk on a chat show called v Graham Norton. The show is a late night five nights a week celebrity chat show, not unlike the Letterman show in the states. If you look at our website(www.channel4.com/graham/) you will see that past guests have included bo derek, ursula andress, stephanie powers, carrie fisher, macauley culkin, roy scheider, ivana trump, roger moore, grace jones, glenda jackson and joan collins. Having looked at your site, we may like to feature the Butt Candle as well as the website and possibly give it to a celebrity guest as a present or have someone model it on the show. Would it be at all possible for you to send a sample over to the UK? I have attached to the bottom of the mail, a response from someone similar who recently sent us some products we featured on our show this week and as a result of air time / publicity has seen his sales increase. Although we cannot offer an on screen plug of your website, we can direct all the enquiries we have from our audience (we usually have loads) to your website. Our audience are also very active and are not unknown to seek products themselves using the brand name as a search tool. We would also require copyright clearance from the manufacturers of the product. Please let me know even if you are not interested as we need to get up the item up and running ASAP. We would be happy to cover shipment costs using our FED EX account. You can email me on this address and I look forward from hearing from you. Best wishes - Lawrie Researcher - v Graham Norton T: 00 44 207 960 2048

[hencole]

Shame they don't exist. You'd have thought they could have at least photoshopped a regular candle for our amusement. Worrying how many people would buy one though.

[Hairy Chin]

They give you a free demo video with it - why the hell would it take 18 minutes to show you how to shove a candle up your arse?

Insert, light, wait. the end.

[Johnny Yesno]

Shame they don't exist. You'd have thought they could have at least photoshopped a regular candle for our amusement. Worrying how many people would buy one though.

Aww! You're not telling me it's one of them interweb pranks, are you? Bah! I'm such a sucker... Is the ear candle a prank too?

[Virtually Perennially]

And here's a butt sparkler. It's NOT WORK SAFE. Don't say I never give you anything...

[Johnny Yesno]

Ta. I'm now convinced ear candles exist. I'll have to save the butt sparkler till I get home, though.

[Nancyrowina]

That is funny, shame they couldn't put it on So graham Norton.

[easytarget]

Danny Baker on this:
one
two

[Purple Tentacle]

Inserting a wax cone into your ear and setting fire to it is a perfectly respected way of sucking out earwax by creating a vacumm, the Victorians used to swear by it.

[fanny splendid]

Why can't they use leeches?

[Manford Thirty-Sixborough]

I'm a tv researcher in the uk on a chat show called v Graham Norton. The show is a late night five nights a week celebrity chat show, not unlike the Letterman show in the states.

[Almost Yearly]

And not unlike The Magic Roundabout, in that they are both television programmes.

Inserting a wax cone into your ear and setting fire to it is a perfectly respected way of sucking out earwax by creating a vacuum, the Victorians used to swear by it.

Along with administering oral sex to crying babies and doing opium after dinner, of course. Them Victorians had all the fun.

[MojoJojo]

Inserting a wax cone into your ear and setting fire to it is a perfectly respected way of sucking out earwax by creating a vacumm, the Victorians used to swear by it.

But candles don't make a vacuum.... I'm confused...