This Year's Dead

[Deadman97]

In the last few day of every year, I'll invariably find myself having a conversation about those who've died during the last 365 days. This isn't another lame "Dead Pool" thread, more a place to catalogue and chat about those who've passed on with a view to review at the end of the year, to make those remembrance conversations a little easier.
Unfortunately, the first entry (both of the the thread and the year) is an absolute shitter:

Chris Penn has died, aged only 43. It goes without saying that he was just amazing as Nice Guy Eddie, but I also absolutely loved his role in True Romance- I think he was the good-universe counterpart to Tom Sizemore, in that he could play the same tough-guys and crooked cops but you never for a second believed he was a cunt in real life.

[slim]

43? Blimey. What of? I have a vague memory of reading he was a coke and booze lover, but perhaps that's made up in my head.

He was good at playing a cunt.

[Deadman97]

43? Blimey. What of?

All I'm finding is that it's not suspicious. He wasn't a small fellow, and the cocaine connection rings bells with me too, so my money's on heart failure or somesuch.

[Beagle 2]

He has a film coming out called the Darwin Awards too, shame he couldn't have at least gone out in a ridiculous slapstick freak accident for the publicity.

[slim]

my money's on heart failure or somesuch.

Yeah, that's what I was wondering.

[TOCMFIC]

Fucking depressing. Nice Guy Eddie...

[Huzzie]

Chuck Norris has died today. Not a fan of martial arts movies (except perhaps the current crop) I am not particually touched by this but he does sound like an interesting man. Here are some facts from the BBC website.

FACTS

1. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

2. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

3. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

4. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't
you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

5. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

6. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes
only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

7. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

8. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

9. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

10. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

11. Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

12. As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.


15. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

16. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

17. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

18. At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.

19.Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

20. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

21. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

22. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a
pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more
pirates to him.

23. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

24. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make
him destroy an orphanage.

25. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris
allows to live.

26. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

27. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy sh!t! That's Chuck
Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third
girl he had slept with.

28.In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could
use to kill you, including the room itself.

29. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of
tennis.

30.Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".

31. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"

32. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

33. God wanted 10 days to create the world. Chuck Norris gave him 6.

34. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

35. Chuck was last seen walking down a busy road sporting an erection....there was no known survivors.

[Almost Yearly]

23. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

:-) See, that number never lets you down.

[Jemble Fred]

Oh god, no offence, but I've had the guy who sits next to me at work shouting these out for weeks, AND HE'D ONLY JUST STOPPED!

Oh well.

[Derek Trucks]

You got the right date Huzzie, but the wrong month - try again in April.

[Huzzie]

Haha! Sorry Freddy.:-)

I'd never seen them before this week.

You should expect dozens of emails now each with a Chuck Norris point from the Whores.

[TotalNightmare]

Fuck that Chuck Norris SHIT.

Heres one

39) Imaginary Chuck Norris Facts are about as funny as rape cases where the victim drops the case because she's been threatened by the accuser.

[Huzzie]

You got the right date Huzzie, but the wrong month - try again in April.

What do you mean Des? Is he not really dead? Have I been had?

I read on another forum that he had died.....(gap for google)..... Fuck, there is no news of his death anywhere. I think I have come across an in-joke, havn't? Very embarrasing.

[Huzzie]

Fuck that Chuck Norris SHIT.

Heres one

39) Imaginary Chuck Norris Facts are about as funny as rape cases where the victim drops the case because she's been threatened by the accuser.

<shuffles off with head hung low, solitary tear rolling down cheek>

[imitationleather]

Talking of counting to infinity, this morning in bed I was trying to work out how long it'd take to count up to one billion (I'm so alone) because I thought if I was ever about to be executed and I got offered a last request that'd be it in order to delay the inevitable for as long as possible. My maths, however, is completely shit so I didn't even come close to working it out.

Anyone got any ideas then?

[butnut]

Would you want the US or the UK billion? I'd suggest the UK one as it's a higher number.

[imitationleather]

Is the US billion only 1,000 millions? That's the one I was working with at the time, but I think I'd prefer the UK one.

British is best!

[petercussing]

But that's funny, the rape thing i mean.

[mook]

I you can count to 10 in 1 second it and could keep on doing that and keep tally of the total it would take you 11574.07 days, or 31.701 years. I reckon you'd be better off saying fuck it and taking the bullet.

[Pinball]

Here's a Chuck Norris fact: he isn't dead!

[imitationleather]

After a while though it'd take you several seconds to do one number. I'd probably end up dying of natural causes before I got to a billion.

[mook]

Only Chuck Norris knows that for sure.

[Pinball]

Would you want the US or the UK billion? I'd suggest the UK one as it's a higher number.

To my knowledge both countries define one billion as 1,000 million now.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Well let's say that the average amount of numbers you can say in one second is 4  or 4NPS.

1 Billion divided by 4 = 250000000000
There are 86400 seconds in a day

250000000000 divided by 86400 = 2 893 518.52

So it would take you nearly 3 million days to count to 1 billion.

[Harfyyn Teuport]

Fuck that Chuck Norris SHIT.

Heres one

39) Imaginary Chuck Norris Facts are about as funny as rape cases where the victim drops the case because she's been threatened by the accuser.

No, they're not. They're funnier than that by several degrees. What you've described is horrible, whereas the Chuck Norris 'facts' are moderately-to-highly amusing in and of themselves, even if too often hijacked by brainless quote-happy work colleagues or wacky students.

[Purple Tentacle]

Well let's say that the average amount of numbers you can say in one second is 4  or 4NPS..

Oh yeah? Try saying 'nine hundred and fifty seven million, four hundred thousand,seven hundred and ninety seven,  nine hundred and fifty seven million, four hundred thousand,seven hundred and ninety eight,  nine hundred and fifty seven million, four hundred thousand,seven hundred and ninety nine, nine hundred and fifty seven million, four hundred thousand, eight hundred' in one second. You mental.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

I said the average. Which means some numbers will take less time to say than longer ones. Okay maybe I was a tad ambitious with 4, how about 2 or 1?

[Purple Tentacle]

I said the average. Which means some numbers will take less time to say than longer ones. Okay maybe I was a tad ambitious with 4, how about 2 or 1?

Nah, it takes about a second to say 'one thousand', and that's very early in to his counting, the other 999,999,999,000 (UK billion) are going to take around 3-4 seconds average I reckon. Maybe longer. If he was rushing.

[mook]

I'm sure someone here could work this problem out surely, perhaps even using a chart or something. And I want to see the working out on a seperate piece of paper.

[Catalogue Trousers]

Sorry to get serious again, but I've just found out that Henry McGee has died recently. Whether harassing Benny Hill while dressed as a traffic warden, or being the Honey Monster's long-suffering "Mummy", I think the guy was great. I'd post a picture of that marvellous, affably-ravaged visage of his as well, if I could.