Author Topic: FUCKING LAUNDERETTES (Guess what - a rant!)  (Read 1146 times)

FUCKING LAUNDERETTES (Guess what - a rant!)
« on: February 03, 2004, 07:14:21 PM »
<Rant begins>

First of all there's the very fact that I have to go to a launderette in the first place. Why my bastard landlord won't install one is anyone's guess. She says it's something to do with the plumbing. But that belongs in the landlord rant thread.

Then, there's the fact that I have to lug a huge bag of smelly clothes over to the launderette. Luckily, the nearest one is only about 5 minutes away. But it is largely uphill, and today I didn't realise how amusingly warm it would be for darkest February. So I get there sweating like a fucker.

I dump my things in the machine, pay the fucking £3.60 (this is London, and it was a large machine, but even so), and all seems well. I leave my empty bag on top of the machine with all the rest of the powder in it, and decide to go for a nice late afternoon stroll while the washing's boogying.

I walk out of the launderette, past the well-behaved looking kids by the bus stop, and wander around. I walk through the park, which is lovely, and I think happy thoughts.

I get back to the Launderette. It's totally empty, and my bag's nowhere to be seen. "Some fucker's nicked my bag, and maybe my washing" I think. How fucking great. Well, my washing looks safe in the machine, but the bag has definately gone.

Then I look down behind the back of the machine. And there's my bag, along with a whole load of shit, dirt, and crap. I have to resort to climbing on top of the machine, and reaching down to get my bag back. The bag's basically ok, but all the powder that was in it has spilled out everywhere. Great, and I've got to take my now clean clothes back home in this.

It's while I'm doing this that several people come into the launderette and asume that I'm either insane or a vandal. They give me the most evil looks - especially when I try and empty all the spilled powder into the bin, which ends in me making a massive mess all over the place. By this point I didn't care - the main thing was that I had a much cleaner bag.

Rather than run out in panic, I decided to put my clothes to dry. So I sat there for another 20 minutes or so, with these people looking at me like I'd tried humping the machine (which is quite possibly what it looked like when they walked in). During this whole time not one of them said a fucking word. Bastards.

So I'm pretty glad to be out of there. I know it's not the worst thing that could happen to you, and there have been many rants here on much more serious subjects. But this got me very angry, and I'm not normally that kind of person. I asume it was one of those kids outside who thought it would be 'funny' to do this. Little shits.

Well, I've learnt my lesson. I'm not going to leave my bag in there unattended again, and I'm going to hastle my landlord about getting me a fucking washing machine.

<Rants ends. Please return to your lives>

FUCKING LAUNDERETTES (Guess what - a rant!)
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2004, 07:21:00 PM »
The only thing I remember about laundrettes in London is that they all seemed to be run by middle eastern couples in slippers who looked at/spoke to you like you had just came into their house and spunked into their toaster.
Yet another reason not to live in London.

FUCKING LAUNDERETTES (Guess what - a rant!)
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2004, 07:32:26 PM »
Launderettes are hell at the best of times. I'd rather buy new clothes than suffer in those horrible places, and if i wasn't such a peasant, i probably would.

Well, its all over now, let this take your mind of things!

FUCKING LAUNDERETTES (Guess what - a rant!)
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2004, 07:36:15 PM »
Quote from: "DonkeyRods"
Well, its all over now, let this take your mind of things!


Thanks! Very bizarre and pointless - it's made me feel a whole lot better.

Vermschneid Mehearties

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FUCKING LAUNDERETTES (Guess what - a rant!)
« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2004, 07:36:17 PM »
Quote
Well, its all over now, let this take your mind of things!


*many chuckles*

Sam

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FUCKING LAUNDERETTES (Guess what - a rant!)
« Reply #5 on: February 03, 2004, 07:47:34 PM »
When you put your clothes in and they begin spinning start clapping your hands and shrieking "Round and round and round and round and round and round!"
Then take your cock out and shower everyone in the laundrette with a might arc of piss.

Vermschneid Mehearties

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FUCKING LAUNDERETTES (Guess what - a rant!)
« Reply #6 on: February 03, 2004, 07:49:36 PM »
^^^^^^

Why is everyone being so funny again? It's VW's reborn that's for sure.

FUCKING LAUNDERETTES (Guess what - a rant!)
« Reply #7 on: February 03, 2004, 09:51:39 PM »
Quote from: "Vermschneid Mehearties"
Why is everyone being so funny again? It's VW's reborn that's for sure.


It's like when everyone starts a secondary school - for the first few weeks it's all fresh and exciting. Everyone has high spirits. But gradually the dull tedium returns and you're just as desperate to leave this school as the last.

FUCKING LAUNDERETTES (Guess what - a rant!)
« Reply #8 on: February 03, 2004, 10:18:10 PM »
I remember going to a launderette once in a particularly grim and violent part of London. I bought one of those little packets of soap powder from the machine on the wall, which to my surprise actually worked. Unfortunately it was a real bugger to open, and as I was attempting to tear some kind of hole in the packet it sort of exploded in my hands. To my dismay about half the packet ended up all over this highly intimidating and muscular gentleman who was sitting in front of the machines.

He started shouting at me and acting all menacing like he was about to beat me up. Fortunately he was all mouth and no trousers (well, at least on this occasion) and he didn't really do anything. I sat in silence as he glared at me for the rest of my wash. I didn't bother to use the drier, I was too traumatised. They really are stressful places aren't they?

FUCKING LAUNDERETTES (Guess what - a rant!)
« Reply #9 on: February 03, 2004, 10:30:22 PM »
Quote from: "butnut"
Quote from: "Vermschneid Mehearties"
Why is everyone being so funny again? It's VW's reborn that's for sure.


It's like when everyone starts a secondary school - for the first few weeks it's all fresh and exciting. Everyone has high spirits. But gradually the dull tedium returns and you're just as desperate to leave this school as the last.


I see where you're going. Let's have a huge website fuckup every month to reset things, and hence stave off the tedium!

Blue Jam

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FUCKING LAUNDERETTES (Guess what - a rant!)
« Reply #10 on: February 04, 2004, 12:10:57 AM »
I actually gave up using a launderette in the same street as me as it was so full of weirdos, and chose to walk to one ten minutes away instead. The worst offenders were a wole family of inbred Irish gipsies who used to bother me for no reason- the daughter, who looked about eight, would follow me around, staring straight at me and saying absolutely nothing, with a really evil look on her face the whole time. Sometimes her little brother would join in, whenever he wasn't "playing" with another customer's baby, in a game that involved shoving said baby's face against the floor until he drew blood.

Once their genuinely retarded older sister came in, and proceeded to go straight to my shopping, where she took out a packet of crisps and attempted to give them to her baby-torturing little bastard of a brother. When I snatched them away, she said "can't the baby [he was about four] have one? I'm not a thief, honest!" in a voice that made her sound like her face had been mangled. When I told her "No", all three siblings spent the next half hour shouting  "this one thinks I'm a thief! I ain't no thief!" etc. I also got warned not to come back again as "this is my mam's launderette".

The evil fuckers should have been in school. I wanted to throw the lot of them down a concrete fire escape.

Another time I was there about an hour before closing time, and some guy the owner had employed came to lock up. Instead of just sitting down and waiting for me to collect my washing, he insisted on slowly marching round in circles for about half an hour to pass the time.

There seemed to be a disturbingly weird person in there evertime I went in, so I found a new launderette. I knew someone who lived next door to this weird launderette, and he did the same.