Big companies hate you and think that you are stupid.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

I was opening a packet of Sainsbury Basic bananas (yeah I know, should get fair trade. I didn't buy them.) and I noticed that Mr. Sainsbury told be that bananas were 'Great when peeled'. No shit!

Any other examples of signs that either everyone is really stupid or that big companies think everyone is stupid or that someone, somewhere is taking the piss. Preferably with photographic evidence.

[Morrisfan82]

I think that's probably less stupidity and more bored packaging writers.

Danny Baker used to have a great section on his After All late-night chat show where he'd invite people to send in ridiculous 'serving suggestion' photographs from the labels of food packaging. I remember one example was the label off a tin of soup, where the serving suggestion showed a bowl of soup on a tabletop, surrounded by bizarre 'rustic' items such as a length of rope. As if it was somehow suggested that you should eat the soup near some rope.

[Liszt 99]

... As if it was somehow suggested that you should eat the soup near some rope.

That's just silly..... Perhaps it was more a suggestion that if the soup fell below your expectations, you could show your disappointment by hanging yourself.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Maybe the soup was so nourishing it would give the energy to compete in a tug-of-war competition.

[SetToStun]

Maybe the "rope" was really a big nourishing ox-tail.

[Neville Chamberlain]

Maybe the "rope" was left on the table by accident and nobody noticed.

[JesusAndYourBush]

Ah yes, serving suggestions.  Another good one is on a tin of beans that just shows a big plate of beans.  Genius!

[Morrisfan82]

Considering that food packaging is so awash with cautions these days ('these nuts contain nuts' etc.), I'm amazed that McCoy's don't have a warning about absent-mindedly shovelling razor-sharp daggers of potato into your mouth yet. It's only a lawsuit away, I reckon.

[The Boston Crab]

My favourite ever serving suggestion is my own Instant Noodle Sandwich suggestion. Remove the solid cuboid of freeze-dried noodles from the packet, place between two opposing slices of bread and enjoy lacerated adenoids for lunch.

[imitationleather]

Ah yes, serving suggestions.  Another good one is on a tin of beans that just shows a big plate of beans.  Genius!

Haha, that's brilliant. At least it's a bit more realistic and shows more understanding of their customers than the sort of thing you normally get where it's an amazingly complex recipe that takes an hour to make. When all I'm buying is beans, Weetabix and peanut butter I think it's a given I'm not the "complicated preparation" type.

[JesusAndYourBush]

Years ago on the back of a packet of noodles it said you could eat them dry.  I always thought that was crazy, but just a few days ago I tried eating a little piece and it's just like bombay mix but with less flavour.

Ah yes, serving suggestions.  Another good one is on a tin of beans that just shows a big plate of beans.  Genius!

Almost forgot.  There may have been a tiny bit of parsley placed carefully in the middle of the plate.

[Morrisfan82]

Brain attack: on the 'rope' serving suggestion, there may have been horse-brasses involved as well, but don't quote me on that.

Years ago on the back of a packet of noodles it said you could eat them dry.  I always thought that was crazy, but just a few days ago I tried eating a little piece and it's just like bombay mix but with less flavour.

You could munch on the whole thing and pretend you're a midget eating a savoury Shredded Wheat.

Without milk.

Then ruminate on why she left you.

[Mr. Analytical]

I remember the serving suggestion jokes.  My favourite was the breakfast cereal that "suggested" that you get two cartoon teddies to pour the cereal and the milk into the bowl at the same time.

Careful though... this is A) a "things thread" and B) dangerously close to that "what do you mean shampoo shouldn't be used internally?" style of shit observational humour mocked in TMWRNJ.

[Almost Yearly]

Soup on a rope.

[mothman]

Oh, very good.

[Brutus Beefcake]

How about the stupidity of Martin and Paltrow naming a kid "Moses".

[butnut]

CookdandBombd - Ingredients:

Lurkers, students, the unemployed, the bored at work, the self-employed, SOTCAA, those on incapacity benefit, sixth-formers (and less than 1%: single women, the retired, and die-hard Chris Morris fans)

Nutritional information:

Average posts per member: 89.25
RDA posts per day: 0
Percentage of male posters: 90%
Average hours per day wasted here: too many to count

[Morrisfan82]

Careful though... this is A) a "things thread" and B) dangerously close to that "what do you mean shampoo shouldn't be used internally?" style of shit observational humour mocked in TMWRNJ.

See, we were talking nicely about serving suggestions before you 'pointed' that 'out'. Now it's about tutting at Marti Pellow or something.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Tut.

[Almost Yearly]

Never tut at Marti. He might see it as an invitation, like a horse does, to come and nuzzle you. Imagine Marti nuzzling you for coke, his hands behind his back, doing the Wishing I Was Lucky dance.

[gazzyk1ns]

The serving suggestion on a can of Princes tuna is the plain tuna, emptied out on top of a big pile of rice. That's just rubbish, it's actually worse than simply having the tuna on a plate.

[surreal]

I found the note on the Walkers Max crisps funny... huge picture of a crisp on the bag, note says "not actual size"... no shit, you'd only get 2 in the bag!

Here, look: http://telcontar.net/Misc/packaging/index.php#notas

[imitationleather]

Hah, does that mean someone's actually rung up to complain that the crisps aren't really that size then? Brilliant!

We should look out for things like that and complain about them. Well, it's not like we've got anything better to do, is it? Oh, just me then...

[John Self]

Imagine Marti nuzzling you for coke, his hands behind his back, doing the Wishing I Was Lucky dance.

I've always thought of you as something of a wise one (quite possibly a mixed compliment, there), so I did: I took you up on this suggestion.

Results? I immediately jumped back in fright and banged my head on the wall, then fell to the floor and knelt there being violently sick for a whole 2 minutes.

Then a further 1 minute.

Then, finally, 21 minutes.

(Powerful mental-aftertaste, that Pellow fella.)

Your suggestion, then: emetic, idiotic, pointless, ON-TOPIC

[fanny splendid]

Hah, does that mean someone's actually rung up to complain that the crisps aren't really that size then? Brilliant!

We should look out for things like that and complain about them. Well, it's not like we've got anything better to do, is it? Oh, just me then...

My Great-Gran wrote to Bassetts to complain about there being too much liquorice in their Liquorice Allsorts, and they sent her a voucher for five quid. Inspired, I wrote to Old El Paso to complain that the diameter of their tortillas was getting smaller, and that they were no longer able to contain an adequate amount of filling. So they sent me a voucher for two quid.

[wheatgod]

A friend of mine sent a letter to Rowntree complaining that there was a jet black Polo in his pack. He received a compensation cheque of £13, he's not cashed it still five years later, the obligatory proof.
How they arrived at the amount of £13 nobody knows.

[imitationleather]

Did he have to send the jet black polo to them, or did they just take his word for it?

[Bogey]

Is it Tesco that has sections labelled "Italian Meal Solutions" ; "Indian Meal Solutions"?

They usually rankle my ire a bit. Presumably that's the point.


Bleak, sorry.

[Robot DeNiro]

A friend of mine sent a stone to Malvern Water, claiming it had "fallen off the label".



He didn't get a reply.

[Tokyo Sexwhale]

A friend of mine sent a letter to Rowntree complaining that there was a jet black Polo in his pack. He received a compensation cheque of £13, he's not cashed it still five years later, the obligatory proof.
How they arrived at the amount of £13 nobody knows.

Wasn't that the "Find the Jet Black Polo and win £13" promotion they had awhile back?