Author Topic: Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers  (Read 3510 times)

Sam

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Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« on: February 03, 2004, 07:38:36 PM »
I suppose most people (not least those wo smoke) have noticed how warnings on tobacco products have gone from the rather simple "Smoking's band, innit" to "Smoking harms pretty little creatures, causes satanism, kills children and will cause you to die a screaming, bloody, death. Then you'll go to hell where 10,000 miniature devils will..." etc

Also, the FACT advert you see in the cinema is ridiculusly over the top. I know that was probably their intention, but come on! "Piracy causes terrorism, is destroying the video industry, is causing a tear in the space-time continuum" etc

What they really mean is "Piracy is allowing penniless people the opportunity to enjoy many great works of cinema and music and is cutting down on our supernormal profits. I mean, at this rate I'll be relegated from the status of a trillionaire to a billionaire. Eeek!"

gazzyk1ns

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Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2004, 08:02:19 PM »
Ooh could someone link to those "alternate cigarette warnings" please? Sorry to seemingly post off-topic Sam, I don't know if you know what I mean... there's a page of spoof warnings somewhere out there which are quite funny, and they're now lost with the old board as far as I know.

Vermschneid Mehearties

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Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2004, 08:06:01 PM »
Smokers need to be constantly reminded, even if it's just to annoy them. What would be even better would be a 'Life-o-meter' printed on the cigarette paper, so you can see how many minutes of your life ebb away after each fag.

Fuck me that sounded good.

Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2004, 08:15:00 PM »
Quote from: "Vermschneid Mehearties"
What would be even better would be a 'Life-o-meter' printed on the cigarette paper, so you can see how many minutes of your life ebb away after each fag.
.


Probably the same amount of minutes it took to write that post. ;-)

Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2004, 08:16:44 PM »
Quote from: "gazzyk1ns"
Ooh could someone link to those "alternate cigarette warnings" please? Sorry to seemingly post off-topic Sam, I don't know if you know what I mean... there's a page of spoof warnings somewhere out there which are quite funny, and they're now lost with the old board as far as I know.


http://www.smokingcures.com


gazzyk1ns

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Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #5 on: February 03, 2004, 08:43:44 PM »
Nice one.

Bogey

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Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #6 on: February 03, 2004, 08:55:34 PM »
Quote from: "Vermschneid Mehearties"
Smokers need to be constantly reminded, even if it's just to annoy them. What would be even better would be a 'Life-o-meter' printed on the cigarette paper, so you can see how many minutes of your life ebb away after each fag.


Now it's perfectly reasonable to moan about having to breathe others' smoke; dog-ends on the pavement; the innocent little children and so on.

But to bollock people for damaging their own health? I don't understand. I really don't understand that at all. Why does it make you angry that the lives of a section of society, one which you clearly don't care a great deal for, will be shortened? From whence stems the rage?

Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #7 on: February 03, 2004, 08:57:33 PM »
We had a multimongia thread about that. Mine was the best by far and everyone agreed.

Vermschneid Mehearties

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Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #8 on: February 03, 2004, 08:58:36 PM »
I couldn't give a fuck though. I'd rather annoy them.

I'm perfectly aware that even if the cigarette emits radiation which makes every phone receive a text message reading "YOU SHOULDN'T SMOKE- CUNT!", they'd still smoke.

All this anti-smoking stuff is probably deliberately trying to make people stop smoking, but all its really doing is make people like me cackle with laughter about how worked up and sanctimonious smoker monkeys are getting.

Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #9 on: February 03, 2004, 09:03:59 PM »


I'm sorry, is this not multimongia?  ;)

Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #10 on: February 03, 2004, 09:06:24 PM »
Quote from: "Vermschneid Mehearties"

All this anti-smoking stuff is probably deliberately trying to make people stop smoking, but all its really doing is make people like me cackle with laughter about how worked up and sanctimonious smoker monkeys are getting.


sanc·ti·mo·ni·ous    
adj.
Feigning piety or righteousness

I'd say that's more a description of people who have a go at smokers rather than the other way around

Vermschneid Mehearties

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Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #11 on: February 03, 2004, 09:07:22 PM »
Oh. Just one word then? Fair enough. The rest of my post still stands, sanctimonious or not. It's just funny.

Bogey

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Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #12 on: February 03, 2004, 09:14:49 PM »
Quote from: "Vermschneid Mehearties"
I'm perfectly aware that even if the cigarette emits radiation which makes every phone receive a text message reading "YOU SHOULDN'T SMOKE- CUNT!", they'd still smoke.


Yeah, but they're just so... moreish.

Why aren't the fat social pariahs as well?

Re: Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #13 on: February 03, 2004, 09:16:26 PM »
Quote from: "Sam"
What they really mean is "Piracy is allowing penniless people the opportunity to enjoy many great works of cinema and music and is cutting down on our supernormal profits. I mean, at this rate I'll be relegated from the status of a trillionaire to a billionaire. Eeek!"


Well said Sir.

As for cigarettes, I always liked what Bill Hicks said. "Smoking may cause low birth weight. Found my brand!"

The warnings over here have pictures as well, of stuff like crudded up lungs etc... Delightful.

Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #14 on: February 03, 2004, 09:17:41 PM »
Quote from: "Rats"
We had a multimongia thread about that. Mine was the best by far and everyone agreed.


I certainly agreed - but I had to explain the word ayaz to non geordie types, which was odd because I'd always assumed it was a universal cry.

fanny splendid

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Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #15 on: February 03, 2004, 09:22:19 PM »
Care to explain again?

I missed the thread the first time around, and haven't seen Biker Grove in years.

Bogey

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Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #16 on: February 03, 2004, 09:23:50 PM »
I've never heard it before.
Does this mean that I belong in the quite brilliant "hyperignorance" thread?

Does it sound like it's spelt?

And what does "knacks" mean? I tried reading it in a geordie accent (helpful with Dec & Ant on the television), but was none the wiser.

Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #17 on: February 03, 2004, 09:32:53 PM »
see your brilliance is wasted on the unfortunate non-geords

ayaz = "ouch"
knacks = "hurts"

Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #18 on: February 03, 2004, 09:36:20 PM »
Quote from: "Bogey"

Why aren't the fat social pariahs as well?


Bloody good point.

Jog, you fat cunt, JOG!!!

Re: Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #19 on: February 03, 2004, 09:40:00 PM »
Quote from: "Sam"
What they really mean is "Piracy is allowing penniless people the opportunity to enjoy many great works of cinema and music and is cutting down on our supernormal profits. I mean, at this rate I'll be relegated from the status of a trillionaire to a billionaire. Eeek!"


Depends how big your tolerance of shoddy frame rates and blotchy compression artifacts are I suppose.

Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #20 on: February 03, 2004, 09:42:23 PM »
Not always. I got 'Lost In Translation' and 'Monster' off suprnova recently and they're practically dvd quality.

imitationleather

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Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #21 on: February 03, 2004, 09:47:00 PM »
Is that anti-piracy ad that used to be on videos, y'no, "Verbal contract mate... Wuuur... That bloke on the Fast Show stole my character... Waaaaay... As advertised on crimestoppers" the most parodied advert ever? If it isn't, I think we should parody it some more.

Bogey

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Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #22 on: February 03, 2004, 09:51:40 PM »
I got the film Punch-Drunk Love off of Suprnova the other day, on the recommendation of a friend whom I trust with these things.
Reluctant to buy or rent on account of a real phobia of Adam Sandler; he, and the film, turned out to be excellent. So much so indeed, I might consider buying the DVD, which I would not otherwise have done.
Therefore, piracy increases sales.

wasp_f15ting

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Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #23 on: February 03, 2004, 09:53:38 PM »
Unless fat people connect a pipe into their body and shove the fat into your gullet it isn’t the same fucking this is it?

Most clubs I go to I feel choked because of cunting bastard smokers, esp. 5th avenue which has no fucking ventilation. Filled with drunken smokers the place makes me cough a few times, after guggling a few doubles I don’t give a fuck, but I don’t want to be filled with smokers' carcinogenic shit, if the club has 200 smokers, and little ventilation, it is most likely your lungs are going to be filled with the same crap.

Smoking in small places and concert arenas should be banned.. when I saw system of the down some time ago, I felt sick, smoke weed and sweat all mixed in with people falling on you, fucking horrid stuff. Unless they can prove that smokers don’t cause problems passively I want them to be banned in such areas of little or no fresh air. I am sooo glad smoking is banned on International flights now.. I used to dread flying because of the nausea it caused, no fresh air and recycled smoker’s air made it unbearable. I am not sure how smokers feel when they smoke, but I fucking hate the stench, and when in enough quantity I feel ill..

Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #24 on: February 03, 2004, 09:53:39 PM »
Quote from: "Bogey"
I got the film Punch-Drunk Love off of Suprnova the other day, on the recommendation of a friend whom I trust with these things.
Reluctant to buy or rent on account of a real phobia of Adam Sandler; he, and the film, turned out to be excellent. So much so indeed, I might consider buying the DVD, which I would not otherwise have done.
Therefore, piracy increases sales.


Ooh, if it's still there, I might 'borrow' a copy too.

<goes off to check>

Bogey

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Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #25 on: February 03, 2004, 10:01:00 PM »
Not that it'll make the slightest difference to anyone's views, it is apparently true that since they stopped letting people smoke on planes, they've cut the number of times they replace the cabin air by something like three times, so instead of people's smoke, you have to breathe their breath, and their skin and whatnot.
Not that I'm advocating smoking on planes, but that seems a little out of order to me.

I don't understand airports though. Oh no, you can't possibly smoke anywhere here, it's an airport don't you know! For fuck's sake, what has that got to do with anything?

wasp_f15ting

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« Reply #26 on: February 03, 2004, 10:06:22 PM »
Quote from: "Bogey"
Not that it'll make the slightest difference to anyone's views, it is apparently true that since they stopped letting people smoke on planes, they've cut the number of times they replace the cabin air by something like three times, so instead of people's smoke, you have to breathe their breath, and their skin and whatnot.
Not that I'm advocating smoking on planes, but that seems a little out of order to me.

I don't understand airports though. Oh no, you can't possibly smoke anywhere here, it's an airport don't you know! For fuck's sake, what has that got to do with anything?


A source would be nice, I am cynical fucker and don't believe stuff like that. Nice one ;-)

Frinky

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Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #27 on: February 03, 2004, 10:12:43 PM »
Quote from: "Bogey"
I don't understand airports though. Oh no, you can't possibly smoke anywhere here, it's an airport don't you know! For fuck's sake, what has that got to do with anything?


The fact that airports and airport-associated vehicles and machinery are quite liable to go "boom" - so minimising the fire risk in every possible way is a priority. Obviously, it's only a small chance, very small, but it's still worth alieviating.

Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #28 on: February 03, 2004, 10:15:01 PM »
Quote from: "wasp_f15ting"
Unless they can prove that smokers don’t cause problems passively I want them to be banned in such areas of little or no fresh air.


Actually,  a little bit of searching on google will inform you that the risk of getting smoking related illness from second hand smoke is minimal.

Penn and Teller recently did a show which debunked the whole myth surrounding passive smoking, and how doctors have lied and used wrong figures to say that passive smoking is a big danger, when in fact the real figures show that about 5 in a million people who don't regularly inhale passive smoke die of smoking related illness compared to 15 who do regularly inhale passive smoke. So yes, there is a slight danger, but it's nowhere near what has been said.
If we're going to ban smoking just because other people don't like it, why don't we also ban loud people, and smelly people, and people we don't like the look of, and buskers, and anything else which annoys us.
I'm happy to have smoking banned in restaurants, and also it's fine to have areas for only smoking, but to say that everyone else should go outside of a pub, which is a place where smoking has always gone hand in hand with drinking, just because some people don't like it, is ridiculous.

Bogey

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Warnings on cigarrette packets/piracy trailers
« Reply #29 on: February 03, 2004, 10:15:50 PM »
I hate to repeat myself but, for fuck's sake.

Furthermore, as I remember, they also have restaurants, which may contain ovens, and even a naked flame or two.

Honestly.