Funny Wikipedia lines

[Carlos Tevez]

Post any sentences that caught you off guard whilst innocently browsing Wikipedia. While reading about Ned Kelly:

'In 1869, 14-year-old Ned was arrested for assaulting a Chinese pig farmer named Ah Fook.'

This doozie caused me to splutter while reading about the World's oldest people. On María Capovilla:

'By March 2006, María's health had declined somewhat, and she was no longer able to read the newspaper. She has also nearly stopped talking and no longer walks except when helped by two persons. Maria is, however, still able to sit erect in her chair.'

[19pack]

I'll go first, then.

Just came accross this on the entry for channel 4 newsreader Jon Snow:

He is well-known for his individual style, particularly colourful silk neckties and (often matching) socks.

He is fond of cinnamon whirls.

[Why I Hate Tables]

I saw something that made me laugh.

An entire segment on golf with numerous bizarre edits, for example my favourites:
"Strokes-Can be fatal"
"The golf course can be navigated by trains"

[Ghost of Troubled Joe]

"Decapitation is invariably fatal."

[sheik yerbouti]

Big was received with almost unanimous critical acclaim.[1] It was (and still is) generally considered the gold standard when it comes to movies in which a child is trapped in an adult's body.[2]

[klaatu!]

Gary Stretch (born November 4, 1968) is a boxer-turned-actor from St. Helens near Liverpool, England. He was formerly married to Roselyn Sanchez.

Gary "came out" three months ago. Yes... you got that right... he takes it in the "A".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gary_Stretch

[aaaaaaaaaargh!]

how the fuck did you find that?

[terminallyrelaxed]

Gary Stretch (born November 4, 1968) is a boxer-turned-actor from St. Helens near Liverpool, England. He was formerly married to Roselyn Sanchez.

Gary "came out" three months ago. Yes... you got that right... he takes it in the "A".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gary_Stretch

Bizarrely, I watched Dead Man's Shoes last night....

edit: not that bizarreif its what caused you to end up on Gary's page I suppose...

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Gary "came out" three months ago. Yes... you got that right... he takes it in the "A".

If they're going to vandalise a page then the least they could do is swear properly.

[Harfyyn Teuport]

I don't know why, but I think that use of "A" is somewhat funnier than proper swearing.

[clareQuilty]

Gary Stretch looks a bit like Biffa Bacons dad in Viz,

[klaatu!]

how the fuck did you find that?

What terminallyrelaxed said.

The page has been changed now, although I wonder how long it had been like that. There's probably wikipedia pages that have been left vandalised for months because no one looks at them.

[Sovereign]

I've already posted this, but Purple Aki's page was pretty funny.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple_Aki

He may have been as far as Newcastle upon Tyne, where he questioned a young Neil Casson with his infamous line, "Hey! Do you work out?!". Neil Casson, once a world class table tennis player as not been the same since Purple Aki felt more than his 'muscles'. "I don't feel like a man anymore...", he stated to the police.

It also had "Has a big purple cock and slashes P and A into the buttocks of young men when he bums 'em" written on it last time I posted it, but it got removed.

[imitationleather]

"Supermalt is a malt energy drink rich in carthorse gases. It is a non-alcoholic dark brown drink, and is considered by many to taste as if a serial killer had disposed of his victims inside the vats of supermalt at the manufacturing plant."

It's been like that for weeks now as well. Although having tasted Supermalt, I'd argue that it isn't actually vandalism at all.

[Carlos Tevez]

Eazy-E's style is gangsta rap, marked by his relatively high-pitched voice and his lyrics focusing on guns, drugs, the police, pimps, prostitutes, violent acts against those who disrespected him, and abundant sexual activity.

[19pack]

In regard to Emma Lynch, a child actress cast as Luna Lovegood in the latest Harry Potter film:

Lynch is a huge Harry Potter fan and, according to her family, is "obsessed" with the series. In 2003, Lynch met Potter author J. K. Rowling and received a signed copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. She was let out of hospital to do so.

[Goldentony]

Wrestler 'The Iron Sheik' has this section on his page -

The Sheik has displayed hatred towards former wrestler B. Brian Blair, once a member of the tag team the "Killer Bees" with partner Jim Brunzell. During an interview conducted in 2005 with Dan Mirade of the Boston, Massachusetts based Millennium Wrestling Federation, the Sheik was asked about his appearance at WrestleMania III, where he teamed with Nikolai Volkoff against the Killer Bees. When offering his recollections about the event, Iron Sheik expressed very high praise towards Brunzell (who he also helped train for pro wrestling) for his athletic and high-jumping prowess, but displayed contempt and hatred towards Blair, referring to him as "another faggot son of a bitch, no good low life", "punk little gay" and a "fag", comparing him with Michael Jackson and Hulk Hogan, and expressing his desire to break Blair's back and then sodomize him.[1] The Sheik clearly views the sodomization of Blair as a means to the ends of making him a humble man. Other times, the Sheik has referred to the sodomization of Blair as giving it to him "the old country way" or, bluntly, by stating that he shall "break his back and then fuck his ass, make him humble." Why he did not "break [Blair's] back and then fuck [Blair's] ass" at WrestleMania is the subject of much discussion and perhaps rests on the critical intervention of Jim Duggan, though Iron Sheik claims he did not sodomize Blair out of respect for his sport because he is a professional and "for God and Jesus and Mr. McMahon". That line is also interesting as Sheik proclaimed in the WWE's "Greatest Wrestling Stars of the '80s" DVD and at the 2005 WWE Hall Of Fame Ceremony that he was a Moslem.

It is well worth noting that B. Brian Blair has neither confirmed nor denied Sheik's description of him as a "punk little gay" or as a "fag." Neither Blair nor his representation has addressed whether or not he is in fact worse than Michael Jackson, a subject of heated debate. Blair, however, is married to a woman with whom he has two sons. At first glance, this fact appears to repudiate Sheik's assertion; however, Blair's own personal website lists his favorite quotation as "I never met a man I didn't like." Whether or not this admission qualifies as a declaration of Blair's homosexuality is ambigious; however, it does lend credibility to the "punk little gay" hypothesis. In addition, his campaign website[2] contains a quote from his wife of 18 years, Toni, who states, "Brian is a wonderful husband and father. And he is a very humble person." This could be interpreted as meaning that perhaps the Iron Sheik (or someone else) may have "done it to him the old country way" and "made him humble". On the same site, Hulk Hogan is quoted as saying, "To know him is to love him" and Rusty Kidd states, "Brian just seems to have a knack for getting along with other coaches as well as the players and their parents", lending further credibility to the "punk little gay" and "worse than Michael Jackson" theories, respectively.

[bill hicks]

Wrestler 'The Iron Sheik' has this section on his page -

The Sheik has displayed hatred towards former wrestler B. Brian Blair, once a member of the tag team the "Killer Bees" with partner Jim Brunzell. During an interview conducted in 2005 with Dan Mirade of the Boston, Massachusetts based Millennium Wrestling Federation, the Sheik was asked about his appearance at WrestleMania III, where he teamed with Nikolai Volkoff against the Killer Bees. When offering his recollections about the event, Iron Sheik expressed very high praise towards Brunzell (who he also helped train for pro wrestling) for his athletic and high-jumping prowess, but displayed contempt and hatred towards Blair, referring to him as "another faggot son of a bitch, no good low life", "punk little gay" and a "fag", comparing him with Michael Jackson and Hulk Hogan, and expressing his desire to break Blair's back and then sodomize him.[1] The Sheik clearly views the sodomization of Blair as a means to the ends of making him a humble man. Other times, the Sheik has referred to the sodomization of Blair as giving it to him "the old country way" or, bluntly, by stating that he shall "break his back and then fuck his ass, make him humble." Why he did not "break [Blair's] back and then fuck [Blair's] ass" at WrestleMania is the subject of much discussion and perhaps rests on the critical intervention of Jim Duggan, though Iron Sheik claims he did not sodomize Blair out of respect for his sport because he is a professional and "for God and Jesus and Mr. McMahon". That line is also interesting as Sheik proclaimed in the WWE's "Greatest Wrestling Stars of the '80s" DVD and at the 2005 WWE Hall Of Fame Ceremony that he was a Moslem.

It is well worth noting that B. Brian Blair has neither confirmed nor denied Sheik's description of him as a "punk little gay" or as a "fag." Neither Blair nor his representation has addressed whether or not he is in fact worse than Michael Jackson, a subject of heated debate. Blair, however, is married to a woman with whom he has two sons. At first glance, this fact appears to repudiate Sheik's assertion; however, Blair's own personal website lists his favorite quotation as "I never met a man I didn't like." Whether or not this admission qualifies as a declaration of Blair's homosexuality is ambigious; however, it does lend credibility to the "punk little gay" hypothesis. In addition, his campaign website[2] contains a quote from his wife of 18 years, Toni, who states, "Brian is a wonderful husband and father. And he is a very humble person." This could be interpreted as meaning that perhaps the Iron Sheik (or someone else) may have "done it to him the old country way" and "made him humble". On the same site, Hulk Hogan is quoted as saying, "To know him is to love him" and Rusty Kidd states, "Brian just seems to have a knack for getting along with other coaches as well as the players and their parents", lending further credibility to the "punk little gay" and "worse than Michael Jackson" theories, respectively.

"Suplex him, put him in the Camel Clutch, break his back...and then fuck his ass!"

I always meant to check if someone had put Shieky's 'Humbling' philosophy on his page. I love the fact it has citations.

[Carlos Tevez]

Beginning in November 1986, Heidnik, a former soldier who had made a small fortune on the stock market, abducted five women and held them in the basement of his house in Philadelphia. The captives were sexually abused, beaten and tortured in front of each other... At his arraignment, Heidnik used a unique, and ultimately unintelligent, defense: he claimed that the women were already in the house when he moved in. Clearly, this argument failed to impress the judge.

Graham Frederick Young. When the press asked for a photo, he insisted they use this photobooth shot in which he looked 'particularly cold-eyed and sinister.'

Brady collected books about torture and sadomasochism and other paraphilias relating to domination and servitude. He was also a supporter of Glasgow Rangers football club.

[sick as a pike]

In the piece on Jeremy Spake, the Russian speaking, camp one from 'Airport'-

Was last seen working as a Boris Becker impersonator in south west London.

[klaatu!]

This has been editied out now, but from the history page on Nick Hancock:

Nick Hancock has a twin brother. I know this, because I once approached him in a Stoke-on-Trent restaurant with the intention of getting an autograph, only to be greeted with the words: "I'm not fucking Nick Hancock, I'm his fucking brother".

[ski-o]

Graphic Novelist Alan Moore

Moore is a practising magician and worships a Roman snake-deity named Glycon.[7]

[Shane G]

"Pull My Finger is a joke or prank regarding flatulence in which a mark is asked to pull the finger of the illusionist (or person playing the joke), who simultaneously flatulates so as to suggest a causal relationship between the pulling of the finger and the resulting expulsion of gas."

I love that line

[neveragain]

Whilst trying to find out if Su Pollard was Welsh or not, I chanced upon..

'In 2001, she presented an edition of long-running BBC religious programme Songs of Praise. The combination of Pollard's legendary gusto and elderly church congregations singing traditional hymns made for an unusual televisual experience, and one which has not been repeated.'

[A Passing Turk Slipper]

Anyone ever listen to the audio versions of articles? Sometimes they are pretty funny. The speakers are quite often taking the piss. For example I just had a little listen to Reggae one, the guy gets steadily more idiotic, he's a bit of an arse, he's clearly joking around though - he provides his own renditions of the quoted lyrics in the article, does sound effects and puts on stupid voices throughout.

[Marvin]

You can also listen to over 23 minutes of a man talking about 'All your base are belong to us'

[jutl]

The device was most commonly used for the punishment of dishonest brewers and bakers.

[Why I Hate Tables]

Anyone ever listen to the audio versions of articles?

Are they just done by the site or can users add audio versions.

If they can, I'm adding some.

[actwithoutwords]

n00b: It is used most commonly to tell another person that they are inferior when it comes to skill in any video game. For example if someone is getting r0xx0r3d they would be called a n00b as they have a significant lack of skill compared to the other players.

From the entry on l33t. I love the way the generally matter of fact tone just casually slips into l33t when trying to explain other words.

[Baxter]

Darren "Daz" Sampson (born 1974 in Stockport, Greater Manchester) is a British dance music producer and vocalist.

Up until 2006, when he represented the UK in the Eurovision Song Contest, Sampson was best known for his commercial dance music, often reworking older songs. His credits include songs such as "Out of Touch" (as a member of Uniting Nations), "Rhinestone Cowboy" (as a member of Rikki & Daz) and "Kung Fu Fighting" (as a member of Bus Stop).

He has been described as "a reformed semi-criminal, who one day hopes to afford teeth" (he lost some in a fight over a girl)[1].

Daz Sampson is an accomplished paedofile

Daz Sampson is an accomplished paedofile[2]

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Daz Sampson is an accomplished paedofile