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The Khronicles Of Koji

Started by dekionplexis, March 15, 2004, 10:13:51 PM

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dekionplexis

CUE: Ryuichi Sakamoto Ft Cesaria Evora - E Preciso Perdoar

 Koji is a regular of mine, he is always punctual, every Wednesday at 7:30, he always brings me a box of Oreo cookies. I've told him many times that there's no need, being diabetic I can only have the odd one, any more, and I feel quite ill. He ignores this completely. I give them to my son Johnny, who is also diabetic, but doesn't seem to mind the odd fainting fit, he's quite advanced for a four year old. Luckily Chrissy hasn't got it, I hope she went to school today, I swear she'll be the death of me, things haven't been the same since I caught her playing with herself in the attic...

Koji sits, staring at me, that disturbing smile on his face, his eyes, like daggers, never blinking, never moving, he really is quite mad. I hate to say that, to use the term 'mad', in my profession, we usually dress the word up, but in Koji's case, it's the only word that fits, besides 'sociopath', but that takes to long to say, once you've got ya PHD ya don't have to worry about all the bollocks.

Koji sits, he still sits and smiles, eyes making holes in my head, silent and as disturbing as an open grave. Last Wednesday I ended telling him that it was important for him to use these sessions constructively, that it was redundant for me to do ALL the talking, and have him nod occasionally and say 'Hmmmm, yes, I see'. Before he left, he told me that next time he would make the effort, he lied. I swear I can actually feel his insanity emanating out of him, in waves, like sound, the man is quite sick.

'You do not want a cookie?'

> My god, he talked, he actually talked first, christ he made me jump there.
'Errr, no, no I'm fine,....would you like one?'

'No thank you, I have many boxes at home'.

>This guy really does bother me somewhat, I wonder if I can off load him to John...hmmm, must be a way, I'll say I'm bogged down or something...hmmm
'Of course, so Koji, how have you been lately?'

'I have been very well thank you, and you?'

>Yeah, I'll say I'm bogged down, John's hardly rushed off his feet, he'll take him on no probs, poor bugger.
'Oh, I'm very well Koji...'

'And your family, they are well?'

>I hate the way he grins whenever he asks about my family, every bloody week, christ, maybe I'm being too hard on the guy, I dunno...no, he's really rather creepy..
'They're great Koji, thanks for asking, now, we really need to discuss YOU, that's what these sessions are for, I mean, you're not paying me just to enquire about the well being of my family are you...hahha..'

'I saw your daughter yesterday...'

>God I'm tired, I shouldn't have had that panini at lunch, and the chips..eh?
'Sorry, what did you say?'

'Yes, your daughter, Chrissy, isn't it? I saw her during my lunch-time break..'

>If she skipped school again, she'll bloody get it..
'Where?'

'Yes, outside the HMV, she was talking to a black youth and she was dressed most provocatively, does she not have schoolage to attend?'

>'black youth'...'provocatively'.....'HMV'......'talking'.....'Yes'...my head hurts...
'Hang on,....you saw my daughter, yesterday, talking to a black person, during your lunch break...'

'Yes'

>How does he know what she looks like?
'Koji, how did you recognise my daughter, you've never met?'
> Thank god

'Ah, yes. You showed my a photograph of your son, Johhny, your daughter Chrissy, and your dead wife Veronica, errrmmm, about fifteen weeks ago...'

>Well, he's got me there
'Ahhh, yes. OK, right...errrmmmm, ok.....when you say 'dressed provocatively' what do you mean?'

'Ah, yes. She was wearing black, thigh high boots, a short plaid mini-skirt, which allowed one to just about see her white cotton panties, a very tight pink T-shirt, which stated the term 'Honey' across the breast, I noticed she was not wearing bra, as it was quite chilly yesterday, heavy black eye make-up, bright red lipstick and rouge on cheeks, her blonde hair was very loose also, ah, also, a small black jacket, but I did not stop long enough to notice the make,..ah, also many many bangles on hands, and some gold jewllery on her fingers, possibly gold sovereigns, plus large gold ear-rings, two in each ear. That's all I saw.....Ah, a small pink handbag with white trim bearing the 'Playboy' bunny logo,....that is all.

>I had to ask...
'.........I see....'

'Yes'

>If he doesn't stop smiling, I swear I'll deck the little fucker
'Right, Koji, I don't suppose you mind if we cut todays seesion short do you?'
>Either way, we're gonna

'Errrrm, by how much...?'

>STOP SMILING!!!!!!!!!!
'Well, by about 55 minutes..'
>Why am I even asking?, I should just fucking go...

'Errmmm, if you have personal affairs to attend to, then I suppose they must take precedence over my own personal psychological problems...'

>This guy...
'Ok,..well, that's great, sorry about this, I really must get home, you understand of course...'

'Oh yes,.....I hope you will discipline her accordingly'

>Eh?
'Excuse me?'

'When I was a youth, my father would chastice me, by making me stand on my toes for many hours at a time, while holding many bags of rice in each hand..usually I would then...'

>Christ almighty...
'Right I've got to go now, Sarah will see you out, next Wednesday, Ok, we'll make it a double, on the house, what you say...'

'Errmmm, well, no, because, only an hour is sufficient as from 21:00 to 22:00 on a Wednesday I teach a 'Communications' class at the local...

>Fucking moron
'Bye!'

..................
...............
.........
....

'Hmmmmmm.....errrmmmm....I see....again, as before, the empty room is my only friend, hmmmmm, I see....haha...'
>> He shall never find her

Replies From View


bgmnts

Something about the usage of 'panties' and 'cookies' when meaning biscuits in a British setting made my blood run cold. I saw the future, and it was not a future I want to be a part of.

Save me Koji.

imitationleather

Fucking hell I thought dekionplexis was back and that gave me a proper fright.

He threatened to meet me for a physical fight once because I told him his writing was unreadable shite. Always slept with one eye open ever since.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse


Johnny Yesno

Quote from: imitationleather on June 04, 2022, 11:35:30 PMFucking hell I thought dekionplexis was back and that gave me a proper fright.

He threatened to meet me for a physical fight once because I told him his writing was unreadable shite. Always slept with one eye open ever since.

And then it turns out to be a shit one by Replies. What a disappointment.

Replies From View

Quote from: Johnny Yesno on June 05, 2022, 04:02:45 AMAnd then it turns out to be a shit one by Replies. What a disappointment.

Don't discount the handful of brilliant posts that followed mine.  Balanced out, it's all been very much worth the anguish.

Butchers Blind

March 15th 2004, Cha Cha Slide by DJ Casper was Number 1 in the UK pop charts.

Barry Admin

#8
Quote from: Butchers Blind on June 05, 2022, 10:24:04 AMMarch 15th 2004, Cha Cha Slide by DJ Casper was Number 1 in the UK pop charts.

It is actually fucking crazy how long this place has been going. We're two months away from the 23rd birthday.

I still remember very early posts where people thought Big Brother was gonna be some kind of CM setup or something.

At the end of this month, I'll have been running CaB for half of my life.

touchingcloth

Weirdly enough, the first half.

flotemysost

Congrats Barry, that's amazing!

I was talking to my dad (who's in his seventies) a couple of days ago about Inside No. 9, and I mentioned CaB (not expecting him to know what it is) and he goes "oh yes I remember that place, it's been going for years hasn't it?".

Things my dad is doing: knowing about CaB before I did, probably

TrenterPercenter

@Barry Admin

Have we ever had a thread where you recall the story of CAB, what made you start up CAB and how it all happened?

I would be well up for reading that.

Barry Admin

Quote from: TrenterPercenter on June 05, 2022, 06:49:19 PM@Barry Admin

Have we ever had a thread where you recall the story of CAB, what made you start up CAB and how it all happened?

I would be well up for reading that.

Well I don't even really mark the birthdays, but a few times there have been threads where I've dug out bits and pieces.

Butchers Blind

Quote from: TrenterPercenter on June 05, 2022, 06:49:19 PM@Barry Admin

Have we ever had a thread where you recall the story of CAB, what made you start up CAB and how it all happened?

I would be well up for reading that.

How about a biopic, CaB: The Beginning. Who would play you?

TrenterPercenter

Quote from: Butchers Blind on June 05, 2022, 08:48:02 PMHow about a biopic, CaB: The Beginning. Who would play you?

Why Angus Scrimm of course!

Replies From View

Mark Gatiss will play everyone in different styles of bald wig.  He'll write and produce it, as well.