Author Topic: "Send me something that gets you going"  (Read 2313 times)

ffogems

  • a wankdog of old hats
"Send me something that gets you going"
« on: October 01, 2006, 03:10:22 PM »
Okay, I'm in a bit of quandry, and request some assistance. I have been intermittently, for the last year or so, exchanging emails and MySpace messages with an old school friend. Until a couple of years ago (before denounced da ganja and all it's entrails) we used to spend a great deal of time together, mostly smoking cannabis and watching Cybernet in the early hours.
Now, recently, he's been showing a worryingly ardent interest in MySpace, predominately for the purpose of foraging through females' profiles for sexxxxy picss. Which is fine, although not my first choice for discussion.
About ten minutes ago he sent me some pictures 'to get me twitching'. They were mostly of women in bras feigning surprise at the dildos cooking in their stove, or cross-stitched semi-fetishist knicker-flickers draped across the bedspread.
Fine, I think. He's looking for someone to join him in his grunting machismo. I look at a few of the pictures out of courtesy, and, apart from feeling a little uncomfortable and warmly humbled by the frank disclosure, I decide it's only jokey blokey stuff and easily dismissed.
About two minutes ago however he emailed and asked me to send him pictures of 'what get's me going'. This is an entirely new step, as exchanging pictures to arouse another is just cross-web fluffing; impersonal, marigold masturbation. We may as well meet up and climax each other's ballsacks, which is something I'm not particularly keen on doing.
So.. is this a step too far? Should I laugh it off? How should I reply?

"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2006, 03:12:00 PM »
Send him to Goatse.

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

  • Nothing is ever as good or bad as you think.
    • http://www.last.fm/user/georgethebadger/
"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2006, 03:13:18 PM »
Goatse, Tubgirl, animals, scat... you know the deal.

swarfmonkey

  • No, that's it. It's the vibe.
"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #3 on: October 01, 2006, 03:15:40 PM »
Quote from: "Al Tha Funkee Homosapien"
Goatse, Tubgirl, animals, scat... you know the deal.


Got any going spare Al?

"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #4 on: October 01, 2006, 03:23:46 PM »
Send him some gay porn and he'll probably drop it.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Are we human? Or are we toilet
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #5 on: October 01, 2006, 03:24:33 PM »
If he's an actual friend I'm sure he won't mind if you just say.. err..thanks, but fuck off.

"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #6 on: October 01, 2006, 03:24:38 PM »
Send him pics of Verbwhore meets if you want to really worry him.

Sovereign

  • No Tags or PM's or Report To Moderator For You
  • I study murder
"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #7 on: October 01, 2006, 03:24:40 PM »
I have a zip file of about 1,000 images, a lot of which are harvested from Up Your Arts, that I can give you if you want.

ffogems

  • a wankdog of old hats
"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #8 on: October 01, 2006, 03:25:17 PM »
I just replied with this -

Quote
Ha ha, did you get those pictures from MySpace? I'm not sure what you want me to send back? Cereal in the morning generally 'get's me going'. Shall I send you a picture of a cornflake wearing a milky thong?


Which is evasive, but lacks the finality I'd like.
I know, I know -
NOT EVERYONE CARES ABOUT YOUR BIZARRELY SALACIOUS OLD SCHOOL FRIEND, and I feel bad about posting it up, but I didn't really know where else to turn.

edit - oh good lord -
Quote
i wanna know what you wank off too, to be 100% TRUTHFUL?

I think he's (perhaps unconsciously) seeking to uncover* my sexual orientation. There was a vague widely-proffered ambiguity about my sexuality when I was younger, and I think he ignored it because it might have confused our friendship.
Now I reckon he's tacitly trying to prize THE TRUTH out of me*.
The plot (which is largely made up of cum and confusion) thickens.

*oo-er.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Are we human? Or are we toilet
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #9 on: October 01, 2006, 03:26:28 PM »
What was the ending of the sexual ambiguity tale? Did you end up being a gay? Did anyone live happily ever after?

ffogems

  • a wankdog of old hats
"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2006, 03:29:10 PM »
Heh, no, I didn't. I allowed the amibiguity to fester for attention, really. And the final question hasn't been answered yet. You have hand in orchestrating the outcome. Exciting, really.

"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #11 on: October 01, 2006, 03:34:38 PM »
The question is how seriously you want to take this ffogems (ooh err). If you're thinking in terms of something to assume yourself (and us) and alarm him, then we can help.

How about some of those nice lads dressed up as girlies that were posted in cool things recently?

"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #12 on: October 01, 2006, 03:46:16 PM »
The only answer for that last question is: YOUR MOTHER

ffogems

  • a wankdog of old hats
"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #13 on: October 01, 2006, 03:53:57 PM »
I'm not sure what I want, really. My first instinct wasn't to humiliate him. I'm just a little baffled

Anyway, I replied to his last email with something like -
'They mostly have vaginas, if that's what you're wondering'

He's now replied with -
Quote
do u find it strange i wanna know what u wank to then?

Which makes me wonder if he now thinks he's conducting some sort of psychological game, of the jejune, shallow schoolground kind that get hurriedly packaged-up and dispatched when someone needs to justify their peculiar beaviour, or delude themselves with a sense of coherent competence. He may be with others, I don't know. The question just seems very stale and sterile, as though he's pushing towards some ultimate goal.
Conversely he might be alone and is now questioning his sanity, panicking that he's spunked over the social boundries so familar to the majority. If I simply say that 'yes, I believe it is a bit weird', then I'm running the risk of causing some consternation and uncertainty in someone who was just looking for a bit of lad mag banter.

"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #14 on: October 01, 2006, 03:55:50 PM »
I don't think you should be talking to this fellow, he says "u" instead of "you".

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Are we human? Or are we toilet
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #15 on: October 01, 2006, 03:59:22 PM »
Just try and keep light-hearted on the subject. Fight lads mag banter with lads mag banter if you need to.

Or run. Run now, as fast and as far as you can.

"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #16 on: October 01, 2006, 04:04:07 PM »
Quote from: "strange friend"
do u find it strange i wanna know what u wank to then?


Send him a link to this thread along with the message "No. Do U find it strange im discussing your intimate conversations in a public forum?"

"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #17 on: October 01, 2006, 04:05:59 PM »
Quote
do u find it strange i wanna know what u wank to then?


If you answer "yes" he could be waiting with a "u must have something to hide then!" reply. If you answer "no" then he'll want to see some pics.

chumfatty

  • OCROOSTER to xbox whores
"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #18 on: October 01, 2006, 04:13:02 PM »
How good of a friend was he?, maybe he is trying to set you up to humiliate you in front of other 'mates'

Did you do anything to upset him, that he might be seeking retribution for ?

Obiviously I would suggest not  sending him anything that does get you going, maybe you could send him a link to George at Asda or Mothercare.*

*sorry

"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #19 on: October 01, 2006, 04:17:49 PM »
Quote from: "chumfatty"
How good of a friend was he?, maybe he is trying to set you up to humiliate you in front of other 'mates'


Well the obvious answer to that is to make some homegrown Verbwhore porn (I'm sure Neil won't mind*), send him that. And if he does post it to all your mates, you can redirect him here, as Mundays says, and win the war.

* EDIT - I'm NOT suggesting make some porn involving Neil!

JesusAndYourBush

  • Earnest silky coconut shell
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Re: "Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #20 on: October 01, 2006, 04:41:17 PM »
Quote from: "ffogems"
impersonal, marigold masturbation. We may as well meet up and climax each other's ballsacks, which is something I'm not particularly keen on doing.

That's about right.  I'd tell him "It's a bit too much like mutual masturbation and that sort of thing doesn't interest me".

You could add "...unless it's with this little beauty" and include a picture of some horseporn if you really want to go for shock value.

gazzyk1ns

  • "I don't give a shit if your dad's dead or anything else"
"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #21 on: October 01, 2006, 04:44:13 PM »
Quote from: "Munday's Chylde"
Quote from: "strange friend"
do u find it strange i wanna know what u wank to then?


Send him a link to this thread along with the message "No. Do U find it strange im discussing your intimate conversations in a public forum?"


Hah - well hopefully ffogems is secure enough in his posts on a public internet forum* to actually give us some closure with his thread and explain what happened in the end, AS OPPOSED TO YOU.

*Heh, of course I'm only joking and all that, but just for your database, GD (sorry, ThFf) isn't public.

"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #22 on: October 01, 2006, 04:52:14 PM »
i'd go along with JesusAndYourBush's suggestion although instead of maybe in addition to, i'd send a bunch of lolikon stuff, the really obviously way to young stuff, maybe some fluffy stuff, and a few needles through penis type things too.

in short you should make it clear that whilst you enjoy your friendship, mutual wanking isn't gonna float your boat.

send him to a Y!M chat room with wife pic swapping or similar, you don't have to make him feel uncomfortable and the fact he likes to wank using the internet as a tool, just that "its not your bag"

ffogems

  • a wankdog of old hats
"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #23 on: October 01, 2006, 05:35:03 PM »
I went word-for-word with JesusAndYourBush's suggestion, but instead of a horse I linked to an image of Johnny 5, just for quaint nostalgia.

He won't get it until tomorrow when he returns to work. Yes, he was doing all of this from work today.

JesusAndYourBush

  • Earnest silky coconut shell
    • http://www.google.com
"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #24 on: October 01, 2006, 05:46:42 PM »
Haha, can't wait to read what the reply is.

"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #25 on: October 01, 2006, 06:20:43 PM »
I hope you used the one of him in all his village-people glory.


"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #26 on: October 01, 2006, 11:11:51 PM »
Johnny? FIVE??? That could get you into a lot of trouble mate.

"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #27 on: October 01, 2006, 11:38:57 PM »
Send him a picture of some prunes, adding that if they don't do the trick that having a few bowls of All-Bran sometimes works wonders.

JesusAndYourBush

  • Earnest silky coconut shell
    • http://www.google.com
"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #28 on: October 02, 2006, 02:19:12 AM »
Quote from: "Munday's Chylde"
I hope you used the one of him in all his village-people glory.

(picture)

He's even got his hand in the right position, ready to do the dirty deed.

"Send me something that gets you going"
« Reply #29 on: October 02, 2006, 02:37:17 AM »
Quote from: "ffogems  Mate"


"maaaaan, i nearly broke my wrist on that jhonny 5 image! got any more.

daaaamned, if i nu u wz a fellow clunky, id av txtd u erlier!!! lolz"


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