Return Of The Son Of Worst Adverts EVER

[Catalogue Trousers]

That bloody Vauxhall Corsa campaign at the moment. Cretinous design-by-shitheaded-committee for an audience of vapid Veitch-fellating Student Grant stereotypes trying to decide what car their Mummy and Daddy should be buying them.

Cute yet "alternative" cuddly toys running about and shouting "C'mon!" to an awful hip-hop backing track. OMG IT'S SO CUTE + RANDOM LOLOLOLOLOLOLZZZZZZZZZZZA!!!!!!!!!!1111111111

Time to open another can of anti-advertising whup-ass, available now at all good stores, most crap ones, and major branches of W H Smith's...

[Huzzie]

That annoying French/anglo car advert is back, isn't it? You know the one "Eiffel Tower/Blackpool Tower", "Jean Paul Satre/ Shakespear" etc. Nothing that bad about it and the lady is beautiful but the way she says "FRANCE!!" at the very start of the advert just goes through me.

She sounds like such a pompous snob, she sounds very French indeed. "HWAHNCE!!" with her Roman nose stuck in the queer Parisian air!

[The Duck Man]

Admit it, you only think that after the advert. All through it you're thinking about fucking her.

[Marvin]

I find Expedia's adverts irritating, purely because their slogan is 'Let yourself go' which is sung in a wistful romantic way but to me all I can think of is a fat woman in a sweaty tracksuit eating too many cheesy snacks.

[Timmay]

There's yet another misandristic PC World advert around, which ends with the saleswoman making a shite joke that the Advent PC that the dumb bitch is about to buy will last longer than her idiotic boyfriend. They both look at eachother knowingly, fucking fat cows.

[Catalogue Trousers]

Huzzie wrote:

She sounds like such a pompous snob

While the English guy sounds such a condescending wanker. As bad as each other, I'd say.

"SsssssssshakeSPEARE!"

Oh bog off you complacent fool.

[Des Nilsen]

Cute yet "alternative" cuddly toys running about and shouting "C'mon!" to an awful hip-hop backing track. OMG IT'S SO CUTE + RANDOM LOLOLOLOLOLOLZZZZZZZZZZZA!!!!!!!!!!1111111111

Hehe, I first saw those things on VH1 in these little fake 'rockumentary' inserts. I think they're an internet-born fake band of some sort. I think. They are awful, it's true.

Ads... Hyum... I love the Churchill dog ads, always have always will. I like to say 'Ooooh Yes!' in that voice and so does my friend. We both have that guilty pleasure, but I re-watched the original on youtube recently (here it is!) and noticed how far along that little dog has come.

Frankly, he's gotten too big too quick. Literally - he's huge now and he's got his own plinth with adoring nubile lady fans wanting autographs (and ladies in their late 30's going weak at the knees. Steady madam!)

I love that dog, but I think he's lost sight of where he came from. Sell out, maaaan. And it's not Vic and Bob doing the voices anymore, hasn't been for a long time.

-

[Timmy O'Toole]

That tiscalli broadband one disturbs me. He told his collegue about great broadband offers and then showed her his penis? At a bus stop?

[Artemis]

I hate adverts. All of them.

If you mute them, and glance away, you effectively get ITV for free.

[Egyptian Feast]

It goes without saying, but those Halifax ads are fucking hideous. Can someone confirm whether this series has lasted so long due to popularity with the general public or are they just doing this to torture us? STOP IT.

The only remotely funny aspect to this series of commercials is the 'stardom' of Howard Brown. When a friend of mine worked in a camera shop in Ealing, his manager had a side 'career' as Howard's lookalike, appearing at conferences and private parties. Possibly the saddest man in showbiz.

Here's a link to Howard's fan page. I for one did not know the myopic fuck had a Top 20 hit.

http://tinyurl.com/y26qk9

According to Akin Ojumu, writing in the Observer, Howard has been part of a new wave of positive representations of black people. Howard commented on this; "Of course I'm proud to be involved in something that has done well. I think we are making progress in the way we are represented"

Howard is from Sheldon, Birmingham, England.

He is a well-loved man especially by Jenny Baird from Surrey who describes him as "just lovely"

[Catalogue Trousers]

An old complaint, but still valid. Jamie fucking Oliver's Sainsbury's ads.

"Remember how food used to taste so wonderful and exciting? Why doesn't it these days?" drivels the gross-tongued one, before showing us his brilliant solution: handing round a few bits of cheese and apple at some cod-Celtic hootenanny.

Really exciting and unexpected stuff. Never mind, let's all groove wiv de leprechauns, eh Jamie.

[biniput]

Hate anything that's repeated ad nauseum.

The Direct Line adverts.  That fucking honking noise.  I want to run over that little red phone in one of Fred Dibnah's finest rollers.

mmmmm,Danone.       FUCKING NO DANONE.   how can something so embarrasing be considered a positive ending for any companies adverts.

Express deliveries.  WHY DOESN'T THE LITTLE TWAT STAY OFF OUR SCREENS FOR EVER.

[Brutus Beefcake]

That annoying French/anglo car advert is back, isn't it?

Yay!  I fancy the pants off her.

[untitled_london]

I find Expedia's adverts irritating, purely because their slogan is 'Let yourself go' which is sung in a wistful romantic way but to me all I can think of is a fat woman in a sweaty tracksuit eating too many cheesy snacks.

it could be worse, you could attend a gig in colchester and see some random bloke stick them up his arse.
(funniest thing i read today that was)

[Huzzie]

Admit it, you only think that after the advert. All through it you're thinking about fucking her.

I admit I think about possibly holding her hand or maybe blowing her a kiss (consensually of course) but as soon as she snorts out "HWAUNCE!" I start wishing the British guy would bomb it up and shunt her off the road in a tricolour ball of fire!

See how pompous she is when she has to scream at the French peasants for help cause her head is on fire!

EDIT (to say): She even looks down her nose at the camera when she says it!!!

[Huzzie]

"Remember how food used to taste so wonderful and exciting? Why doesn't it these days?

Cause of course bered and dripping and the like felt like a party in your mouth, a very aristochratic one at that.

EDIT: "bered"? BREAD of course!

[Rev]

That lengthy black and white one that was running a while back.  Possibly still is.  Some woman's storming out on some bloke, he's all like 'fuck it, we've always solved our problems by getting shitfaced before, I'll pour a couple of glasses of 20/20 and stand on the balcony looking smug and expectant'.  But she buggers off in a taxi.

That one.  You know the one?  Right, here's the question:  what the hell was it advertising?  I think it was hairspray or something.  That's the power of advertising right there.  Like that cheesy car advert with the dancing transformer, which is promoting 'some car or other, I dunno'.

[Marvin]

An old complaint, but still valid. Jamie fucking Oliver's Sainsbury's ads.

"Remember how food used to taste so wonderful and exciting? Why doesn't it these days?" drivels the gross-tongued one, before showing us his brilliant solution: handing round a few bits of cheese and apple at some cod-Celtic hootenanny.

Really exciting and unexpected stuff. Never mind, let's all groove wiv de leprechauns, eh Jamie.

I hate that advert, but it did make me want to eat some cheese, so I did, but the cheese wasn't from Sainsbury's, so it only half worked.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

It goes without saying, but those Halifax ads are fucking hideous. Can someone confirm whether this series has lasted so long due to popularity with the general public or are they just doing this to torture us? STOP IT.

The worst thing about the current adverts is the fact that they are parodying a song that was number 3 in the charts for one week 4 YEARS AGO. I mean come on, for fucks sake, if you're going to try and make a reference to a pop song in an advert, at least make it relevant.

[defmem]

Is that not GHD? ...... my sister is a hairdresser.

I hate the PC World (i think its them) advert with the student buying the laptop and excitedly gibbering over what appears to be a mediocre laptop.

The smug cunt at the end saying [para phrase]: "ha, and if you find the time, you could use it for studying? (haha haha hahaaaw)"

I have actually screamed at that advert, especially with the girl's 'cheeky grin' that is obviously meant to denote "oh what a concise observation, as a student i have little intention of doing anything."

Its the fucking smug laziness more than anything.

'Lets fundamentally insult students so they buy our shite'. It probably works, but they're still cunts.


I'm drunk and angry so please be gentle in picking apart what i write.

[My Giddy Aunt]

I don't know about you lot but i can't live without my furry alarm-clock

[Suttonpubcrawl]

Admit it, you only think that after the advert. All through it you're thinking about fucking her.

Yes. What do you mean, you weren't asking me. Why am I not posting this as Sinner?

[Mildly Diverting]

Huzzie wrote:

She sounds like such a pompous snob

While the English guy sounds such a condescending wanker. As bad as each other, I'd say.

"SsssssssshakeSPEARE!"

Oh bog off you complacent fool.

And stop pretending to be heterosexual. No-one's fooled.

[Sheriff John Indolent]

The nonsensical 'Mayfly' advert for some credit card or other (see, even though this advert has been shown before every film I've been to see at the cinema for the past four months I still can't remember exactly what it's advertising. Eat that, 'The Man').

It posits the idea that far from being miserable at its day-long lifespan, the mayfly chooses to fill its day with 'the things it likes' (juggling being one of them, apparantley) and that the positive attitude of this insect should really be adopted by the grumpy human race, preferably by buying things using a credit card.

Leaving aside the vague yet typically unpleasant taste of 'cheer up, it might never happen' that lingers at the edge of this advert, the whole thing makes no fucking sense, especially not as some kind of feelgood aspirational message. They're saying you should aspire to be like a small insect that lives for a day and are completely making up a positive temperament for this insect they want you to copy, the process of which should lead to you buying things you can't afford on credit.

"I shouldn't really buy this expensive leather sofa. I can barely afford to scrape enough money together for the rent and I've already got a sofa. Hang on...the MAYFLY ONLY LIVES FOR A DAY! HE'D JUST THINK 'FUCK IT', WOULDN'T HE? RIGHT, I'LL TAKE TWO SOFAS, PLEASE!"

And these people have the brass balls to call themselves creatives.

[Timmay]

The new Peugeot 307 advert, which implies that when you go away on a weekend trip in it, you might accidentally be away for years longer than you expected, because you'll have to stop for fuel less. There is so much wrong with that and it's all so fucking obvious, that it makes me too mad to list it all.

I've noticed an increasing trend in implied points in adverts, because obviously things are getting harder to state without getting their arses sued.

[AlexS]

I hate adverts. All of them.

If you mute them, and glance away, you effectively get ITV for free.

Free at the point of use, we still have to pay for the bastard ads in the longrun

[Uncle Gripper]

That fucking Malteser ad with the filthy fuckhole in the office, who after popping a few of the spherical 'aphrodisiacs' stands up and flashes her tits at a guy in the office, then sits back down feeling much better.

It annoys and saddens me in equal measures.  I mean what if, just what if it was a guy eating the fucking sweets, and he gets up and flashes his cock and balls at the office junior.  

Nope, no fucking way.

[columbay]

That fucking Malteser ad with the filthy fuckhole in the office, who after popping a few of the spherical 'aphrodisiacs' stands up and flashes her tits at a guy in the office, then sits back down feeling much better.

What annoys me more is the fact that she's clearly still wearing a bra, and yet the guy is obviously so shocked that he immediately reacts by having some sort of violent seizure. It's a bra, for fuck's sake.

[The Duck Man]

That Ray Winstone advert about cereal.

"Well I'm not going to tell you what to eat". Errr, in a food advert you're not telling us to eat said food?

[Catalogue Trousers]

Even better, said advert seems to start by setting itself four-square against the dreaded PC Brigade - "blah, blah, nanny state, blah, blah, told what to eat" - and then sells us something which those evil PC-ers would doubtless much rather wish us to be eating than all of that good old hearty eggs and bacon Heart Attacko stuff. And as has been more or less said, of course you're fucking telling us to eat the stuff, Ray, that's why you're bloody advertising it. Cuh.