Return Of The Son Of Worst Adverts EVER

[Go With The Flow]

The billboard advert for that cereal says at the top "IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE TOLD WHAT TO EAT - LOOK AWAY NOW" or something similar. And I do look away everytime (well, apart from the first time otherwise I wouldn't have known what it's advertising).

[The Region Legion]

The second to worst part of that advert for me is the way they're trying to apply to the common (read: twattish idiot) man by trying to have "a regular geezer innit" advertising it.

The worst part of that advert is that millions of twattish idiot men around the country are buying Optivita because they think that they didn't get told to buy it.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

That advert with the little kid walking up to the human beatbox bloke and challenging him to put a Fruit Pastel in his mouth without chewing is so annoying. Is he meant to hold the sweet in his gob indefinitely? And why challenge that bloke anyway? A sword swallower would have made more sense.

[Timmay]

What annoys me more is the fact that she's clearly still wearing a bra, and yet the guy is obviously so shocked that he immediately reacts by having some sort of violent seizure. It's a bra, for fuck's sake.

Maybe she's got filthy maggot ridden tits? She could probably get those done on the NHS actually.

[Brutus Beefcake]

That fucking Malteser ad with the filthy fuckhole in the office, who after popping a few of the spherical 'aphrodisiacs' stands up and flashes her tits at a guy in the office, then sits back down feeling much better.

What annoys me more is the fact that she's clearly still wearing a bra, and yet the guy is obviously so shocked that he immediately reacts by having some sort of violent seizure. It's a bra, for fuck's sake.

What you didn't see was the sign around her neck that says "Boo!".

[zozman]

what's that insurance one with Phil or Grant Mitchell?  "What are you waiting for?  A bass?"  Can you get insurance against being hit by a fish nowadays?

[Emergency Lalla Ward Ten]

Yes, that Ray Winstone one is hideous. LOOK, REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY. HERE IT IS, EVERYONE. WE BRAINSTORMED THIS AND I THINK YOU'LL AGREE IT'S RATHER CLEVER.

Rather astonishingly, it ends up being more patronising than if he'd just said 'Eat more muesli, mate' and fucked off.

[amp]

If PC WORLD adverts told the truth:

Customer: "Hello, I'd like one of those laptops I saw on the telly."

Assistant: "Sorry, we've sold out of those - we only had 3 in stock to begin with, just to coax you in here in the first place, and that's only because advertising laws mean we can't advertise something we don't actually sell."

Customer: "Ah right. What's the next cheapest laptop you have then?"

Assistant: "This one, it's the same price but it's a complete crock of shit... or there's this one which is nearly identical to the one you were after in the first place, only it costs twice as much."

Customer: "Hmm... I'll take the cheap shitty one please."

Assistant: "Certainly sir, if you'd like to follow me to the till where I'll add a £300 worth of extended warranty to the bill without your prior consent - you can argue that one out with the till-monkey..."

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

That annoying French/anglo car advert is back, isn't it? You know the one "Eiffel Tower/Blackpool Tower", "Jean Paul Satre/ Shakespear" etc. Nothing that bad about it and the lady is beautiful but the way she says "FRANCE!!" at the very start of the advert just goes through me.

She sounds like such a pompous snob, she sounds very French indeed. "HWAHNCE!!" with her Roman nose stuck in the queer Parisian air!

The lady in that advert sort of reminded me of Phoebe from Friends. Suddenely turning up your nose to decent arguments and acting like a spoilt brat is acceptable.

Though I wouldn't slam the door in her face if she wanted shelter for the night because her French/Anglo Renault had broken down. Only if she was wearing that dress mind.

Those shitty Audi adverts are pissing me off. "We filed more patents than NASA so therefore we are more advanced and better than them". Fuck off! I've just invented this chocolate toilet, can I have 10,000 patents and an ill-deserved air of authority?

[CaledonianGonzo]

Suddenely turning up your nose to decent arguments

That the Blackpool Tower is better than the Eiffel Tower?  I'm not seeing it winning in a game of Top Trumps.

Though the bloke outbids her with Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhakespeare (against Sartre), so all out it's a draw.

Mind you, I do hate Phoebe from Friends.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Isn't the implication that "Ok, the Eiffel Tower is better but we're fond of this old thing on a bracing western coast! It's English! We're 'ard!"

[buttgammon]

I think everything wrong about the "Britain/France" advert is redeemable simply because of the woman in it. The way I see it, she's being taunted by that arrogant fuckface about how her country isn't as cultured as his, so she feels compelled to respond. If they cut the English bloke out of it (and ideally locked him in a basement full of French rats before executing him by guillotine) and just showed the French girl, I'm sure that would be one popular advert. I suppose it might increase tissue sales more than car sales, though.

[Frinky]

Fuck off! I've just invented this chocolate toilet, can I have 10,000 patents

No, you can have one.

[extradave]

Tesco's!!

I boil with rage every time the telly goes quiet and some fuckin star of the telly of the last ten years (Clunes?) starts spouting out short, sweet, knowing comments. with fucking pauses. Then that bastard 'ting!'.

I hate it.

I fucking hate it.

The complete antithesis to the beautiful and talented Barry Scott.

[Egyptian Feast]

If PC WORLD adverts told the truth:

Customer: "Hello, I'd like one of those laptops I saw on the telly."

Assistant: "Sorry, we've sold out of those - we only had 3 in stock to begin with, just to coax you in here in the first place, and that's only because advertising laws mean we can't advertise something we don't actually sell."

Customer: "Ah right. What's the next cheapest laptop you have then?"

Assistant: "This one, it's the same price but it's a complete crock of shit... or there's this one which is nearly identical to the one you were after in the first place, only it costs twice as much."

Customer: "Hmm... I'll take the cheap shitty one please."

Assistant: "Certainly sir, if you'd like to follow me to the till where I'll add a £300 worth of extended warranty to the bill without your prior consent - you can argue that one out with the till-monkey..."

Admit it, it was you that sold me that cunting Advent laptop last week. How dare you repeat our conversation on a public forum.

PC World really are cocksuckers of the highest order.

[ziggy starbucks]

terracotta?

women looks away confused

I scream with pointless rage

arggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

It's unrealistic. Everyone knows that women are utterly incapable of concentrating whilst eating, whereas men are able to eat whilst performing any number of tasks.

[ziggy starbucks]

and the bloke doesn't actually eat it, he just stares with amazement at the mcshitoburger as if its some kind of holy relic.

"wow, I'm eating a mcshitoburger. its the best moment of my life"

and why could they have made variations on the one advert, so his 'hilarious' response is different each time. Because we know he is going to say terracotta everytime, the build up to that dismal punchline feels like torture.

arghhhh

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

and why could they have made variations on the one advert, so his 'hilarious' response is different each time. Because we know he is going to say terracotta everytime, the build up to that dismal punchline feels like torture

Mitchell & Webb must've wrote it. After all, Robert Webb is a close personal friend of the corporation.

[Mister Cairo]

Isn't the implication that "Ok, the Eiffel Tower is better but we're fond of this old thing on a bracing western coast! It's English! We're 'ard!"

What I never understand is why he doesn't compare another landmark like St Paul's. Surely she doesn't expect him to bring up another tower?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Isn't the implication that "Ok, the Eiffel Tower is better but we're fond of this old thing on a bracing western coast! It's English! We're 'ard!"

What I never understand is why he doesn't compare another landmark like St Paul's. Surely she doesn't expect him to bring up another tower?

Clearly the two didn't lay out the ground rules of petty oneupmanship beforehand. That happens so often.

[buttgammon]

Isn't the implication that "Ok, the Eiffel Tower is better but we're fond of this old thing on a bracing western coast! It's English! We're 'ard!"

What I never understand is why he doesn't compare another landmark like St Paul's. Surely she doesn't expect him to bring up another tower?

Clearly the two didn't lay out the ground rules of petty oneupmanship beforehand. That happens so often.

It was that smarmy British twat's fault, though.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I just want to know why she's pleasantly surprised when he smarms, "British design." It looks shit.

[buttgammon]

I just want to know why she's pleasantly surprised when he smarms, "British design." It looks shit.

Maybe she thinks it's good by Britain's usually crap standards. This is the country of people who think the Blackpool Tower is better than the Eiffel Tower, after all (even though the Blackpool Tower is a pathetic attempt to copy the feat of engineering that is the Eiffel Tower, but in a horrible seaside location).

[Dark Sky]

Clearly the two didn't lay out the ground rules of petty oneupmanship beforehand. That happens so often.

How are they even communicating, anyway?  The whole advert is just plot hole after plot hole.

[Make me smile]

I just want to know why she's pleasantly surprised when he smarms, "British design." It looks shit.

Maybe she thinks it's good by Britain's usually crap standards. This is the country of people who think the Blackpool Tower is better than the Eiffel Tower, after all (even though the Blackpool Tower is a pathetic attempt to copy the feat of engineering that is the Eiffel Tower, but in a horrible seaside location).

I was visiting a friend in Blackpool at the weekend. Guess how much it costs to go up the tower..go on...guess.

[Blumf]

I just want to know why she's pleasantly surprised when he smarms, "British design." It looks shit.

How dare that man criticise British design! Don't you know there's a war on? If you were under my charge it'd be the glasshouse for you, sharpish! Bloody pinko subversives.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Guess how much it costs to go up the tower..go on...guess.

5 pounds for children and old people and 7.50 for normal people.

[Make me smile]

Guess how much it costs to go up the tower..go on...guess.

5 pounds for children and old people and 7.50 for normal people.

£15 for normals

£10 for biddies

£12 for kids

But don't worry...two adults and three kids can go up for only £60!


For comparison, it's 11 Euro for normals to go up the Eiffel tower.

[Gazeuse]

Blimey, I'd want to be spun around the dance floor in the ballroom by that spooky toothy twat off that dancing-shite-show-with-Brucie afterwards for that kind of money.

And at least half a Black Lace set.