Author Topic: Dear Audley (Re: Chinese gawping)  (Read 3077 times)

Dear Audley (Re: Chinese gawping)
« on: October 26, 2006, 04:18:40 AM »
Dear Brewsky,

I'm starting to find the endless gawping at whitey here in China somewhat tiresome. This is in fact quadrupled if I am seen with a lady friend, brazenly outspoken speculation as to whether I am keeping a whore/translator for company irks me something rotten. It's a little-known fact that a fight in China can quite quickly escalate with each party summoning every single person they've ever met to their side to ensure victory so a British standard one-punch KO of my cheeky little yellow (in all senses of the word) adversary would inevitably result in rigor mortis for myself and my female companion. Perhaps her government contacts would help, but not before we'd been arse-fed a Giant Redwood's worth of chopstick chop socky. I fear that my friends back home wouldn't be able to get a cheap enough flight in time to come to my aid either. Do you have any suggestions to keep these mischievous little rice-chompers' minds on their own business? Can you provide some deflection strategies? Any advice would be appreciated because I'm tempted on a daily basis to go 'Ong-Bak' on their dainty behinds.

Gratefully,
Graham.

Aubrey Barkus

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Re: Dear Audley (Re: Chinese gawping)
« Reply #1 on: October 26, 2006, 10:38:56 AM »
Quote from: "The Boston Crab"
Dear Brewsky,

I'm starting to find the endless gawping at whitey here in China somewhat tiresome. This is in fact quadrupled if I am seen with a lady friend, brazenly outspoken speculation as to whether I am keeping a whore/translator for company irks me something rotten. It's a little-known fact that a fight in China can quite quickly escalate with each party summoning every single person they've ever met to their side to ensure victory so a British standard one-punch KO of my cheeky little yellow (in all senses of the word) adversary would inevitably result in rigor mortis for myself and my female companion. Perhaps her government contacts would help, but not before we'd been arse-fed a Giant Redwood's worth of chopstick chop socky. I fear that my friends back home wouldn't be able to get a cheap enough flight in time to come to my aid either. Do you have any suggestions to keep these mischievous little rice-chompers' minds on their own business? Can you provide some deflection strategies? Any advice would be appreciated because I'm tempted on a daily basis to go 'Ong-Bak' on their dainty behinds.

Gratefully,
Graham.


Yellow up!

Or wear a burkha.

Or if it looks like getting nasty just learn the Chinky for "Ooh look, fireworks!" and point excitedly to one side. Their Sino-brains are hard wired to gawp, slack-jawed at bright lights and explosions and won't be able to resist staring, while you make good your escape.

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