Author Topic: A most perplexing dilemma  (Read 3722 times)

A most perplexing dilemma
« on: October 26, 2006, 03:02:44 PM »
Dear Aubrey,

Aubrey, you are clearly a man of the world and I am sure you have had the most wonderful and exotic experiences any man of your fine standing could wish for. I am sure, too, that you have had your fair share of dealings with, ahem, persons of the opposite gender persuasion, namely womenfolk. Whilst womenfolk are generally of a pleasant temperament and are able to satisfy a gentleman's fleshly needs, if you understand me, you will also be aware that they are neither the most astute nor rational of creatures. It was with great regret, therefore, that, after suffering twenty-five years of my wife's absurd, distracted behaviour, her foolish comments and feeble-minded opinions, which have rendered myself the laughing stock among my good gentlemen associates at the local Rotary Club, I decided, last night, to beat her about the head with a garden spade in order that I might inflict fatal wounds. I am sure you will understand my predicament, Aubrey, and why the Lord compelled to implement such extreme measures.

My question, however, is twofold: due to the nature of the injuries I inflicted upon her person, her corpse is battered and broken, a mess of weeping sores. Obviously, for the sake of my children and to preserve their innocence, it is of foremost importance that their gaze does not fall upon their mother's body (though, if I may say, I would hope that it may act as an example to my three-year-old daughter, who, regrettably, is already showing sympton's of her mother's shallow, simple-minded behaviour). So, Aubrey, first question: how should I dispose of the body of my wife? And, secondly, as I was in the act of slaying her, I experienced a surprisingly pleasurable sensation in the vicinity of my unspeakables and I now must admit I am finding her, in her current moribund state, more attractive and seductive than ever. I realise that necrophilia is frowned upon in polite society, but do you, in your wisdom, believe God would have it in him to forgive me were I to perform one final act of fleshly congress upon my wife's broken body?

May the Lord be with you.

Hubert Pooter

Aubrey Barkus

  • Moderator
  • *****
Re: A most perplexing dilemma
« Reply #1 on: October 26, 2006, 03:22:59 PM »
Quote from: "Jim"
Dear Aubrey,

Aubrey, you are clearly a man of the world and I am sure you have had the most wonderful and exotic experiences any man of your fine standing could wish for. I am sure, too, that you have had your fair share of dealings with, ahem, persons of the opposite gender persuasion, namely womenfolk. Whilst womenfolk are generally of a pleasant temperament and are able to satisfy a gentleman's fleshly needs, if you understand me, you will also be aware that they are neither the most astute nor rational of creatures. It was with great regret, therefore, that, after suffering twenty-five years of my wife's absurd, distracted behaviour, her foolish comments and feeble-minded opinions, which have rendered myself the laughing stock among my good gentlemen associates at the local Rotary Club, I decided, last night, to beat her about the head with a garden spade in order that I might inflict fatal wounds. I am sure you will understand my predicament, Aubrey, and why the Lord compelled to implement such extreme measures.

My question, however, is twofold: due to the nature of the injuries I inflicted upon her person, her corpse is battered and broken, a mess of weeping sores. Obviously, for the sake of my children and to preserve their innocence, it is of foremost importance that their gaze does not fall upon their mother's body (though, if I may say, I would hope that it may act as an example to my three-year-old daughter, who, regrettably, is already showing sympton's of her mother's shallow, simple-minded behaviour). So, Aubrey, first question: how should I dispose of the body of my wife? And, secondly, as I was in the act of slaying her, I experienced a surprisingly pleasurable sensation in the vicinity of my unspeakables and I now must admit I am finding her, in her current moribund state, more attractive and seductive than ever. I realise that necrophilia is frowned upon in polite society, but do you, in your wisdom, believe God would have it in him to forgive me were I to perform one final act of fleshly congress upon my wife's broken body?

May the Lord be with you.

Hubert Pooter



Stratus, Cumulus, er- oh!  Stratocumulus.  

Was that the sort of thing you were after?

...that doesn’t seem right.  Damn it I must keep track of which Q. goes with which A.  
More “Post Its” required!  Off to Mr Patel’s!  Back in a mo!

Aubrey Barkus

  • Moderator
  • *****
Re: A most perplexing dilemma
« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2006, 03:53:22 PM »
Quote from: "Aubrey Barkus"

...that doesn’t seem right.  Damn it I must keep track of which Q. goes with which A.  
More “Post Its” required!  Off to Mr Patel’s!  Back in a mo!


…Well he didn’t have any, but I’ve ripped up an old newspaper and bought a tube of Pritt, the “non sticky sticky stuff” and am endeavouring to make my own.  So soon there will be a new system in place and things should be moving like greased lightning again!

Tags: