Topic: I am Confused About My Sexuality, Aubrey

[Artemis]

Dear Aubrey,

First of all, thank you for choosing to share your wisdom with us. I truly appreciate it in ways I hope will never become public but you may become aware of in a painless way from time to time.

I am confused about my sexuality and I hope you may be able to help me. With a name like Aubrey, I'm suspecting you might. I have always considered myself a straight guy but there was a recent incident involving myself, a photo shoot of Peter Andre, an erection and a liquid explosion, and I'm not talking terrorism. I've also noticed myself enjoying the movement of particularly solid excretions more then I should. All this has led to what I can only describe as a 'sexual crisis', Aubrey.

What should I do? I no longer know how to categorise my desires. Do I even need to bother?

Yours,

Artemis

[Aubrey Barkus]

Dear Aubrey,

First of all, thank you for choosing to share your wisdom with us. I truly appreciate it in ways I hope will never become public but you may become aware of in a painless way from time to time.

I am confused about my sexuality and I hope you may be able to help me. With a name like Aubrey, I'm suspecting you might. I have always considered myself a straight guy but there was a recent incident involving myself, a photo shoot of Peter Andre, an erection and a liquid explosion, and I'm not talking terrorism. I've also noticed myself enjoying the movement of particularly solid excretions more then I should. All this has led to what I can only describe as a 'sexual crisis', Aubrey.

What should I do? I no longer know how to categorise my desires. Do I even need to bother?

Yours,

Artemis

Always a tricky one!

I had the same enquiry from a nephew a while back and I pondered what to suggest for many hours before it struck me.  Of course!  A Glory Hole!

As you may well know these are holes cut in toilet cubicle walls so that you can be orally and anonymously pleasured by someone on the other side.  So get yourself along to one and stick the old fella through.  Here's the clever bit- you won't know for sure if it's a gentleman or a lady on the other side.  Now, as they get on with it here's what you do.  You look at alternate photos of men and women (I advised my nephew to take along a Sunday colour Supplement for picture variety).  If everything seems more gratifying when you're looking at men then you will probably be "One of Them."  If the ladies provide more pleasure, then you are normal.  Half and half?  You are bi.
It's as simple as that.
You may want to take the experiment further to see if you can refine your sexual tastes.  My nephew did and found that he was most attracted to 'homely' women in their thirties.
 
And, confusingly, strimmers.