Author Topic: A special request  (Read 3204 times)

A special request
« on: October 30, 2006, 04:45:21 PM »
Dear Aubrey,

I have just returned to my apartment in a state of frightful agitation as I have just fallen victim to an attack most brutal and sustained that I have numerous unsightly injuries all about my person. For instance, I have a large gash in forehead where my assailant attempted to decapitate me with a machete. Both my eyes have been blackened to such an extent that I am almost rendered blind (you cannot imagine, good Sir, the awkwardness with which I am penning this letter, barely able to see the paper before me!). My face is a mess of bruises of innumerable and rich hues, ranging from sky blue to deepest black, as is my torso, which I regret to report was also subject to sustained slashing with the aforementioned machete. Indeed, from the lacerations on my head and torso flows blood like rivers. My clothes are drenched, the blood seeps into my already nearly blind eyes, the pain is simply inhuman. My legs, too, have been rendered almost useless as my kneecaps were subject to repeated blows with some blunt instrument, which I was unable to witness, and I fear they are broken as a consequence.

My question to you, Aubrey, is thus: would you, in your infinite generosity and kind-heartedness, find it within your self to purchase some plasters in order that I might stem the flow of blood before I succumb to my most frightful injuries?

Please hurry, Aubrey, I can feel already how my soul, my lifeforce, is wilting.

I would however like to make it clear that even though this 'forum' invites one to ask important questions and advice of Aubrey, I would in no way hold him responsible for failing to act on such an important request. I'm sure that Aubrey is a very busy man and even if I have died by now through his inaction, I would like to make the police and any relatives of mine (esp. burly ones) know that I bear him no ill-will.  Even if it is later discovered that his failure to respond was because of sickening inebriation.  

May the Lord be with you.

Hubertus Dandy-Forbes

Aubrey Barkus

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A special request
« Reply #1 on: October 30, 2006, 07:41:01 PM »
Oh my goodness!  I've only just got in from a long bracing walk to the orphans' hospital and back, bearing gifts of fruit and toys!
Are you alright?!  I do hope so!  And very good of you to make your feeling that no blame whatsoever should attach to me so abundantly clear.