Topic: Home Security.

[Deadman97]

Greetings Aubrey.

Living as I do in a none-too-affluent area of South Wales, at the fall of dusk tonight my abode is guaranteed to come under siege from gaggles of becostumed youths with cuntery on their minds. My policy of non-negotiation with terrorists means that they'll recieve no appeasment in the form of money or confectionery, so how do you recommend I fortify my domicile against the inevitable attacks from missiles, abuse and excrement?

Many Thanks

Dead

PS: Thanks to your prompt response to my last query, there's now a smoking crater where my right eye used to be. I love it, and am forever in your debt.

[Aubrey Barkus]

Greetings Aubrey.

Living as I do in a none-too-affluent area of South Wales, at the fall of dusk tonight my abode is guaranteed to come under siege from gaggles of becostumed youths with cuntery on their minds. My policy of non-negotiation with terrorists means that they'll recieve no appeasment in the form of money or confectionery, so how do you recommend I fortify my domicile against the inevitable attacks from missiles, abuse and excrement?

Many Thanks

Dead

PS: Thanks to your prompt response to my last query, there's now a smoking crater where my right eye used to be. I love it, and am forever in your debt.

Personally, I strip to my underwear, grease myself up, climb onto the roof having arranged dramatic uplighting and scream "BRING IT ON!!" to the street in general.  This seems to dissuade all but the most persistent "Trick or Treaters."  To those, I toss Payne's Poppets.