Laughable News

[Captain Crunch]

As the amusing news stories thread got retired, here's a new corner for all your inky fun.

First up, sexy kids get Tesco in hot water:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=412195&in_page_id=17

Tesco has been forced to remove a pole-dancing kit from the toys and games section of its website after it was accused of "destroying children's innocence".

The Tesco Direct site advertises the kit with the words, "Unleash the sex kitten inside...simply extend the Peekaboo pole inside the tube, slip on the sexy tunes and away you go!

"Soon you'll be flaunting it to the world and earning a fortune in Peekaboo Dance Dollars".

The £49.97 kit comprises a chrome pole extendible to 8ft 6ins, a 'sexy dance garter' and a DVD demonstrating suggestive dance moves.

The kit, condemned as 'extremely dangerous' by family campaigners yesterday, was discovered by mother of two Karen Gallimore who was searching for Christmas gifts for her two daughters, Laura 10, and Sarah, 11.

Mrs Gallimore, 33, of Ellesmere Port, Cheshire, said yesterday: "I'm no prude, but any children can go on there and see it. It's just not on."

Dr Adrian Rogers, of family campaigning group Family Focus said yesterday that the kit would "destroy children's lives".

He said: "Tesco is Britain's number one chain, this is extremely dangerous. It is an open invitation to turn the youngest children on to sexual behaviour.

"This will be sold to four, five and six-year olds. This is a most dangerous toy that will contribute towards destroying children's innocence."

He added: "Children are being encouraged to dance round a pole which is interpreted in the adult world as a phallic symbol.

"It ought to be stopped, it really requires the intervention of members of Parliament. This should only be available to the most depraved people who want to corrupt their children."

Tesco today agreed to remove the product from the Toy section of the site, but said it will remain on sale as a Fitness Accessory, despite the fact that the product description invites users to "unleash the sex kitten inside".

Also on sale on the Tesco website is a strip poker game, "Peekaboo Poker" which is illustrated by a picture of a reclining woman in underwear.

The card game is is described as a game that "risks the risque and brings a whole lot of naughtiness to the table.

"Played with a unique pack of Peekaboo Boy and Girl playing cards, the aim of the game is to win as many Peekaboo chips as possible and turn them into outrageously naughty fun."

The pole dance kit is the latest item to fuel allegations that major retailers increasingly sell products which "sexualise" young children such as T-shirts with suggestive messages.

In recent years Asda was forced to remove from sale pink and black lace lingerie, including a push-up bra to girls as young as nine.

Next had to remove t-shirts on sale for girls as young as six with the slogan "so many boys, so little time."

And BHS and others came under fire for selling padded bras embellished with a "Little Miss Naughty" logo and t-shirts with a Playboy-style bunny that said "I love boys...They are stupid."

Tesco last night denied the pole dancing kit was sexually oriented and said it was clearly marked for "adult use".

A spokesman added: "Pole dancing is an increasing exercise craze. This item is for people who want to improve their fitness and have fun at the same time."

[El Unicornio, mang]

I like how they always photograph these families looking "quite upset"



Bloody prudes

[extradave]

They wouldn't get my peekaboo dollars. Sour faced wenches.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

That's the kind of thing I'd expect Asda to sell and advertise with their paedoriffic kiddy choir.

[Jonathan Ingram]

This sentence in particular is totally inexplicable:

Dr Adrian Rogers, of family campaigning group Family Focus said yesterday that the kit would "destroy children's lives".

[sick as a pike]

According to Stonewall, the same Dr Rogers was Conservative candidate for Exeter in 1997.  His campaign against Ben Bradshaw, his gay Labour opponent included handing out leaflets at school gates, describing homosexuality as

sterile, disease-ridden and God-forsaken

Jokes about children being corrupted by holding on to big, hard poles optional.

[Brutus Beefcake]

Won't someone please think of the children.

- Chris Clunge, Mungington

Hahaha.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

How can something be sterile and disease ridden?

[Egyptian Feast]

Mrs Gallimore, 33, of Ellesmere Port, Cheshire, said yesterday: "I'm no prude, but..."

I love this cliche. "I'm no prude, but...actually, wait there, I am. Aww Christ, I'm going to sound like such a humourless dried-up old cunt to anyone who reads this now, aren't I? I wish I'd kept my fucking mouth shut."

See also: "I'm not racist, but..." and "I'm not a kiddy-fiddling Satan worshipper, but..."

[Almost Yearly]

The exception being "I'm not being funny or anything, but..." in which case they were never in any danger of being funny.


Are we saying this is a good idea then? I notice a particular subsection of 'squirting' Californian porn women have adopted very candy-coloured sex toys and flourescent fence-net lately. I always think it would look good in / on an eight year old.

[Captain Crunch]

Ah nuts, and there was me resurrecting the amusing news stories because I was too chicken to kick off a debate about sexualisation of children...

[The Widow of Brid]

This sentence in particular is totally inexplicable:

Dr Adrian Rogers, of family campaigning group Family Focus said yesterday that the kit would "destroy children's lives".

Depends entirely on how hard you wallop 'em with it. Surely?

Tesco has been forced to remove a pole-dancing kit from the toys and games section of its website after it was accused of "destroying children's innocence".

It's not being marketted at children at all though, is it? It's marked 'for sale to adults only' and is obviously part of the range of  poxy  pink fluffly hen night tat that  supermarkets and department stores always bring out around christmas as 'adult gifts'.  

I'm all for banning that kind of excruciatingly tedious shit, but for gods sakes.

[sproggy]

What next... an inflatable 'Bratz' peep show booth perhaps?

[Suttonpubcrawl]

The £49.97 kit

It would certainly destroy my life if I paid that much for such a tacky and rubbish toy.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

As a resident of Exeter I can helpfully add that Dr Adrian Rodgers is an odious cunt.

[Blumf]

The £49.97 kit

It would certainly destroy my life if I paid that much for such a tacky and rubbish toy.

60 quid at Ann Summers:
http://annsummers.com/single.asp?gid=7&cat=7&pid=3942

One thing about this product, it must damage your ceiling, do parents really want their 10 y.o. daughter buggering up the artex? Is this what they meant by "destroy children's lives" because of the risk of asbestos?

[Hypnotoad.]

Well call me a Daily Mail reader, but there is indeed something very wrong about 10 and 11 year old girls cavorting in bikinis around a pole, wearing a garter, for fake money

But each to their own, I don't even have kids, so those sour faced mongrels probably know best

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

do parents really want their 10 y.o. daughter buggering up the artex?

I've never heard it called the 'artex' before.

[Brutus Beefcake]

Seems like it isn't actually aimed at children, but selling it in Tescos is asking for trouble.

[Suttonpubcrawl]

Seems like it isn't actually aimed at children, but selling it in Tescos is asking for trouble.

Yes, I remember when I was 10 years old all the local kids would regularly go down to the nearest Tesco and browse through the aisles, filled with wonder at all there was to buy. If I had seen a cheap and tacky pole dancing toy back in those formative years, my life would certainly have been destroyed.

[Brutus Beefcake]

That's not what I meant, I meant that someone was bound to cause a fuss.

[hencole]

I'm going to a party in two weeks with a sexy dance pole installation, complete with women who have been taking lessons. My body says 'tesco finest', but the mind says 'tesco value'.

[biniput]

Why is it that supermarkets have such good looking women working.  Take practically any of them and there will be at least 4 women any bloke would like to own (if leagal).

[Mister Cairo]

"This will be sold to four, five and six-year olds. This is a most dangerous toy that will contribute towards destroying children's innocence."

Do many children that age go shopping on their own? And do many parents buy that kind of stuff for their children?

condemned as 'extremely dangerous' by family campaigners yesterday

They should like Balir talking about WMD's

[hencole]

there will be at least 4 women any bloke would like to own...

...put a collar and leash on and take for walks.

[Almost Yearly]

Ach, they love it.



Long generalised threads are no longer The Way, ma capitaine. O non. Anyway, is it the sexualisation of children or the infantilisation of sex? Perhaps until wossname the board paedo returns, we'll never know.  Meanwhile, a picture:


Caption Crunch yesterday

Available in most good joke shops, in the bit at the back. It won't be much of a leap downstairs into the range of party outfits which currently comprises fairies, spacemen, nurses and clowns. Turn up at my door dressed like that on Hallowe'en and you'll sure get my jelly baby.

[lankinpark]

Nobody seems to mind the "gambling music and card games" section of the Tesco website, selling the 'Wikid One Arm Bandit', 'Wikid Poker 200 Starter Set', 'Wikid Texas Hold Em Electronic Game' etc.

Or, indeed, the 'Barbie Hot Tub Party Bus' (age range 3yrs+) which is in the top 10 products list at the side.

[gazzyk1ns]

I think Tesco should be castrated. Sadly the PC brigade and so-called do-gooders will never allow that to happen.

[chand]

"This will be sold to four, five and six-year olds. This is a most dangerous toy that will contribute towards destroying children's innocence."

I'd suggest that if your four-year-old has its own fucking credit card you're asking for trouble already.

[hencole]

At least with the pole the child gets some exercise.