Topic: I got 99 problems...

[Charles Charlie Charles]

Aubrey,

I know this Jay-Z fellow: he used to clean cars for £4.50 in Slough's Queensmere car park with his other African compatriots.

Now he's doing that "rap" music and tupping Beyonce, is my dirty car one of his "99 problems"?

Your friend,

Charles Charlie Charles.

[Aubrey Barkus]

Aubrey,

I know this Jay-Z fellow: he used to clean cars for £4.50 in Slough's Queensmere car park with his other African compatriots.

Now he's doing that "rap" music and tupping Beyonce, is my dirty car one of his "99 problems"?

Your friend,

Charles Charlie Charles.

problems!? he can have some of mine- currently lockef in the boot of my own (well, Mr Patel's) Mondeo. tapping this out on a 'PDA' i liberated yesterday from someone i can only describe as an 'estate agent'. triumph! i thought, then today woken in the layby by youths who forced me into the boot and went on a "joy ride." wi-fi access from somewhere at the moment but that, or battery will go soon. if you see a ford mondeo, registration number... shit; no idea. you might want to open the boot in case there's a scared fat old  man with broken legs crying and soiling himself in there. Blair's Britain, eh?