Author Topic: I've just been to your shop, Mr. Patel  (Read 3624 times)


  • "I don't give a shit if your dad's dead or anything else"
I've just been to your shop, Mr. Patel
« on: November 10, 2006, 08:29:39 PM »
I just travelled down to Richmond Hill, and, with the help of some people who lived locally ("Ah yes, the quiet man who looks after that old looney"), found your shop. I was going to thank you for providing us all with some closure regarding this whole episode. I had also planned to peruse your tinned goods and perhaps even indulge myself by buying some spaghetti hoops, if they were on offer.

But no, I wasn't greeted with any such luxuries, was I? The only tinned goods I saw were, bemusingly, dented tins of ASDA(!) SmartPrice Marrowfat Processed Peas... whatever the hell they are. The trend didn't stop there. The only "wine" you appear to sell is three litre bottles of Lambrini, and they take up about a third of the entire shop. The only lager you sell is called Baltic, and you sell it in "packs" (elastic band) of 6, for £2. Most worryingly, there were also 14 bottles of orangey-yellow liquid with sediment at the bottom, which had been hand-labelled as "Homemade cider". As you know, you were not in sight; the only other person in the shop was a miserable-looking girl standing behind the counter, wearing a namebadge which read "Steve". She asked me whether I'd like "...any fags or condoms?" in a threatening manner.

So I quickly declined and left, and I won't be returning. What have you got to say for yourself?