Dear Aubrey,
I come to you with a problem that is causing me great worry and is driving my wife and friends - and I don't use this word lightly - but it is driving them potty.
Namely, my behaviour has become odd in the extreme. Here are a few examples:
1. Yesterday, I pretended to be a wood pigeon and started pecking at scraps of old food that I'd asked my wife to scatter on the kitchen floor.
2. I have started trolling the British Gas consumer forum telling everybody there that electricity is better than gas. I know not why, Aubrey!
3. I have started writing a book about the fall of the Berlin wall even though I know nothing about the subject and quite frankly have no interest in the subject either.
4. I have started e-mailing Buzz Aldrin with amusing but untrue "facts" about the moon.
5. I asked my wife to knit a small beret for my mobile telephone and I now drape onions around my phone so that it resembles a miniature Frenchman.
6. When stopped for directions by a young lady the other day in the street, I pointed her in the direction of Denmark instead of the nearest Barclay's Bank as she'd requested.
Aubrey, I am sure you will agree that I cannot go on like this. Not is my behaviour increasingly embarrassing, but it means I am ceasing to function as a normal human being.
In your wisdom, Aubrey, can you help me in order that I might pursue once again a normal life?
Best wishes,
Mannfred Hildesheim
xxx
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