Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 29, 2024, 03:32:37 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom

Started by actwithoutwords, November 16, 2006, 12:46:05 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

actwithoutwords

Hope this hasn't been done before. I think the world needs a place for the type of frank homespun wisdom that won't make its way into womens magazine advice columns, or indeed the culmination of Deirdre's Photo Casebook. Verbwhores can only be the perfect source.
I should probably have more to start off with, but how about:

Never make an important decision either directly before or directly after a big wank.

Milo


Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

What if that important decision is to have a big wank?

actwithoutwords

The only time I can imagine that having a wank might be an important decision is if you were going to do it in public.
In which case, directly beforehand is definitely not the time to make the decision.

Santa's Boyfriend

One time is if you're just about to pose for life drawing in front of a bunch of 16 year-old girls who've never done lifedrawing before.  It's not uncommon for male life models to have a crafty wank beforehand, to reduce the chances of him getting  excited by all the attention.

Neville Chamberlain

If you want to print out a document, use the "Print" icon in the toolbar. Simply shouting "Print, you fucker" will not help.

Mister Cairo

Be advised that student annual general meetings can go on for over three hours, and if you get up to go outside for a wee you WILL get shouted at.

mothman

Yes, use the toilets like everyone else, were you born in a barn?


Catalogue Trousers

"If enough lager you do sup,
Rest assured you will throw up"


- Monk D'Wally D'Honk, 1485 (cans a night)

difbrook

never, ever, ever allow yourself to relax, even for one minute, and think that everything's alright. If you do, look up. You'll almost certainly find there's a very large safe plummeting towards you out of a perfect clear blue sky.

This hasn't actually happened to me, but the metaphorical equivalent occurs at least once a week.

Big Jack McBastard

Don't go out and buy a stack of tissues and flu medication in preperation for an illness that has not happened yet, you will get sick within hours of buying it and suffer for weeks as the viri punish you all the harder for your uppity presumption like a bully holding your arm and hitting you with it while taunting you "Stop hitting yourself <whack>, why're you hitting yourself?<whack>"

Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth

But on the plus side, you could wank yourself silly and people would think the tissues were just covered in snot.

zozman

"Wine then beer, feeling queer,
Beer then wine, feeling fine."

fanny splendid

"Drink all the time, feel just fine."

rudi

Quote from: "Mister Cairo"Be advised that student annual general meetings can go on for over three hours, and if you get up to go outside for a wee you WILL get shouted at.

Then you'd have seen my girlfriend leaving after item five of fifteen, an hour and a half into it, informing her fellow students they were "fucking clueless" apparently...

More of an extension to the opening gambit really, this...

If you've got the hangover hots, do nothing but take care of yourself, eat some decent grub and watch a good comedy, just ride that woozy wave for 24 hours, don't speak to anyone, don't send any filthy text messages to female friends. Just because your booze-pickled brain starts to imagine them tromboning you doesn't mean that it'll happen in a million years. You've been building up that muck for hours since you woke up, it seems perfectly natural to you that they'll be slavering for some action too but remember they didn't spend last night glugging vile clove wine until 5am. Your brain is pushing your consciousness into depraved territories to help mask the memories of the night before. Don't attempt to coax old girlfriends into some filth back-and-forth. Just do what you got to do, release the beast as early as possible and try to have a pleasant day.

terminallyrelaxed

Grapes don't float in coffee.

Neville Chamberlain

Never EVER attempt to juggle 7 satsumas at work.

Borboski

Red sky at night,
Farm's alight.

Santa's Boyfriend

Don't go for a walk in the country with trainers on if it's been raining that morning.

petercussing

Crime time is a prime time for fine crime.

sanchopanza

It's nice to ride in Jumbo Planes.

Tits McGee

Parks are full of scum.

Swings go too high on occasion.

Slides, when hot, burn your bum.