Author Topic: Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom  (Read 1299 times)

actwithoutwords

  • Clowns to the left, Yoker's to the right
    • Like Hearts Swelling (podcast and videos)
Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« on: November 16, 2006, 12:46:05 PM »
Hope this hasn't been done before. I think the world needs a place for the type of frank homespun wisdom that won't make its way into womens magazine advice columns, or indeed the culmination of Deirdre's Photo Casebook. Verbwhores can only be the perfect source.
I should probably have more to start off with, but how about:

Never make an important decision either directly before or directly after a big wank.

Milo

  • ...but first, they must catch you
Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2006, 12:49:18 PM »
Yep, just during.

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

  • Nothing is ever as good or bad as you think.
    • http://www.last.fm/user/georgethebadger/
Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #2 on: November 16, 2006, 12:50:51 PM »
What if that important decision is to have a big wank?

actwithoutwords

  • Clowns to the left, Yoker's to the right
    • Like Hearts Swelling (podcast and videos)
Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #3 on: November 16, 2006, 12:59:36 PM »
The only time I can imagine that having a wank might be an important decision is if you were going to do it in public.
In which case, directly beforehand is definitely not the time to make the decision.

Santa's Boyfriend

  • 'S all in the game, yo
Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #4 on: November 16, 2006, 04:28:58 PM »
One time is if you're just about to pose for life drawing in front of a bunch of 16 year-old girls who've never done lifedrawing before.  It's not uncommon for male life models to have a crafty wank beforehand, to reduce the chances of him getting  excited by all the attention.

Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #5 on: November 16, 2006, 04:31:20 PM »
If you want to print out a document, use the "Print" icon in the toolbar. Simply shouting "Print, you fucker" will not help.

Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2006, 04:51:13 PM »
Be advised that student annual general meetings can go on for over three hours, and if you get up to go outside for a wee you WILL get shouted at.

mothman

  • I don't know why
Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2006, 04:53:09 PM »
Yes, use the toilets like everyone else, were you born in a barn?

Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #8 on: November 16, 2006, 05:02:42 PM »
Stop fucking around

Catalogue Trousers

  • With tremendous protein value
Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2006, 05:38:36 PM »
"If enough lager you do sup,
Rest assured you will throw up"


 - Monk D'Wally D'Honk, 1485 (cans a night)

Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #10 on: November 16, 2006, 05:41:05 PM »
never, ever, ever allow yourself to relax, even for one minute, and think that everything's alright. If you do, look up. You'll almost certainly find there's a very large safe plummeting towards you out of a perfect clear blue sky.

This hasn't actually happened to me, but the metaphorical equivalent occurs at least once a week.

Big Jack McBastard

  • Dancing on unicorn bones.
Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #11 on: November 16, 2006, 07:10:35 PM »
Don't go out and buy a stack of tissues and flu medication in preperation for an illness that has not happened yet, you will get sick within hours of buying it and suffer for weeks as the viri punish you all the harder for your uppity presumption like a bully holding your arm and hitting you with it while taunting you "Stop hitting yourself <whack>, why're you hitting yourself?<whack>"

Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #12 on: November 16, 2006, 07:35:51 PM »
But on the plus side, you could wank yourself silly and people would think the tissues were just covered in snot.

Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #13 on: November 16, 2006, 07:35:52 PM »
"Wine then beer, feeling queer,
Beer then wine, feeling fine."

fanny splendid

  • Chaos Reigns
Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #14 on: November 16, 2006, 11:00:36 PM »
"Drink all the time, feel just fine."

rudi

  • I'm not interested
Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #15 on: November 16, 2006, 11:12:04 PM »
Quote from: "Mister Cairo"
Be advised that student annual general meetings can go on for over three hours, and if you get up to go outside for a wee you WILL get shouted at.


Then you'd have seen my girlfriend leaving after item five of fifteen, an hour and a half into it, informing her fellow students they were "fucking clueless" apparently...

Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #16 on: November 17, 2006, 01:33:43 PM »
More of an extension to the opening gambit really, this...

If you've got the hangover hots, do nothing but take care of yourself, eat some decent grub and watch a good comedy, just ride that woozy wave for 24 hours, don't speak to anyone, don't send any filthy text messages to female friends. Just because your booze-pickled brain starts to imagine them tromboning you doesn't mean that it'll happen in a million years. You've been building up that muck for hours since you woke up, it seems perfectly natural to you that they'll be slavering for some action too but remember they didn't spend last night glugging vile clove wine until 5am. Your brain is pushing your consciousness into depraved territories to help mask the memories of the night before. Don't attempt to coax old girlfriends into some filth back-and-forth. Just do what you got to do, release the beast as early as possible and try to have a pleasant day.

terminallyrelaxed

  • да младенца!
Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #17 on: November 17, 2006, 01:45:45 PM »
Grapes don't float in coffee.

Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #18 on: November 17, 2006, 01:48:12 PM »
Never EVER attempt to juggle 7 satsumas at work.

Borboski

  • Ole ole ole ole!
    • http://www.last.fm/user/borboski/
Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #19 on: November 17, 2006, 01:48:19 PM »
Red sky at night,
Farm's alight.

Santa's Boyfriend

  • 'S all in the game, yo
Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #20 on: November 17, 2006, 02:34:39 PM »
Don't go for a walk in the country with trainers on if it's been raining that morning.

Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #21 on: November 17, 2006, 04:17:38 PM »
Crime time is a prime time for fine crime.

Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #22 on: November 18, 2006, 12:57:09 PM »
It's nice to ride in Jumbo Planes.

Homespun Verbwhore Wisdom
« Reply #23 on: November 18, 2006, 05:11:05 PM »
Parks are full of scum.

Swings go too high on occasion.

Slides, when hot, burn your bum.