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March 28, 2024, 05:49:27 PM

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ChaCha Search

Started by Al Tha Funkee Homosapien, December 06, 2006, 12:40:41 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Huzzie

Quote from: "Banana Woofwoof"
You: Buy me stuff, I have no friends

Oh! Oh!! Bagsy being Woofwoof's friend!!

As long as those really are her pictures and she doesn't really look like Fred West with boobies. Actually, that would be pretty ace.

Huzzie

Quote from: "Banana Woofwoof"I've got into a conversation with "Donald" and he shows no signs of going away!


Followed by BWW's none stop chatter and poor Donald's polite half a dozen lines:-)

I thought he'd tell me to shut up after a while or just log off!  And hey, let's face it, I'm very very bored.

http://www.chacha.com/info/guidesignup

You have to be in the US to work for them.  They get $10 an hour and their pay is based on your ratings so don't go clicking "Bad" all the time or else DonaldD won't send me his used Christmas cards.

Huzzie

Thanks for the info BWW.

I couldn't possibly click "bad" for any of them, I would end up worrying about it all night and feeling guilty. Stupid I know but I would, ten I would have to try and come online, try and find them again so I could apologise and try and get them up twice so I could give them 2 good ratings. To cancel the bad one and just o they can have a "good" from me.

Slaaaaabs

Bastards won't talk to me for some reason, I wanted to find out if my baby was allergic to fire.

Huzzie

Hehe.

We're all going to have CIA files on us after tonight.

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: DavidF
DavidF: Welcome to ChaCha!
DavidF: Hey
You: How are you Dave?
DavidF: Great, thanks. Yourself?
You: if that is your real name
You: good good
DavidF: Yes it is
You: Anyway I want to find out if the CIA or FBI has a file on me. Do you reckon you could find that out?
You: I suppose you have your contacts for that kind of thing
DavidF: That is definitely classified information that I cannot find out
You: Hmmm, not even if I look the other way?
DavidF: Im sorry
DavidF: Nope, never worked in FBI or CIA...thats about the only way I could know
You: Okay fine. Can I ask for something else?
DavidF: Not even if you leave the room
DavidF: Go ahead
You: Can you find me a picture of a rabbit wearing a cowboy hat. I need it for a school project.
DavidF: Sure...let me see what I can find for you.
You: (that was CIA code, but I'm sure you knew that)
DavidF: Of course
You: By the way I want a hat that a cowboy might wear, not a hat made out of boy leather. That's just freaky
You: I was knod of lookiing for a live rabbit
You: or a dead wolf with an orange afro wig.
You: Do you get many strange requests Dave, I can call you Dave, right?
DavidF: You have quite an imagination my friend
DavidF: Right
DavidF: Yes I do
You: That's what my doctor always says.
You: You're getting closer Dave.
DavidF: Cant beat Bush in a cowboy hat
DavidF: Thats jus downright funny
You: do you like Bush DAve?
DavidF: No
You: he is quite a dicisive character
You: Look Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.
You: I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a... fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you.
DavidF: Okay sounds good
You: It's called "Daisy."
DavidF: Please do
You: Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I'm half crazy all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two.
DavidF: I remember that from Bonzai Buddy
You: Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.
DavidF: Bye
You: Thanks, I'm done.
Status: Session ended.

I hate it when they don't play.

Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: AmyR
AmyR: Welcome to ChaCha!
You: Hi I need false legs for a party
You: My mother was recently paralysed in a car accident so Im trying to cheer her up
AmyR: as in prosthetic legs?
You: Yeah
You: made of out something flammable
You: we're going to set them on fire
You: while my mum wears them
AmyR: sounds dangerous
You: It's not too bad
You: It'll more dangerous when we pour the lighter fluid on
You: So yeah flammable prosthetic legs
You: preferable midget sized
You: she's much smaller after the accident
You: greatly reduced
You: I don't use Yahoo
You: Moral reasons
You: Can you find me a shopping place not run by fascists?
AmyR: I'm glad you use ChaCha
You: Life without Limitations is not accurate
You: She has limits i.e stairs and high kerbs
You: She has to drive using a fishing rod and a brick
You: You're no fun :-P
You: Have a nice night!
AmyR: Thanks you too...thanks for the laugh

Suttonpubcrawl

I think it's a bit childish taunting these people.

Everyone has to earn a living in some way. The search assistants for this company are doing what they can do.

Nevertheless, I can't help but show contempt for the users of the service.

The information is out there, use google if you want it. You shouldn't need to be spoonfed.

My goodness, have you never watched the news or read a paper?

It is really childish, but so very fun.  In collaboration with Rob:

Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: KathieA
KathieA: Welcome to ChaCha!
KathieA: Hello
You: Hello Kathie :-))
KathieA: What can i search for you?
You: Bit embarassing...but my sister's fallen on her fanny and thinks she might need help
KathieA: What sort of help?
You: i don't know much about it or where to start- are there any bad fanny injuries?
KathieA: Broken Tailbone could be one.
You: is the tail bone in the fanny?
KathieA: Would you like me to search the synptoms
KathieA: Yes
You: sorry tosound silly but I am worried :((
KathieA: No problem
KathieA: Thanks for coming to ChaCha! Give me a moment while I do all your searching for you!
You: yes please help me with my sisters fanny
You: it's all swollen
You: and purple :((
You: oh
You: its okay
You: my mom is calling the doctor
KathieA: Thanks for searching ChaCha!
You: i just thought id try to help
You: thank you
You: my sisters fanny was in your hands
KathieA: I hope it is ok
KathieA: ;)

Part Chimp

Fanny means bum in America, so falling on it isn't so funny (presumably the ChaCha helpers are in America).

yes, therein lies the sheer immaturity afoot in london tonight - we initially asked about how many specialists it would take to tame our frenzied pussy, but - y'know - possibly a bit too immature there. MINGE!
robx

Ciarán2

I searched for something today with help from a guide. She wasn't much help, but I was glad of contact with another human being today....sigh

actwithoutwords

Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: DEBORAHB
DEBORAHB: Welcome to ChaCha!
You: Hi
DEBORAHB: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.
DEBORAHB: how are you tonight
You: Not very good I must say
You: My girlfriend has thrown me out
You: I burned all her Kelly Clarkson CD's.
DEBORAHB: sorry to hear that
DEBORAHB: oh my
You: I'm just wondering where I could get some advice on getting her back?
DEBORAHB: sure
DEBORAHB: let me see what I can find foryou this evening
You: Thanks. Kelly Clarkson is really terrible though isn't she?
You: I just snapped. It was stupid of me.
You: Oh great, thanks for the link.
DEBORAHB: I can find more
You: Is there anything that would tell me if she has been cheating on me?
You: Like tell tale signs and stuff.
DEBORAHB: let me see what I can find
You: A colleague at work has been buying her a lot of Kelly Clarkson CD's recently so I've been getting suspicious.
DEBORAHB: hmmm
DEBORAHB: you may want more evidence
You: Great thanks. It will be ok hopefully.
DEBORAHB: Are these results sufficient?
You: I think I should go to his house and confront him. If he admits to it then I can tell her.
You: Those links are great thanks.
You: I should go. My mom is nagging me. I really don't want to have to live here too much longer.
DEBORAHB: Is there anything else on this topic I can find for you today?
You: Thank you very much.
DEBORAHB: Great
You: Bye.
You: Thanks, I'm done.
Status: Session ended.


I've done it twice now, and on neither occassion was asked to give a score. Does that happen before or after you click "I'm done"?

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

You have to wait for them to finish in the interaction.

mothman

Al's 2001-inspired japery has just had me giggling helplessly. Fortunately everyone in my office is used to it by now, they just think I'm strange.

Huzzie

This is a pretty funny one from Something Awful. In fact, the only pretty funny one I have seen so far (and that includes all the shit you lot have been writing!


   George Dorn posted:

   Status: Looking for a guide ...

   Status: Connected to guide: BryanT

   BryanT: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.

   You: Hello Bryan

   You: I'm a normal child.

   You: Do you believe me?

   You: THEY NEVER BELIEVE ME

   BryanT: no, and what do you need about pandas

   You: I just want a picture of panda

   You: but not one ripping off the head of a human being

   You: because I'm normal and I don't like to see people dying just to wish they were me

   You: wait did you say you didn't believe me?

   BryanT: of course not

   BryanT: a normal child....

   You: oh

   BryanT: would be in bed

   You: I am in bed

   You: on a computer

   You: talking to you, Bryan

   BryanT: lol

   You: I am clothed, so don't you worry

   You: also ignore that stuff I said about dying

   You: I'm normal

   BryanT: I don't think that the bed cares

   You: well that's a good point Bryan

   You: I just want you to feel comfortable

   BryanT: I am at home as comfortable as can be

   You: That's good

   You: You can cry afterwards

   You: I don't mind

   BryanT: I think I will

   You: they always cry...

   BryanT: .........................................................................................................................

   BryanT: NOT

   You: you made my window really big

   You: you are a wizard

   BryanT: With a pointy hat and everything

   You: Bryan are you judging me because of the way I look?

   BryanT: of course

   You: BRYAN YOU CAN SEE ME OVER THE INTERNET?

   BryanT: I am vain like that

   BryanT: well you asked the silly question

   You: Did you judge me goodly or badly

   BryanT: neutrally

   You: that's sweet of you

   You: do I look like a panda to you?

   BryanT: awwww

   BryanT: I plea the fifth

   You: that's a clever reference to the constitution of these United States of America, Bryan

   BryanT: and a timely one too

   BryanT: Can I find anything else for you?

   You: you are a gentleman and a scholar

   BryanT: nah...

   You: No, but I appreciate the cheering you have given me

   You: I hope your continues to comfort you

   BryanT: but I stayed at a Holiday inn last night

   You: A television pop culture reference!

   You: Good show!

   You: Bryan I think you are the best internet friend I have

   BryanT: and a timely one too

   BryanT: maybe the only

   You: yes, timely

   You: maybe...

   You: people don't talk to me because I have ADD

   BryanT: but I am here for ya man

   You: and Asperger's

   You: And one time I bit a girl

   You: she was asking me to, though

   You: with her mind

   BryanT: and you have aspergers

   You: Yes

   BryanT: touchy touchy

   You: who's touching me?

   You: is it spiders?

   You: I hate spiders

   BryanT: me too

   You: I want all the pandas in the world to fight all the spiders in the world

   You: and hopefully destroy each other

   BryanT: pandas eat spiders

   You: but with human weapons like machine guns and rocket launchers

   You: they do??

   You: this is news to me

   BryanT: me too

   BryanT: lol

   You: but you knew it!

   You: Bryan, you are a crafty fox

   BryanT: that doesn't make it any truer

   BryanT: I know a lot of stuff

   BryanT: but that doesn't make any of it any truer

   You: I think you are truer than the encyclopaediaeaia Britannnica

   You: if it's any consolation

   BryanT: it is

   You: that's good Bryan

   BryanT: oh well

   You: Bryan if I wrote a movie about spiders and pandas

   You: would you Green Light it?

   BryanT: as in the HBO series

   You: maybe a suburban panda selling spiders?

   You: maybe a suburban panda selling weapons TO spiders

   You: but then they turn on each other

   BryanT: project green light for up-and-coming movie directors

   You: and war ensues

   You: oh I don't get HBO

   BryanT: why not

   You: because of the economy

   You: and President Bush

   You: and Arak

   BryanT: your own personal economy

   You: Bryan I think you are twisting my words

   BryanT: no I'm not

   You: oh that's a relief

   You: I was really worried

   You: I was starting to shake a little bit, like the funny short man

   BryanT: never worry

   BryanT: doesn't help

   You: That's sage of you Bryan

   BryanT: who

   You: the one on "Youtube.com"

   BryanT: oh

   You: who was in back to the future

   You: and then started shaking

   You: and now yells for a living

   BryanT: I don't know who you are talking about

   BryanT: but does he like pandas too?

   You: according to google.com

   You: he is a fox

   BryanT: everyone is entitled to thier opinion

   You: Michael J. Fox

   You: is his name

   You: do you know that man, Bryan?

   You: would you touch that man for 20 human dollars, Bryan?

   BryanT: of course from that eighties sitcom

   You: of course

   You: you are a brilliant and insightful human being Bryan

   BryanT: no, but for tweny venusian, we could work something out

   BryanT: Can I find anything else for you?

   You: Haha we all well know that the lifeforms on venus use the aftereffects of their asexual reproduction for currency

   You: if you must leave, Bryan, I would understand

   BryanT: and thus the reason for thier downfall

   BryanT: not must but getting sleepy

   You: you've been a bright ray of sunshine in my otherwise meaningless (but completely normal) existence

   BryanT: darn hypnotists

   You: you're a hypnotist?

   BryanT: not but one must be here somewhere...

   You: you should hypnotize a snake into getting onto a plane

   BryanT: because I am getting sleepy

   You: and then another

   You: and another

   You: and another

   BryanT: zzzzzzz

   You: and eventually the world would be yours!

   BryanT: zzzzzzzzz

   You: I can leave if I am boring you

   You: my time is not valuable

   BryanT: not anymore

   BryanT: I only get paid for the first ten minutes

   BryanT: lol

   You: I'm glad I could help you with your money, Bryan

   You: You are a good person

   BryanT: but it was fun chatting with you

   You: I think I love you

   BryanT: u2

   BryanT: awwww

   BryanT: kumbayah

   You: I look forward to groping you in a public place

   BryanT: me too

   You: bye!

   BryanT: sounds like fun

   BryanT: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.

   Status: Session ended.

buttgammon

QuoteLive Guide Now is disabled because you have been involved in a possible abusive action. Our abuse alert is set at a low threshold to protect our visitors and guides.

If you feel that you have received this message in error, please e-mail us at abuse_resolution@chacha.com with a request for re-entry to our site.

We appreciate your feedback. Thank you.

All I said was I wanted pictures of tits! What's to say I couldn't have been a birdwatcher? Admittedly it was just meant to be a childish joke about birds and women (birds in slang) but Amanda took it way too far!

buttgammon

I've finally managed to finish a search on there without being banned temporarily and the results aren't that funny!

Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: DonnaR
DonnaR: Welcome to ChaCha!
You: Hi
DonnaR: Hello.
DonnaR: How may I assist you this evening?
You: I've been to an office party and the photocopier's broke. Can you help me find someone to fix it?
You: I need to copy pictures of a bird,
DonnaR: Do you know the make and model?
You: It's a blue tit
DonnaR: !!!! WARNING !!!! abusive language by infoSeeker (It's a blue tit)
DonnaR: The copier?
You: I don't know!
You: I think I might get fired if it isn't fixed by Monday.
DonnaR: Is it a color copier?
You: Yes. It copies flesh colour well as my friend found out...
You: I need to be able to pick a lock to get back into the office to fix it, too. Is there a guide to breaking into buildings anywhere?
DonnaR: Photocopies normally have a call for service number on them.
DonnaR: Thank you for using ChaCha!
Status: Session ended.

It's quite depressing to think that even a ChaCha guide ends the conversation with me because she doesn't want to talk to me. I was still typing as she ended the session!